Chapter 11: "Fragility"
School had been in session for just a short while when Logan and K packed up to take the quick trip up to the Alpha Flight School. He still wasn't entirely sure what to expect, since every time he'd tried to ask Mac about what the plan was, he only got details on when and where to be, which had him a little bit more growly than he would have been otherwise, on top of how frustrated he was with weeks past and still no leads on the demon problem.
Of course, that was nothing compared to how irritated he got once they showed up. The one thing that was as Mac had promised was the when and where, and who. And Snowbird was just as happy to see him as he was to see her after so very long.
But that's when it went south. "I didn't think Mac would be able to get you here," she said with a grin. "But you're the reason I came, I'll have you know."
Logan didn't have time to respond to her before the doors to the hall they were in opened to a full press conference, and Logan swore under his breath. Because of course this was what Mac was after.
He pulled Snowbird aside as Mac started to talk to the group of reporters and ,as usual, ignored most of what Mac was saying as the two old teammates discussed the terms that Mac had used to get them there. It was pretty clear that she was ticked off when she openly glared Mac's way.
But as the press conference went on, the two of them openly ignored where they were and what was going on around them as the rest of their old team stood behind Mac like the nice little backdrop he'd hoped for. Instead, Logan and Snowbird had traded cell phones and were going through pictures, having their own conversation and updating each other on what they'd been up to out of the public eye, which, amazingly, was still a bigger list for Logan than it was for Snowbird.
As they chatted, it was clear they'd missed something important when Mac called for Logan and had to do so twice before Logan even looked his way, scowling all the while. But Logan had missed the question, and he didn't care enough to get into it. "Not taking questions," Logan growled out, which at least got Snowbird to laugh.
When the press conference was finally, mercifully over, it was clear that Logan was ticked; he didn't wait to even say goodbye to Heather and Mac before he took K by the arm and the two of them headed out.
"You are in so much trouble," K told him as soon as they got out of the building. "And I know you were being spiteful, but seriously, this … is going to be so bad."
"Fill me in on the way back," Logan told her.
"They were asking when you were leaving the X-Men, or if you had already, and every incarnation of that and 'oh yay, come back to syrup and donut land' that you can imagine," K told him. "Which is flippin' perfect because that whole mess is exactly what Scott's been concerned with since they ripped off the whole 'train up mutants' school thing." K shook her head and leaned back in her seat. "The whole ignoring them and refusing to answer questions? Total backfire, my love."
"Great," he grumbled. "What are the chances that it didn't make it to the States? Seeing as no one listens to 'breaking out of Canada'."
"I've never thought you were an optimist," K laughed.
When they got to Westchester, it was painfully clear that not only had the press conference made it to the States but Scott had seen the whole thing, judging by the fact that he was in his shades again.
"Hey Slim," Logan said wearily, waiting for it as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"What the hell kind of crap — you've got some nerve lying to my face — can't even tell me yourself you want off the team!" Scott shouted his way as he stalked over.
"When have I ever lied to you?" Logan countered. "And if I wanted off, I'd quit."
"I told you there was a reason Mac wanted the team back together, and you — that was real cute what you pulled with the reporters. Helluva way to split the team."
"Ignoring them? Scott, I'm not joining Alpha Flight."
"Yeah? When, then? Cause it sure looks like it from where I'm standing," Scott shot back.
"Okay, Scott," K said, stepping between the two of them. "That was a total screw job and you know it. He baited Logan there on the basis of seeing Snowbird — and vice versa. Did they show a wide shot of the stage? Because those two were nowhere near the others."
Scott paused and turned K's way for a second before he looked back at Logan. "Damnit, Logan," he said at last, shaking his head and still clearly furious over the whole thing.
"I told you I wasn't going to join that team," Logan said, turning Scott's way with a glare. "Not. Ever."
"It was a crap deal all the way around," Scott ground out, still mad but now at Mac more than Logan. "And a real cute way to get around the system we've got in place for the two schools." He spun to face Logan. "It's not happening again. He doesn't get to use you for a photo op like that."
"No kidding," Logan said, more ticked off at both of them the more he thought about it. He turned to leave, heading down to the Danger Room and not in the mood to keep talking to anyone. As soon as Logan was gone, and K knew he wouldn't overhear them, she spun toward Scott.
"Do you really think that he'd dump on you like that?" K asked, frowning.
"That's what it looked like," Scott pointed out.
"Yeah, well, we both know it's not usually how it looks, I'm asking you — you who have known him for … ever. Do you think he'd do that to you with no warning and no reason and no … really?"
"I told him Mac Hudson had something going on."
"I know," K said, as soothingly as she could. "But you're not answering my question. And it's even a simple yes or no. Do you think that after everything that has gone on even just since I've been around to see it — do you think that he would do that to you?"
"No," Scott admitted, rubbing his forehead. "K, you know that. But you were there, and you saw what happened, and you know how hard they've been pushing to get him up there."
"I did. And I saw how blindsided both of them were by it," K agreed. "But since when has that ever worked out in anyone's favor when dealing with Logan?"
"God, K, you don't have to talk down to me. I know what it was."
"Then why did you just ... " K sighed and let her shoulders drop.
"What, you think there was no reason to even think there might maybe be cause to be upset?" Scott asked, shooting her a solid glare.
"Scott, he told you he would never go back to Mac. He even brought me along with his best breakdown of how to kill every one of them in case it turned into a smash and grab."
"Then why the hell did he go in the first place?" Scott demanded. "With no intel of what was going to happen, when Mac's been pushing and he knows Mac's going around the system—"
"Because he was concerned for Snowbird!" K replied. "She's been hiding for a reason. She didn't want to be around Mac. Not without backup she could trust."
Scott waved his hand at her, shaking his head as he turned to leave. "Mac's a piece of work, you know that?" he grumbled.
"Yeah, well. He's not alone," K replied.
"No," Scott said, shooting her another glare. "I had no reason to worry after the last trip you took to Canada, did I? No reason to think they were getting along better?"
"They were getting along better," K told him. "But he still stood by the 'never again'. Why do you think he left that part of the trip early? He didn't want to be around Mac and let him try to push him."
"Yeah, that's the idea I got from the pictures you sent," Scott shot back. "If you're going to talk down to me, at least do it from the high ground."
"Just because he's not going to be on a team with him doesn't mean he's going to not talk to the guy. And I'm not talking down to you; I'm just pointing out that you just told Logan you think he'd screw you over that quick. So do with it what you will."
"Dammit, K," Scott finally snapped her way. "Everyone's so damn worried about him taking it the wrong way. I lost my temper, alright? I had good reason. He can take it."
"Yeah, I know. And you're allowed to lose your temper. I'm just saying you might want to check in on him before you go to your next class. He's probably going to do something to hurt himself."
Scott glared at her for a second before he turned on his heel and headed down the hallway, muttering under his breath about "so damn fragile" as he did.
When he looked down into the Danger Room, Logan was standing there, still in his street clothes — though his shirt was missing a sleeve already — with the entirety of Alpha Flight around him. But Scott must have shown up at the very start of this program because he barely got up to the window when Logan simply started tearing into them as they attacked. Not one or two at a time, but the whole team.
If it wasn't for the fact that Scott was in such a foul mood, he might have been able to appreciate the tactical side of it. And he was surprised to see that out of all the powerhouses on that team, Jean-Paul was the first to go down, even before Logan put his sights on some of the more substantial-looking members.
Logan didn't slow down or hesitate in the least as he tore through them one by one. Cold. Disconnected. Scary efficient. When he was done, he stood there for a moment in the center of the room, one hand on his hip, and his eyes closed as he caught his breath.
But before he could entirely get his wind back, he started calling out the next code while the white and red suits shimmered away to finally be replaced by the Hulk, in a full-on rage already. There wasn't anything to be said or any way to be slick and step in without being noticed right off. And the strategy there was so completely different to what Logan had just been using that it was almost laughable.
It was still a head-on assault, but the operation in motion was avoiding the heavy hits that shook the whole room and booth every time that the simulated Hulk missed him. But it wasn't hard to see that Logan couldn't avoid him forever, and after a while, it was a simple matter of one of those thunderous hits to the ground shaking his footing enough that Logan slipped — and ended up getting creamed.
It didn't take more than a second after that before Scott switched off the sim and swore under his breath when he saw that Logan was unconscious. He swore again and then pulled out his comm. "K, did you bring the kids to your suite yet?"
"I was going to get them now," she replied.
"Don't just yet," Scott said. "Logan's got himself knocked out. Let's get him up there before them."
"Alright," she replied. "Anything else?"
"No, just didn't want the kids to see him beat up now that he's back." He got up and headed down from the booth, shaking his head to himself.
A few hours later, Logan woke up in his room, cleaned himself up, and headed outside. He wasn't in a mood to deal with anyone yet, and if he was being honest, he was a little miffed that Scott had stopped the program when he did.
It wasn't long before he found himself in the horse barn, and while he was there, he started getting the chores done. He headed up to the hay loft to toss down a few bales, but a movement of blue fabric in the corner caught his eye.
He paused and listened, frowning deeper when he realized it was Charlie curled up and trying to hide from him behind a few bales of hay. "Charlie, what are you doing up here, honey?"
"I don't want to be inside," she said very quietly.
"Me either," he said with a nod but then stopped where he was. "You want me to leave you be?"
She thought about it for a moment. "I don't know. I can't figure out what's me right now," she admitted.
"Did it get worse when I came up?" he asked.
"No, I can feel you in the house too," she said quietly. "Everybody's just so angry. And scared."
"Was it better when we were gone for a while earlier?"
Charlie shook her head and finally peered around the hay at him, wide-eyed. "No, that was worse," she said.
"Okay, I don't understand it then," Logan admitted. "Should've been better."
Charlie bit her lip and waved him over. "No," she said, leaning back against the hay beside him once he had come up. "My dad… he's scared. He doesn't say so, but he is."
"He's probably worried about you, kiddo," Logan told her.
"And you," Charlie pointed out.
"What makes you say that?" he said, looking entirely like he wasn't believing a word.
She glanced up at him and made a face. "I may not know all the reasons, but I know what people are feeling," she insisted.
"You don't know who he'd be worried about either," he pointed out.
"It's not hard to figure out when it spikes when you leave," Charlie countered. "I'm almost ten; I'm not stupid."
"That just doesn't make any sense, sweetheart," Logan said as he took a seat across from her, leaning against the side of the barn.
"Well, that's your problem, because I know what's up with emotions," Charlie said, picking her chin up a bit. "Like… I know you're still mad. And I know Dad was totally scared earlier while you were gone." She shrugged lightly. "I think that's why he's mad now. He doesn't like being scared."
"No one with any sense does," Logan told her.
She nodded. "That's… that's why I'm in the barn," she explained. "I don't like being scared either, and I don't even have a reason to be scared. There's just other people being that way, and I get stuck in it."
"We gotta help you fix that," he told her, then held out one arm. "You look like you might need a hug."
She opened her mouth like she might argue but ended up crawling over to where he was to lay her head down on his shoulder and bury her face there, and he wrapped her up tight and held her there, resting his cheek on the top of her head.
She stayed there for a little while, hiding in his shoulder until she let out a hitching sound and looked up at him. "Can I ask you something?" she said quietly.
"Sure you can," he told her, just as quietly.
"My dad… he gets so scared when people leave," she said, biting her bottom lip. "But… I don't want to stay in the house. But I don't want to hurt my dad. And I don't know … what am I supposed to do? Everyone in the house — and on the team — people get hurt, and there's a lot of fear, and even when people are happy, sometimes like with Kade it's happy and hurting and I don't know what to do."
Logan stared at her for a moment, not expecting anything like that to come out of the little girl. "I don't know, sweetheart," he said finally. "But you can't stay here and be miserable when it's not even your problem that's bringing you down."
"But I don't want to make things worse," she said.
"He knows what your ability is and that it's hard to deal with," Logan reasoned. "Maybe if you went with Rachel for a while, and she could work with you more, you could figure out how to turn it off faster and come back."
She glanced up at him and frowned for a long moment. "But… what if I go with Rachel and everyone here stays mad and scared?" she asked. "Sometimes… sometimes it helps if people know you're scared."
Logan tapped the side of his nose. "I know," he told her.
"Not always," she said, her own nose wrinkled up.
"I ignore it sometimes," he told her.
"You ignore it a lot with my dad," she pointed out.
"To be fair, he's had a lot to be scared over lately," Logan said. "If it makes sense, I ignore it."
"Yeah… he was pretty scared because Dr. Essex was around."
"He scares everyone," Logan told her honestly.
"I know," she said. She glanced up at Logan. "He's scared of losing people. I'm really, really sure that's what's it. I thought about it a lot, and it makes sense."
"Yeah, I got that," Logan agreed.
She laid her head back on his shoulder. "So maybe I should stay."
"Maybe you should talk to your dad about this," Logan told her. "It's not good to have to hide in a little ball in the hay loft."
"No," she had to agree. "But then I'm not leaving… and Chance isn't sad… and Dad isn't worried about me."
"I think you might be wrong about that," Logan told her. "You can't hide forever."
"I don't want to go back to the house," she told him honestly. "I don't like it when I don't know where my feelings are."
He thought about it for a moment. "Do you want me to teach you something?"
"Is it going to help me be able to stay?"
"It might," he told her. "Can you give me just a minute or two, then try to focus on me?"
She tipped her head to the side. "O...kay."
Logan shifted away from her for a moment and changed how he was sitting, resting his hands on his knees as he closed his eyes and started to center himself. It didn't take too long, and he stayed that way, breathing slow and deep to keep the calmness until Charlie reached out to touch his arm.
The added contact made it easier for her to focus on him so she could find his calm too, and she tried to focus on that, relaxing a little bit more the longer she could focus on it because it was something outside of the intense emotions at the mansion. Finally, after a long time like that, she let out a breath. "Thanks," she said quietly.
"I can try to teach you how to do that yourself," he told her. "Helluva lot better than curling up in a ball."
"Yeah," she had to agree with a little smile. She rearranged the way she was sitting and nodded to herself. "Yeah, that's a good idea. It's nice to not be scared or angry."
"You've got an edge on anyone else trying to learn it just because you know what it feels like going in," Logan told her.
"And do you think — maybe if I learn this, I don't have to leave?" she asked hopefully.
"Maybe," he said, nodding. "If nothing else, though, if you know how to find your center, you should be able to tell when you're getting overwhelmed by everyone else. And get away from it."
"I can usually tell that much," Charlie pointed out. "It's hard to read or play music when it's too much"
"Then you should be able to catch it early and reset yourself," he told her. "I forget sometimes and do … other things first."
"You mean you get beat up," Charlie said, totally reasonably.
"When I've got it comin'? Yeah."
"No one should get beat up, Logan," Charlie said severely. "No one except bad guys."
"You're young," he said, shaking his head. "It's not always that cut and dried."
"I'm not stupid," she said, frowning his way. "I know sometimes good guys get beat up too. I just said they shouldn't. You should listen better, Logan."
"I heard you just fine," Logan told her quietly. "I'm just telling you that you're wrong."
"That doesn't make any sense," Charlie said with her nose scrunched up. "You can't think good guys should get beat up, because that is how bad guys work, and you're not a bad guy. Not even a little bit." She tapped him in the chest once. "I'd know if you were because you'd be hateful all the time."
"Okay, sure," he said, shaking his head. "Let me know when you want to start, and if it helps, you can leave your hand on mine while I go into it next time — and then you can try it yourself."
"Can we start tomorrow?" she asked openly. "I want to start fast so I don't have to hide."
"Sure," he agreed. "You know where I'll be. Come get me when you're ready."
She couldn't help but give him a sideways grin. "In the hay loft?"
"Is that where I usually am?" he countered.
"No, but you were hiding too, so maybe that's where you'll be tomorrow."
"Sweetheart, if I was hiding, you wouldn't find me," he said with a little smirk. "But if it's all the same to you, why don't we head down to the pier next time. It's a little hot up here."
"Okay," she said with a little nod before she flung her arms around his neck for a quick hug.
Charlie met with Logan down at the dock the next day, and she was glad that they had it scheduled for that morning, because she was already starting to get a little tired out.
"Little bit cooler out here, isn't it?" Logan said as he took a seat at the end of the dock.
She nodded and sat down next to him. "We should find somewhere else when it gets really cold," she said.
"I'll show you where to go when it gets really cold," Logan promised as he shifted closer to her.
She grinned at that and tucked her legs up beneath her. "Can we start like yesterday? I'll follow you?"
"Why don't you see if you can follow from the very start," he told her. "Maybe it'll help you see how I push it all out of the way."
Charlie nodded and held out a hand with a shy smile. "Alright."
He moved and waved her over so she could touch his arm without reaching for it and started out, again closing his eyes and starting to force himself to breathe slowly. Again, it only took him a little while to push everything back and work down to the calm center and let it wash over him.
Charlie was able to follow him closely, and even though she was supposed to be learning how to push everything aside for the calm, she couldn't stop smiling for a while — because it was working. After a while on the dock, she felt like she had a handle on things, like everyone else's emotions were a dull roar in the background that she could ignore if she chose to.
Finally, she peeked one eye open and grinned at Logan. "I think this is gonna work," she told him, not even bothering to hide the excitement.
"Yeah?" he said slowly.
She nodded. "It's like… a breath of fresh air," she explained.
"Next time, you can try to get there yourself," he told her. "And I'll be here if it doesn't work for you."
She grinned and threw her arms around his neck for a hug. "Thank you, Logan," she said.
"Anytime, kiddo," he told her as he gave her a little squeeze in return.
She was still grinning as she released him and tipped her head to the side. "You should do this more," she told him. "You're more relaxed. I like being around you when you're like this."
He smirked at her and nodded. "I used to do it a lot," he told her.
"Well, you should do it more." She leaned forward. "And maybe get others to do it, too, because it's way easier not to get lost when emotions aren't so intense."
"It's not something everyone can do," Logan told her. "A lot of people can't let it go long enough to look for the calm."
"Yeah, I think it's easier for me," Charlie admitted with a little smile. "I can sort of feel where you're going. Like learning a song."
"When I learned it, I was told it was finding the calm in the center of the storm. But it's easy to get lost in the storm, too," Logan said with a little shrug.
Charlie nodded. "Yeah, I can see that too. I think of it like… like trying to hear the flutes in an orchestra. Lots of sounds, all together — and you just want one part."
"Whatever works so you can find what you're lookin' for," Logan told her as he got up on his feet and offered her a hand.
She gave him one last hug once she was on her feet, and she was tall enough that she didn't have to get on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm really glad this is working," she told him honestly before she took a step back and waved. "See you tomorrow."
She took off at a run back toward the house, simply bursting with the good news that she wanted to share with her dad — as soon as she could find him. She glanced up at the clock and was surprised to see how much time had passed before she rushed over to where Scott's class would be getting out soon.
The older students at the school all knew Charlie by name and made sure to say hi to her as they filed past when the bell rang, and then Charlie slipped into the classroom as Scott was gathering his things. "Hey, Dad!" she called out, still beaming — and grinning even wider because she could tell that Scott was glad to hear her in a good mood, too.
"Hey, Charlie. What're you doing here?" he asked.
"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I'm learning meditation now," she said in a perfectly matter-of-fact tone.
"You are?" Scott asked, one eyebrow raised. "When did you decide that?"
"Yesterday," she said, shrugging easily. She skipped over to hop up on the desk to sit down and talk with him, her legs swinging over the sides. "Everyone was so mad yesterday; I needed to figure out how to not get caught in it."
Scott's smile died, and he let out a sigh as he pulled her into a short hug. "Sorry about that, sweetheart."
"It happens. A lot. Here," Charlie said, shrugging but not making a move to get out of the hug until Scott let go. "And… I thought maybe it would be better if I just…" She glanced up at Scott, who was watching her with a perfectly open expression. "Well, now that I have meditation, I don't have to go anywhere," she said quickly.
Scott frowned, and Charlie bit her lip because she could feel the fact that he was upset for her. "Where were you going?" he asked.
"Maybe LA," she said. "They're happy with Ael, and it's not a superhero school, so there's not a lot of hurting… And Remy's there, so he could teach me how to keep it separate. Or Chicago with Rachel. I don't know." She quickly glanced up at Scott. "But I'm not going anywhere anymore. I'm learning meditation instead so I don't have to leave."
For a long moment, Scott stared at her before he pulled her into a much longer and warmer hug with her head tucked up underneath his chin. "I'm sorry you thought you had to leave at all," he told her quietly.
Charlie shook her head. "People are allowed to have feelings," she said. "It's okay. I just have to figure out where I am. And I can do that. Remy's been helping me, and Rachel's been helping me, and Logan showed me how to meditate yesterday and this morning — and it really works when I'm getting overwhelmed. It does!"
"I believe you."
"So I just wanted to tell you that I'm not going anywhere, and you don't have to worry about that, and I'm going to learn how to meditate," Charlie said, wrapping her arms around him until she could tell that he was moving on into more relief than the hurt from earlier that she'd been thinking she had to leave. "I didn't want to leave," she promised him very quietly.
Scott kissed the top of her head and then tipped his head down to he could look her in the eyes. "Charlie, if it ever gets that bad again, you need to tell me," he said. "You don't have to deal with this on your own."
"It's okay," Charlie said with a little smile. "I told you: meditating is working." She gave him a little kiss on the cheek. "Besides, Dad, you worry way too much."
"I'd worry more if I thought you were trying to take on the world by yourself instead of telling me about it," Scott said. He brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "You're more important to me than anything else in the world. If you need anything, even if you think you need to leave, it's more important that you feel safe to ask for it, alright?"
"I don't have to leave, Dad."
"I know; I heard that. But next time, please tell me or your Mom if you're hurting that badly." He smiled. "I know we're not as good at keeping tabs on our emotions as you are, but we can still help you make plans so you're comfortable and safe."
She shook her head at him but gave him a hug anyway. "Okay, Dad. I'll tell you if it ever comes up, but really, I got it all figured out, so you don't have to worry, okay?"
"Yeah, I got that too," Scott said with a little smile before he picked her up and set her down on the floor. "You know what? I've got some time before my next class. Why don't we get out of this house for a while and get some milkshakes?"
Logan hadn't really felt like dealing with any of the teachers yet — outside of K and Kurt, of course — and when he wasn't doing what he had to, he was sure to keep to his little family and out of everyone's way.
He particularly didn't want anything to do with Scott, and he somehow found a way to take evading him into a new art form with an incredible amount of success. Even after Charlie told him that Scott wanted to talk to him, and after their weekly karate class for the kids where Logan pointedly paired Kurt with Scott so he could focus on the smaller kids and keep his record of no contact in place.
But he should have known that it couldn't continue forever, and sooner or later, he'd have to listen to him. He just didn't expect Scott to address him with a note rather than his usual method of waiting him out and getting in his face.
He frowned when he stepped into his office and saw the handwritten note in the center of his desk.
Charlie told me what happened. Thank you. -S
Logan stared at it for a moment, frowning. There was no way that this had ever happened before. And what was worse, he wasn't sure what exactly Scott meant, but he wasn't about to bring it up and start another fight. So instead, he let out a little 'huh' and crossed the room to place the note in the safe that he kept in the wall.
Meanwhile, Kate had just gotten Kade down for a nap when she saw Krissy sneaking into her little brother's room. Kate almost called out to tell Krissy to be quiet, since Kade was still only lightly sleeping, but when Kate saw how careful Krissy was being, she decided to instead wait and see what her oldest daughter had in mind.
As she watched, Krissy crept into Kade room and simply crouched down, watching Kade for a long time, her gaze on his little chest with every breath he took.
Kate watched the whole thing from the doorway, her hand over her mouth. She recognized the protective look on Krissy's face as the same one that Kurt often wore when he was defending his family. And honestly, Kate couldn't decide if she was proud of Krissy for looking out for Kade or if she was heartbroken that Krissy was so scared of her grandfather's influence that she was camping out in her baby brother's room.
Finally, Kate stepped back and left the two of them in peace. There was nothing wrong with letting Krissy get a little reassurance from being close to her brother.
After all, both of Krissy's parents were heroes. It made sense that Krissy would want to be as well.