Author's Note: Please don't hate me! Next chapter will be up Monday.
I also have a question for you guys. I was planning on doing a sequel that picks up right after "Time", and another one set a few years later, so is that okay or would you rather have another installment somewhere in the middle?
Songs: "Somedays" - Regina Spektor
Chapter 11
Robin
"Silkie!" Robin groaned, wrapping his pillow around his head to cover both ears.
The little grub had been wriggling all over him, mewing all the while, and Robin could not for the life of him get him to stop.
"What's the matter?" he asked for what must have been the tenth time.
Silkie didn't respond, of course, and merely rubbed against the top of Robin's head.
Laughing lightly, he unwrapped his head as he gave up, and Silkie squealed excitedly.
"Silkie," he chuckled, scratching the top of the larvae's head as he wriggled down on top of his chest, "what is up with you this morning?"
Seemingly in response, Silkie shuffled off his chest and moved toward the edge of the bed.
"Hey, where are you-" He stopped short as he noticed something out of place on his nightstand. On the table, sitting atop a white envelope, was the snow globe he had gotten Starfire for her birthday.
"What…" he breathed, sitting up and shuffling closer.
The blankets slid down his chest and pooled in his lap as he reached over, gripping around the base with one hand and lifting it in front of his face. He narrowed his eyes at the shifting glitter, wondering what it was doing in his room. How had it gotten here, anyway? Had she snuck in when he was sleeping? If she had, boy was he slipping!
Setting the snow globe back down on the nightstand, he swung his plaid-covered legs over the side of the bed and slid the envelope off the table. As if he knew something Robin didn't, Silkie looked up at him with an almost pitying expression in his glassy eyes as he pressed himself against the side of Robin's leg. Nervous now, Robin stared down at the ornate script of Starfire's handwriting spelling out his name on the front of the envelope, and his hands began to shake.
He didn't want to open it; he really didn't. Their conversation last night had been so horribly awkward, he couldn't imagine this letter contained anything good. Was it more thoughts she had? More questions he couldn't answer? But why would she leave the snow globe here?
With a steeling sigh and a glance down at Silkie, searching for some kind of support, he slipped a finger through the seal and pulled out the folded sheet of paper within. The note wasn't very long, which was comforting at a cursory glance, but his heart seized as he started the first sentence.
Robin,
I am so sorry I had to leave you this letter. I know that, if I had attempted to say goodbye in person, it would have been far too difficult. You would have somehow convinced me to stay, and that would have been detrimental to both of us.
I have elected to return to Tamaran, and I do not wish for you to interfere or follow. You are a hero, Robin, and I respect that, but I can no longer pretend to be content with merely being heroes. I cannot stay with the Titans, or even on Earth, if that is all this will ever amount to; it is far too painful. I hope you will someday be able to understand my decision.
You will always hold a place in my heart, Robin.
Starfire
His breathing was coming in quick, shallow bursts, his eyes burning as his fingers threatened to tear through the edges of the paper.
She…left? He knew he'd upset her, but…this? She was just going to leave? Leave and all he got was a letter telling him not to interfere?
Pushing his pain and guilt aside in favor of the easier emotion of anger, he leapt off the bed and raced out the door, clutching the letter in one hand as he rushed down the hall to her door.
"Starfire!?" he called, pounding on the metal, but only silence greeted him. "STARFIRE!?" he shouted again, very nearly punching the door now.
When he still got no response, he placed his bare hand against the panel beside the door and waited the eternal second for the door to open.
"Star?" he gasped as he burst into the room, his body immediately chilling as he took in the scene.
"No…" he breathed, the letter fluttering to the floor in front of him as it slipped through his shaking fingers.
The bed was made and complete, but it was the only thing in the room that appeared untouched. The closet was open and empty, and the desk was completely bare except for the orchid he had gotten her. She'd left that too? It probably wouldn't have survived on Tamaran anyway, but still…
He approached the desk warily, his heart beating erratically against his ribs as he struggled to believe it, and that's when he saw it. Her communicator sat at the base of the orchid, and somehow that, more than anything else, made her absence real. Gripping the back of her chair with white knuckles, he blinked down at the black and white surface of the communicator as if it could provide an answer.
"Starfire…" he whispered, the emotional barricade breaking down as his eyes began to sting.
It was all his fault. He'd done everything wrong and now…now it was too late.
"Robin!" someone gasped behind him, and he spun on the spot, barely registering it was Raven before she slammed into him.
"Raven?" he asked, hesitantly hugging her back as she sniffled into his shoulder, her tear-stained cheeks cold against his dampening t-shirt. "What's wrong? Why- Why are you crying?"
"Because you won't," she answered weakly, and he looked down at her, puzzled. She pulled away from him just enough to meet his eyes, and shifted her arm in between them to reveal the sheet of paper in her hand.
Understanding flashed across his mind as pain stabbed through his chest. "You…got one too," he whispered, and she nodded with a sniffle.
He looked down at her dripping eyes and his chest filled with leaden guilt. He wondered what her letter said, if she knew what he'd done, what he'd said.
"Raven, I-"
A yelp of surprise echoed around the room, and he lifted his head to see Beast Boy and Cyborg standing in the doorway, Beast Boy glaring furiously.
"What the hell are you-"
"Oh, Gar!" Raven cried, flying out of Robin's arms and shooting toward the door.
"Woah!" Beast Boy blurted, staggering backward slightly as Raven crashed into his chest. "What-What's going on," he murmured as he closed his arms across her back, looking over her shoulder to search Robin's face.
"You two didn't sleep in your rooms last night?" Robin presumed, seeing that Beast Boy was still in his uniform and looked exhausted.
"No, we crashed in front of the TV. Video game tournament with Titans East," Cyborg explained, his eyes narrowing. "Why?"
"Check your rooms," he said simply, walking toward the door, and they shifted to allow him to pass.
As he entered his room, he glanced up to see Cyborg and Beast Boy-who was still holding a quivering, sniffling Raven-heading down the hall away from him. He sighed as his door closed behind him.
What would their letters say? Would they know? Would they hate him for it?
He settled down on the edge of the bed with an anguished moan; his elbows perched on his knees as he hung his head in his hands.
They couldn't possibly hate him more than he hated himself.
His hands tightened in his hair, and he shook his head, willing it not to be true. How could he have been so stupid?!
"Robin, I need to know. I need you to tell me the truth, just this once, and then I will never ask you again."
Her words spun around in his head, suddenly making much more sense. Why hadn't he taken her seriously? She told him he only had one chance. Even if she didn't come right out and say it, he knew. Why didn't he just tell her? Why did he lie; why did he always lie?!
He sighed, letting his arms dangle limply off his elbows as he lifted his head.
He knew why he lied. He lied because he took her for granted, because he never thought it would come to this. He never thought she would leave. He had always assumed that she would be there whenever or if ever he figured things out. He thought he had time, but that was his timeline, not hers. It hadn't been fair, and now…his time had run out.
"Robin!?"
He sat upright at the distant call, rising from the bed to open the door before the expected onslaught reached it.
"Robin," Beast Boy blurted as he stepped into the opening in front of him, "what are we gonna do?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, his forehead wrinkling at the strange question. He had been expecting sadness, maybe even some anger, but not this frantic desperation.
"How are we gonna get her back!?" he clarified urgently as Cyborg and Raven came to stand beside him, the latter having stopped crying.
"Back?" he repeated, his head shaking slightly with his confusion.
"What, you're just gonna let her go!?" Cyborg interjected, pushing in front of Beast Boy to glare down at Robin.
He turned away, unable to meet the accusations flying from their eyes. "She told me not to interfere," he grumbled.
"So!?" Beast Boy bleated, pushing back in front of Cyborg to jab an accusing finger in Robin's face. "Our letters said the same thing, but we're not gonna just sit here!"
"Look!" Robin snapped, taking a step back from the group. "She doesn't want us to get involved! If she wants to go back to Tamaran…" he trailed off, the thought still horribly new. "It's her decision, okay?"
He turned and began walking down the hall toward the ops center, intending to go down to the gym and workout until this made sense.
"Robin?"
He froze at the weak, female voice, his heart skipping a beat as he cringed.
"You're not out of time yet," Raven finished, and his composure faltered as he winced at the door in front of him.
He took in a deep breath, his fists clenching at his sides.
"Yes, I am," he answered softly before passing into the living room, but he could hear them following hurriedly behind him as he headed toward the stairwell door.
"Can we at least call and see if she's alright?" Raven pleaded, and his hand stalled on the doorknob.
He sighed and let his hand slide off the cold handle. Without a word of assent, he turned and walked across the room to the console against the wall. Quickly inputting the appropriate passwords, he clicked a few icons before moving to stand in front of the TV, the rest of the team collecting behind him on the other side of the couch. After a moment, the black screen gave way to rippling static, and then Galfore's face appeared.
"Robin!" the husky voice boomed jovially. "I have been expecting your call!"
"You have?" Robin asked, curious and surprised.
"Well, yes," Galfore said, smiling down at him. "I assumed you would wish to speak with Koriand'r."
"Koriand'r?" Robin questioned, only getting further confused.
"Oh yes, I forget you call her Starfire," Galfore chuckled. "But I am afraid your endeavor is in vain. She was adamant she would not speak with you. With any of you," he added, looking over Robin at the group of Titans behind him.
"We just wanted to know she was safe," Robin interjected over the beginning sputters of argument from the others.
Galfore smiled down at him, unnerving Robin with the hint of pity in his eyes. "She has indeed arrived safely."
"Good," Robin acknowledged with a small nod, dropping his head and biting his lip nervously.
"Is there something else?" Galfore pressed, and Robin found himself violently wishing the other three Titans would disappear.
He hesitated, choosing his words carefully in his mind. "Well, when she's…calmed down," he said cautiously, hoping Galfore wouldn't think he was trivializing it, "can you just…tell her I need to talk to her?" he finished softly.
Galfore smiled down at him softly, but his eyes were sad. "I am afraid it will be too late by then, my young friend," he said mournfully.
"What do you mean, 'too late'?" he asked, his chest tightening as his embarrassment gave way to trepidation.
Galfore's face wrinkled with confusion. "You…you were not told?" he ventured.
"Told what?" Robin pressed, getting impatient as his anxiety mounted.
Galfore became noticeably uncomfortable, which did nothing to ease Robin's nerves.
"Princess Koriand'r, she…" Galfore paused, his eyes shifting from side-to-side, "she is intending to stay here on Tamaran permanently"-Robin's heart skipped-"so there are certain…traditions she must abide by."
"Traditions?" Robin repeated, his breathing getting shallower as his chest tightened, resisting against his lungs.
Galfore sighed heavily, kneading his forehead.
"What is she doing?" Robin snarled, his hands clenching to fists.
"She is getting married."
"WHAT!?" the three Titans behind him shouted, and he heard them scramble over the couch to stand beside him.
He, however, remained completely silent, wondering if it were possible for someone's heart to pound so violently, it actually broke their ribs.
"Why?" Cyborg sputtered.
"It is the only way for her to remain here," Galfore explained urgently. "The rules regarding the royal family are absolute."
"But that's insane!" Beast Boy countered. "There's no way she-"
"When?"
The rest of the group fell silent as Robin found his voice, and Galfore looked down at him, a sad sort of desperation on his face.
"Tomorrow afternoon," he answered simply.
Robin stared mutely up at the man, and silence hung in the room for a few moments before Galfore smiled.
"I shall tell the sentries to expect your ship," Galfore said, and Robin would swear he sounded relieved.
Robin nodded stiffly and turned away as the screen went black, the other Titans parting to allow him through.
"When do we leave?" Cyborg asked, his heavy footsteps following as Robin headed toward the hallway.
"We don't," Robin answered, stopping just short of the door to turn and address the wide-eyed trio on his heels.
"What!?" Beast Boy snapped angrily. "But, you just said-"
"I'm going," Robin explained. "Alone," he clarified, turning back and going through the door into the hallway.
"What!?"
Now it was Cyborg's turn to be indignant.
"There's no way we're staying behind! We have to get her back!"
"You don't think I know that!?" Robin exclaimed, rounding on him as he reached his door. "I want her back more than anyone! It's my fault she's gone and this is my responsibility!"
The trio stared at him, eyes wide and jaws slack.
He grumbled as he opened his door, expecting and not minding when everyone followed him inside.
"Look," he began softly as he pulled a small suitcase, extra uniform, and his bathroom bag from his closet, "this is just something I need to do."
He looked back at them as he threw the luggage on the bed, packing the supplies inside. "Ya know?" he added.
The group was silent for a moment, their expressions hesitant.
"We understand," Raven said softly, stepping forward with a small smile.
Robin returned it cautiously. "You do?" he clarified, looking at everyone in turn.
Cyborg smiled and nodded. "Yea, man. We get it."
"You do what you gotta do," Beast Boy added, stepping forward and placing a hand on Raven's shoulder in support.
Robin smiled back at them all before swiping his suitcase off the bed and darting past them down the hall.
"Robin?"
He stopped at the living room door, turning back to Raven's voice.
"From the heart," she finished with a small smile, her voice soft, her expression pleading.
He was confused for a moment, but then he smiled back at her. With a small nod of understanding, he passed through the door and bolted to the stairwell, his bag banging against his leg as he ran.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
She stood on the balcony, the grey stone of the railing cold beneath her fingers as she gazed out over the desolate, purple-tinged landscape. She sighed mournfully, remembering the lush, green landscape she once viewed from this balcony, back when she was hardly tall enough to see over the wall, but things were different now. She was different now, and this Tamaran, this cold, bleak place, was not her home. But it would have to suffice. This was the problem when you made your home within people and not places; the doors could close, the locks could change, and you would find yourself stranded, an ache in your chest that could not be quelled.
"Koriand'r?"
She strained to smile as she blinked the tears from her eyes, turning to face the owner of the voice.
"Karras!" she welcomed, approaching the blonde man hesitantly walking through the room toward her. "I heard you would be arriving this evening. I trust your trip was pleasant?"
"Indeed," he answered, nodding. "Although, I am confused by its haste."
"I am afraid that is my doing," she apologized with a small smile. "I did not give Galfore much notice."
"That is not what I meant," Karras elaborated, meeting her at the opening onto the balcony.
She tilted her head slightly in confusion, her eyebrows furrowing.
"I do not understand why you have decided on this so abruptly," he explained, and Starfire looked down at the ground uncomfortably. "I have heard that you have been quite happy on Earth."
"I have been," she affirmed weakly, "up until recently."
"Oh? Something has changed?"
Her eyes flicked up to him, and he placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Koriand'r," he began gently, "I will gladly marry you tomorrow, but I am not under any illusions about your motives."
She shifted awkwardly, shuffling her feet against the stone beneath her.
"I would not wish for you to make this decision without having completely thought it through. If you are at all unsure-"
"I appreciate your concern, Karras," she interjected, flashing him a stiff smile, "but I am certain."
He stared into her eyes, his eyebrows furrowing as he scanned them.
"I do not believe you," he said matter-of-factly, "but I will honor your wishes."
He released her shoulder, turning away from her and walking back toward the door.
"Although," he continued, twisting halfway back to face her, "I do encourage you to think more on this decision. It is not one to be entered into lightly. Or for fleeting reasons," he added pointedly, and her heart fluttered under his stern gaze.
Before she could collect herself enough to respond, he was gone, the heavy, gold door thudding ominously with his exit.
She gazed at the closed door for a moment, sad and thoughtful as his words rang in her head. Karras had always been kind to her, although they did not associate terribly often. He was a prince from the southern continent of Tamaran, and thus this marriage would unite the two ruling families. It was, on the surface, a good thing for everyone, but Karras had put doubt in her head.
She crossed the room, opening the large, grand wardrobe to reveal her white, wedding dress hanging inside. She pulled at the skirt, letting the fabric slide through her fingers as she appraised it.
Perhaps she was making a mistake, rushing into this decision. But what else was there for her to do? Return to Earth?
She sighed, releasing the dress and allowing it to swing back into the closet. No, she could not return to Earth, to the Titans. She did not want to get married-not now, and not to Karras-but it was the only way for her to stay here, the only other place she felt even remotely at home.
Closing the dress back into the wardrobe, she walked over to the dressing table–which was still piled high with the belongings she had not yet found a place for- and plucked something off the top. Carrying it with her to the circular bed, she flopped down backward, bouncing slightly against the stiff mattress. She held the black-and-white photo strip up over her head, her thumb stroking across the shiny surface of their smiling, oblivious faces.
"I am sorry," she whispered into Robin's unseeing, masked eyes, tears rolling coldly back toward her ears.