SPENCER'S POV

This morning a group of nurses wheeled me to another white room where I was given a new outfit to change into—my surgery outfit. There is no back to it, as they will be cutting into my back soon.

Lisa led Carly down to this new room fifteen minutes ago. I'm sharing it with other cancer patients who are prepping for surgery. There is a curtain in between us, so I can hear them talking with their loved ones but I can't see them. Carly is sitting at my bedside, just like she did all day yesterday. Despite the fact that we're both exhausted, neither of slept much at all last night. We're trying to find things to talk about that doesn't revolve around cancer, my surgery, or the hospital but it's harder than you would think.

Lisa pulls back my curtain, "Spencer, two minutes. Wrap it up, guys."

Carly looks at me. "Well, this is it."

"I'll see you in a few hours. You don't worry about a thing. These are great doctors, they'll take good care of me," I assure her, trying to assure myself as well.

She holds my hand again, "I don't want you to leave me." I don't know if she's talking about right now for my surgery or forever if I die. Maybe both.

"I'll never leave you," I say, completely serious. "I will always be there."

Lisa returns with a few others, "The doctors are ready for you. Are you set?"

"Let's do this," I tell her.

The nurses come to bed and wheel me out of the room. Carly is walking with them, not letting go of my hand.

We go down a really long hallway and stop in front of two large swinging doors. Lisa speaks, "Okay, Carly. It's time."

She turns to me. There are tears in her eyes. "Good luck in there," she says sadly.

"I'll be okay. Go," I tell her groggily, "I love you, kiddo."

"Love you, too." The nurses start to push the bed toward the doors. Carly is forced to let go of my hand. I want hers to be in mine again. It brings me just as much comfort as her.

The last thing I see before I enter the doors is Carly's sweet, sad face. When I can no longer see her through the windows I close my eyes. I don't want to see anything else. I just want things to be okay.

I am taken to a white room where yet another nurse examines me. She gives me a shot—the anesthesia. I immediately start to feel a little drowsy, but I'm still wide awake in anticipation.

Everything after that is a blur. There are people around me, but I have no idea what's going on. I wonder what Carly is doing, if she's alright. I wonder if I'm going to be alright.

The anesthesia kicks in and I am gone.

My eyes open. Am I dead? All I see is another white room, identical to all the other rooms I've been in since I arrived at the hospital the other night.

I put my hand on my heart and feel it beating. I must have made it.

I reach for the buzzer to call my nurse in; it hurts to move. Each and every bone in my body aches like I've never felt it before—especially my freshly sown up back. I made it through the surgery but I haven't yet made it through the rest of my battle.

Within a couple of minutes a nurse comes to my room. "Hello, you're awake," she says in a British accent.

"What time is it?" I ask. It hurts to speak; my voice comes out all raspy.

"It's 9 PM, sir. I'm going to have to inspect you if you don't mind." She comes over to my bed and starts to do the same thing all the other nurses have done many times in the past couple days. I let her do whatever she wants to me, like I'm her own personal ragdoll and she is only playing nurse. I move as little as possible.

She is finally finished examining me. "Dr. Welsh will be here in a few minutes." I wonder when Dr. Welsh ever goes home.

"Can I see my sister?" I ask, thinking of how worried Carly must be.

"I can't allow any visitors at the moment, but ask Dr. Welsh about it."

"Let her know I'm okay."

"Will do, sir." She leaves me alone.

I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling for ten or fifteen minutes before Dr. Welsh arrives. I don't move.

"Hello, Spencer."

"Hi, Dr. Welsh."

"How do you feel?"

"I'm in a lot of fucking pain."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but it's normal in your case." She cuts right to the chase, "The removal of the tumor on your spine was successful, but everything else is worse than we thought."

That is a sentence you never want to hear your doctor tell you. "What do you mean?"

"The cancer has spread through all your bones and is starting to make its way to your head. Radiation is still the plan but we're going to have to do even more than that. I'll be giving you some medicine to hopefully spur the spreading. You also have a super low level of red blood cells, which we'll have to help fix with some medicine as well. You aren't looking super right now, Spencer, but with my help we're going to get you to a recovery as fast as we can. Just hang in there."

With this news I have nearly given up on myself. I am lying here in the hospital, completely hopeless. I can't move because it hurts too much. It even hurts to breathe. I am pathetic and this recovery she is talking about is a waste of her breath. I'm done for.

Dr. Welsh goes on talking about the different pills she's going to give me. The nurse with the British accent will bring them to me in an hour when all the surgery medication wears off.

She's about to leave when I ask, "I want to see Carly."

"Okay. I'll go see if she's still in the waiting area." I'm sure she will be.

A few minutes later Dr. Welsh comes back to the room with Carly. Carly comes rushing in to my bedside. She kisses the top of my head and grabs my hand. There are tears in her eyes again. I wonder what Dr. Welsh told her about what's going on.

"I want to give you a big hug but Dr. Welsh said you're in pain."

"I'll allow it. Just be careful. Come here," I say as I slowly open my arms. She softly puts her arms around me and rests her head on my shoulder. After a minute she pulls away and sits on the edge of my bed. "What else did Dr. Welsh tell you?" I ask her.

She pauses briefly and looks at me, about to cry. "Everything."

Once again, I'm a little pleased that I don't have to break the news to her myself. It would break her heart to hear it, and it would break mine twice. Once because I would have to tell it to her and again because I would have to retell myself. "It'll be alright because I'm gonna get my meds in an hour and then I'll get a good night's sleep and then I'll have radiation and I'll feel better right away. All of the pain and stuff is just temporary. You'll come back tomorrow and you'll see how much better I feel."

"What do you mean when I come back tomorrow?"

"I want you to do me a really big favor and go home for the night. It would make me really happy if you went home and got some rest."

"I'm not going to leave you here."

"You can't stay with me anyway! Just go home, sleep, wash up. You'll come back tomorrow and see how happy you've made me and how much better I am. Go do it for me."

She debates with herself whether or not to do it. "Okay, if it will make you happy I'll go home for the night. But I won't be able to rest knowing that you're here and in pain."

"I'll be fine. I'll take the pills and feel better and then I'll fall asleep and I won't know the difference. Trust me, Carly. I'm going to be okay. Do you have a ride home?"

"Yeah. Sam, Freddie, and Mrs. Benson are still here so she can give me a ride home."

"They came up here?" I ask, thinking of how nice it was for them to be here to keep Carly company. The idea of her being out there alone for hours saddens me.

"Mhmm. Them and Sam, Gibby, and T-Bo. They're all pretty worried about you."

"Well I'm worried about you. So go home and rest and come see me tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, too."

I open my arms in another attempt to hug Carly. She comes back into my arms and I wrap them around her. If she was allowed I would have her sleep like this with me all night. But it's important for her to go home and rest up.

She gets off the bed and walks slowly to the door. She turns to me one last time. The last time I'll see her for the night. Even though she hasn't showered, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, or changed her clothes in the past two days she still looks beautiful. More beautiful than I've ever seen her before. I always want to remember her in this moment, the maternal look of worry on her pretty young face. She is beautiful.

"Bye, Spencer."

"See ya, kiddo."

She shuts the door behind her. I see her look into the window at me one last time. She would stay there all night and watch over me, but she is going home for me. Her lovely brown eyes disappear; she is gone.

I close my eyes for some rest. I don't move a muscle. I am gone.

Only a couple chapters left! As always, reviews are appreciated...thanks for reading!