Corad: Whoot! It's finally here, thank god! Yes, this had me laughing so hard I had tears running down my face. So, if this doesn't get you guys rolling around on the floor, struggling to breath, then I don't know what will.
Bijoux: Err...sorry about being so lazy...firstly, I don't own the "Jak and Daxter" series. Corad also kinda thought of a Spice Girls song for some strange, apparent reason and I decided that I could imagine the Baron driving a vehicle to it so yeah...they're in here, and they're kinda being bashed so if you like them...firstly, you need a life, and secondlyI'm sorry for bashing them. If you don't know who the Spice Girls are, you're one lucky person.
Warning: Do not read this where lots of people are around, who are most likely gonna stare at you and believe you've gone mad if you start laughing out loud too hard.
Palace Stories- Has been exaggerated…?
Baron Forklift
It was a grand day in Haven city. The citizens were happily minding their own business. And the happy thoughts that Baron Praxis wasn't allowed to leave the palace, due to a recent 'shopping' trip, drifted through Jak's head as he walked out the underground. It was going to be a grand day…well…it was...up until…
"Attention all citizen of Haven City," A guard was nervously muttering into a speaker thingy (you know those things around Haven, and the Baron talks through them), "The baron has escaped. He has been spotted in the slums driving some form of Forklift! Now is the time to panic!" none of the citizens seemed to panic from the guard's words.
"HE HAS ALREADY RUN OVER A HOT DOG STAND!!!" The city erupted with screams at the mere thought of a hotdog stand broken in the middle of the street. Jak screamed like a little girl. He turned around to face the exit of the slums and almost died at the mere sight of citizens rampaging out of the slums, their arms in the air.
"DIE CITY!!" Praxis growled from his position, hunched over the steering wheel of a yellow, stolen forklift. The baron drove towards the industrial section, only to be stopped when he drove into a ditch and couldn't get out. Jak was speechless with fear, as the wheels of the forklift rotated pathetically trying to escape. Jak screamed before backing away, towards the underground.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGH!!!" Praxis roared as he revved the engine of his new found friend (shows Erol back at the palace, whimpering and crying as he's hunched over a picture of him and the Baron at Erol's 21st birthday. Praxis is stuffing his face with cake).
"YOU STUPID PIG!!!" Praxis yelled at the forklift's actions.
"Now sir, that's no way to react when you see your reflection in the rear view mirror…" A guard sighed as he patrolled past.
"I know…" Praxis whimpered as he stared at his lap with shame. Jak whimpered at the sight of the top of the forklift visible over the rim of the ditch (this is one of those big longs holes is the slums. Ya know those ones with the bridges?), the top of Praxis' head was visible over the top as well.
Praxis looked above the hole and spotted Veger, casually walking past, while other citizens were running around him screaming and crying and partly begging for mercy from god.
"Hey!! YOU! GET YOUR PATHETIC ASS OVER HERE!!" Praxis roared as he flung a lassoed rope around Veger's waist and pulled a whip out of nowhere. "Get me the hell outta here Vebutt!" Praxis screamed enthusiastically as he lashed the whip out at Veger.
"But sir…" Veger began to protest but was stopped when Praxis' second best friend in the world appeared (aka the whip. Shows the cook crying over a massive chocolate cake labeled, "Baron Praxis is my Best Friend"). Veger cringed as the whip collided with his eye.
Veger began to pull the forklift out of the hole with all his might. It wasn't long before people around started to join hands and sing songs about god and peace for some strange reason. Some guards in the background began cheering, "Take him! Take HIIIM!"…Probably referring to Veger and the forklift…
Jak screamed before turning around and darting towards the underground. Veger managed to pull the forklift out of the ditch and was panting as the baron tugged at the rope.
"This is boring…" Praxis moaned as he fiddled with some controls. He soon came to halt at a red button labeled magnet. He pushed the button and the forklift gained magnetic energy. Praxis became proud of meddling with the controls. Veger screamed as a zoomer with some one on it came hurdling straight for him and the magnetized forklift.
The zoomer crashed into Veger and sent them both hurdling towards the forklift. Praxis laughed like a lunatic as the zoomer exploded sending the driver and Veger flying into the distance. A loud explosion occurred when they both landed in the industrial section.
The Baron continued to laugh as he turned the magnet off and headed towards the underground. Jak ran down the stairs of the underground heading towards Torn and his desk.
"What the hell…?!" Torn screamed towards Jak and the completely ignored until now, Daxter.
"It's coming!" Jak whimpered as tears streamed down his sorry for face.
"What…?" Torn mumbled with hatred.
"YO, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really, really want,
So tell me what I want what I really, really want!!" Praxis had turned on his CD player. It appeared that he had installed a massive loud speaker onto the roof of the forklift. He was singing along to his favorite track, "The Spice Girls: Wannabe" song. The music got louder as Praxis approached the underground. He stuck the forks of his vehicle into the underground door and ripped it off.
"Face it Jak! I have to kill you! You're destroying my perfectly good city! SOON IT WILL BE NOTHING BUT RUBBLE, THANKS TO YOU!!" (Remember this quote) Praxis screamed into the hallway of Torn's hideout.
"Oh my god…" Torn was speechless with rage and fear at the sight of Praxis slowly backing away, with his door, the forklift beeping as it moved.
Praxis rammed into a building behind him. The wall of the building began to crack and crumble, while windows shattered all over the place. Praxis lifted the forks and the door flew off and hurdled into the distant, hitting other buildings and vehicles causing them to catch alight and destroy the city.
Praxis began to head forward again as he forced his way through the tiny doorway. He tore apart the underground walls causing Torn to burst into tears as the bunk beds caught alight for no real reason…Praxis hadn't even entered a large part of the underground yet, but destruction was already occurring.
"RUUUUUUN!!" Daxter screamed as Jak grabbed the shocked and or appalled Torn and headed towards the forklift. Jak climbed through the forklift and over Praxis. Praxis growled as Jak sabotaged his territory.
Jak ran out the Underground and towards a zoomer. He jumped on it and drove for his life. Praxis screamed before reversing out the underground and into the already half destroyed building behind him. The building collapsed completely into a pile of worthless rubble.
"You can't run for ever!" Praxis screamed at Jak as he caught up to the blue zoomer. Torn was dangling off the back, he was in some kind of trance.
"He………he…he killed my baby…he…my baby…my…killed…he…" Torn was whimpering as his unfocused eyes welled tears.
"That's why I got the zoomer!!" Jak called at Praxis.
"Oh…okay! Fair enough!!" Praxis called back happily. Jak flew into the industrial section, he spotted Veger half dead, sprawled across the pavement of the ground.
Jak made a sharp turn and sped away from Praxis, Torn flew off the back of the zoomer and went flying straight for Praxis.
"Oh no you don't Jak!!" Praxis screamed as he used one of the forks to lift up Veger. Praxis turned the forklift around and catapulted Veger into Torn. This caused an explosion when they collided, in mid air.
"RAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Praxis erupted with roars of laughter as he hunched further over the steering wheel in the hope that it would make it go faster.
"DIIIIIIIIIIIIE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAK!!!" Praxis screamed as he turned the magnet back on. Jak and his zoomer began to get pulled back towards Praxis. Jak spotted this assault and jumped off the zoomer before it was too late.
"He's gonna eat is!" Daxter screamed, this caused Jak to cry like a little kid being eaten by the boogieman, aka Krew on weekends.
Jak spotted an alleyway in the distance and decided to hide there. He ran into it and stopped to see if he had lost the Baron. He however was not so lucky when he saw the two forks coming into the view from the side. He then saw the front of the forklift, it's indicator flashing, trying to indicate that the Baron knew Jak's secrets. Jak ran out the other end of the alley and screamed like a little girl.
"You can't hide from me party ruiner!!" Praxis hissed at Jak and Daxter. "I know where you buy your groceries!!"
"NO!!" Jak screamed like a little girl again.
"YES!!" Praxis screamed back. The resulted in Jak screaming and crying as he threw an innocent citizen at the Baron.
Praxis got the citizen on one of the forks and flung him behind his precious forklift, soon to be his precious wife.
"You can't do this to me!! I'm Jak!" Jak screamed.
"NO! I'M JAK, JAK!! NOT YOU, JAK!!!" Praxis roared.
Jak ran past the PowerStation where Vin was exiting with caution.
"Okay Vin…today's the big day…today you are gonna go out and be a normal person! Today you are invincible!! And not even the Baron riding a forklift in gonna stop you!!!!" Vin called out with pride as he took a step out of the PowerStation doorway. The Baron went past on his forklift; he was screaming insults at Jak.
"Or not…" Vin sighed nervously as he backed into the PowerStation and waited for the door to close.
"Ooo, I love this song so much!" Praxis cheered as he repeated his Spice Girl's track.
"YO, I'll ya what I want, what I really, really want!!" Praxis sang, he was disturbingly out of time from the real song.
"This can't be happening to me!" Jak cried as the forklift picked up more speed. Jak ran into the Port and ran along towards the Palace.
"DIE JAK!" Praxis screamed, his eye focused on Jak. For some strange reason Praxis indicated to his right and pulled into a McDonalds drive through, Praxis was still focused straight ahead of him and at Jak.
"Okay…the only explanation for that is that the Baron's instinct got the better if him…" Daxter spat as Jak turned around and looked at Praxis who was talking to a drive through sever. Neither Praxis nor the teen girls words were audible but Praxis kept pointing to a menu through the window and counting out his money. Praxis soon gave the girl the money then continued along to the next window.
The girl in the other window gave Praxis a large bag filled with burgers and chips and it wasn't long before he had indicated out of McDonalds. Praxis reached into the bag with one hand, the other hand controlling the steering wheel. He pulled out a big Mac and began to pull the wrapper off it. He forced half the burger into his mouth and began to chew it to death.
Jak raised an eyebrow at the approaching Baron. Jak turned and started to run, Praxis was getting dangerously close.
Praxis shoved the other half of the burger into his mouth and swallowed it whole. He then pulled out his large milkshake and gulped it all down his throat in one go. He then let out the loudest, most tedious, yet entertaining to Damas, repulsive, milkshake-burger burp in the history of ever. Jak clapped at the burp. Praxis soon began on his large fries.
"BOOOOO! (Hiss) YUCK!! BOOO!!" Praxis would hiss and scream if he found a brown/old/cold/uncooked/small chip. He would chew the chip up and spit it at old ladies and fat people, who were minding their own business.
Praxis had soon devoured everything in the bag. He was getting dangerously close to Jak.
"BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Praxis screamed as he threw the bag filled with at least 10 big Mac wrappers, 2 chip holders and one drinking cup with a pink straw. The bag hit Daxter, and he got knocked off Jak's shoulder.
Daxter screamed for help but Jak couldn't give a damn about anyone else right now. He just kept running while the forklift's tires narrowly missed Daxter.
Daxter screamed before running after Jak and Praxis.
"I'm gonna eat your soul!" Praxis screamed threateningly at Jak.
"Aaaaaaagggghh!!!" Jak screamed.
It was almost the end…the forklift was gaining on Jak, in fact it was less than a meter from him…
Bijoux: So how was that…?
Corad: Dude, you can't just end it there…
Bijoux: Errarrgh…fine…
(Voice over dude): Previously on Baron Forklift….
"I'm gonna eat your soul!" Praxis screamed threateningly at Jak.
"Aaaaaaagggghh!!!" Jak screamed.
Just then…
"Um, I'm sorry sir, but we Chinese restaurant…we no sell big Mac here…especially not 4 fused together…and we don't have drive through…this is only window used to gain fresh air…" Jak turned around to see Praxis, who had come to a halt at a Chinese restaurant window.
"But I'm hungry…" Praxis moaned as he slumped over the steering wheel and began to sulk.
The Chinese man got scared and decided to lock the doors and windows, before Praxis could find the vulnerable entrances.
"Pig…" Praxis muttered as he began to go after Jak again.
Jak began to run away in return.
"NOW HEAR MY WRATHFUL THEME SONG!!!!" Praxis roared as he turned the volume of his CD player up full boar.
"YO, I'LL TELL YA WHAT I WANT! WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT!! SO, THEN TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!! I WANNA! I WANNA! I WANNA! I WANNA!I WANNA! I WANNA REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, WANNA ZIGZIG HA! IF YA WANN BE MY LOVER! YA GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIENDS! MAKE IT LAST FOREVER! FRIENDSHIP NEVER ENDS!!"
Jak screamed as loud as he possibly could, at the sound of the Spice Girls, full boar style; they were already bad as it was, but now they were just suicidal…
Jak turned around to see how far away Praxis was. He became shocked when he realized that Praxis was wearing a black, Afro, wig. He was singing along to the song in a girly tone.
"Look Jak! I'm Scary Spice!" Praxis cheerfully declared as he pointed to the wig. Jak screamed again as he ran into the grassy areas near the bazaar.
"Where the hell did you get that?!" Jak screamed behind him to Praxis.
"Wig stand!" Praxis called back as he signaled behind his back with his thumb. Jak spotted a completely destroyed wig stand in the distance. Imitation hair was everywhere. Jak knew soon that would be him…imitation hair sprawled halfway across the pavement…so sad…so sad…
Jak's face was filled with sweat.
"You die now!" Praxis screamed as he came so close to Jak that the forks were prodding him in the back.
"I wish superman was here!" Jak cried. Jak tilted his head to his left and spotted Superman's cape, half ripped to shreds, as it dangled off a fork. Jak screamed. Praxis laughed. Daxter burped.
Jak hopped on his hover board and fled for his life. It wasn't long before he had lost any trail of the Baron. Jak ended up in the Canal area near the stadium.
Jak began to calm down at the thought of Praxis not knowing where he was. This moment however ended when Praxis appeared out of nowhere. The Spice Girls still playing loud as ever.
"You cannot beat me!!" Praxis growled as he turned his magnet on. The hover board got attracted to the forklift, along with a couple of vehicles and guards.
Jak landed with thud on the ground. He got up as fast as he could and began to run for dear life again. He spotted a ramp leading into the water and told himself to avoid it. Jak ran along the path next to water.
"I kill you Jaaaaaaaaak!!" The baron roared as he went down the ramp partly laughing like a mad scientist. The minute the forklift was under water the Spice Girls slowed down and soon stopped in a tone of slow motion.
"Yo, I'll…tell…what…I…want…what…I…reeaaaargh…" The CD stopped. All the guards and zoomers floated to the surface of the water, along with the black wig. But there was no Praxis…and it had been decided…Praxis was officially…dead…
(1 day later)
"Baron Praxis was a good Baron, he…" Veger was the priest of the funeral of Praxis.
"No he wasn't! He destroyed half the city!!" A citizen called at Veger.
"Oh…okay then…" Veger sighed as he closed the book he was reading from and threw it over his back.
The coffin filled with nothing approached the front of the funeral sight; it was carried by a few guards. The guards put the lid of the coffin on top of the forklift, which was next to Veger. They put the bottom half of the coffin underneath the forklift, between its wheels. The Spice Girls were playing in the background, on the count of Praxis had requested that his funeral be like this…
"Oh, sorry I'm late…I was at the Chinese restaurant…so whose funeral is this…?" Praxis had appeared out of nowhere, he was wearing a black dress, black high heels and a black hat with a lacy thing covering some of his face.
"Yours…" Veger couldn't believe his eyes.
"You're alive…?" Erol cried, the baron suspected it was from joy…only on opposite day Praxis…
"Err…yeah…" Praxis sighed, "Why wouldn't I be…?"
"Well…we've been searching the city for you all day…" Veger sighed.
"Oh…I was at the Chinese restaurant…" Praxis casually said.
"For 1 and a half days…?" Erol raised an eyebrow at his Baron.
"Yeah…they were holding and all you can eat sale…" Praxis said in a snobby tone.
"No we weren't…you threatened us with gun if we closed…or gave you bill…" The owner of the Chinese restaurant had appeared.
"Oh…Hey! You found my forky!! And my CD!" Praxis cheered as he got his CD from the nearby funeral CD player and hopped into his partly rusted forklift. He shoved the CD into the CD player in his Forklift and turned towards Jak, who was wearing a black tuxedo.
"You!" Praxis hissed at Jak, as he put his "Scary Spice" wig on and revved the engine. Jak screamed before running for his life…
And so, Praxis kept "Dying"…it happened every two days from then on…and sooner or later Veger stopped holding funerals, as the guests became scarce…but one day Praxis did die and they didn't hold a funeral (just like the boy who cried wolf)…but that's a different story…in fact it's part of Jak2…yes…it is why they didn't hold a funeral when Kor killed him…it sure is…
END…?
Bijoux: Okay, this was pretty long...neh...heheh...I just watched some show where two guys tried to prove that if you drop a cigarrete down a dunny then it blows up...heheheheehehhe...yeah...please review...