disclaimer: same as always

note: I know I wanted to continue with the dinner but then I had a better idea :D

For all of you who left a review last time: you guys are great :)

Airenya: I hope this chap comes close to your thoughts :)

firebirdever: as I said change in plans :D

puutiti: now you will know who the assailant is :D

Special thanks again to PaulaGaym who takes her time with beta-reading :) Check out her story "The Mating Game" if you want a cool Ren/Ichi story ^^

Chap 11: Breakdown

Renji found himself in a very strange environment…

He was surrounded by rotten leaves and fallen trees, which were beginning to rot. Curious over what this was he made his way further into the former forest. After walking for what felt like hours he came to a small clearing with a foul lake.

He didn't know why but he felt drawn to that lake. When he reached it he took a look into the water and was shocked at what he saw there. It looked like his mirror image, but couldn't be…the man that looked at him was nothing like he himself. He had the same tattoos, but his hair was a dirty red, with a grey hairline, skin no longer tanned but pale like snow, the eyes no longer their bright red-brown but a dull brown-grey and the muscles were gone.

Renji made some movements and to his horror the image moved alongside him. The longer he looked at the image the worse he felt. What was going on here? Then suddenly a strong force shoved him away and all spun around him.

The next location he found himself in looked like a graveyard… and he stood before a gravestone. Upon spotting the name he began to tremble; it was his. Whatever was happening here freaked him his chest hurt. He gripped at the place where his heart should be, but there was blood and a hole.

After making contact with the blood his hand began to dissolve. He wanted to scream, but no sound would escape his lungs. With widening eyes the panic grew and his whole body dissolved into nothingness just to reincarnate at another place.

This one freaked him out even more. It was the black void that gave him the creeps when he was nearly dying. Did this mean he would die now? No. He couldn't. He had so much to do! But why would he be here? Why was he at all those strange places?

And then he was approached by a man… not an ordinary man… it was HIM. Renji tried to take hold of Zabimaru, but found the space where the sword normally rested empty. Why was Zabimaru not there?

The man came closer with every step… he had just one option left: Kidou. When he tried to cast the spell for Shakkahou he found that his voice was still abandoning him.

Then he had to use Hakudo… he wasn't bad at hand-to-hand combat… his muscles and weight normally gave him a great advantage, but now… he wasn't sure and he was terrified.

Suddenly the man was in front of him; pale lips grinning at him, tongue licking his scarred lips. Renji's eyes widened. It was now or never, but as soon as his hand came into contact with him he lost all strength. His arm lost all the power it had once had and his skin took on a pale hue.

That's it…he lost.

Suddenly a light breeze came up and a bright light shone from behind the man; causing both to avert their gazes. From the light emerged three figures, Renji couldn't make them out.

Who were they? And what did they want?

All three let their power go, the breeze made it possible for him to see that they all had long hair, and the man vanished and with him the darkness. Renji had to blink at the brightness, a mistake he judged because all three figures were gone…

Frowning he looked at his hand, only to see that it still had the appearance of the moment when he touched the masked man.

"You shouldn't take this burden all on yourself. You have friends that are willing to help. Accept their help properly and you will overcome every obstacle," a male voice sounded; a voice he never heard before…who did this voice belong to?

"You see, the desire to solve your problems alone is very noble of you, but this you can't solve on your own, as much as you want to; if you don't accept their help it will be your downfall, so I advise you to take their help," while that was spoken, an illusion appeared in front of him…it looked like himself? It certainly was a red-headed man and he had tattoos too, but he couldn't see more…

Who was this man?

"It is not important who I am, but never forget my words. Accept their help; those three will always stand by your side."

Renji knew the man was right, but who are those three men?

"You already know who they are. You only have to see," and with that the man vanished.

Renji woke with a start, whole body sweating. So he decided to take a shower, his legs would bring him there, it wasn't far after all, before he could face the others at dinner; thinking about that weird dream.

"You really pulled something there Mamoru," a figure said; hiding in the shadows.

"Yeah I know, but I had to. He needed my help this time, but don't worry I will refrain from doing so another time," the man, Mamoru, said, looking over his shoulder at the other figure.

With a nod the other person went to do whatever it was he or she had to do; Mamoru made his way to the training grounds.

Byakuya was beginning to worry. It was already time for dinner and all were seated at the table, all expect a certain red-headed fuku-taichou.

"Man what's taking him so long? I'm so hungry!" Ichigo exclaimed at the brink of starving.

"Shut up Ichigo! Renji is not in the best condition right now. Maybe I should go and look after him," Rukia said while standing up.

"No. I will go," her brother said looking at her with an expression that left no room for argument. "If you would excuse me, you are free to begin eating. We will talk later Kazuhiro. Please enjoy yourselves," after a short nod from Kazuhiro Byakuya exited the room.

"Finally we can eat!" the substitute said, eagerly reaching for the food.

"You will refrain from doing so Kurosaki-san. Although my cousin said we could eat, it would be disrespectful of us, so we will wait," Kazuhiro said while rising his reiatsu and fixing the substitute with a scorching glare.

Ichigo couldn't help but break out in a sweat. Man these Kuchikis really were scary guys!

When Byakuya arrived at Renji's room there was no sound to be heard, so just to be safe he knocked at the door. After waiting some seconds with no sound coming from within the room he decided to enter and take a look. To his surprise there was no red-head, but the soft sound of water coming from the adjourning bathroom.

Being the cautious man he was he knocked at the bathroom door and upon hearing a whimper from within decided to enter. Upon entering his eyes widened. He expected something to have happened in there but not this. The shower was still turned on, but it was chilly in there, and in the corner of the shower sat the red-head he was searching for.

The now cold water was dripping down onto Renji and began to pool around his feet. With frantic eyes the red-head stared at the pool of water and clawed at his skin, causing blood to drip down the damaged parts of his body. Renji's whole body was red like fire; surely he had rubbed his skin with a sponge first and then resorted to his nails.

Why would he do that? Byakuya couldn't understand, but knew that he had to be cautious now. His fuku-taichou was in a delicate state of mind; he had to investigate why that was. Earlier in the day he seemed alright, but then again Abarai was good when it came to putting up a facade.

Since he entered the shower Renji needed to rub the dirt from his assailant off his body. It wouldn't give him any peace that there still was something from the man on his body that could have caused that nightmare. But that's what it was right? He only dreamed this because there were still traces of him on his body and so he began to rub his skin and when that wasn't adequate he clawed hoping it would be enough.

After a while the water began to pool all around him and when he looked into it he saw the image of his dream when he looked into that lake. Was that how it was going to end? No, when he could get rid of all the traces he would be alright again, right?

He was only half-conscious of his surroundings so he was startled when he was approached by someone, someone he couldn't recognize immediately. The image he got when he looked at the person was the same from his dream… so was this one of the men who could help him? Could he get rid of the remaining traces for him?

"Renji, are you alright?" the voice of this silhouette asked. Renji…so he knew him?

Byakuya couldn't believe his eyes. When he approached the red-head he looked like a deer caught by light. His eyes were wide, his breathing frantic. So he tried the only thing he could think of: He tried to console the red-head.

"Renji, are you alright?" he asked him, taking the face of the man in his right hand, stroking his cheek with his thumb. When the red-head leaned into his touch he was somewhat relieved, but there was still an uneasy feeling that something wasn't quite right with him…

Then suddenly his fuku-taichou's eyes widened and began to clear somewhat. He began to back away and Byakuya let him, knowing that every touch, every movement he took was crucial now.

"It's alright Renji. It's me, Byakuya. You don't have to be afraid; I'll help you with anything you need me to do," he spoke in the softest voice he could muster and somehow he meant all he said…he would do everything the red-head wanted him to do…there wasn't one exception for him and somehow it didn't bother him.

"B-Bya-Byakuya? Is-is that really you? T-Taichou?" Renji mumbled shyly out from his corner of the shower unsure what was real and what wasn't anymore. Was that really his taichou? Was his taichou one of the men he could trust with everything?

"Yes. It's me Renji, Byakuya." Somehow the raven-head felt that it was necessary to pronounce his given name again, that it would console the man more. He wanted him to know that Renji could call him by his given name.

Then the red-head's eyes became teary. Did he say something wrong? Was it too late for him to help? But surprisingly that didn't matter, because the red-head leaned forward and took hold of him, burying his face into Byakuya's shoulder and letting it all out.

Byakuya didn't know how long they stayed like that, but it had to be a long time, because his kimono and hair were already drenched by the cold water and surprisingly again he didn't care as long as Renji was okay.

Said red-head was still clawing at his clothes and crying on his shoulder while Byakuya was just sitting there, leaning against the tiled wall and holding him, his other hand caressing the other man's head.

After some time the red-head's sobs ceased but he was still shaking.

"It's okay Renji. Don't worry I will always be at your side. I'm here. I will help you to get through this," he said in his most soothing voice and apparently he succeeded because now Renji lifted his face and put his chin on the noble's shoulder, leaning his skull against the side of Byakuya's face, craving the warmth the man provided him with.

Byakuya leaned into the touch, still holding him and patiently waiting for Renji to be alright again.

"You will stay?" the coarse voice of the red-head sounded. Byakuya was first startled because he sounded so different now… the cold and whatever it was that tormented him taking its toll on the red-head, his voice sounding weak and defeated; he was determined to help bring that proud man back, whatever the cost.

"Yes. I will stay as long as you need me," he reassured the man in his arms and somehow he didn't want to let him go…

Renji took his face from the noble to look directly into his eyes, searching for a trace that the man wasn't honest with him, but never finding one. So he really wanted to stay? It was true? Byakuya, his taichou, would really support him? He didn't know why he did what he did now, but with closed eyes he brought his lips closer to the noble, he badly wanted to kiss him, but didn't dare do it… the man wouldn't approve and so he stopped a mere centimeter away from the noble's lips and whispered, "Arigatou….Byakuya."

Byakuya was tempted by him…the lips of the man he held were so close he could smell the exhaling breath. He didn't know why he did it, but that didn't matter to him…he took the red-head's cheek in his hand and after reassuring him, that he would forever be at his side he gave Renji a gentle kiss. But then he felt terrible for doing it, because he could feel fresh tears running down the man's face and so he broke away, "Gomen nasai Renji, I don't know wha-"

"It's okay," he was interrupted by the man he still held.

"How can you say that it's okay? I forced myself on you. I promised you I would never do that and now I broke that promise." He felt so terrible…how could Renji ever forgive him? He wasn't any better than the man who took him away and assaulted him.

"Because I wanted you to do that. I…I….I don't mind you doing that…because I have liked you for some time now, you know? I can tell you, because this somehow feels like a dream. I have loved you since the first time I saw you…Kuchiki…Byakuya," Renji said and then exhaustion caught up with him and he fell into a peaceful sleep, he felt safe where he laid. In Byakuya's arms, nothing could harm him so he could sleep, right?

Byakuya was overwhelmed. Renji really loved him? His heart fluttered at that. So he really loved him. A smile came to his lips, although the red-head was in a terrible situation, at least now he knew what he had to do to make things right. Oh the red-head really thought this was a dream? Hm, then he would be surprised when he woke again…

But first he had to take care of the wounds Renji had inflicted on himself. He picked him up and made his way to the red-head's bed not caring in the slightest that the bed would get soaking wet, it could easily be replaced, Renji couldn't.

After turning off the shower he exited the room and sealed it with the same spell he used to seal the room when they had the meeting to discuss the steps of finding the red-head.

Still drenched to the bone Byakuya made his way back to the dining room, not caring what they would think of him.

When he entered he was greeted with gaping mouths and eyes wide as saucers; mind you Kazuhiro and Daisuke where the only two that kept their cool, like true nobles.

"Byakuya! What happened to you man?" Ichigo again was the first to annoy the raven-head.

"Inoue-san I need your assistance, if you would accompany me?" he asked not even bothering with an explanation.

The orange-haired girl just nodded and followed him to Renji's room.

The others were left looking at their retreating forms.

When they reached Renji's room Byakuya released the seal so they could enter.

To his relief the red-head was in the same position he left him in; he couldn't stand the thought of losing him again, not now that he knew how his fuku-taichou felt about him.

When Orihime spotted the fire-red skin of the red-head she gasped and immediately rushed to his side and cast her spell "Sōten Kisshun" and Renji was engulfed by an orange force; Byakuya took a place on the other side of him.

"Those are just minor wounds Kuchiki-san, but please allow me the question.… Was it…you?" she asked not once meeting his gaze.

"No. He inflicted those wounds on himself. I don't know exactly why he did it, but I think he felt like there were still traces of his assailant on him. I think it goes without saying that this stays between us, right?" the raven-head asked and saw the girl nod in agreement.

When Renji's wounds were treated Inoue made her way to the door when she heard Byakuya say, "Please do tell the others that you can eat now." With a short nod she exited the room and left the two men alone.

Byakuya was searching for a towel and, after finding one, first dried himself and then the red-head; after that was done he dressed himself and Renji in dry clothes and took him, bridal style, to his room; so the red-head could sleep in a dry bed.

When he reached his room Byakuya laid Renji on his futon and lay down next to him; taking the man in his arms and falling asleep too.

Unfortunately he wasn't aware of the white orbs that were watching him.

that's it for chap 11 :) I already figured chap 12 out...

please tell me what you liked or disliked in a review :) so yeah please be kind and leave a review ^^