Jemma hasn't eaten, hasn't slept, or even seen Abby for more than a few minutes at a time, in days.
She hasn't found the answer she's looking for either.
Fitz had fallen back into working with her easy enough. In their time together he's learned to spot burn out. It's bearing down on her like a freight train.
Her eyes are bloodshot and her hands tremble every so often. She keeps chewing her bottom lip when she's not chattering, mostly to herself, more frequently than before.
Fitz doesn't fear the burnout. He fears the tears that will when she hits the proverbial wall. Tears were Ward's territory. He'd bullied them into normal things like eating, sleeping, and using the loo. But he also wiped the tears, kept Jemma from the worst of the edges. She'd held herself in check by sheer tenacity when they were apart, before the planet and everything that had changed, but Fitz doesn't know that she can tough it out much longer. The break is coming. It's just a matter of how soon.
-/-
Jemma feels like she's going to die, which is insane because logically she knows it's not happening in reality and yet…
The very last theory she has meets its bitter conclusion and she can't breathe. It's like the Hulk himself is sitting on her chest. Her vision grey's out and the world sways on its axis.
Her heart is racing until she thinks it will burst in her chest from the strain.
"There's no answer, Fitz!" She hear the panic in her voice. "I can't find it, I can't and he's going to die there!"
She's sobbing, now, ugly wounded sounds tearing from her throat. "I always find a way and I can't."
Fitz just stares in utter terror. She has melted down before but never this badly.
"I can't breathe, Leo, I can't think…" Her hands claw at her chest, at her throat, but there's nothing there but her own panic.
At first she can hear Fitz speaking, though it is as if from far away. Vaguely, she hears Sarona try to track her through her breathing exercises but the numbness is starting to creep in. Next comes Daisy and Pickens, faces hovering over hers. Jemma tries to speak but she perhaps she doesn't make any sense as they only become more alarmed.
It's only when Bobbi pushes them away that manages to eke out a single world. "Help."
The kind understanding in Bobbi's eyes is a small comfort. There is a sharp stick in her arm and the world just stops.
-/-/-
Phil has never met anyone with more drive than Jemma Simmons. Ward, he tacks on mentally, remembering she's gone back to using that name. He's never met anyone smarter, more hopeful, or determined than she is - and he knows gods, a gamma irradiated genius, and biologically-enhanced solider.
"She won't be able to accept defeat. She won't move on keep going, not this time," Dr. Elisson says, coming to stand beside him at the foot of the bed.
"What makes you so sure?"
"I treat her. I know exactly what Grant means to her: how loving him, trusting him, and the faith he has in her has informed their relationship and, to large extent, has transformed her life." She crosses her arms. "She'll run herself into the ground to save him. Because he saved her." She keeps her eyes on Jemma.
He nods. "Anything else we can do to help her?"
"If you can't save him at all? Send her my way and keep Abby close by. She calms Jemma. Will give her purpose, something to live for."
There is one thing he can do. It's radical and might fail, but it's better than nothing. Even if it'll be a damned hard sell.
-/-/-
When Jemma surfaces, it's slow and gentle as if she'd been given Propofol, but the headache taking root is from the night-night formula.
Oh god, she thinks as what got her here races back. He's gone. And it's her fault.
Coulson sits in an armchair holding Abby, reading a comic book in low tones. Abby holds the end of his tie in her fist as if she's prepared to force him to finish the story and not hurry away from her as he usually does.
"She finally broke you, huh?"
"Well I do like her. I just thought it best not to get too attached."
"And now you can because there's no Grant."
He makes a face that tells her that's mostly the truth.
"About that. I have a last ditch option."
-/-/-/-
"I don't see why they didn't just come to Avengers tower," Tony Stark says as they walk through the heart of the playground.
"Because a whole spy organization isn't going to stop and bow to your every whim, Stark," Steve Rogers retorts.
"It's a decent base," Romanov retorts as they're shown to a conference room.
"I'm Daisy Johnson, someone will be in shortly to download you on the mission. We're still waiting on Thor. And I can't believe I just said that." A baby shrieks happily somewhere in the distance. "And I have to find my friend's kid before she makes off with every pen in Fitz's lab again."
After Thor arrives with a huge clash of thunder, Coulson picks up Abby and prepares to enter the room.
"This is manipulative."
"It completely is, but it will also work. Barton will do it, as he already likes Abby. Nat will do it because, as an orphan, she won't let Abby start on that track. Rogers just likes babies, but maybe we leave out who her father is. Banner is going to be dazzled by the whole other planet thing, Stark likes anything that makes him look good. Thor just likes you," May says.
"It's gonna work, DC, everyone loves babies," Daisy adds.
=/-/-
When he walks in with Abby on his hip, he watches their collective expressions. Shock, distrust and disbelief. Barton's reaction had been similar when he'd first found out, but he'd been almost utilitarian about it since then.
He can tell Steve will not be. The Captain's whole body reads angry.
Abby is oblivious to the tension in the room and greets everyone with an eager "Hi" and waving almost manically in excitement.
"I'm not a hologram or a droid, nor am I a ghost or anything crazy like that. And I did in fact die, but Fury revived me – resurrected, really since it was days later - and swore me to secrecy. He tasked me with a new team, and here we are." Coulson is nothing if expedient.
"Why lie? Why not just say that to us?" Banner asked from where he's grumpily lounged beside Romanov.
"Technically, I didn't lie. This is the first we've been in contact, and after my rebirth, as it were? My death unified you all as a team. Fury feared undoing that. Eventually not telling you was just… easier. Safer." He sits Abby down on the conference table and she crawls straight for the phone in the middle of the table.
"Why are we here, then, and who's that?" Stark asked watching Abby press random numbers. She jabbers into the phone.
"Engineering," Fitz's voice fills the room.
She chatters into the receiver, and Fitz sighs audibly.
"Abby, hang up."
"No…," she whispers, which gets a smirk out of Barton
"Eleanor Abigail, I will tell your mother."
Barton gently pries the phone from Abby's hand to hang it up. He signs something and it's enough that Abby looks miffed but doesn't touch the phone again.
"What happened? When I left you assured me that Jemma was safe and that Abby would be left in good hands."
The Avengers heads whip around in concert as they turn to look to Barton, who shrugs. "My ex-wife called and asked for help. I was sworn to secrecy. Helping a little girl communicate was more important than, well, being petty over our team."
Romanov has been staring at Abby for the last ten minutes in a way that worries Coulson.
"Something wrong?" he ventures to ask her. Might as well get it out.
"That's Jemma Ward's baby. And if Jemma is here with her kid, in Shield or whatever is left of its hands, Grant Ward isn't far behind."
And the one lightbulb he didn't want to come on is shining brighter than Times Square.
"I don't understand, why are we here?" Rogers reiterates.
"Her parents are Grant and Jemma Ward. Arguably the second best spy in the world and the world's smartest biochemist. Except even though I'm fairly certain Jemma is the world's sweetest human being, Ward also happens to be one of the last remaining Hydra heads." Natasha says leaning back in her chair to eye him speculatively. "Let me guess. You want our help dealing with him permanently, and this is the bait for your trap."
"I am not comfortable using a child as weapon in your human war," Thor says, speaking for the first time.
"She isn't a weapon or bait, she's family." Coulson stuffs his hands in his pockets and waits a beat to let that sink. Abby is important regardless of anything else, even his personal views on Grant Ward. Which are no more kind than Rogers, he's sure.
"I know this is going to sound insane, but no. The long and short of it is Ward is trapped on an alien planet called Maveth. For Jemma's and Abby's emotional health and happiness, we need to retrieve him. And I can't do that without using the Bifrost. "
"I'm not helping you save a Nazi," Rogers states.
"Uh, me either," Stark adds in. " I don't know what Fury did to undead you, but it clearly scrambled your brains if you are asking the Avengers to retrieve a Nazi."
Jemma strides into the room, with more confidence than Coulson thinks she actually feels. She'd been waiting in the wings just in case. "He's no more a Nazi than Bucky Barnes is."
Stark smiles. "Now that took some balls." She doesn't acknowledge the compliment at all.
"Grant was indoctrinated into Hydra via manipulation and abuse that was damn near brainwashing. He was seventeen - a messed up kid looking for something to belong to when Garrett got his hooks in. Grant is a lot of things but he isn't that. A liar, a murderer, a user, yes, all by his own admission, but he changed. For his family, his Hydra is a pale imitation of what was. And I can cripple it. I will if you help me get my husband back."
"How do we know you're not on his side?" Stark asks.
"You don't. You'd have to take a chance."
"How do we know you can get him to disband? Granted, his faction is small by all accounts but it's a very organized one," Romanov asks. Jemma pins her with an unflinching stare Coulson has never seen from her before.
"Gideon Malick kidnapped our baby and tortured me, and any other heads would have stood by while it happened. If he's not done, then we'll be done." She sighs sadly. "You worked with him for the Istanbul and Galilee missions, didn't you? I'd just had back to back miscarriages. He couldn't hide how much that tore him apart and we both know it. You finally get thing you dream of, you don't toss it away. Hydra will end with Grant. You have my word."
"And if we still choose not to help you?" Steve just refuses to budge.
Jemma looks as though she's been slapped but raises her chin and squares her shoulders. "It's your choice, that much is true. Are you prepared to explain to my daughter when the time comes that, though you had a feasible way to rescue her father, you remained steadfast in abstaining from offering aide? Are you prepared to make her understand that condemning someone she loves more than sunlight or air…or anything really, to death by slow starvation and isolation on an alien planet was better for the world? Because I'm not. and you will be the one answering for it. Rest assured in that."
She glares at him a moment, before moving down the length of the table toward her daughter. Steve looks over at the toddler who, instead of playing with the phone, has crawled over to closer inspect Tony. He looks back at her as though she's a bomb about to explode in his face. In a less tense situation, it would be hilarious.
Jemma goes over and picks Abby up. "Let's leave them to decide shall we, love? Can you tell Mr. Stark goodbye?"
Abby waves and cuddles into Jemma. As they walk to the door, Abby looks up at Jemma expectantly.
"Da bye byes?"
And, as she has at least four times every day for the past three weeks, Jemma answers patiently. "Da's still at work, love. We'll bring him home as soon as we possibly can."
-/-/-
As they wait for the decision, Jemma tries yoga, sparring with Tarleton, and even working with Fitz to burn off some of the tension. None of it works, and even Abby is on edge. When she throws a fit because her apple juice is in a sippy and not a squeeze box, lying in middle of the kitchen floor emitting ear splitting wails, Jemma knows it's about Grant not juice.
Jemma can't hold back either and cries right along with her. It's counterproductive, she knows that, but it doesn't matter. She just wants Grant were here to say "Joy!" in that half-heartedly stern way, in the that startles Abby out of her fit and occasionally into a giggle. She just wants Grant here.
She gathers Abby into her arms with her back against the butcher-block island. Abby cries harder because she can't properly communicate and it frustrates her all the more.
"Baby, I know you want daddy, and your juice boxes, and your toys. I know, my darling. We're going home soon, I promise. Regardless of what happens, we're going back soon, my love."
Before long, Shield agents and her own Hydra gather around the periphery watching their collective melt down. Fitz is the only one brave enough to try to fix things.
"I feel like I'm back where I started, Fitz. And this time it's more than just me staring into the abyss. I failed him."
"You're not where you started. You command an entire group of people, and you're raising Abby. You basically told Captain bloody America to go fuck himself in the nicest possible way. The old Jemma would have never done that. Also, you could undoubtedly pass the field exam now."
Jemma gives a wet sniffle and a half startled laugh. "There is that."
-/-/-
She peels herself up off the floor, fixes Abby her juice and snack, and sets about finding a way to locate Grant once they're on planet, refusing to acknowledge that they might not make it that far. She becomes so absorbed in her work that, if she hadn't have glanced up to check on Abby, she wouldn't have seen him.
"Captain…mister… I mean- "she stutters.
"Steve works fine. Do you see good in everything or just in your husband?"
"I try to find the silver lining in all things, though this is proving quite difficult."
"I can imagine. I'm told you were Coulson's brightest agent."
"I'm very smart, that is true, but love though knows nothing of intelligence or taking sides, or time for that matter. I won't ever stop trying because he is who I love."
"Coulson said you'd remind me of Peggy and he was right. We'll do it. Though I personally will see to the dismantling of his faction."
-/-/-
Jemma doesn't care what restrictions they put on Grant as long as she gets him back. As the Avengers gather in her lab to hear her plans to find him, for the first time in the three months he's been gone, she finds herself hoping again.
"Now in the months I was on the planet I stumbled upon underground caves, almost like someone dug out bunkers. Perhaps they were, I don't know. Either way, I believe Grant will have found the ones I used based upon the details I had given him. I also believe he landed relatively close to where I did, based upon how many more times the inter-planetary solar activity of the monolith opened up in proximity to my camp than it did elsewhere. Opening the Bifrost should make it so we can all enter multiple times until we find him. Hopefully he'll be alive and I'm not recovering a body." She whispers the last part of the sentence afraid if she says it too loud it will happen. Most of the faces in the room are impassive or uncomfortable.
Sarona is the only one who looks as pained as she does. Pickens looks worried. Daisy just looks sad for her.
"The planet is a wasteland, it doesn't sustain human life for long periods." Thor points out.
"That's true, but I did survive six months and I don't have the survivalist training or field certifications Grant has, he survived five years in a the wilderness as teenager as Garrett's way of breaking him for indoctrination, He had nothing but wit and his dog for company, I have to believe he's fine physically, I need to be realistic sure but if anyone was going to make it a long stretch it'd be Grant." Jemma replies. Coulson looks a bit shocked at the information.
Thor glances down at Abby, who is sitting on his cape. "I have a tracking system so we may lessen the search, though it shall require the young one's blood."
He pauses, staring at Abby. "May I inquire as to why the young is insistent upon sitting atop my cape?"
Jemma can't stifle the laugh that bubbles up. "My husband pulls her around the living room on a blanket to play out her favorite part of Aladdin. I'm positive she believes you wish to play the part of the magic carpet."
He shrugs. "Lady Abigail of Midgard, you require an enchanted carriage of carpet?"
She grins up at him nodding enthusiastically.
"Very well, then." He bows deeply. He loops around the room with a hysterically-laughing Abby. Once, twice, three times.
"You're not getting your Asgardian back anytime soon." Romanov says with a snicker.
"Thor! We have to continue the meeting." Cap calls out.
"I know my around Maveth, the only obstacle will be the Kree-ordained god. He is no true deity, but shall be hard to kill due to the varied states in which he can exist. I cannot truly strategize until faced with it. I'd much rather play with the tiny Midgardian until my services are required."
"He's like an excitable puppy. I'm just going to go along and make sure he doesn't accidently break her," Tarleton announces. "Be back shortly, Doc."
-/-/-
"According to Thor, we only need a few drops her blood to enact the tracking device," Bruce Banner says casually.
"I'm not poking Jemma's baby with a needle. Jemma in Mummy mode truly scares me." Fitz says.
Sarona ignores them both, scooping Abby up on the way. "Every year, we have to take her for checkups at the geneticist and various therapy branches. We also have to draw her blood to send to an oncologist. Childhood cancer is common in people living with Downs. That means Abby has to call upon her inner Eleanor of Aquitaine and tough it out. We got this, but we need the best fastest stick on your team. I distract, you draw. That's how it works."
"I'll go get Lincoln."
-/-/-
Jemma snatches Abby from Sarona and rounds on Fitz as he lays out the plan.
"I barely know the man and you want just me to just let him stick my baby, with needles, Fitz! With needles and she's already been traumatized by a kidnapping and now we're just going to let strangers stab her with things!"
She knows she's being difficult but she can't help it, she's exhausted and worried, and having to use Abby and play on her daughter's fears for this seems wrong.
"It's the quickest way to locate Ward on that planet. You have to be practical, Jem." Bobbi adds in calmly. "And Lincoln is the best person to do this, since he has medical experience with civilians, not just hardened Shield agents."
Jemma's eyes brim with tears. "I'm so tired of our choices hurting her. I just want to be a good mother. I left here because it didn't feel safe, and went back to Grant knowing that it was basically a viper pit and if we pissed off the wrong sociopath we were leverage and nothing more. Now, I can't leave him there because we're a team. All we ever wanted was a family and to be better parents than we had!" She states, wiping her eyes using the corner of her jumper's sleeve. "We wipe tears not snot on sleeves, yes?" she tells Abby and Pickens gives them a fond smile.
"Or pants legs," he adds. "No one thinks you're a bad mother or wife. Hell, I'm pretty sure the Director has spent most days of the past two-and-half years pinching himself that you even considered going back to him. Including those days at the end of the pregnancy and post-partum where he was mostly afraid of you. Here's thing though, you two always make sure Abs is seen as normal, that she plays a part in things. This is Abby's part, Boss, and I swear on my mother if the guy misses and hurts her, I'll shoot him in the kneecaps," Pickens says.
The room turns to stares at him, mouths agape.
"What? I'm Grant Ward's second. I'm not a nice man."
Lincoln steps forward, completely ignoring the threat to his safety, which Jemma gives him points for.
"Jemma, I promise I'll be accurate and fast. I'll be done before she can even cry."
"Okay."
"Hi Abby! Nice to meet you, sweetheart. You wanna help me to help your daddy?" he asks making sure to sign help and father as he says it. She looks conptemplative but says nothing.
"Okay, Daisy, when I say go, I want you to throw every single tissue in that box at her. Bobbi, when I place the needle, you draw."
He begins to sing a song about gummi bears very loudly and dances around. When he gets to a part where he makes popping sounds with his mouth, he hisses "Go!" as he inserts the needle. "Now, Bobbi."
"Don't cry Abby! There's no crying in Shield, kiddo!" Daisy says, tossing tissues at her and picking up Lincoln's tune.
He slides the needle out and releases the tourniquet. He grabs up a bandaid from her favorite television show Madeline and puts on her arm. "All done sweet Abby, good job. Sorry if it hurt."
When they all stare at him he says. "Trick from my Peds rotation. Distraction is best."
With Abby's blood safely procured for the directive device, they all suit up.
-/-
Grant knows he's hallucinating. He's starving and near death, and he knows that his mind is trying to comfort him toward the end.
Jemma stands with Abby on her hip. Jemma's belly is rounded quite obviously. Hell of a time for his subconscious to bring up the whole wanting more kids thing.
The apparitions of the girls don't speak, they just stare at him with smiles that soothe him.
"Always said your smile was brighter than sunshine, Joy."
Abby giggles, a weird, echoing sound. It's completely wrong. It's not his daughter's laugh.
"I should-I should just- I need to get up and forage. That thing is killing off every food source. It didn't starve you, Jem, because it had no use for your body. It wanted your mind, which I get, because smart is sexy. Malick's body is old. Mine? It's probably got a few decades to use me up," he tells apparition Jemma, who smiles at him warmly.
"I'm going to stop talking to myself and stand up now."
-/-/-
Jemma straps a dagger to her thigh and makes sure her shoulder holster is secure. She intends to pick Abby up and do the awful goodbye thing again, yet when she glances up, she finds her daughter across the room, staring up at Rogers in his suit with cowl still down.
He squats down and with an absolutely heart-stopping grin says, "Hey, Miss Abby."
"Hi!"
She points to his shield.
"You wanna see it?"
She reaches out and touches a dent marring the surface.
"That one is from a German fighter plane." She signs something.
"Pretty." Jemma translates lowly.
She can't wait to tell Grant about this. He'd love the irony of the conversation taking place and that his daughter thinks the second biggest symbol of his opposition is pretty.
She steps over and drops down beside them. "It's lovely, I agree. Can you come with me? You can see if Daisy will get Coulson's replica to play with okay? "Jemma holds out her hands to Abby.
Daisy nods and sets off to get the shield for Abby. Jemma hopes it will distract Abby while she goes into the Bifrost.
She nods. Jemma picks her up and carries her over to Daisy, repeating their goodbye and explanation of where's she's going on the walk over.
Daisy is staying behind. Due the force of her quaking, the monolith caused several mini strokes and she's still not recovered. She heals fast but not fast enough to come on this mission, which Jemma is oddly grateful for. She feels more at ease leaving her with Daisy. Someone Abby has grown to trust and like.
She kisses Abby and turns gathering her thoughts, then she steps quickly on to the Bi-frost.
The last Jemma hears is Abby's laughter as she bangs the shield into the floor once again.
Then, Abby's laugh is replaced by the howling, dirt ridden winds of Maveth.