EDIT: Hmn, okay. I didn't get a confirmation email when I first posted this, and then when I next checked, the whole chapter had disappeared. Weird. Ah, well, reuploading...hope the Christmas cheer hasn't worn off ;D
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE IT...uh, that is, if it's still Christmas anywhere but here...uh...ahem.
As per usual, I'm going to apologise for making you wait, and assure you that I'll update sooner next time (but I'm sure you've all stopped believing me now T^T) I WILL update quicker, with a longer and less insanely weird update than this...
Usual warnings and disclaimers apply. I love you all for reviewing~
Chapter Eleven
Sasuke P.O.V
"I found a cure."
Would it make me a terrible person to say that I wanted to kill Tsunade right then?
Well, then I was a terrible person.
I could have killed her. Then no-one would ever be able to find the cure.
I could use the sharingan on Naruto – make him forget Tsunade ever found it, and take him away, far away, and we could grow old together in secret.
Or – or, I could use the sharingan and convince him that he didn't want the cure, because then he'd lose me…
Oh, who was I kidding?
I should have just killed her.
Bitch.
Naruto P.O.V
When Tsunade told us she'd found a cure, I suppose I should have been elated.
I wasn't.
I couldn't understand why, but the thought made my heart sink.
Okay, I knew why.
I was going to lose Sasuke.
It had been a few days since Sasuke and I had first had sex without the jutsu. And since I told him about what happened when I was young.
I felt…somewhat serene. And yet more conflicted than ever. A part of me had been laid to rest when I'd told Sasuke the truth. And to finally have sex with Sasuke, without the jutsu was like…
Well, I imagined it to being like having full-fat milk after being put on a skimmed-milk diet for years. A little strange at first, because it didn't feel like it was allowed, but so damn good that I forgot all about that, although I still felt a little guilty to be enjoying it so much.
But it wasn't going to happen again. Because even though the jutsu wasn't active, as such, when we'd had sex, it was still because of the jutsu that I'd wanted to have sex with him…guh, this was all too complicated for me.
The jutsu was going to be removed anyway.
"It's a lot simpler than I'd thought it would be." Tsunade was saying, but I was barely listening. "It'll take a few hours to collect and prepare the ingredients, but I'll send Kakashi to get you when we're ready, so stay here in the meantime."
I nodded at her, but barely registered what she was saying.
Seconds later, she was gone, and I was alone with Sasuke.
Betrayal hung in the air like poison ivy. I wasn't even sure that I should feel guilty, but somehow I did. It felt like I had led Sasuke on and now I was abandoning him. I glanced over at him, but his face gave no hints as to his emotional state, as per usual.
I knew he must have felt something for me. I knew Sasuke, and he wasn't that good a person, or even that great a pervert that he would do all of that without a smidgen of emotion attached.
But then, why had I never seen it before? If Sasuke had ever had feelings for me, then surely I would have noticed? Maybe I was reading too much into this; maybe Sasuke was just a better person that I gave him credit.
Or maybe…
Maybe I should stop kidding myself.
"Oi, moron." I stared up as Sasuke spoke to me. "Stop spacing out. She found a cure, you should be happy, right?"
Right.
I managed to shoot him the happiest grin I could muster and was surprised to see him wince slightly and turn around. Hadn't he just told me to be happy? What did he want from me?
"Hey, Sasuke…" I followed him as he walked towards the kitchen. He ignored me. "Sasuke," I repeated softly.
I walked up to him and hugged him from behind. When I felt him stiffen, my heart dropped, but I leant in and kissed his neck anyway, breathing in the heavy scent of his head. I could feel him relax as I placed gentle kisses along his neck and his ear.
"Naruto," he whispered, almost as if to himself. "Naruto, stop."
I stopped.
The air was stale with awkwardness, and I knew there was nothing I could do to lighten the mood now. Both of us exuded an air of bitterness, neither of us sure who was angrier, or why we were angry at all.
Sasuke sighed as I pulled away from him, and marched out of the door.
Twenty minutes later, I stood in Tsunade's office as she made hand-seals and drew symbols on me in rat's blood or something equally disgusting.
Yet, all I could think about was how I didn't want this, and I could still turn back, tell her I didn't want this and run away…
But I didn't.
Why didn't I run away?
I closed my eyes to stop myself from crying as Tsunade finished the ritual.
"It's done!" She announced with a smile. I smiled back.
But I didn't notice any difference.
"Uh…It feels…the same."
In the corner of the room, I swear I saw Sasuke's face light up. But that was probably wishful thinking on my part.
"Well, it's not immediate." Tsunade thought for a second, calling Shizune over. "I'm not sure how long it'll take to work. It could be days, so I see no need in sending you to the hospital." She shrugged. "I guess we'll wait and see."
I stared at her. That was it? I could go?
"Um, okay." I nodded at her dumbfoundedly, and then left.
I felt like I had just made the worst decision of my whole life.
Half an hour later
Naruto P.O.V
Why was I now headed to Sasuke's house rather than mine? Why was Sasuke following me around like a shadow? Because he thought he needed constant surveillance, that's why. Because 'who knew what that witch – I mean, the Hokage – had done to me.' His words, not mine.
As I got to his house and threw myself onto his sofa, Sasuke watched me intently for signs of illness, but couldn't see any. When I got fed up of him staring at me, I batted him away, and then looked at him eye to eye.
"It's going to go away soon, isn't it?" I said and he nodded solemnly. We weren't just talking about the jutsu.
"We shouldn't…" He said, and then stopped. What was he going to say? We shouldn't waste this time? Or use this time? Which would be more painful?
"I love you, you asshole." I said, half matter-of-factly and half wistfully.
"You know that's just the jutsu talking."He said. And don't call me asshole, his eyes said.
"I know. But that's how I feel, doesn't that mean something?"
"Naruto…" He said, quietly. I could sense something in his voice that I rarely heard from him; hurt, perhaps? "You understand, don't you?" He paused. "When it's over, you won't feel that way anymore! You'll probably be disgusted that we ever did any of this!"
My stomach started to ache; a dull throb of pain. Sasuke was right. Soon, I was going to lose him, lose this feeling.
And that's when I finally knew what it felt like to have a broken heart.
"Sasuke…" My eyes were brimming with tears, but I wouldn't let it show. "Do you love me?" He said nothing, silence burning the air. "I know you must feel something for me. Please, Sasuke. I just want an answer" He still said nothing, and I twisted away, my back turned to him. My chest hurt. My eyes stung. I wanted out of there.
"Fine." I whispered, bitterly. If he wasn't going to admit that he had feelings – whatever they were, sexual, emotional…I didn't care – for me,then there was no point in prolonging this. I pulled myself off the sofa in silence. The tension in the air hurt and I could feel my hands shaking as I pulled on my shoes and moved to leave.
He didn't try to stop me as I pushed open the door and stepped out onto the streets, a bitter tear in my eyes.
The jutsu wasn't even finished, and already it was over.
I felt myself descend into a waterfall of tears as I ran the whole way home. I scolded myself for crying – again, but this only resulted in even more tears of disappointment in myself. I threw myself onto my bed and sobbed into my pillow until I had cried myself to sleep.
In the dream, I'm holding a key in one hand, and a box in the other. The box is beautiful, elaborately decorated wood with an intricately carved design. The lock on the front is golden, like the key in my hand, and also patterned delicately. It's heavy, but not unbearably so. A small box, small enough to hold in one hand with a little effort. The key is almost as big as the whole side of the box it opens.
I look at the key in my hand, and yelp as it suddenly glows with heat. Cursing, I try to throw it down, but my hand won't let me. It's burning me now, enflamed, red-hot. I can see my hand burning beneath it, my flesh turning red, and I feel tears run down my cheeks as I whimper in pain.
The box.
I'm not sure how I know it, but the voice resounding around me belongs to Sasuke. I sob, not understanding what he wants.
Open the box.
I immediately fumble with the box, jamming the red-hot key in it and half expecting it to burst into flames.
The box opens, and the key falls away from my hand.
The whole place is filled with a red glow that the box emits. I don't know what it is, but it scares me, so I slam the box shut again.
The box won't close.
The glow is getting brighter, and I'm suddenly afraid it might blind me.
The key. I need the key. The key will close the box.
I reach for the key, which is still glowing with heat, but I don't feel it anymore. I force it into the lock, but suddenly it's melting and before I know it, it's gone.
The lid of the box flies off as I attempt to keep the box closed. The light pours out, and I scream, covering my eyes.
Too bright. Too bright.
I have to close the box. Somehow, I have to close the box.
Don't be scared of the light. Sasuke tells me.
I can still see it through my eyelids, through my hands. It's surrounding me, dragging me down, so bright that it's not red anymore but white.
The box.
You cannot close the box without the key.
But the key is gone.
Once opened, the box does not close.
I scream as the light burns my eyes.
Don't be scared of the light. Sasuke says again, and I feel his hands on mine. Prising my fingers away from my eyes, wiping away the tears.
"Naruto." He whispers, and I find my eyes opening.
The light doesn't burn anymore.
Sasuke and I are standing alone in a world of white.
"Don't be scared." He murmurs, and I'm not.
My whole body jolted awake as I gasped, gripping onto my sheets. My eyes were blurry with tears and I glanced at the clock as I wiped them away. Midnight. It was already tomorrow. I had so little time. "I'm not scared anymore." I gasped, as I pulled myself out of bed and ran towards my front door.
Towards Sasuke.
Sasuke P.O.V
Well, this sucks.
I was lying in bed and feeling like an idiot. I'd just sent the love of my life packing, wasting a whole night of Naruto.
And all because I was too fucking proud to tell the idiot that I loved him.
And I did. Of course I did. I always had, I always would, and it was going to hurt like hell when the jutsu was broken. He probably wouldn't want to see me anymore. If I was lucky, he might lose all his memory of the justu. Now, that would be perfect.
Or would it? Did I really want him to forget? No, perhaps Naruto had been onto something with the whole wanting to remember thing. If he remembered, I could still cling on to the hope that someday; someday he might come to love me like I love him. Perhaps just the memory of love would be enough…
Oh, who was I kidding?
It was about three minutes before I got up with a groan and headed towards Naruto's apartment in the pissing rain.
Yeah, I know, weird. If anyone can actually figure out that strange metaphorical dream thing, then I applaud you.
Ugh, this chapter is all over the place. I guess it represents some sort of insane climax in the story...or I'm just losing my mind slowly. (I hope it's the former, even if the latter is more likely...) This is really quite a filler chapter...ahhhh D:
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