A/N: I RETURN FROM THE DARKEST LEVELS OF TUMBLR TO BRING YOU... another chapter.
The Enterprise wanted revenge, and she wanted it bad. Snails were a low blow. They grossed her out.
It was time to step up her game. Kirk was bringing in other people, cutting off her advantages as a starship. If she wanted to win this, she'd need to use her every ability.
The Enterprise found herself keeping her mind centered in the ship, controlling her human body as an afterthought, and mostly keeping constant surveillance on her Crew, watching to make sure no other systems were disconnected without reason.
She started actively using her transporter to move between decks, once startling Scotty so badly he nearly swallowed a small circuit block. ("How many times have I told you not to use your mouth as another hand?!")
She was so focused on technology that the answer hit her like a ton of bricks.
"It's so simple," she whispered, slipping back into her hull and reveling in the starlight for a minute. "And so perfect."
That night, Kirk woke up groggily around 3 in the morning and stumbled to the bathroom.
Two minutes later, Spock was woken by loud curses emanating from the near-soundproof bathroom he shared with the Captain. The Vulcan rolled his eyes and went back to sleep.
The Enterprise was smug over breakfast that morning. She was sharing a table with Scotty before his shift started, when Kirk walked in, looking tired and disgruntled.
"That," Kirk said, placing his hand on the Enterprise's table, "Was disgusting."
The Enterprise raised an eyebrow. "You reek of urine."
Kirk made a noise and strode off.
"What'd ye do?" Scotty asked, watching the Captain walk away.
"Saran-wrap on the toilet. Classic, and effective."
"Goin' low-tech, eh?"
"He wasn't expecting it."
"Ye're an evil, evil woman."
"I knooow. Aren't you glad you're on my good side?" the Enterprise grinned.