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Harry walked into his living room and found Kyle laying on the floor near the kitchen. The two had been to several parties over the past few weeks. Kyle had friends who were in bands touring through Europe. The two men had gotten trashed on many occasions, bringing Luna whenever she was free.
Harry and Luna had hooked up a few times and Harry was confused about what they were. The fact that they were never sober when they had sex led Harry to believe that they were not serious, however his feelings for Luna were intesifying. She was carefree and just what he needed. It wasn't until the past month or so that Harry realized what a catch Luna was. He had always thought she was pretty, but never knew just how easy to relate to she was. Harry hadn't told anyone but Kyle about them. Harry had decreased his visits to the Weasley's to just once or twice a week. Everytime he sensed or saw that Dean was there he would turn around home and not return for a while. Although his life was starting to look up, the pain of Ginny's betrayal was still fresh in his mind.
Harry walked up to Kyle and nudged him with his foot. He didn't move.
"Hey!" Harry yelled. Kyle jerked violently and looked up. He stared at Harry confused. "You alright, Kyle? How did you end up here?"
"Uhhhh," Kyle started, looking around the flat. "I don't know..."
Harry walked to the kitchen and began making coffee as Kyle layed on the floor, rubbing his face. Harry had gone to bed before him, so he was clueless as to why Kyle had decided on that particular spot to sleep.
"So Harry," Kyle said from the floor, "where's Luna?"
"She went home last night," Harry said pouring himself a cup. "You were there. You don't remember me walking her out?"
"No," Kyle laughed. "No I don't. What about Gemma?"
"I don't know. You two were out here when I went to sleep."
Kyle laughed again and resumed rubbing his face and moaned. "That coffee smell is gonna make me yack." He held out his hand for Harry to help him up. Harry lifted him off the ground and walked toward the couch.
"So what's up for today, man?" Kyle asked, following Harry to the living room.
"I don't know. Nothing," Harry said sipping his coffee.
Kyle sat down on the couch next to Harry. Harry noticed Kyle looking at him from the corner of his eye.
"What's up?" Harry asked, uncomfortable as he turned his head to look at a smiling Kyle.
"You gotta tell me, Har, what's the deal with you and Luna?"
"Errr," Harry started, taking another sip to give himself time to consider the question. "Well, I really like her.."
"So is she your girlfriend?"
"No."
"Then how come you're not dating anyone else?"
"I don't know, Kyle." Harry answered impatiently. He was sensitive when it came to girls commiting to him. Luna hadn't mentioned wanting to be his girlfriend and he hadn't brought it up because he was worried she would find him needy. After everything with Ginny, he was going to try to play it cool with girls, rather than gushing whenever he had feelings for them.
"Well," Kyle said, brushing off Harry's attitude, "that one girl, with the red hair, she was wearing a blue dress, I think, she said she thinks you're hot."
Harry didn't think that he knew who Kyle was talking about, but he was interested. He had feelings for Luna, but she didn't seem to want to be with him.
"What does she look like?" Harry said, trying to not sound as excited as he was.
"Umm," Kyle said, getting off the couch and walking to the kitchen. "She's pretty hot, actually, then again, I was wasted. But she seems cool. She's got, like uh, red mohawk."
Harry started laughing. "A red mohawk? What the fuck?"
Kyle laughed too as he took a beer out of the fridge and opened it. "Trust me, she's definately cute. Plus, even if you don't like her, you'll make Luna jealous, anyway."
Harry thought about that. Would dating another girl make Luna jealous? Or would she just be annoyed?
"Well," Kyle said, "I'll tell Gemma to bring her over next time."
"What's going on with you and her?" Harry asked, wondering how serious they were.
"She's cool and all, but I'm not trying to seal any deals," Kyle said. "Girlfriends are so much work. And expensive."
"They are a lot of work..."
"Well, I'm just happy you're not all sad about you ex anymore." Kyle said, swigging his beer. "I couldn't take you being such an emo child all the time."
Harry didn't mention how much he actually did miss Ginny. He was still getting used to not being around the Weasley's everyday and he would take Ginny back in a heartbeat.
Later that day, Luna came over while Kyle was out. Right off the bat, she seemed to be acting strangely. They were standing in the kitchen, talking about Luna possibly moving to London. Harry could tell she was thinking about something else. What could be wrong? Harry asked her if she wanted a drink. She didn't. She didn't even want to sit down.
"Is everything okay, Luna?" Harry asked moving towards her.
"Errr," she backed away slightly and Harry became worried. "Well, actually, I sort of need to talk to you..."
"Okay, what's up?" Harry was nervous. She looked extremely uncomfortable. His mind was racing through the possibilities. God help him if she was pregnant.
"I was talking to Ginny yesterday," she started slowly. Harry's heart beat quickly. If Ginny was involved, this couldn't be good. "And she became really upset when I mentioned that we were, you know, involved."
Harry was trying to think of what to say. "Why would she be upset?"
"I don't know," she said looking down, "I guess she didn't expect one of her friends to date her ex."
"But she left me!"
"I know, Harry," she said, looking at him, "I know. I'm just worried about ruining our friendship if we keep this up."
Harry felt his heart sink. Really? He must not mean anything to Luna if she would end things over this.
"I really like you, Harry," she said, "but it doesn't seem like you want this to get serious, so..."
Harry didn't know what to say. He wanted to date her, but now that this was in the air, it seemed too late.
''Okay," Harry said quietly. His eyes were down and he could feel tears in his eyes. Once again he was alone.
"I'm sorry," Luna said sincerely. "I really hope this doesn't ruin our friendship. I just don't want things between us and the Weasley's to get sour."
Harry said nothing.
"And even Mrs. Weasley was acting strangely towards me," Luna said desperately. Harry didn't know what to think of that, but he didn't really care. What's the difference? They were done, and it was pretty damn short-lived.
Harry tried hard to pretend that everything was okay. Now that she had dropped the bomb, Harry just wanted Luna to leave. As Luna tried cajoling Harry by making small talk and trying to act casual, Harry thought of how badly he wanted to cut himself. It had been so long and it seemed so right at the moment. He dug his fingernails into his arm as he stood with his arms crossed on the opposite side of the kitchen from Luna. After about a half hour Luna seemed to finally get the clue. She kept giving him looks that seemed to plead with him, but announced that she would leave him to his day.
"Harry," she said, turning to him as she was about to walk out the door, "I really hope you don't stay angry with me. I just want everyone to be happy in the long run..."
Harry smiled at her and gave her a hug. "I'm not angry with you..."
She seemed happy with his answer and left leaving Harry alone. Harry went to his bathroom. He grabbed a razor from the shower and sat down on the toilet. He couldn't decide where to cut. Did he feel like cutting his arm, but have to make up a story about why it was there? Or should he cut his leg and not have to worry about it? Cutting his leg never felt quite as satisfying, but Kyle always asked too many questions...
As Harry pulled his pant leg up, anticipating the release, he heard a knock at the door.
"Hey dude!" Kyle was yelling. "What's good with you? I just saw Luna, she didn't look too good."
Harry had accidentally dropped the blade to the floor and was trying to snatch it up. His hands were shaking, fearing Kyle was going to try to bust in. He threw the blade in the tub and opened the door.
"What do you want?" Harry asked, annoyed.
"Geez!" Kyle scoffed, "I just wanted to ask if everything was all good with you and Luna. She walked right past me. I was like 'Hi!' and she sorta ignored me. I don't know if she, like, didn't hear me or somethin', but that would also mean she didn't see me-"
"I don't know!" Harry yelled over him, not in the mood to hear Kyle ramble. "She just told me she wasn't ever going to fuck me again..."
Kyle looked at him. "Really? Wha'd ya do wrong?"
"I-I don't know, really," he said, pushing past Kyle and sitting down on his bed. "She said Ginny was upset or something..."
"Ginny? Your ex?"
Harry nodded. "Well, what the hell is that about?" Kyle exclaimed. "She leaves you and expects you not to date any of her hot friends?"
"Luna is my friend just as much as she's Ginny's!"
"If I were you, Har, I would jump on this now! How can you let her do that?"
Harry said nothing. Kyle ran his hand through his hair. "C'mon, Harry, I hate seeing you all, like, upset. Just go to the Weasley's," he said, making the name sound gross, "and tell her, your not gonna deal with her shit! Especially if she ain't your damn girlfriend."
Harry looked at Kyle, but said nothing, just shook his head. He didn't know how to explain his feelings for Ginny without sounding like a pussy.
"Harry," Kyle said smiling, "if you don't go after Luna, I'ma date her."
Harry was silent for a moment. Kyle stood waiting for a response. Finally, Harry replied.
"I hear you, Kyle, I do. It's just a little more complicated than that. Her family...her family's sort of like..my family..."
"Okay, so dating your sister can get complicated..." Kyle said, laughing.
Harry rolled his eyes and stood up. He went back to the kitchen and took a beer out of the fridge. Kyle followed Harry into the room and opened a beer as well. Harry was pissed off, but oddly glad for Kyle's presence. Usually, Harry found Kyle annoying after a while, but he needed the company. The good thing about Kyle was that he was always on Harry's side.
"You want me to roll us a doob?" Kyle asked.
Harry smiled at Kyle, but shook his head. "No, thanks."
"Oh, c'mon," Kyle said as he watched Harry light up a cig.
"Not in the mood."
"You can't just let these girls walk all over you. They're making you crazy! You're fucking uptight as shit."
Harry glared at him, but knew he was right. He really should speak his mind. He began quickly drinking his beer. Maybe he could try to talk to Luna about how they could work through this. Or better yet, he could talk to Ginny about it. The thought scared Harry. What would he say?
"You sure you don't want the doob?" Kyle ripped Harry from his thoughts. Harry looked at him and shook his head.
"You think I should try to talk some reason into Ginny?"
"Yes, Har, yes," Kyle said, grabbing another beer. "Tell her not to meddle in your business anymore. She can't just emotionally blackmail your friend. Y'know, she's prolly just jealous of you two."
Harry doubted it, but couldn't think of why Ginny wouldn't be happy for him. She definately didn't want him would it hurt if he and Luna were together? Harry was weighing his options between losing Kyle and returning to the bathroom to self destruct or possibly going to the Weasley's and trying to fix things. Why was Mrs. Weasley upset? He hated when Mrs. Weasley was angry with him...
"Yo!" Kyle yelled. He was looking at Harry with wide eyes and a smirk. Harry's thoughts were disrupted as he turned his attention to Kyle.
"What?"
"You were fucking zoned out. I asked if you wanted to go out drinkin' or somethin'. I mean, look on the bright side, we're both still single..."
"You know what?" Harry said while getting another beer. "I think I'm going to visit her house and just say 'maybe you should just stay out of my business.' You know, you're right. I can't just have these girls decide what's going to happen in my life."
"I'm always right," Kyle agreed, lighting a cigarette for himself.
Later that night after several more drinks, Kyle went to Gemma's, leaving Harry to go to the Weasley's. He was relieved that Dean wasn't there as he entered the home. Harry worked through some small talk with Ginny's brothers and parents who were all there in the living room. Fleur was in the kitchen with Ron who was eating a late dinner. Harry asked where Hermione and Ginny were and was told that Ginny was upstairs somewhere and Hermione was at her parents house.
Trying not to seem too sketchy, Harry excused himself so that he could sneak upstairs. He felt comfortable with the situation considering how buzzed he felt. He would just have a civil conversation about what it means to be a friend and keeping personal boundaries. She'd probably understand how he felt and everything would be smooth again between everyone. As Harry saw her bedroom light on, but the door closed, his nerves shifted slightly. How would he start?
He knocked on her door. "Yes!" she yelled.
"It's Harry."
"Hold on!"
She opened the door and Harry was met with a very beautiful confused face. He was lost for words for a moment and could only flash a quick bright smile as he tried to shake his awkwardness.
"Hey."
"Hey," she said, looking at him with her brow furrowed, but a slight smile.
"What's going on with you, Gin?"
"Nothing. I was just reading. What's going on with you?"
"I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you...Just for a little bit..."
"You want to talk to me?"
"Well, yeah," he stammered, "about something.."
She moved back, inviting him into her room. She sat on her bed and he followed suit. Harry thought he was at least mildly drunk, but suddenly everything seemed very sober. She was turned towards him and was looking at him 'd have to just get to it then...
"So...I was talking to Luna earlier.." he said slowly, trying figure out what he was going to say as he said it, "...and she said you were sort of upset with her?"
She was taken slightly aback and didn't answer immediately.
"Well, I wasn't upset with her," she started, " I just...let her know how I felt about something."
"Well, what did you say?"
"That's not really your business, Harry," she said, annoyed. Harry's heartbeat quickened as he sensed a confrontation, however he hadn't come all the way over here to be pushed aside so quickly.
"I think it is. You messed something really great up for me," he replied.
She gave him a look he couldn't quite read. "It didn't sound so serious when she explained it to me."
"Ginny," Harry started in a voice he hadn't ever used with her, "this isn't something that's up to you to decide. I really like Luna and we should be able to take it as slow as we feel like. She's my friend, too!"
"Well, as her friend," Ginny said to Harry in the same tone, "you should know that she's in a fragile state. After everything with Neville, you shouldn't just start using her for casual sex."
Harry hadn't any idea what Ginny meant about Neville. He knew that they dated very briefly, but that was almost an entire year ago. He didn't want to inquire about what she was talking about and admit that he was, indeed, clueless about it all. In Harry's eyes, either way, Neville was sort of irrelavent.
"I'm not using her for anything. I didn't lure her in in any sneaky way," Harry said, insulted. "She was just as willing to be with me and we had a lot of fun. If she and Neville are done, then it's got nothing to do with me."
"She was very upset with everything that happened with them, Harry. Why would you want to jump into bed with someone who's still in love with someone else?"
"Why are you trying to make decisions for a grown woman?"
Ginny said nothing and didn't look at Harry. Harry couldn't believe that she was defending her actions.
"Ginny," Harry said pointedly, "you are not her mother. You have no right to confuse her just as much as Neville may have. All I am asking is for you to not meddle in my relationships."
Ginny looked up. "I'm not meddling in anything. When she came to me, she was looking for my opinion on something and all I did was be honest."
"She said you were upset. She said even your mum was acting different towards her. How can you expect her to do whatever she wants when you make her feel guiltly?"
"I didn't try to make her feel guilty. She came to her own conclusion."
"So you're trying to tell me you didn't say anything that you thought would make her feel she should stop dating me."
"From what she told me, you didn't even date. It's a bad idea to get feelings all mixed up. What if things didn't work out with you?"
Harry could barely believe what she was saying. "What the hell does it matter? She's a big girl, Ginny. She can decide whether or not she's ready for a relationship!" Harry had stood up and was almost yelling. "I can't have this Ginny! It's not fair. Why can't I be happy?"
"Why can't you be happy? Is Luna the only girl in the universe?"
"You're acting ridiculous! You know, Dean was my friend before you two started sneaking behind my back!" Harry wished he hadn't brought it up, but it was out of his mouth before he could stop it. She had a shocked and nervous look on her face.
"I didn't..we never...did that," she was stuttering as she tried to find words.
"Oh, God, Ginny," Harry said glaring, "don't even try lying about it now. I know you cheated with him. I think it was pretty fucking obvious to everyone. It doesn't even matter now. I want to move on and it's difficult when you bad mouth me to my friends!"
Ginny's face was bright red. "I wasn't bad mouthing you! I just told her that sometimes it's not the best idea to just sleep with someone you're not dating because feelings can get hurt and-"
"Oh so now you're worried about everyone's feelings, huh?"
"Harry," Ginny said, starting to sound apologetic, "please stop yelling. I'm sorry, okay? It weirded me out that you two were having sex all of the sudden and just a few months ago she was crying over another guy..."
"Why can't you ever worry about me? Do my feelings mean nothing? I was so happy when we starting seeing each other, you know? It's lonely when my girlfriend who I've known forever just dumps me! I have no family! I have no one! She came along and made me feel happy for the first time in a while and just like that it ends! It's over. And why? Because you feel like maybe she's be better off. That's bullshit!"
"Harry," Ginny yelled back, "I can say whatever I feel like to my friend. You can't dictate that! She wanted to know what I thought and I told her, okay? I didn't think she should start having sex with someone so quick because feelings can change. You two weren't dating, you were just wasting time. What if you left her like Neville and-"
"And what?" Harry yelled, cutting her off. "I'd do the same thing you did to me? Leave her in the dust for who ever is up next? No, Ginny! I wouldn't do that! I never would have done that! I know how it feels." With that he stormed out and slammed the door behind him. He stomped down the stairs, pissed off as all hell. What the hell was she thinking? She was being selfish. Harry figured her family must have heard them yelling. He walked right out the front door, not saying anything to anyone.
As soon as he was out the front door, he lit up a cigarette. He couldn't deal with crap like this. None of it made sense and it wasn't fair. He apparated home and immediately decided to roll up a reefer. Suddenly, he was in the mood. He was no longer sad, just pissed. He turned the TV on. Where the fuck was Kyle? He needed someone to vent to. He needed someone to tell him how to fix this mess. He lit the tip and took desperate hits, trying to rid himself of the demanding knots of anger in his belly. Finally, he felt the high and noticed his body relaxing. He was still upset, but it was no longer so urgent. His mind was cleared slightly as he thought of how he could talk some reason into Ginny. Luna seemed like a lost cause now. After seeing the look on her face that day, Harry just knew they probably would never be able to have the relationship he wanted.
Harry heard a knock on the door. Thank God, Kyle had finally came home. Harry stubbed the joint out, he was high enough. He swung the door open.
Ginny was standing outside. "Hi," she said. He noticed she had been crying.
"Hi," Harry said, he was taken aback, never expecting to see her here at his house.
"Can I talk to you?"
Thanks for reading! Please comment, I would love to hear your thoughts.