Previously on Talk to Me-
They both stood in silence for what seemed an age. Finally Harry seemed to make a move that Severus saw as a positive step. The boy sat on the sofa once more looking at him expectantly.
'Well,...' He thought to himself. "At least this might be a start..."
Chapter Eleven: Cuts from a World so Cold
Time ticked slowly as Harry sat on his Potions Masters sofa staring at the man in question. He didn't know what he was doing by still being there. He didn't really want to talk about his treatment from the Dursley's to anyone, let alone a man who he highly suspected to have once been in league with Voldemort. The man had done nothing but torment him and his friends for the last three years, and countless other students before them. But here he sat staring at the man waiting. Watching for some indication from the dour man about what was to come.
The Professor already knew, or had at least some of what Harry had endured. So what more was there to say, let alone discuss. He had already been told by Dumbledore that he had to remain in his relative care so what good was talking about their treatment going to do? Surely Snape realised that nothing was going to change, he only had to deal with the treatment for another four years and then he was going to be free of them for good. So what if they were rough and didn't feed him. It wasn't abuse... it was his due for being an unwanted burden and freak. He had blown up his Uncles sister for Merlins sake!
"Tea Potter?" Snape asked curtly breaking the silence in the room.
Harry was taken aback by the unfamiliar tone of his teacher. Severus Snape the great big bat of the dungeons being hospitable to Harry Potter. The thought alone was mind boggling.
"Uh um…" He was unsure of how to reply. He stared at his teacher dumfounded. What was he meant to say?
"It is a simple enough question, perhaps the simplest I have ever asked you." Snape said almost sneering, or was it closer to a smirk. Once more Harry was sure he was losing it, Snape didn't joke, least of all with him.
"Sure..." Harry replied hesitantly. He really didn't know what was going on. Maybe he was secretly dying and that was why Snape was being nice. He dismissed the thought almost as soon as it had come. If Harry was dying the Potions Master would be happy sure, but not nice.
Snape flicked his wand and a tray with tea and ginger snaps appeared on the coffee table in between them. Harry watched as his professor fixed himself a cup and began to nibble on the biscuit. He did not want to start this conversation, he had no idea where to even start.
"As I said Potter" Snape spoke, pausing in his nibbling. "We need to discuss what I saw."
Harry felt him self tensing and tried to relax his features. He could feel sweat beginning to pool in his palms and his fingers twitched to distraction. He reached forward and began to fix himself a cup of tea just to keep his hands busy.
"Whats there to discuss?" He said as he tried to calmly sip his tea in an attempt to look non perplexed by the topic.
Snape looked at him with his brows furrowed in annoyance. "The abuse Potter." He spoke bluntly.
"I'm not abused!" He hated that word and everything associated with it. Being abused meant that he was weak, that he was a victim. He was the Boy-Who-Lived son and heir to James Potter he couldn't be seen as too weak to stand up to a bunch of muggles.
"Call it what you will Potter, but a spade is still a spade. It does not make it any less abuse". His Potions Master replied nonchalantly now dipping a biscuit in his tea. "No matter what you wish to call it, I still require you to talk to me about it."
"Why?" Harry asked through narrowed eyebrows.
"Because you haven't sought help for the situation from those in a position to assist you" Snape sent him a searching look and Harry found himself avoiding the mans eyes.
"Why you?" He muttered darkly. "You only know cause you went poking in my head. I didn't ask you to stick you nose in my business." He didn't really care if he was being disrespectful, his head was spinning at the thought of the situation. Never would he has ever imagined sitting in Snapes quarter drinking tea with the man and having Snape seem to almost be concerned about him. Snape was scowling at him again. At least he knew that the man still disliked him.
"And you Potter were the imbecilic fool who made an oath without any stipulations before you spoke it!" Snape hissed out at him looking as though he was quickly loosing his patience with the Gryffindor.
"Well, you took advantage of the situation knowing I had no clue what was going to happen." Harry snarled back. It wasn't his fault that he had been thrown into the deep end of the wizarding world. He should have grown up knowing these things. Not left to rot, growing up ignorant of his world.
Snape seemed to smirk at him again a strange glint in his dark eyes. "I am the head of Slytherin Potter. I wanted answers and you gave me the opportunity only a fool would give up a practically gift wrapped opportunity."
"Yeah well..." Harry felt colour rising on his cheeks. He felt all the fool at that moment. "Why do you even care?" He bit out trying to shake some of his embarrassment for being played.
"That as I have already stated is my business." Snape drawled out staring at his fingers intently as if inspecting each digit.
"Yeah well it's my life..." Harry muttered lowly glaring at the man. "Why can't you just pretend you didn't see anything? He spoke more clearly and almost pleadingly.
"What would happen if it escalates Potter?" Snape said still looking at his long fingers. "You need to speak to someone if you wish for the abuse to stop."
Harry scowled at the man. He really hated that word and the man who saying it. "Whats it to you any who? You hate me."
"Would you have been inclined to inform anyone else before now, I would not be in the position to have to act." Snape simply replied. "For I doubt any of your little fan clubs would have allowed it to have continued if they had been fully informed of the abuse."
"Dumbledore and Mcgonagall already know they don't treat me right." Harry said shrugging. He had lost count of the amount of faux pas of Snapes he had made tonight.
"Would you care to elaborate on that." Snape leaned forward in his chair, his slender fingers on each hand clasping together.
"Well, my first few letters were addressed to the cupboard under the stairs for one." He stated as if it was the most obvious answer.
"You would be well informed if you had actually read Hogwarts a History that the letters are addressed magically. As there are hundreds of letters addressed each year none of the staff see the addresses that are written on each letter."
"Oh..." Harry really needed to read that book like Hermione kept nagging him to do. But he and Ron had made a bet who could go the longest before ever picking the book up, plus the perk of winding Hermione up when she had to tell them what was in it. "Even if I had gone to McGonag..."
"Professor Mcgonagall, Potter..." Snape interrupted. Looks like Harry had worn out his use of being disrespectful to his teachers.
"Yeah well Professor Mcgonagall wouldn't have listened anyway," he ducked his head again.
"Because she only sees your father?" Snape sneered that time.
"When does anyone see me and not see him..." Harry sneered back meeting his professors eyes coldly. "She didn't listen or believe anything I told her first year. Went to her about Malfoy, got told to not start fights with him. Went to her about the stone and that someone was trying to steal it and she didn't believe us." Harry looked thoughtful for a minute. "Okay we did believed it was you trying to steal it... but it didn't make our claim any less valid…"
"Indeed." Snape didn't seem happy that Him, Ron and Hermione had suspected him. But he didn't comment, he just sat there expectantly waiting for Harry to continue. "What of this cupboard?"
Harry let out a resigned sigh. Snape was not going to let him get out of talking about this. "What else is there to know sir? It is kinda self expiatory..." Snape quirked his eyebrow waiting for more of an explanation. "It's where I slept...till the letters started to come that is. Then they moved me to Dudley's second bedroom. Thought someone was watching the house."
Snape just stared at him silently. Harry hoped that he was just at a loss what to think at that and maybe he would just let it go. But a small niggling sensation, long ago squashed dreaded the thought of another adult dismissing his life at the Dursley's. He didn't want to admit his weakness least of all to a man that hated him.
"Was what I saw in you mind a regular occurrence?"
Harry shrugged at the question. He still didn't feel comfortable with discussing this. "It was common enough I guess when I was getting punished mostly." Sighing Harry sat back on the couch his cup of tea getting cold in his hands.
"What were you punished for?"
"You know not getting my chores done, dawdling and ruining stuff, you know normal stuff." Harry muttered looking everywhere but a his professor.
"Slightly burning a meal?" Snape offered snidely fixing Harry with a knowing look. "I would not call that an occasion to beat a child of what..." He paused sizing Harry up. "Four, perhaps five."
Harry glared at his professor once more. Snape wasn't going to let him get away with half answers. He had seen Melin knows how much in his head. Harry only recalled half of what memories had been stirred up before he had shoved the worst into the recesses of his mind. He let of an irritated noise and looked Snape in the eyes. "I was a freak. They got lumped with them and was an unwanted burden. I did freaky things and messed up their perfectly normal life."
"And what is a freak Mister Potter?" Snape leaned back and continued to study his student as though he was some volatile potions ingredient.
"Me" Harry stated back as though it was the most obvious answer in the world. He felt a prickling in his eyes as Snape held eye contact. As his teacher stared at him, Harry felt for the first time that the man was actually seeing him and he felt something shift between them.
Snape had frowned at his answer a foreign emotion dancing in the dark orbs.
"How long" The man spoke softly which itself was unsettling, but it was the darkness behind the words that sent shivers down Harry's spine.
"I don't know a while." Harry dropped the eye contact once more at the power resonating of the man.
"How long do you remember being treated as such?" Snape gritted out. Harry now could tell the mans anger was not directed at him, though it did not stop him feeling unsettled by the sheer rawness of the emotion.
"For as long as I remember, maybe longer." Harry spoke barely above a whisper. He felt like anything he said would set of some unknown explosive in the Potions Master. He felt weak and scared, he was sure that Snape must be looking at him like the pathetic freak he was, not even able to have saved himself from a bunch of muggles. In an attempt to convince his Potions teacher, or perhaps maybe more him self he added. "It's not so bad now. Since starting Hogwarts I mean, they ignore me mostly unless I do something too freaky around them."
"Elaborate if you would?" Snape was gazing more forcibly at him now, and Harry could feel that familiar pressure in his head. He gathered all his thoughts and stray memories and forced them into his cupboard as he always did when people started asking questions. His felt his face smoothing over as he pulled up one of his masks.
"I'd rather not..." Harry muttered. "It really isn't that bad now."
"Don't. Lie. To. Me." Snape emphasised each word.
"I didn't have to let you know anything to begin with" Harry bit back. He really wanted this conversation to stop.
"Then... Pray tell why you did. If you as you said didn't want anyone to know..." Snapes voice had gone back to silky calm as he spoke. He was still studying Harry intently.
Harry shrugged despite knowing how it irked the man. His head was raking over the reasons he had. It hadn't started as intentional, but slowly as Snape had been trying to put the pieces together Harry had been letting his guard slowly fall around Snape. He still count explain it. Not in words as such, it was just something about his professor that made him feel it was safe to do so. It was like some long ago forgotten sense, that was so familiar yet so foreign. That maybe deep down Snape would protect him.
Harry raised his eyes to look at Snape once more. His thick dark hair hung over his face, just obscuring his sight. He didn't know how to word why he had let Snape in. He voiced that answer. "I don't know..." His voice full of uncertainty and emotion. "Cant we just leave it. There isn't any point to this. I've got to go back there."
"Because how they obviously treat you is not right." Snapes voice was low laced with emotion. "Something has to change, and it won't if you keep protecting them."
"I'm not protecting them!" Harry snapped. "Look just leave it. I'm safe enough if Dumbledore keeps sending me back." His voice sounded as if he was trying to convince himself.
"Professor! Dumbledore is not all seeing Potter." Snape snapped back in his booming baritone. "The headmaster cares for you and if he knew it was more than just some family squabble he would want to intervene. So no Potter I will now leave this alone."
"Fine!" Harry bit out his head was swirling with the confusion of the entire conversation and with whom he was having it with. "What else do you have to know?" He just wanted this over.
"How did you get the scars on your back?"
"I don't know accidents." It was a partial truth, half the scars he had gotten from a flogging were a jumbled blur filled with black outs.
"Caused by your relations?" Snape sent of another question.
Harry shrugged. "Some of them..." at Snapes raised brow he amended. "Ok most of them. Uncle Vernon just gets carried away if he is really mad. He forgets how big he is compared to me."
"Stop. Making excuses for them." Snape roared out as he stood over Harry. "Hagrid is five times the size of you and do you see him being too 'rough' when he interacts with students?"
Harry felt small as his teacher stood over him radiating anger. "I'm not," he managed to whimper out.
"You were abused!" Snape started firing of statements.
"I'm not abused."
"Yes, you were Potter! You were abused!"
"I'm not." Harry tried to argue back weakly. Each time he said he wasn't abused Snape would say he was the conversation wasn't going anywhere.
"Punishments such as I saw was not justified for over cooking a meal!" Snape stressed out to him. "It is not normal to live in a cupboard! No one Potter, and I mean not a single living being deserve to be treated in such a way. That is not normal Potter, you did not deserve it." Snape spoke evenly trying to finally get Harry to admit to the abuse.
But Harry wants having any of it. Summoning some of his Gryffindor courage he yelled at his professor. "They don't like me all right! They hate me and didn't want me. I should be grateful that they even kept me and didn't ship me off to some orphanage or let me on the street!"
"Is that what they have told you?" Snape was simmering in anger now. "That you deserve to be treated as such because they had a one point the decency to take in their orphaned nephew? Dislike of a being is not reason to abuse them."
Harry mumble under his breath that it hadn't stopped Snape. By Snapes hard look it was clear that he heard the comment. But for the sake of staying on topic ignored it. Harry wasn't sure if he sound be happy about that outcome.
"Did they punish you in any normal way Potter?" Snape was clearly trying to reign in his temper again.
"Uh…" Harry paused in thought. "I got stuff taken off me, toys, food clothes you know that sort of stuff or they sent me to the cupboard." He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. He didn't see any of this as such a big deal, it wasn't like he had much to begin with.
Snape looked startled as he mentioned his cupboard again. The dark eyes narrowed in thought as he began to pace in front of the mantel. Silence once more fell in the room, the only sound from some distant clock and the click of the Potions Masters heavy boots.
"You do realise that none of what you have described is normal Potter?" Snape finally spoke turning and facing Harry.
"When is anything normal about me?" Snapes lip seemed to spasm at that. "Look Sna..Sir I am fine there. Aunt Petunia stops anything before it gets to bad."
"Irreversible you mean." The statement was as dark as Snape himself.
"They hate me, they don't want to kill me or worse cripple me. Then they'd be stuck without someone to do the chores." Harry tried to joke, but Snape wasn't having it.
"Ever heard the term manslaughter Potter? They might not intend to kill you but as the muggles say accidents happen."
"They wouldn't okay as I said Aun..."
"Stop defending them Potter! Oh I am sure Petunia steps in at the last moment. When you are pale from blood loss and before she looses her little slave. But I doubt she does it for any other reason than to not face the clean up." Snapes voice was laced with malice and anger. His body was now radiating the raw magic carried in the emotions. Harry watched in panic, forgetting how Snape had spoken as though he knew his aunt personally, as the shelves lining the wall began to shake.
He had felt something like this before. The dark tainted taste in the air as the uncontrolled magic crackled in the air. Somewhere behind the man a sharp crack sounded as a something glass shattered in the static. Harry felt scared as he stared up his teacher, his green eyes shinning in fear.
Suddenly the tide of magic disappeared as though in a vacuum as Snapes obsidian orbs focused on Harrys Emerald depths. The Potions Master seemed remorseful of the lack of control Harry had witnessed but he did not voice an apology. Nor did Harry ever expect to hear one from him.
"Look sir, I'm not defending them. How they treat me isn't how normal people are treated. I get that, I do." He looked pleadingly at his teacher. His eyes still bright from fear. "I worked that out years ago. But what choice do I have?"
Snape looked at Harry with a look that could be mistaken for pity. "You have the choice to speak up and have the situation changed."
Harry looked Snape right in the eyes a memory in the forefront of his mind. His face felt heavy from the memory. "I tried once." He spoke softly remembering every detail of the event. "In Primary. Must have been seven. There was a teacher Miss Wright." He smiled at the thought of his old teacher.
She had been a lot older that his aunt, early fifties easily, but she was more attractive than Petunia. She had something about her so worldly, he eyes looked as though they had seen wonders untold. She was always kind to Harry; like she thought that he was something special. She had encouraged him in science and history and because of that he had developed a love for both subjects. She had been the first teacher to voice on her concerns for him — and it was because of that she had lost her job.
Snape seemed to be waiting for him to continue as he came out of his thoughts. "She noticed things about me, nervous ticks and stuff she called them. Little things really..." He frowned a little at what had happened. "Well, she went to the principal about it, but the Dursley's are well respected in the community see. When they looked into it, there was no proof. I healed quick, and what was left no one could see." He gave a self deprecating smile at that. "Was the one thing my relatives liked about my freakishness I guess? So with no proof the Dursley's had her run out of the school, telling everyone I was a nasty little liar and after that none of the teachers were game to say anything. I was too much trouble."
He fell into silence once more lost in the dark memories of the days, weeks and years after that incident. He learnt his lesson for it too. He had felt so alone after Miss Wright left. Dudley's bullying got worse and the other students started in on him. None of the teachers would do anything to help him. At home things had been worse. Vernon had not let him forget what he had almost cost them for three months after. He found his hand drifting to a scar on his left rib. The reminder of the first time he felt the buckle end of a belt.
"What of when you arrived at Hogwarts?" Snapes voice floated to him over the fog of foul memories, clearing it for now.
Harry let his shoulders drop. He was starting to feel tired again, the constant swirling of memories he wished forgotten weighing him down. He had wanted at one stage upon entering Hogwarts someone who could help him. But he knew he had to find the right person, one who would not be swayed by the Dursley's. He had been disappointed when he discovered from the whispers who that teacher was...
"Look, they aren't going to kill me. I haven't got much choice. Its them or leftover followers of Vol..." He paused as Snape scowled. "Voldie. So what if they rough me up, they aren't going to kill me."
Snape shot him a dark look, Harry could still see the anger in his dark eyes. "I am the head of Slytherin Potter. The house which sees more cases of abuse than you would care to know. Many were discovered to late. Some of those cases were no where near the level of abuse I suspect you have faced. Do you want to end up like that Potter." He took the taken back look in Harrys eyes as answer enough. "Than you need to speak up and end the abuse!"
"Can you stop calling it that, I hate that word." Harry was really getting tired of denying it. He was feeling emotionally drained. He felt worse than from waking from his nightmares. "Just drop it Snape, my situation isn't like those cases. No one is in my situation."
"I am you teacher Mister Potter and you will show me respect." Snape growled out of him "Why won't you tell anyone."
"I already told y..." Harry tried to speak.
"Try again Potter" The Potions Master went back to a calmer tone. "Why don't you want anyone to know!" Snape fixed him with a stern look.
Harry had not expected this approach to the topic. What was Snape expecting to get out of it? What was even the answer? Did he, Harry even have an answer to give? His thoughts drifted to memories of the last three years. First entering the Leaky Cauldron with Hagrid. The dozens of witches and wizards swamping over in. The reactions of each person he met and how they all looked at him with something akin to awe as they expected so much. The disappointment in each of his teachers eyes as he showed no advance skill in his subjects, barely holding a candle to his parents. The praise from when he excelled and their disdain when he didn't meet the perfect image.
"No one wants a broken hero," He finally spoke.
"You are a thirteen year old wizard Potter you aren't some hero..." Snape drawled out. "And despite your reckless antics of the last two years it isn't for you to save the world"
"Someone had to do something" Harry said unhappily.
"It is still not up to you to play hero" Snapes words were firm but not harsh.
"You think I don't know that!" Harry snapped out. "but its them" He gestured to the entrance of the room. Trying to imply the world outside the dungeon quarters. "They all look at me and expect me to be something great, something special and I'm not. I'm just Harry..."
"They..." Snape repeated Harry gesture. "Are mindless fools.
"Doesn't change the fact they have me on some stupid pedestal that I can't live up to." Harry muttered angrily. "Till I was eleven I was nothing, no one saw me as anything but a freak. Then I find out I'm a wizard and everything changed. Since then everyone looks at me and see some stupid tittle that they gave me, for something I don't even remember. Then when they look past all that; all they see my father." Harry felt a sting in his eyes, he rubbed his eyes trying to make it look like he was battling fatigue than the emotions trying to leak out.
"After the stuff with the stone..." he let out a defeated sigh. "It was clear that Voldie was still out there and that everyone expects that I'm going to expected to be the one who stops him again. Sometimes I kinda figured thats why he sends me back you know, Dumbledore that is. To toughen me up." Harry stared intently at his teacher daring him to dispute Harry's claim. But Snape just stared back not quite making eye contact. It answered enough to Harry.
"Everyone expects me to live up to that tittle. Everything I do is being watched and when I do something that isn't that golden image I'm persecuted... Look at last year everyone thought I was the next dark lord or something." Harry laughed bitterly. "as I said sir no one wants a broken hero..."
"Are you broken?" Snapes voice held some unspoken emotion as he finally looked at Harry again.
"Feel like it sometimes. I'm a freak here and a freak in the muggle world. I get so tired of it all, trying to be what everyone wants to see. No one really sees what they don't want to see. Sometimes I feel like just giving up on it all." Harry felt a slight weight lifting as he spoke. He started to feel tired.
"Do you feel suicidal?" Harry was taken aback by that question, why would Snape think that, then he remembered Snape would have seen how he sat with his leg over the side of the Astronomy tower.
He laughed at the thought. "No sir, I'm too much a coward to for that. Besides it's too selfish. Hermione and Ron wouldn't be able to understand it. I'd feel too guilty any who. I've got to be brave and strong all the time... But sometimes. It just gets to hard... the pressure its gets to much. I feel so weak letting it all getting to me" Snape was looking at him expectantly as though there was more he wanted to hear Harry confess. Harry was really feeling the exhaustion, both mentally and physically.
"You are not weak Potter. If you can still get up after they have knocked you down than you are not broken." Snapes gaze softened.
"Its worse this year," Harry confessed. "The Dementors, when they are around it all comes back. I can hear it all in my head." Snape didn't need to have Harry voice what the 'all' was. It was as close to Harry admitting the abuse as he was going to get that night. "There is so much screaming and pain and it doesn't fully go away. Then when I close my eyes... I can't escape it."
TtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtMTtM
Severus Snape knew he wasn't going to get anything more from Potter that night. The boy looked on the verge of exhaustion. It wasn't surprising given the emotion strain of the conversation; and if the boy was having such horrid nightmares every night, it was no wonder the boy had such bags under his eyes.
He looked thoughtfully at the boy behind his mask of indifference. This was his Lily's child and he had suffered more than man twice his age. Those deep green eyes so like his mothers were aged beyond their years. Pain and suffering etched into the depths. The strain of emotions brighting the green in an unsettling way. An Avada Kedavra green. Death green. It was a terrifying sight to behold. Lily's eyes should never hold such a haunting look.
He regretted how he had lost control of his magic in front of the child. He had felt overwhelmed with him emotions of injustice and protectiveness for the boy… After his own history and seeing the horrors hidden in his own house he had low tolerance for child abusers and hearing their victims believe they deserved the treatment pushed his tempers to boiling point. To have heard his precious Lily's child defend the monsters that had hurt him had broken his collective nature. The pull of the vow screamed at him to do something, anything to save the child from them.
But how, Dumbledore would not budge on the boys placement until he was convinced there was no other option. Severus feared that by time his mentor saw reason it would be too late they would have lost the boy. Either to the dark as other abused students before him had, or more mercifully to death. He would fight till his dying breath to avoid either fate for the child. He needed to talk to the headmaster; but even if they intervened in Harry's home life more needed to be done to help the child before the summer.
The fact that Harry would not willingly admit to himself that it was abuse was troubling. The nightmares and the effects of the Dementors were worrying. The boy needed emotional support, but who was there to give him that support. He ruled Albus and Minerva out from the start. Harry obviously didn't trust them knowing, and the child was oblivious to them even knowing. No, he didn't see the boy opening up to them.
Poppy was an option but Harry felt let down by her. Fillius and Pomona had not dealt with cases of severe abuse and would not know how to deal with it. The other staff did not have enough report with Potter for the child to trust them to talk to. Hagrid was too much a bleeding heart and would just make the boy feel guilty by blubbering over the boy, probably claiming fault in Harrys situation. That left Lupin...
That was entirely out of the question in his opinion. Lupin had already let the child down in his self absorbed mourning over the Potter's and Pettigrew's death and Blacks betrayal. If the wolf had kept in contact with the child all of this may have been prevented. Besides he was sure that the wolf was in league with Black, or at east knew something of how the bastard was still at large. He couldn't risk Harry getting close to the mutt. Guilty until proven innocent.
That left him. Oddly enough he was not as averse to the idea as he thought he would be. He felt responsible for helping the boy, more than the vow it was almost a parental feeling. He gazed at the boy in front of him with his dark hair framing his face. For the first time he really looked at the Potter scion and saw the boy as he was. A small child that was in pain and not the son of James Potter. He did look like Potter Senior. The dark hair always a mess, and those unsightly spectacles. But there was more. His face was narrower than his fathers, more angular and yet familiar somehow. His cheekbones and nose were of his mother to add to her emerald eyes.
'He should have been mine.' His mind offered as some long forgotten presence long repressed wanting to surface as he looked in those green depths. The scars on the child were deep and still bleeding in pain and he would do anything to heal those marks. First thing was to help the boy to deal with those memories so those damed wraiths would not cause him so much pain.
He had considered teaching the boy to produce even a non corporeal patronus, but given the boys health he decided it would be too much. No, it would be smarter in the long run to have the boy build up some sort of defence, perhaps the bare basics of occlumency.
"Potter you are to return here twice a week for us to further discuss this, and I might have a way to help ease the effects of the Dementors." He stated to the boy who despite his fatigue looked hopeful, the emotion warming the cold green eyes.
"Thank you Sir," Potter looked at him with a hesitant smile, but there was still distrust. Obviously the boy had been let down enough times by those who offered assistance. "But you don't have too, really I'll be fine."
"It is for me to decide what I offer not for you to question Potter. I still have questions about you home situation and as I already stated the situation needs intervention," or your removal. Were the words left unsaid. But Severus did not make promises the he could not keep. "Now I believe that it is almost curfew, you are to return to you dormitory and go straight to bed."
Potter looked down at an old grimy watch on his wrist his eyes shot up with alarm. "Hermione's going to kill me," Potter muttered. He was going to break that habit Severus swore to himself.
Severus stood and ushered the boy to do the same and walked him back through to the classroom. "You may tell your friends and whoever else asks that you served detention for wondering outside without a teacher. I will inform your head of house as to where you have been." He handed a small vial of a sleeping draught laced with a calming solution to the boy. Potter looked sceptically at the potion. At least the boy was smart enough to not just take any potion offered to him.
"It is a sleeping draught with a calming solution" he explained. "As you should know if you paid attention in my lessons." He sneered half heartedly at the child. "Dreamless sleep is an addictive mixture, this will aide you in a peaceful slumber for tonight."
Potter nodded his head. "Expect a detention twice a week from me Potter, to continue this chat. Now go and straight to sleep. And be warned I will know if you do not." Once the boy was out the door he closed it and once more warded it.
His head was spinning over what had been discovered in the hours he had questioned the boy. How the boy was not more bitter was a miracle in its self. Severus really felt he needed a drink, but he needed a clear head to process what he had learnt.
He had been unable to dispute the child's claims over the rumours from the year previous. That the Golden Child of Gryffindor was a parslemouth was still an oddity to the Potions Master. He himself had briefly wondered the year prior if Potter should have been in his house. But the boys headstrong and willingness to endanger himself squashed the possibility in his mind. Potter was no more a Snake than Severus was a Lion.
Most troubling was Harry's belief that he was nothing more than a pawn in some unknown game being played by the headmaster. He could see how the child could have come to that uninformed conclusion. But Severus knew how much the headmaster cared for Potter, he would not wish the child harm no matter what the boy was prophesied to do. Albus Dumbledore was prone to playing chess with peoples lives but nothing was worth more to the Chief Warlock than Harry Potters happiness. But then again Dumbledores constant belief in the greater good tended to blur the lines of what was right and what needed to be done. How many lives had been meddled with for the 'Greater Good'?
Severus was still seething that the great man had over sighted Potters placement. Too have left monitoring of the boy to a squib had been just asking for trouble. Now the boys omission of his treatment and how he believed that Dumbledore had wanted him 'toughened up' ready to face the Dark Lord. He could feel his angers swelling at the thought of how those green eyed had looked broken as he spoke of he felt abandoned by the Headmaster. He turned on abruptly and headed to the hearth. He felt out of his depth and he wanted to make someone else suffer it with him.
Severus stepped gracefully from the floo as he always did with not a speck of ash on him. As soon as he had taken a step Dumbledore called out of to him.
"Ah Severus my boy, this is most unexpected, but not unwelcome I assure you." Albus Dumbledore smiled at him as he descended his spiral staircase that led to his personal chambers. That damn twinkle in his electric blue eyes. "To what do I owe this pleasure at such an hour?"
Severus mentally cursed him and the eccentric blue robes with purple and gold tassels, and that damn twinkle. Each failing that Albus Dumbledore had ever had that had led to this moment.
"What pleasure do you think there is to be had Albus!" Severus bit out. "Your Golden boy is well on the path of darkness if things don't change soon!"
"What do you mean Severus?"
"Not only is Harry bloody Potter neglected and abused by those poor excuses of organisms but they have the boy beaten into truly believing that he deserves their fabulous care. Tell me Albus how did you envision your perfect little boy to be. Strong and confident the perfect image for the light because I can tell you now if something is not done soon he will eventually loose all faith in our side."
"Harry would not go dark Severus…"
"Are you certain about that have you seen the pain in his eyes. Think old man of the last two boys who came to you because they were being abused by those in charge of their care, how well did that turn out for you."
"You came back my boy..."
"But can you put your faith that Potter would do the same?"
"The prophecy says..."
"It says that he has the power to vanquish the Dark Lord! It does not say that he will." Severus was fuelled by his own memories of when Albus had not listened to him. When would the man learn? He was dumbfounded that such a powerful wizard would hold such stock in a prophecy, told by a woman that had a less than stellar record. She had predicted the death of one student a year since starting her post, and not one of those students had met their end yet. The art of Divination was such a fickle form of magic at best. The hall of prophecy was testament to the amount that never came toto pass. Nothing was set in stone on the web of life.
"The boy is in pain caused by muggles, how easy would it be for him to turn that pain into hate as many in his predicament have done before him. The Dark Lord was not born a killer." Severus tried to stress his point.
"It will not come to that. Harry's ability to love is his greatest strength" Albus tried to reason. "He is much like his parents in that way. He will do anything to protect the ones he loves."
"Have you gone senile. Love is not going to make his past any less horrific. That type of pain he feels seeps inside you festering like an untreated wound. He feels isolated. He is filled with questions that no one can or wants to answer as to why he has been left there"
"It was the only safe place for him go Severus. The situation at the time made any other location to place the child dangerous for any involved. Lily's sacrifice..."
"Do not speak of her sacrifice!" Severus was sick of the old mans feeble attempts to sooth his anger. "She would be horrified to know that her sacrifice left her child in a home where he is not loved nor wanted. Where he is starved and beaten for being a wizard. Do you know he feels that you want him there as some sick twisted training?"
Severus sent a scathing look at the Headmaster. The bright blue eyes with that darn twinkle faltered at his question. He almost felt a twinge of sympathy towards his mentor, but the seething anger at how Lily's child had been left in such a predicament eclipsed that emotion.
TtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtMTtmTtM
"Severus you must know that is not true." Albus looked sadly at his Potions Professor, who looked at him with cool indifference. Albus let out a sigh. He had let his two boys down and was at a loss to what to do. "The blood wards were needed to protect him."
The man in front of him had led such a hard life as it was. Many saw him as a heartless man, an Ex Death Eater who had killed mercilessly. But Albus was one of the few who the dark man had let his mask down for. He was a man with high morals and integrity. He loved deeply and would fight till he could no more to protect the ones he loved. Sacrificing his own happiness if it would give them a chance at survival. He had protected the lives of so many during the war often with the risk of exposure as a double agent.
His intelligence and wit left little to chance with each calculated move he made. He did not often act on presumptions, though he was a man driven by his emotions just as much as the next. There were so many layers to Severus Snape that Albus worried that no one would see him for the man he was inside, intact the only people he believed to see past the cold exterior were himself and Lily Potter nee Evans.
"You should have checked on him." Severus's dark eyes were colder than steel as he looked at him. "I can only hope that you feel the shame of your decision. That child has a thorn inside him and it will eat at him unless something is done. Find away to fix this Albus, that child puts to much faith in you to fail him again."
Without waiting for a dismissal nor response the Potions Master had swept out of the office and down the spiral staircase. Albus sat behind his mahogany desk and for once in a very long time he was at a loss to what to say. He felt the shame of his actions regarding Harry. He had made a promise to himself after Severus had confided in him the treatment he had suffered under Tobias to never again allow another to suffer in such a way. But he had, and it would cost him dearly. He felt a twist in his gut at his guilt. He cared deeply for both Harry and Severus, more than both of them were aware. But the only immediate solution to protect Harry came at a cost and one he was not sure he was willing to make. It was one that he should have revealed at the end of the war as he had been charged to do by Lily. To come clean now he could loose what fragile trust his boys had left in him.
'How has it come to this in such a way?' He mussed to himself. The pain of the father has repeated in the son. How he wished rewind and do it over, to have spared Harry such a life of suffering. He finds that he is still staring at the spot where Severus had stood moments before. The man had sold his soul in order to protect the one he loved and had lost it all before he knew what it had included. Lily had wanted him to know in the event that something happened to her or James; but Albus in seeing how heartbroken Severus had been after her death felt he couldn't put the knowledge on the mans already burdened shoulders.
As time progressed Albus found informing Severus became more and more difficult. After witnessing the animosity both Harry and Severus had fostered in the last three, he felt that it was perhaps for the best he did not tell them. There had been many times though over the years, seeing the loneliness in Severus that he had wanted to speak but failed to do so.
He had made his jokes bordering on telling Severus over the last few years when the man spoke of Harry's stubbornness and similarities to his father. Severus did not know that each time he called Harry 'Prince Potter' how close he was to the mark. As he had told Severus that evening; Harry was very much like his parents.
He looks over at Fawkes questioning the phoenix of what should be done. Fawkes does not answer, he never does, but a knowing look in the birds eyes tell him what he needs to know. He reaches into the draw to his desk and pulled out three letters. Maybe it is time for them to be read and with some hope he might be redeemed for the past.
AUTHORS NOTE:
Thank you for your continued support of this story. The notifications of follows favourites and reviews have been amazing! Happy Australia Day to all my Aussie readers for the other day.
Not much else to write here this time. Still looking for Beta and you all continue being awesome.
Chapter 12: Letters and Trust