Author's Note: I'm back in the swing of things, everyone! I hope I didn't lose you all after the looooooong wait. It's finally time to get back to the Tower for your daily dose of hijinks!

…..

Why it is Wise to Housebreak Your Master Assassins

Tony was the first to wake, as per the norm. He rubbed his eyes blearily, rolled out of bed, and rode the elevator down to the common floor in search of breakfast to satisfy his gurgling stomach. As the billionaire shuffled down the carpeted hallway, he noticed the brown coffee stain on the floor from last Christmas and idly pondered his sad lack of cleaning robots. Eventually Tony reached the kitchen, and headed straight for the cupboard in which he kept his Frosted Flakes. He simultaneously pulled both the box and an empty bowl down from the shelf, and placed them on the counter while he retrieved the milk and a spoon. To his disappointment, only a single flake of cereal went tumbling out of the box when it was tipped over the bowl, and made Tony grimace when it clattered around the porcelain. Sighing, he opened the cupboard again and saw a box of Cheerios at the back, which seemed better than nothing. The yawning billionaire dragged the box out of the cupboard and all but upended it over his bowl. Along with the cascade of falling cereal, a 9mm pistol slid out of the box and into the dish, getting covered up by a few more Cheerios until Tony finally snapped out of his surprised trance.

"What the-" he grunted, shoving aside some cereal to look at the gun. "What?"

Just then, Steve wandered in from down the hall, only to stagger to a halt as he did a double take at the offending item in Tony's breakfast.

"Tony..?"

"I don't even know."

Choosing to ignore the ever-growing weirdness that was his life, Tony simply picked the pistol up and deposited it on the counter, and continued to make his cereal like nothing had happened. Steve shrugged to himself and went to get a glass of orange juice, half-wondering if he would find throwing knives hidden amongst the cheese. Bruce arrived a short time after that, seeking coffee and anything edible.

"Hey Tony," he said, placing the filter into the machine. "This light above the counter is burnt out. Tell me where the new bulbs are and I'll change it."

"It has been for a long time, but I keep forgetting to do it," the billionaire looked up from his Cheerios, a small dribble of milk running down his chin. "Uh… check the cupboard on the left of the fridge. I think that's where the spare ones are."

"I got it," Steve said, who was already standing at said appliance.

He opened the door to the cupboard, scanning the shelves for light bulb boxes. The first one he opened was full of bullets, as was the second one. Feeling distinctly confused, Steve placed them on the counter beside the pistol, and continued to search for a new bulb. When he finally found one, he handed it to Bruce, who put down his steaming mug of coffee in order to unscrew the old bulb. He reached up towards the socket and felt around for the burnt out light, but instead his hand closed around heavy and rectangular. The doctor removed the mystery object and brought it out into the open, revealing its true identity as a Taser.

"Why is this here?" he exclaimed to no one in particular.

Tony shrugged at the same time as Steve, and pointed at the growing pile of weaponry. "Just put it over there with the other stuff. We have no idea where it's coming from."

"And it doesn't worry you?" Bruce asked incredulously.

"Nah. There's usually a good explanation for the things that go on around this place."

A large but muffled thud came from the hallway, followed by the sound of Thor… being Thor.

"This rug has been most disrespectful to me, my friends," he declared huffily, dragging the offending rug into the middle of the kitchen. "It has thrown a prince of Asgard to the ground and must be punished."

Steve clapped a hand to the god's shoulder and guided him to a barstool. "Take it easy there, buddy. You get a little unreasonable when you're flustered."

"You also start talking Shakespearian again." Tony added as a side note.

"Look at this, guys." Bruce said, holding the carpet up backwards. There was thick black material velcroed to the underside of the rug, seeming like it really didn't belong there. "Are these bullet-proof vests?"

Tony took a closer look and nodded. "They sure are. Stark Industries-made, which is fine but weird…"

"Seriously," Steve agreed.

The four vests were added to the counter beside the Taser, bullets and 9mm. There were no throwing knives, but Steve did find a few throwing stars taped to the back of curtains above the sink. Those were dropped onto the pile as well. By the time the four men had finished actively looking for more mysterious weapons, there were two grenades on the counter, as well as a steel baton, three .45 glocks and several magazines, the dagger that was stuck to the side of the toaster, five odd cans of pepper spray, two gas masks and really? a pair of brass knuckles.

"Okay, how the hell did this stuff get here?" Tony muttered.

"This is most puzzling," Thor decided. "Perhaps Clint and Natasha may know the source of these weapons."

The kitchen was silent until Bruce slapped himself in the forehead. "We live with two S.H.I.E.L.D.-trained assassins! Of course there are weapons hidden everywhere."

Steve looked thoughtful and then nodded in unison with Tony. "Clint and Nat are a bit paranoid at times," the Captain conceded. "I guess they just want to make sure that all their bases are covered."

"But why my kitchen?" the billionaire groaned.

"Because we wanted to make sure that you dipshits would be safe," Natasha said, striding into the room with a smirk playing on her lips. "You're welcome."

Clint entered the kitchen behind her, and looked dismayed at seeing all of his stuff lying out on the counter. "Guys! Do you know how long it took us to hide all that stuff?" he sunk into a chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

Natasha leaned on the counter next to him and picked up the dagger, turning it over in her hands. "You missed the remote-activated smoke screen that's hidden in the ceiling light."

Tony dragged a hand over his face and grinned. "I told you there had to be something up there, Bruce."

The doctor shrugged. "So I was wrong. It's been known to happen."

"You know," Clint interrupted. "As soon as you're all gone, me and Nat are going to hide all of that stuff again."

"I figured." Steve replied, laughing. "I'm going to work out, if anyone wants to join."

Thor got up to follow him. "I would enjoy a good rematch of the week before last's training session, Captain."

As the two of them left, Bruce took his coffee and went into the living room to watch TV. Tony turned towards Clint and Natasha and watched as they pawed through their miniature armoury. He huffed and rolled his eyes good-naturedly, because if those two ridiculous assassins wanted to waste their time protecting this bunch of weirdos… well more power to them. He left to join Bruce in watching Friends, but not before leaving Natasha and Clint with a few parting words.

"No more guns in my cereal."

…

Author's Note: Relatively short, but there you go! More on the way soon :)