Every Day is Exactly the Same
Chapter Ten: Hesitation
Wesley didn't consider himself a good man. He couldn't. Not after everything he'd done; after all the people he'd killed. It didn't matter that they'd been killers. It didn't matter that he was saving his own life by taking theirs.
It was still taking a life.
He could remember a time when just the thought of a simple confrontation with a cheating girlfriend and a lying best friend would have sent him into convulsions. He could remember a time when just the thought repulsed him.
And then he remembered his first kill.
He remembered the thrill that coursed through him as he moved away on the train with Fox at his side.
And he remembered how easily killing came to him after that. All of the struggle, the hesitation, the doubt, that came before had vanished.
Until Cross.
He'd found out later how many people had been sent after Cross. But he could have just chalked that up to Sloane not wanting to let someone who knew his secret live. They'd hounded him until they got Wesley strong enough to take him on.
And it was that hesitation that changed his life for the second time in just over a month. It was that hesitation that made him realize people he had trusted had lied to him; had used him.
It was the reason he did what he did.
And the reason his life changed for a third time.
He'd taken it easy. He'd kept just under the radar to avoid suspicion. He'd lived a quiet life. Had gone back to the crappy life he'd lived before the Fraternity had taken over his life. Wesley worked and slept; avoided getting too close to anyone. He harmlessly flirted with Ashley. He went out with co-workers; allowing them to believe he was just as normal as they were.
Hell, sometimes even he began to believe his own lie.
Then the Fraternity had found him. He was honestly surprised it had taken them this long. It wasn't like he was hiding, really. He'd kept his own name, continued living in the same city. He even stuck with the same job. Some part of him had always known they would come for him.
The red head had been too easy. He wasn't one hundred percent sure she gave it her all. It wasn't like them to go down so easily. But she'd been gone when he went back out later; not even the trail of blood left on the bricks where he'd slammed her head. Wesley knew it wouldn't end with her. It never did.
His life became more complicated once the FBI found him. He'd been stupid, letting his mind wander as his feet took him to God knows where. When he met her outside his old apartment his only instinct had been to run. Even with the weapon nestled at the small of his back, Wesley only wanted to run.
He figured he would have lost her. He figured she would have given up after a couple blocks. But she didn't.
He figured she wouldn't have been able to keep up with him. But she did.
When she finally drew her weapon on him; finally demanded a confrontation, Wesley stopped. He prepared himself for anything. Prepared himself for what he would have to do if she attacked him. What he hadn't been prepared for was the glint of the gun in the distance. He hadn't been prepared to save the woman's life.
He hadn't been prepared to realize that she had also saved his.
Wesley also wasn't ready for the thoughts that pushed through his mind as he'd been pressed against the woman. She hadn't been afraid; he'd give her that. She'd been more pissed than anything else. He'd admired her for that. And he'd been amused when she struck at him.
She was capable. That fight could have lasted longer had she not slipped. The moment her head hit the cement he'd started to move, to step over her and move on, to get out of the open.
But he hesitated.
Again.
Wesley had turned back to her. He had stood above her, staring down at the unconscious woman. Her head was turned to the side, strands of hair pulled from the knot at the nape of her neck stuck to her cheek. The water from the puddle rippled as she breathed.
She was alive. Good. He could go.
Wesley turned to walk away again but stopped.
Fucking hesitation.
Next thing he knew she was in his arms, her head cradled in between his neck and shoulder. He tried not to think of how she felt in his arms, the way the heat from her body seeped through his own clothes to his skin.
Wesley had travelled through the streets, taking back ways to avoid suspicion. He had left her at Lucien's after making him promise to get her safely home.
When the Fraternity attacked again the following week he hadn't been prepared for it. He hadn't been prepared to kill another human being even if it was in self-defense.
Wesley hadn't hesitated. His reflexes took over as he snapped the man's neck.
He hadn't hesitated as Adam ran away from him.
He hadn't hesitated when he was led to the bathroom and had seen the agent being choked to death against the far wall. Wesley had lunged across the room, sliding the last few feet among broken glass and shattered tile, to land a hit on the outside of his elbow hard enough to cause the bone to crack.
She dropped to the floor as Wesley continued his attack until his opponent fell. Then he'd turned to her, blinking against the sweat that dripped in his eyes and the darkness that threatened to envelope him.
The agent had put up a fight, he could see that from the cuts and bruises on her face. He wished there was something more he could do for her.
Wesley should have run. He should have left when he had the chance; before she could come to her senses.
But he didn't.
He hesitated.
Again.
Then it was too late. The darkness consumed him.
The next thing he'd been aware of was the pain. And the fact that he was handcuffed to a bed. There were worse places to be, he supposed.
And then he'd seen the agent sleeping in the chair across from him. Her chin resting on her chest, one hand fisted against her cheek. A bandage was on her forehead, another one wrapped around her forearm. She'd shifted slightly, moved against the back of the chair. He'd watched her for a moment, his eyes tracing her curves as she moved. Even in sleep she was graceful.
He'd looked up at his arm after a second, deciding the best way to get free. Wesley had cursed softly as the metal ground against the headboard. He hadn't been able to help himself staring as she unfolded from the chair and stretched. The way she moved called to him. The way she perched on the side of the bed to clean his wounds.
Wesley had almost hated to do what he did next. He'd attacked, catching her by surprise. The fight hadn't been anything. He would've been able to get away had Lucien not intervened.
Had Lucien not come with two other former Fraternity. The agent, Evangeline, Lucien had called her, had gone on the offensive. She'd fought with everything she had to keep them from taking Wesley.
Wesley had finally stopped them, stopped Ravena, Lucien's second, from killing her. He'd placed his hand on her dark skin, didn't even spare her a glance, and punched Evangeline. Her body slumped and Ravena reluctantly let her fall.
He'd walked away, his mind telling him to turn back, collected a petrified Adam and left. Wesley hadn't waited for them to follow; he knew they would. He knew they wouldn't do anything that would put his decision to help them in jeopardy. He'd made sure Adam stayed with him. He didn't need any more of the Fraternity making him nervous. He wanted Adam to stay safe
Wesley had stayed up that night, watching Adam sleep. He wasn't sure how his friend would handle the events of the night. He'd seen and heard enough to drive him crazy. Wesley wished Adam hadn't been brought into his world. And he knew what Lucien's plan would be if it were left up to him.
He couldn't stop his thoughts from turning to the woman they'd left on the floor. He'd seen the panic in her eyes as she'd attempted to free herself from Ravena's grasp. She'd tried to hide it. She'd tried to hide it beneath the anger but he could still see it. She knew she was going to die.
And he didn't hesitate.
He didn't hesitate to protect her. He wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because she wasn't a part of this world. Maybe it was because he admired her tenacity in chasing him. For a woman who claimed to know everything he'd done and could do, she never hesitated to go after him.
And she didn't hesitate when she tried to stop Lucien from taking Wesley. She didn't hesitate when she attempted to fight a room full of Fraternity. She didn't hesitate to fight with everything she had even though she knew she could not win. Despite the huge odds against her, she still fought.
Now he sat at his desk, blearily staring at his computer screen, Adam whispering to him words that he barely heard. Wesley wiped his hands over his face and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, attempting to wipe the sleep from them. He should have slept the night before but he'd been so afraid he's wake up and Adam would be gone; that Adam would have left because Wesley's life was too much to take.
After staring cross eyed at his monitor for several more minutes, he stood, muttered something to Adam about getting coffee and left. Wesley walked down the rows of cubicles similar to his own and wondered what else he could have become after the Fraternity. He'd wanted to be normal, to be something different then what he'd been taught to be. And he'd done that.
But did he had to go back to doing exactly what he'd done before the Fraternity? Did he have to go back to being exactly what he'd been? A faceless cog in a thankless job?
Wesley sighed and ran his hand over his face again. He had known this was exactly what he needed. He needed to be faceless. He needed to be able to hide in plain sight; to be someone who was seen every day but was never really noticed.
Wesley scratched his chin as he poured his coffee, his back to the door. The two-day old stubble scratched under his fingers. He had work to catch up on. He really didn't have time to waste standing here making his coffee. He needed to be focusing on his work but his mind kept straying to the FBI agent, Evangeline, they'd left lying on her bedroom floor.
Adam had talked about how she'd believed him; how she'd helped him and then tried to protect him from the man Wesley had ultimately taken out.
But Wesley also knew she'd been getting too close to him and the Fraternity. Lucien had tried to talk reason to him. He'd told Wesley to just leave Adam and the agent, to move on to somewhere else. To finally leave with them so they could finish Cross's mission.
Wesley took a deep breath, closing his eyes, and released it slowly. But he didn't want that. He still wanted to live a normal life. He still wanted to have normal friends even if that meant they never found out who he really was. What he did.
A ringing finally made it through his thoughts. Phones ringing weren't uncommon. That wasn't what was drawing his attention. The lack of conversations going in the background was what really drew him from his reverie. Why was everyone so quiet?
He stiffened. Tucking the red stir stick into his mouth, he turned, his head down. His steps didn't falter as his eyes fell on a pair of black boots, set slightly apart. His gaze lifted, taking in the long legs clad in black slacks, a tucked in white button down shirt with a black jacket over it. A pale hand rested on a gun at the woman's waist.
Wesley's eyes finally met a pair of amused hazel eyes. One corner of her lips lifted.
He hesitated.
Shit.
"Well hello there, Wesley."
AN: It's not the best chapter, but I thought it was about time we had Wesley's point of view. I know we've had bits and pieces but I wanted a little more than that. I know it's a bit of a rehash of other chapters (after this amount of time it kinda needed to be) but I promise the next chapter will be all new stuff since all of the characters have finally made it into one place together. Man the next chapter is going to be exciting.