To say that I was concerned would be an understatement. I had been waiting for Louisa to call about the book, so I really didn't read into the 11pm call until I heard her voice...it sounded urgent and very unlike her. Had something happened? Did she need help? Was she in trouble? As far as I knew she was supposed to be out with her boyfriend, had he done something to her? I found myself suddenly displeased at the thought of that so I tried to focus on the matter at hand, lousa.
I called john the security guard and told him Louisa would be arriving any moment and to let her in, my parents were away in London for a week so there was no one else I needed to inform, all that was left was to wait for her
She finally came after about 20minutes.
Looking at her as I opened the door confirmed my fears, something was wrong….she smiled weakly at me and thanked me for letting her come. She settled on at the table, I wheeled myself to the fridge and handed her a bottle of water.
She took a few sips then placed it on the table and looked straight ahead….she sat like this for a while and I thought it better not to disturb her she didn't seem to be in the talking mood
'I loved him you know' she said suddenly not turning to look at me
'who?' I asked
'patrick' she barely whispered
She said nothing else after this we just sat there not talking while she stared straight ahead and I stared at her
It was getting late and seeing as she was in no condition to go home I decided it was better if she stayed but knowing Louisa I knew she would put up a fight, so I braced myself…..
'I don't think you should go home, there is a guest bedroom first door to the left just down the hallway, it's always ready for guests so everything you need will be in there'
'okay' she said standing up and leaving the room
Again, to say that I was shocked would be an understatement
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Louisa lay in bed even though she knew it was well past 8am, she was not depressed but the simple task of getting up seemed much too big for her, so she lay there on the bed for another hour or so going through the events of the previous day, she wasn't sad anymore if anything she was relieved still there was something else she felt that she could not quite place her finger on and that was what was causing the sudden slow pace movement she was having
Her mind was not used to unknown feelings…if she felt love, she would know and act on it…if she felt hate, she would know and act on it…but now she didn't know what she felt so her mind was working overtime.
At 9.30 she dragged herself from the bed noticing for the first time that she was in the most luxurious room she had ever set foot in; the room was like a perfect magazine cover. At the far end of the room was a coffee-coloured couch that looked so inviting and comfortable, instinctively she wondered how much it cost but pushed the thought away, there were a series of exquisite painting lined on the frosted-painted wall on one side, while the other held a book case with the most handsome books Louisa had ever seen; the curtains where white linen, the kind of white that is untouched by hands and devoid of dust, there was no television she noted, but the room seemed to radiate a certain kind of glow that a television would seem out of place. This was what paradise looked like she thought vaguely.
After a quick shower she opened a door at the end of the room to reveal a smaller room stacked with a variety of clothes from all sizes, with the most delicate embroidery she had ever seen. she pulled out a pink sweat shirt and pants, then put on some flip flops and made her way to the annex…she heard some noise coming from the kitchen; the cooks had arrived
Will assumed louisa would be up before 8am, so he made a big fuss of calling the cooks early on a Sunday to prepare them breakfast, he was hoping that maybe a big breakfast comprised of almost everything would cheer her up. when she was late he was worried that she might have sneaked out during the night or he might have to go over to the guest room to rouse her up, he was so relieved to see her appear in the annex
Will was overcompensating and he knew it, he was uncharacteristically cheerily and talkative all through breakfast but who could blame him after the night they both had? louisa of course was nodding absentmindedly to everything and had not uttered a single word since she came in, even the 'good morning' will offered was meet by an absentminded nod; so this is how it felt like to be ignored will thought. He didn't like it
Louisa's silence was making him uncomfortable in every way imaginable, he wasn't used to seeing her like this; halfway through breakfast he stopped accepting that she wasn't listening. she had hardly touched her breakfast too.
Whoever or whatever had made her like this made will very angry and he clenched his fist at the thought of this…he would have given anything to get louisa back…the cheerily, kind, smart girl whose smile was warm enough to warm any cold heart including his…will would never admit it to her, but he had grown rather fond of her during those past weeks
After breakfast louisa went outside, leaving will by himself in the annex thinking of ways he could try and talk her out of the slump she was in…after about an hour or so, he decided that enough was enough and that the only way he could handle it was by being himself
He wheeled himself next to her on the grass, for a moment it seemed like she didn't even notice he was there; he looked at her and noticed maybe for the first time how beautiful her hair was draped down on her shoulders and how it seemed to compliment her face…looking at her sited there was like discovering a hidden treasure right under his nose; the clothes made her look too small in an adorable kind of way, her face free of makeup was slightly pale than usual but somehow made her more endearing, had her eyes always been this big and beautiful? He thought…they seemed too shrink whenever she smiled or laughed and mind you she was always smiling or laughing, he couldn't explain it but he somehow knew, he could never unsee her again
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'you can trust me you know' will said to me after a while
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will seemed to have somehow teleported next to me either that or I didn't see him coming….i must have not been paying attention when he wheeled himself next to me
I knew I could trust will, it was why I came to him in the first place and it seemed only fair that he know what happened, so I gathered all my strength and told him exactly what had happened from the moment I left the house the previous day…like the good listener that he was, he sat there and listened without interrupting
I told him about Patrick and the girl…I told him about the doubts I had been having and how they came rushing back when I saw Patrick again…I told him how I was relieved this morning but still sad, but not sad enough to not be happy and 'how could those two emotions co-exist?' I demanded of him…..how I had probably wasted 7 years of my life…finally, I told him that the frustrations of not knowing what I felt for sure was what was killing me.
It seemed like I had spoken for a lifetime, when I finished and maybe for the first time since I arrived at the mansion I looked into will's eyes and he looked into mine, and there wasn't a trace of judgement or condescendence; but there was understanding...he had understood me and that made my eyes fill with tears and suddenly all I wanted to do was cry; I had knocked on his door with nothing more than a secret plea for him to understand me and he had done just that
I tried to speak but I couldn't without falling apart
'you didn't waste your time first and foremost…If anything it just goes to show how patient you are, 7 years is no joke clark I've barely gone 9 months with one girlfriend… I want to be like you when I grow up clark' he joked
This made me smile for the first time that day
'there isn't much I can say to make you feel better unfortunately, but I can tell you this; if you think even for a split second that this is your fault then you must be crazy, because even though I have known you for a month and a few weeks now, I can tell you are not the person to give up on things that easily, but Louisa you are too good for your own good; you knew something was up why didn't you say anything?' he asked me
'because-because I thought I was imaging it' I said tears rolling down my face
'no you didn't' he said more seriously 'why didn't you say something louisa?' he repeated
'I felt guilty okay!' I said a bit harshly than I intended 'I felt bad about being with him for 7 years then just waking up one day and being like 'I don't love you anymore', I was ashamed for falling out of love with him….so-so I let him do it for me, I let him break it off just so I wouldn't have to do it and I knew he didn't love anymore as well, so I drove him into the hands of that woman he was seeing, It was me that was always busy, me that never wanted to go out, I thought if I stay away long enough he would finally leave and he did and I feel guilty for it!' now the sobbing was beyond uncontrollable, there were furious sobs as well…I was angry with myself, how could I have been so cruel and selfish
And just like that I had found what was wrong….it was guilt…what I was feeling was guilt.
The sobs wouldn't stop, tears just came flooding in and I couldn't see anything, at some point will put a hand on my shoulder and i found my head leaning on his shoulder when I finally stopped sobbing
We didn't say anything else.
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as they sat at the table eating lunch, will noticed Louisa was eating much better than breakfast and he felt a great sense of pride, he had at least managed to get her to eat, but she still wasn't fully back to her usual self but he was willing to wait, to give her time to recover
he didn't know why Louisa felt guilty…he thought that it was very noble of her, to allow Patrick to end it because she simply couldn't bear the thought of breaking his heart…he would never imagine himself doing such a thing...needless to say he was usually the heart breaker. he admired her very much and the fact that she felt guilty for it was just the icing on the cake….
He didn't want her to leave just yet, so he managed to convince her to stay another night...she didn't need a lot of convincing since she was still not ready to see her parents and break the news to them. She knew they would be disappointed they had grown rather fond of Patrick
The only problem was will's parents
'I would love to will, but what about your parents?'
'what about my parents?' he asked
'well wouldn't your mother be a bit alarmed if she found out I was staying here, two nights in a row?'
'first of all clark, you are my guest you stay up to a whole year if you wish….besides I told you my parents are in london for a week, they won't be back till Saturday and It doesn't matter whether they came back or not, I like having you here beats being alone and were you not supposed to be my friend? Were you not hired to be my assistant and friend?' he asked eyeing her suspiciously
Louisa placed her hand over her mouth 'how did you know that?' she said stunned
'come on clark, you aren't very discreet you know…you keep trying to talk to me...all the freaking time even when am trying to shake you off…I can take a hint. Thank you very much' he said
And with that both of then burst out into laughter