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Ssi

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The Usual Mayhem

Chapter 11: Making it public

The rose was from Ranger. There was no note or any other clue but I just knew it. No one else could enter like smoke and leave no trace – crazies and mouth-breathers were not this tidy nor this romantic.

The thought that Ranger had come to lay it on my pillow was so euphoric I was soaring. I picked up the perfect flower, holding the opening bud to my nose to check whether it had a scent. I smiled as I detected the subtle perfume. Of course. Ranger wouldn't choose a rose without fragrance. I took another long, luxurious sniff then almost dropped it to race into the kitchen. I had to put it in water!

I slept with Ranger's rose next to me on the bedside table, the long stem poking precariously out of an extra large peanut butter jar. It deserved better but I didn't have a rose vase. Okay, I didn't have any vase.

Sleep played hard to get and I tossed like bacon bits in a pan, dozing, waking, punching my pillow down. Every time I opened my eyes, I saw the dim silhouette of the rose against the faint light coming through my drapes and smiled like a kid with an early Christmas present. There's nothing wrong with that, right? A friend gives you flowers, you get happy.

Sometime before dawn I was revisited by the dream I'd had the night after the conversation with Mary Lou. Again, I was perched high in the air above my mother's front yard. I still couldn't see what I was sitting on but I felt exhilarated and completely at ease. Faint cries below me from my mother and Mary Lou were drowned out by Bob's unhappy barks and whimpers. A long chain was attached to his collar and my mother threw it up to me. By reflex, I reached out to catch it, lost my balance and fell to the ground. My cry of pain and disappointment was echoed from above and my flying ride wheeled away, taking the sun with it. The sense of loss was unbearable.

The sound of my cell broke into the crushing sadness of my dream and I rolled out of the covers, glad to leave the bed and the dream behind. I stumbled into the kitchen with my eyes closed, finding the phone by feel.

Mary Lou was shrill in my ear. 'Holy Mary, mother of God! Is it true? Have you set a date? I can't believe it!'

'Can you keep it down? It's the crack of dawn, Lou, and I haven't had coffee.' I cracked my lids open and checked the time display on the microwave. Not even seven. Still the middle of the night by my reckoning.

'Sorry, I didn't think. I'm always up at six with the boys.' Another excellent reason to stick with hamsters. Mary Lou's voice dropped a couple of notches. 'So...when did you decide to do it? I mean, you didn't even mention marriage when we talked.'

'Well, you're the one who suggested that Joe and I needed to work out our problems.'

'Steph, I said you two needed to talk, and you really do, but getting married isn't how you work out your problems. Getting married is what you do after you've worked out your problems. If you're happy then I'm happy for you but...are you sure?'

'What kind of a question is that?'

'It's just...look, you said you had this...thing for, you know. For Ranger. Don't you think you need to be completely over that before you make this kind of commitment?'

'The thing for Ranger was going nowhere. I told you, he's not interested. So Joe and I talked things over and we're doing it. It's a done deal.'

'Okay, okay, sorry. I'll zip my lip but I'm here if you want to talk. And, Steph, I am happy for you. Really. If you're happy, I'm happy. Really, really happy. As long as you're sure.'

If my eyes had been awake I would have rolled them. 'I need to have coffee and a shower, Lou. I'll talk to you later.'

I hung up and blew out air. First, my dad and now, Lou. As if cold feet weren't inevitable, now they were sticking my feet in ice water.

I slumped against the counter, chin in my hands, staring at Rex's aquarium. I considered going back to bed but I didn't want to risk the dream again so I decided denial was the solution. I plugged in my land line and shuffled to the bathroom. The diamond ring was still next to the sink where I'd left it the night before, glinting at me in the early morning light. I stripped off my cotton boxers and tank and stepped under the water and stayed there until I was pruned.

As I had predicted, I spent the day fielding calls from all over the 'burg, three more from my mom, two from Grandma checking facts to spread around and one from Val, who wanted to organise a wedding shower. I was getting an eye-twitch and my gut was roiling. Only the sure knowledge that we'd be married before the date of the shower kept me from screaming. I was tempted to unplug the phone again but I figured I may as well get it over with. Stephanie Plum was officially being embraced back into the bosom of the 'burg.

Morelli managed to get through around eleven. His phone had been ringing non-stop as well and he wanted to let me know his mother was expecting us for dinner at six.

'Is she happy? Is Grandma Bella going to give me The Eye at dinner?' Morelli's mother and grandmother ran hot and cold with me so it was better to be prepared.

Morelli chuckled. 'My mother is very happy. She asked what you'd like for dinner and she wants you to wear her tiara for the ceremony. And you're safe from The Eye. Grandma Bella has already had a vision of three bambinos with curly black hair. All boys.'

Not great but, on balance, probably better than Italian voodoo causing all my girl parts to shrivel up. There was a long pause on the line and I could sense Morelli regrouping.

'Joe, what aren't you telling me?'

He took a big breath. 'There's no good way of saying this, so just stay calm, okay? Grandma Bella wants to give us an engagement celebration as part of her birthday festivities.'

The now-familiar sense of plummeting vertigo struck and I slithered down the wall to the floor, taking slow breaths. In four weeks' time – the weekend before our top secret wedding date – every single twig and bud on the Morelli family tree would descend on Trenton to celebrate Grandma Bella's eightieth birthday and the christening of the newest Morelli great grandchild. Now, it was going to include a Morelli engagement as well; my engagement.

'Joe – '

'I know, I know. It'll be okay, I promise. I've already told them we'd rather just announce it some time during her birthday party without making a deal about it. I've got your back, Cupcake. Don't panic.'

'Too late.'

I spent Sunday at Morelli's, fielding more phone calls and freaking out about the wedding so I had almost no free time to freak out about the Morelli family weekend and our wedding announcement.

Lucky, huhn?

oOo

I was greeted by shrieks of excitement from Connie and Lula as soon as I swung in the bond office door Monday morning. I'd spent time on hair and makeup to make sure I looked appropriately glowy for a newly-engaged Jersey girl. My hair floated in lazy curls down my back and I was wearing three coats of blue mascara and eyeliner and soft pink lipstick. The rest of me was in my regular uniform of jeans and t-shirt, with sneakers instead of boots because of the warm weather.

Connie dropped her donut in her hurry to grill me. 'Is it true? Have you set a date? When's the shower? Can I see the ring?'

'Yeah, show us the diamond, white girl. I been hearing it's five carats.'

I'd anticipated this request and had brought it with me. I scrabbled for it in my jeans pocket and pushed it onto my finger, wiggling it a little to get it over the knuckle. I held my hand out over the middle of Connie's desk and Lula and Connie leaned across it to coo over the sparkle.

'You know, when me and Tankie got engaged, Tank says I was too controlling, didn't give him room to do his thing. Next time, I'm gonna let my honeybear do it his own way. He's kinda macho that way. He needs to be in charge, you know what I'm saying?'

Connie snorted. 'Oh, I hear you. I'm Italian; I know all about that old-style masculine strength and insensitivity shit.'

'Tank's got sensitive parts. There's a spot just behind his – .'

Connie flapped her hands in front of her face. 'Lula, I don't want to know that! I want to be able to look Tank in the face next time he comes in to pick up a file.'

'Your loss. What I could teach you about a man's erogenous zones would take you a lifetime to learn on your own. But this here's a detour. Steph ain't given us any juicy details yet.'

Lula pushed the box of donuts across the desk towards me and I chose a jelly-filled. 'Okay, you got your donut, now tell us how Officer Hottie did it.'

Connie leaned in and picked up her half-finished donut. 'Yeah, spill. Did he get down on one knee? Was it a surprise? Did you cry?'

We were all chewing, elbows on the desk and huddled around the box with our heads just about touching. They'd done ogling the ring so I tried to wiggle it off but the jelly had made my finger sticky. I licked around the ring and tugged at it while I answered them.

'No, no, and no. We just talked things through and decided it was time to make some sensible decisions about our future.'

I looked up from the struggle with the ring to catch them staring at me like I'd killed their pet canary. Lula had frown lines all over her forehead.

' "A sensible decision about your future?" Man, that's cold! What about love and destiny and passion and all that shit? You s'posed to be all starry-eyed and fluttery and you sound like you organised a business lunch.'

'And why do you want to take off the ring? Don't you like it?' Connie's eyes were calculating, staring me down through narrowed lids.

'Sure I like it. It's just a little...loose. I don't want to lose it.'

The two of them exchanged a speaking look, right in front of my nose. Damned if I could understand what it said. Lula's penetrating gaze skewered me across six inches of desk.

'Oh, sure, I could tell it was real loose by the way you were trying to pry it off with your teeth. Maybe it ain't the ring, hm? Maybe it just come from the wrong man.'

I had my mouth open to deny something, anything, but the electric tingle made its way up my spine to settle at my nape at the same time as I noticed Lula and Connie's faces freeze up. Ranger had done it again; he was right behind me and none of us had seen him come in. I rewound the last few minutes to try to pinpoint when he'd opened the door but there was nothing. Maybe Lula's voice hadn't carried. Hope springs eternal.

I steadied myself, anticipating the heat of Ranger's hand settling on my neck but it didn't come and my shoulders slumped a little. Instead, he stepped to the side and leaned against the desk to my left opposite Connie, one ankle crossed over the other. He flicked his eyes over Connie and Lula – an eloquent Ranger morning greeting – then settled his gaze on me.

'Babe.'

'Ranger.'

Lula cut in. 'Welcome back, Batman. You sure do travel a lot. Don't you get tired of it? You ever think of settling down? Move outta the batcave into Wayne Manor? Get a dog...' Lula flicked a glance at me for a split second. '...or a hamster?'

I nearly collapsed. Connie gasped and took a hasty, involuntary step away from Lula as Ranger cut his eyes right, laser-beaming the suicidal idiot. She swallowed hard and turned pale under her chocolate skin while we relived the Ice Age in slow motion. Just as Lula was about to start gibbering, Ranger's eyes released her and turned to Connie.

'Tank said you have a file.' His voice was soft and scary.

Connie jumped to it, her voice little more than a squeak. 'I got it right here. Eric Bordhern.'

Lula staggered to the couch and sank. Connie pushed a fat folder across her desk towards Ranger. He flicked it open to sign the authorization, handed Connie the signed form and turned toward me, the front of his hips still leaning against the desk.

'I hear congratulations are in order.'

His eyes flicked to my left hand resting on the desk and then back to my eyes. The ring felt like a burning coal on my finger. Ranger's face remained expressionless, his eyes blank. There was no hint of the secret warmth I'd hoped for, the amused affection that sometimes lurked in the depths of his eyes or the corners of his mouth. My heart sank.

I nodded. 'Yep.'

'Have you set a date?'

'My mom is planning for spring.' I looked down at the toes of my sneakers so my eyes wouldn't broadcast that I had avoided answering the question.

He didn't move and I felt lasers boring holes into the top of my head. Nobody said anything and I'm not sure anybody breathed either. I looked up at Ranger and met his brown, Zen-calm eyes, which so carefully sealed away his thoughts while he read mine. His gaze held me and I couldn't look away.

Finally, he picked up the files. 'You should get the ring adjusted if it doesn't fit.'

I felt like I'd been slapped. He hadn't said anything wrong but, just like the night at his apartment, the implied was more significant than the spoken words. You accepted his ring, now make it fit.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Lula sucked in air. 'Fuck me dead! He scared the snot outta me! He piped ice-water right into my veins. I like it better when he gives me a fever.'

Connie and Lula started blowing steam but I ignored them and followed Ranger out the door. I couldn't allow that to be the end of our conversation. Besides, this was my chance to bring up the rose and find out for certain if he'd actually given it to me. I'd thought about it over the weekend and, while I still hoped it was a gift from Ranger, I had a hinky feeling it was probably from a less welcome source.

'Ranger, wait!'

He'd opened the car door but at my call he stilled. For a heart-lurching moment I thought he might ignore me, get in the car, drive away from me but he turned his head to look at me over his shoulder. He closed the door and walked to the front of the Porsche, leaned his butt against the hood with arms folded and ankles crossed. I stopped about three feet from him and Ranger waited silently for me to have my say.

I stared into his flat, blank eyes, willing him to remove the mask, and found I had nothing to say. Bringing up the rose seemed so inadequate. Instead, the question had been eating at me since the night in his apartment burst out.

'Did you know? Were you planning to leave that night?'

He knew what I was asking. I saw his eyes flash momentarily, warm and intense, and just as quickly the shutters came down.

'No. I didn't know. That operation was scheduled for later in the week. I had no choice, Babe, it wasn't my call.'

'Were you playing me?'

This time the masked dropped and tenderness suffused his face. Instead of answering me, though, he took me by surprise.

'Why did you say yes?'

My heart stuttered. 'Because he asked me.'

'He's asked you before.'

'Well, this time it seemed the right thing to do.'

'Why?'

I stared at him as I considered how to formulate an honest answer but it was hard to explain how I'd got to this point. It didn't occur to me to lie or to shut him down. I sighed.

'I took a look at the unhealthy patterns of behavior in my life and decided it was time I made some sensible decisions.'

Ranger studied me for the longest time, his face unfathomable once more.

'It's what you want, Babe?'

I remembered the conversation with Mary Lou. 'Only kids think they can have everything they want, Ranger.'

Ranger's eyes narrowed as he assessed what I'd said, then he pushed himself off the hood and stepped closer so I had to look up to see the intensity of his eyes. He tucked a stray curl behind my ear, making my heart flutter with the affection in that familiar gesture.

'Babe, it depends on whether what you want is unreasonable.' He brushed his thumb over the corner of my mouth then brought it to his own to lick off the smear of jelly and sugar. 'Is what you want so unreasonable?'

My mouth dropped open. What did that mean? Did he mean us? Did he mean relationships in general? He didn't wait for an answer, which was just as well because it would take me a while to work it out. I watched the Porsche until he rounded a corner before I turned back to the office.

oOo

'Am I gonna die?' Lula wanted reassurance as soon as I walked in. 'Ranger wouldn't kill me over this, would he? He knows I was kidding, right?'

Connie snorted at her. 'Might not come to that. He might just ship you out to Mongolia. Hope you got warm clothes. "Get a hamster." Your sense of humour's a real high wire act, you know that? And Ranger doesn't have a sense of humour.'

'He does,' I cut in. 'You just have to get him in the right mood.'

A wicked glint rose in Lula's eyes. 'Yeah, I guess you know all about getting Batman in the right mood. Was he in the right mood outside?'

Connie snickered. 'He didn't drag her down the alley so maybe not.' The two of them cackled and shared another speaking look, which I translated pretty accurately for a change. This was getting annoying.

'Enough already from the peanut gallery. You two can stop second-guessing my life because I'm getting married. Didn't you get the memo?'

'Girl, I ain't got nothing against Officer Hottie but I've seen you and Ranger prowling around each other. Your eyes lock, the air starts to heat up and it feels like I'm at a triple-X peep show.'

Connie tag-teamed. 'And then there was how you crumbled like a crushed cookie when he was shot by Scrogg. You practically lived in his hospital room.'

'That hot hunk of man looks after you like you his most precious secret. Wake up and smell the coffee, white girl!'

I looked from one to the other with my jaw hanging open. 'I can't believe you two! I'm engaged! See?'

I held up my left hand to wave in front of them, having forgotten that I'd stuffed the ring in my pocket before chasing Ranger out the door. They stared back at me with pity-filled eyes, like I'd just expressed an undying faith in Santa Claus. I shoved my hand in my pocket and sniffed.

'I'm not used to having anything on my hand, that's all. Look, I don't have all day to sit around, I need to work. Any new skips for me?'

Connie reached behind her. 'Two. Mario Buzo, a peeping Tom exhibitionist, and Buddy Hoffmeier. Buddy's an odd bird. He's a yoga nut who walks dogs. He beat up the owner of one of his clients with a dog chain because the guy left the dog without water all day.'

I looked through the file. Buddy looked slender, mellow and vaguely familiar. I had a feeling I'd seen him at one of Mooner and Dougie's events. 'He doesn't look dangerous. Has he ever beat up on anyone before?'

'Nope. First offence, no history of violence. He says he was outraged by how the dog was treated and he snapped.'

'Good enough.' I grabbed the files, picked up my bag and made for the door.

'Woah, Kemosabi. You ain't leavin' without Tonto!' Lula hustled to get her bag from the couch.

'Relax, Lula. I'm not going after either of them this morning. Joe and I've got an appointment with Father Gabriel in half an hour to start all the wedding stuff. I'll be back when I'm done and we can go after the bad guys.'

Lula dropped her bag back on the couch and slumped next to it. 'Guess I'll make a dent in the filing while you're gone.'

'Now, there's a novel idea.' Connie dumped a pile of folders on her desk. 'Here, you can start on these.'

Lula looked sour. I gave them both a little finger wave and headed off to the church.

TBC

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