Chapter 8.5
Bonus Collection 1
(One Punch Man belongs to One)
Announcement: HI! Sorry for the long wait! I was taking a long hiatus mainly because the weekend of after Fall Break is depressing and I had lots of school work! Since I started feeling guilty, I worked this Bonus into a nice treat filled with teasers for the daunting battles to come! Also the Patience V.S Genos battle will be a bit shorter than other battles, because fights aren't too fun to CONTINUOUSLY read, so I might continue with the Slaughter story a bit before getting back to Amai Mask or Bang. Sorry for the inconvenience! Surprised that the story has as many followers and favorites as it does, and kind reviews! I was expecting lots of complaints, but everyone is so nice! I just don't know - *gets slapped by Saitama
"ENOUGH YOU IDIOT! SHORTEN IT TO 20 WORDS OR LESS!"
Part 1: Fearsome Foes
Bonus – The Dominator That Was Too Dead For Plot Usage:
A dark realm, filled with tormented souls stuck in limbo.
Memories relived.
Regrets faced.
Somewhere in the cluster of anguished weaker souls floated the soul of the Dominator of the Universe.
Boros
Cold
Yet hot
Aren't I immune to these things?
Oh yes…I am dead aren't I?
Is this "Hell"?
I guess so.
Will I be missed in realm of the living?
Unlikely, everyone hated me
Will I be honored?
Of course not
Will my Dark Matter Pirates continue my legacy?
No…all my lieutenants died and the rest were most likely captured and killed, not that they were much use other than as cannon fodder anyways.
Most importantly though… did I find my passion for battle reignited?
I had not felt that level of passion before I became god-like…no, even including before that!
I guess I am content then.
The eternal darkness began to swirl as a spiral of green energy shot through the darkness, sending the lesser souls scurrying before it began to wrap around Boros, pulling him up into a dark swirling vortex
It appears…my eternal peace will have to wait a bit… Boros thought as his soul plunged through the vortex
"Welcome to the world of the living…Lord Boros," laughed Mortimer, 2nd in command of the Sinister Six, "Lord Juryoku will forgive my disobedience when I give him a warrior on par with the members of the Sinister Six!"
Juryoku?
The new 3rd lord of the Eldritch?
This will be either a pain…or another chance at the passion of battle!
Bonus – The Sonic Who Was Too Paranoid:
Sonic limped through the abandoned building clutching his stomach
That stupid "Monster Cell" is doing something to me!
Sonic threw up in an old trash can as he slumped onto the dirty, questionably red stained floor.
Gale Wind and Hell Fire Flame said this would make me stronger! Obviously…they lied! But why? Perhaps they were hired to sabotage me? Sonic thought to himself.
Who? The Monster Association losers? Or maybe…no…yes…no.
SAITAMA!
He fears my INCREASING strength and speed! Therefore thought to NEUTRALIZE it by hiring fellow ninjas to make me lower my guard and ingest this poison! But he wishes to prove his superiority by making a NON-fatal poison! How dare he underestimate my strength! I must train HARDER!
"SAITAMA I WILL DEFEAT-"Sonic began to scream at a blank wall.
Rude noises emitted from all over his body and he fell over and began vomiting again.
"Curse you…Saitama!" he coughed as he spewed out vomit and blood before falling unconscious.
Bonus – The Human Monster, Who Was Too Underpaid:
Garou…
Ex-top student at Flowing River, Crushing Rock…
Ex-Human Monster…
Ex-True Monster.
Currently working as a janitor at the local, family friendly City K supermarket.
This is embarrassing! Garou huffed as he swept the spilt milk on aisle 7 with slumped shoulders, his traditional gray janitorial uniform already stained with spills despite working there for a total of two days.
"Mr. Janitor sir!"
"Who is it?" Garou replied with the monotonous store reply, "How may I bring a smile to your face at Smiley's Family Supermarket."
"That is so lame to say, do you gotta say that?" Asked the little girl that stood in front of him.
"If I want to get payed…then yah." He replied with a sigh, "What do you want kid?"
"Where is the My Kinda Small Narwhal section?"
"Somewhere."
"Where specu… speci… spe-"began the girl as she attempted to say "specifically", but to be fair she was six.
"Specifically?"
"Yeah" she replied promptly.
"I don't know, but if I had to make a guess, I would say the toy section on Aisle 3." Garou told her as he put up his broom and began to stock merchandise from his cart onto the shelves of the store.
"Ok…thank'ou old guy!" the girl said with a toothy grin before she hopped away.
I'm not THAT old geez! Garou thought grumpily as his own private storm cloud hovered over his head as he put up new cartons of milk.
KABOOM
A massive explosion shot through the building, jolting the Hero Hunter from his dark stupor.
What…a monster? How inconsiderate! Hope this doesn't cause my pay to get lowered, that would suck!
Garou left his mop and threw off his hat as he ran down the polished floor towards the sound.
"TREMBLE IN FEAR HUMANS!" cried out a (uhm) giant multi-colored narwhal monster, "I AM THE GREAT KINDA LARGE NARWHAL!"
I swear the monster are getting stupider day by day.
"I WAS ONCE THE MAIN VOICE ACTOR FOR "MY KINDA LITTLE NARWHAL" the large horned whaled continued, despite the fact that only two people remain, "BUT THEN I WAS FIRED BECAUSE I JUST SOUNDED AND LOOKED LIKE A CREEP! THOSE WARRANTS DIDN'T HELP MATTERS EITHER! SO I WILL HAVE-"
"NARWHAL!" cried a voice from in front of the 10 foot monster.
Who was dumb enough to stay back? Oh no.
It was the toothy, dumb six year old.
Garou groaned both externally and inward
This is gonna go badly for me ain't it? He thought to himself.
The girl made an INSANELY high pitches squeal…of joy.
"IT IS MY BIRTHDAY WISH COME TRU!" the girl with pig tails shouted joyously as she ran towards the monster.
"A LITTLE GIRL?" the monster inquired as it looked down, "GREAT! I AM IN NEED OF A SNACK!"
"Hey Fish-Face!" Garou yelled out towards the monster.
This is dumb…I am still recovering from that bald freaks attacks! I can't get in a fight now!
"YOU TALKING TO ME?" the narwhal screamed as it turned sideways towards Garou, "AN OLD MAN IS GOING TO STOP ME?"
That was the final straw.
Garou could contain it if kids mistook him for old
He could even ignore adults that did so.
But when a filthy third rate monster looked down on him so, well that is coming up soon enough.
"YEAH I AM TALKING TO YOU!" Garou hollered, cupping his hands over his mouth to amplify the sound, "YOU THIRD RATE UNICORN! DID A RAINBOW BARF ON YOU?"
An audacious move for sure, but probably not the smartest considering his circumstances.
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE FOR THAT PUNK!" the Kinda Large Narwhal screamed as it flopped towards the once great Hero Hunter, with a six year closely on his tail…flipper…thing.
Garou got in his stance, his senses on high alert.
Got wait for the perfect moment…
The monster began to flop more angrily as it saw that its prey dared to stand its ground without a trace of fear, each flop knocking over rows of merchandise after one another.
The monster leaped into the air about the turn Garou into a nice paste on the floor, when Garou's hands seemed to blur out of existence with astonishing speed.
"Flowing River Crushing Rock!"
The monster was struck with several impacts in less than a millisecond, its entire body was a series of impressions. The Kinda Large Narwhal stayed suspended in the air for a moment, but then was shot through the other (undamaged) side of the building in a bloody, gory paste.
Garou laughed for a second at defeating the monster with such ease,
Guess all my power from my monsterification didn't wear off after all.
He turned to see the six year old girl covered in blood and what seemed to be part of the monster's small intestine in her hair, while holding the horn of her beloved favorite TV show character.
Oh god, how do I explain away THIS situation!
"That-" the girl began.
Garou began to wince in preparation of the screaming and/or crying that was about to happen.
"AMAZING!" the girl screamed.
What?
"That evil monster took over Kinda Small Narwhal and then you save her!" the girl told him with her toothy smile.
"YES!" Garou shouted as sweat drops rolled of his forehead, "I SAVE THE NARWHAL! I DID NOT TURN IT INTO A MEAT PATTY! TOTALLY NOT GAROU!"
"Whatcha name sir?" the girl asked him politely.
"It is uhmmmmmm-"Garou stuttered as he looked around.
Milk
A loaf of bread
And some Cabbage
"-Milkof Cabbag!" Garou told her.
"What a weird name!"
"Well it is my name."
"Have a nice day mister!" the girl told him as she skipped off, "My mommy is in the next store waiting for me!"
"Bye kid."
What a strange kid
Wait I forgot to ask her name
Oh well, that was the probably the last time we will meet anyway! So it is alright.
"Whew…that could have went a LOT worse!" Garou whispered to himself as he leaned on a column.
Which promptly toppled over, knocking a large container of gasoline onto demonstration grills, which caught the "Win your own Mini-Van" sham lottery on fire, all of which exploded causing what WASN'T damaged by the monster to have the roof above it collapse on it, and then catch on fire and explode some more.
I hate my life…guess I got to take my anger out on this reject fairy tale creature!
Garou turned around to inform his manager that the monster attack had blown up the entire store to see his boss standing in front of the building, his face in an expression of unimaginable horror, cigarette dropping out of his mouth and onto the ground.
"Sir…it isn't as bad as it looks!" Garou said hesitantly.
"Really?" the manager asked with a glimmer of hope.
"Yeah…it is MUCH worse on the inside." Garou told him honestly.
As if to prove his point, the building frame exploded into a fiery cloud and promptly collapsed on itself.
The manager stared in shock at the rubble.
"Marou…you know what is gonna happen to you?" the manager asked after a long wait.
"I am going to-"Garou began.
"Get a raise?" Garou asked hesitantly.
"Your fired Marou." The manager said with a huff.
"Yeah I thought so." Mumbled Garou as he walked off, slamming the door shut as he left the building.
Why do children ruin my life?
The slammed door fell over as Garou walked away.
*A few minutes later
Saitama leaped towards the supermarket with joy.
"HURRY UP GENOS!" Saitama screamed, "THIS IS AN ONCE IN A LIFETIME SALE!"
"Coming Sensei!" came the reply from the Demon Cyborg.
The two weirdos landed in front of the supermarket.
"90% off here I –"Saitama began as he opened his eyes.
The entire store was ashes, roof collapsed, walls torn apart, bloody monster body staining the wall.
"W-who could have done such a horrible thing Genos," whispered the mortified Saitama as he fell onto the asphalt with a serious face on.
"I am not sure Sensei." Genos replied sadly, he was angry that he could not incinerate the culprit, "We will find him!"
"…"
"Sensei?"
"Don't discriminate Genos"
"What do you mean Sensei?"
"You said HIM." Saitama told his disciple, the blank (stupid) face back on, "What about if it was a SHE if so you just discriminate against them."
"I-I am sorry Sensei!" cried Genos as he fell onto the ground covering his head with his hands in depression
"Who cares, what is done is done." Saitama replied, his usually blank expression returning to his face, "Genos, let's go to King's and play some Immortal Combat! I got a new infinite combo! Infinite HIGH kicks! He won't see it coming!"
"YES SENSEI!"
The two figures blasted off from the burnt out parking lot leaving behind one confused, jobless manager.
Bonus: The Esper, Who was Too Insane:
Psychos woke with a severe migraine.
Where am I? she thought to herself.
As she looked around she guessed she was at Fubuki's infamous "Blizzard" group's HQ, in some form of a make-shift cell.
Fools, they don't know what is coming
They don't know he is coming
Hello Psychos…
No, not you! Get out of my mind!
Not yet little one, we have much to talk about! Plans far grander than you can imagine are in play.
I WILL KILL YOU!
This amused the bass voice, for a telepathic chuckle was audible in Psychos' mind.
You will try. Keep dreaming Psychos, for when I return, I shall bring forth a never ending darkness to extinguish the light FOREVER.
Psychos began to cry as the Psychic Emperor showed her images of the not-so distant future, cities on fire, corpses littering the ground, heroes strung up on lamp posts.
Death
I am coming little one…
The Darkness is coming, and you can't stop it!
The voices chuckles slowly quieted down and blended into the thumping of her migraine.
When the figure left, Psychos saw flashes of the future, a figure wreath in shadows, fallen heroes…yet something was wrong.
Something was missing.
Maybe there is some hope after all
The ground shook as storm clouds gathered outside the window.
The game is afoot.
Psychos curled into a ball and began to scream once more, fearing the inevitable future which seemed to approach ever faster
Bonus: The Eldritch That Was Too Impatient
Juryoku tapped his metal boot against the floor of the bridge.
His ship, Zero, was traveling through space towards a small, wet, dirt ball called Earth. He wasn't too happy with how things were progressing though.
"We don't like to wait" Unzazu complained.
"Neither do I fog face, but we all have to do things we dislike" Juryoku snapped, "Don't worry though, when we get there…I feel like relieving myself of some stress!"
"No survivors then?" Unzazu asked hopefully.
Juryoku responded with a thing that would strike terror into the souls of all mortals (excluding Saitama), he smiled.
"Yes Unzazu, no survivors" Juryoku whispered as he stared out into the blurred stars as they traveled faster than the speed of light.
Halloween Bonus: The Detective That Was Too Incompetent (Preview)
Saitama stepped onto the busy streets of City H wearing a styling fedora, a trench coat, and a walking stick.
"Sensei! What are you wearing?"
"My Halloween costume Genos, what else?" Saitama asked annoyed, "I am Sherlock Holmes! Or Capeless Detective if you want!"
"I see…" Genos said with a nod as he took out his notepad
"See what?"
"You wear the fedora to hide your baldness because you too feel socially discriminated against for being radically different and superior to the common drabble just like the prestigious detective Sherlock Holmes!"
"…"
"Sensei?"
Saitama promptly tears off Genos arms and legs and leaves him limb less with a gag in the closet
Don't worry Genos! This is your costume! The guy that pissed me off and got dismember and stuffed in a closet!
These were Saitama's last words before he locked the closet.
Sensei was SO knowledgeable.
CRASH
"Mhhhmhmh" Genos exclaimed, muffled by the gag.
Translation: I must investigate that strange noise or I ride pink dolphin crackers at high noon.
*note to self: Get better translator Genos thinks to himself.
End of Bonus Collection