Past

We walked through the house that had been the closest thing to a home that I had had for years. I locked the front door behind myself for the last time, and Morgan led me to an official-looking black car with an immaculate leather interior. I almost felt guilty about letting Minnie on it (as much as I love cats, I accept that cat hair is a nightmare), but not quite.

"You'll be staying at Ashdene Ridge children's home." She informed me, which didn't really tell me much, as I had never heard of it before, so I just nodded. Apparently, she had taken my silence as nerves, as she said, "I'm sure you'll fit right in. Ashdene Ridge has passed all its inspections with flying colours, and they'll welcome you , I'm sure."

"Yes, I'm sure they'll be a great replacement for my mum." I snapped back. I knew it was unfair to blame her; she was just doing her job, but it still stung.

"That's not what I meant." She replied gently, and we remained silent for the rest of the journey.

After about fifteen awkward minutes, she finally pulled up outside a large house that I presumed was Ashdene Ridge. I did my best not to be impressed, but I was definitely a much nicer looking place than I had envisioned. I got out and took my bag out of the boot, said goodbye to Morgan (out of politeness only), but she stayed parked at the front, obviously not wanting a runaway kid to mess up her CV.

I stepped through the front door, pulling my black suitcase behind me with one hand, carrying Minnie as carefully as I could with the other, and was met with the stares and whisperings of the other residents of Ashdene Ridge.

Present

I entered May-li's office, dread rising from the pit of my stomach. The police only showed up if there was something seriously wrong, and I couldn't help but picture what had happened to my mum, each scenario worse than the last in my head. I saw an officer standing there, a serious expression on his lined face.

"I'm sorry miss, but I'm afraid I don't have any good news for you." I had already figured out that much; he wouldn't have come in person if it wasn't serious, and I just wanted him to tell me and be straight forward, and stop hesitating.

"I'm sorry, but we found your mother yesterday." He wasn't quite meeting my eyes, which somehow made it worse. He was meant to be stronger than this.

"Where is she now? Can I see her? Does she know where I am?" I had no control over the words flowing from my mouth.

"I'm so sorry miss, but when we found her it was too late. She was shot." My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. My throat closed up. My knees gave way, and I felt May-li's arm guide me to a chair. I heard Mike say something to the policeman as they left, but I felt as though I was hearing it from under water.

"This can't be happening... " even my own voice had a far-off quality to it.

"I'm so sorry Alex. Is there anything I can do?" May-li asked me, and I shook my head in reply, not trusting myself to speak, feeling as though I might be sick.

"What about a glass of water?" I nodded slightly.

"I'll just be a second, okay?" She left the room, leaving me alone, and a few seconds later, I heard a knock, and the door opened again.

"Can I go to - oh, it's you." It was Ryan.

I didn't reply for a few seconds.

"What happened?" He sounded genuinely concerned, obviously realising that something was seriously wrong.

"I- my mum- she- " I couldn't form a coherent sentence, but Ryan seemed to understand enough, and, apparently forgetting our previous argument, came towards me.

I rose slightly out of my chair, and he enveloped me in a hug, and brushed away a tear that I hadn't even realised was there with his thumb. We fitted together as if we were made to be, and I only wished that his reason for comforting me left my future looking less bleak. He was supporting my weight, and I wanted to stay like this forever, never again facing reality, just being with him for a blissful eternity.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not like it's your fault." Somehow, I managed to talk, despite my throat feeling as though it was closing up, and the sobs I was attempting to hold back.

"I wasn't just talking about your mum. I'm sorry for what I said. I was just scared that you would grow to hate me like everyone else."

"I could never hate you."

I looked up, and saw him smiling down at me. The only thing that stopped me from smiling back was the death that felt like a thousand lead weights on my shoulders, dragging me down. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't I just be happy? Or, at the very least, normal? Normal people don't have crazy parents. Normal people don't have death following them like a shadow. Minnie. My mum. I didn't know how much more I could take.

The door handle moved, and Ryan let me sit back down, and he crouched beside my chair. When May-li entered, he was holding my hand, but she couldn't see it.

"I brought you some chocolate, too. You don't have to eat it, I just thought it might help." She seemed unsurprised to see Ryan in here with me as she handed me the glass and put the chocolate down on the desk next to me.

"Do you want to watch a movie? Or go shopping maybe? You can choose. It might take your mind off things." She kept speaking to me tentatively, as though I was a bomb about to go off at any second. My world had been shattered, but I wasn't about to let myself break, despite the mess that had once been a good life.

"Yeah, maybe. Can I just have a few minutes?" I replied shakily, not wanting to break down in front of her.

"Of course. Anything you need, just ask." She glanced over at Ryan to see if he was leaving with her, but he stayed next to me.

As soon as she left, I couldn't help it. I felt tears welling in my eyes, and a great sob racked my body. I felt weak and helpless, but at the same time, a sense of relief. I didn't have to hide my weakness or my pain.

Ryan pulled me close again, and I leaned into his warmth.

Eventually, the sobs left my body, and I managed to drink the water May-li had brought me.

"Are you feeling any better?" Ryan asked me softly, and I nodded.

"Do you want to see if we can go out for a bit? We could get something to eat?" I nodded again, and gave him a half smile- the best I could manage at the moment. He pulled away from me completely, an offered me a hand, helping me stand, and lead me to the door.

"Can you just promise me one thing first?" I asked him.

"What?"

"Let's try not to fight any more."

"Done." He grinned at me, and lead me to the kitchen where May-li was talking to Mike about something.

"Is it okay if we go into town for a bit?" Asked Ryan, as May-li immediately replied.

"Of course. If that'll make you feel better. Is it just going to be you two?" She asked, glancing at our linked hands, and I felt too drained to care. I just nodded.

"Okay, just be back by five, yeah?"

"Thank you." I replied, and she smiled at me again before we left.

"Oh my god, no way!" I exclaimed, and we burst out laughing, and I found it almost impossible to stop.

"Yeah, it's surprising what people do when they're under pressure- especially if they're wearing a tutu!" Ryan's ridiculous stories (and possibly an overdose of hot chocolate and cake from the cafe we were sat in) had made everything seem distant enough for me to laugh my troubles away.

"Excuse me, are you done with your plates?" A waitress, who I hadn't even noticed was standing there, asked politely.

"Oh, yes, thank you." I replied, fighting a giggle. She took away our plates, and replaced it with a bill.

"I'll pay." Ryan immediately offered, but I waved his hand away.

"No, I should. You cheered me up, and I should repay you."

I could see him realise that this argument would be never ending unless he agreed with me, so he said, "How about we go halves? It's only fair."

"Okay, fine." I conceded.

We payed and then wandered around the shops for a while, somehow ending up in a large two storey supermarket.

"Do you mind I look at the books?" I asked, having finished my latest one.

"Only if you don't mind me checking out the video games." I pulled a face.

"Can we split up? We'll be done much quicker, and then I won't have to watch you with your video games."

"I bet you haven't even played call of duty before!"

"I be you haven't either- it's not like May-li would let you!"

He looked slightly sheepish.

"Just come and find me when you're done, okay?" He said, and we parted ways.

Without him there to keep me laughing and distracted, my mind was dragged back to thinking about my mum. How could I have let this happen? I was meant to look after her. It was all my fault- I should never have let Morgan in.

I felt tears on my face again, and saw a woman give me a funny look.

"You alright love?" She asked, and I nodded, walking away, completely forgetting about the book aisle. Instead, I dried my eyes as best as I could, and did my best to think of anything but my mum as I made my way to the video game aisle. Apparently, Ryan was in a worse position than me; two boys (both taller than him) and a girl wearing all purple, with her hair in a top knot were standing around him. To an outsider, they might have just been talking, but I recognised them from school. They weren't bullies exactly- they just believed themselves to be above everyone else. From the other end of the aisle, I saw Ryan's false confidence and faulty smile, and I couldn't help but hate them.

As I approached, I could hear them laughing at him (the girl sounded rather like a hyena), and Ryan shook his head at me as I drew nearer, not wanting me to get involved, but I couldn't leave.

"What's this- come to save your boyfriend?" Giggled the girl, whose name I remembered to be Laurel.

"Grow up." I injected as much disdain into my voice as humanely possible, and I saw the corners of Ryan's mouth twitch up slightly.

"Oh, it bites!" She sounded delighted, and the boys on either side of her jeered and laughed with her.

"Let's just go." I said to Ryan, and he tried to step away from them, but they surrounded the both of us.

"What do you want?" I snapped. "You do realise we're in the middle of a shop, right? You wouldn't want to make a scene, would you?" Ryan added, and the boys exchanged a look.

"Oh, I'm not making a scene - I'm making a point." Laurel replied.

"If that point is that the tree of you are twats, it's coming across perfectly." I answered, and her smile became more threatening, her eyes taking on a dangerous glint.

"My point is that you need to learn your place. Respect your... Betters."

I rolled my eyes, and Ryan scoffed loudly, "Do you realise how ridiculous you sound right now?"

"I think she was perfectly clear." Said the boy on the left, whose name escaped me somehow.

"Stay out of our way and we'll stay out of yours, understand?" Added the other threateningly, but I only rolled my eyes again, and we pushed them aside slightly, walking off.

"What was that about?" I asked once we were out of the shop and far enough away not to be over heard.

"I don't know!"

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Okay, fine. I might have said something about Laurel... "

"What?" I pressed him.

"I said maybe she should eat some of her makeup... Then maybe she'd be a bit prettier on the inside. She was asking for it! Apparently, she couldn't understand why Daniel dumped her."

"Ryan!" I exclaimed, and started to laugh, making him grin at me.

"Yeah, maybe she did deserve it." I admitted.

"You know she did."

We were silent for a few seconds, and we entered the park that was a short cut back to Ashdene Ridge.

"Thanks for all of this."

He grinned at me.

"That's okay. I just feel bad for not reaching out to you sooner."

I took his hand, and he turned towards me. I leaned in closer, and closed my eyes.

As his lips met mine, I finally felt complete.