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Chapter 10 – Denali

EDWARD CULLEN

My trip to Denali

Here we were. Denali. Brings back all those memories. Including the ones with Bella, in fact. Right after they left, my parents thought of spending time in Denali. I guess they wanted me to forget all about my problems. But you can't just simply forget about love.

So I spent my days here in Denali thinking of her. I couldn't keep her out of my mind. She was someone to think about in the morning and someone to dream about at night. I couldn't escape her. She was inevitable.

Every single day, hour, minute, second, it felt as if my heart was with her. Far away from me, and I try to reach out and get it but it's too far for my own reach. I never wanted to get my heart back. I wanted it to stay with her. But for my family, I have to move on and get it back. I want to make them happy.

Everyday, I try and retrieve my heart back. But the same words come back and haunt me "I'll come back, I promise." Then I can never seem to let go.

Day after day, month after month, year after year, and I still have one person on mind.

So today, in Denali, I have to take care of this once and for all. I have to forget. I have to give up. I have to retrieve my heart back. Not just for my family's sake but for mine also.

As I walked up to the familiar house of our family friends, Tanya welcomed me in.

Tanya was a pretty girl. She could be beautiful to someone else's eyes though. But she always kept this beautiful smile pasted on her perfect face.

We are childhood friends as well. I met her right after Bella's leaving. She accompanied me here in Denali. She was great. I forget my problems in a snap of my fingers when I'm with her. I forget about her.

So I continued hanging out with her, and eventually found out that she liked me. That was cool. I liked her too. She seemed thrilled about that. We started hanging out more often than before, and this summer I am planning on asking Tanya out, officially.

"So, Tanya," I said casually, as we walked through the familiar house. "Do you want to watch the movies with me tomorrow?" I asked, hopeful.

Her eyes brightened. "You mean, like a date?" she grinned.

"Exactly." I grinned back.

"Of course! I'd love to go Edward!" she beamed.

"I'll be at your door at lets say 8?"

"8 is good. But Edward, anytime would do, you do in fact live in the same house as I am."

I laughed, "Apparently so."

Then we stopped on front of my door, "All right. I'll leave you here to settle down. See you later Edward!" she waved, flashing me one last smile.

"See you," I said.

As I finished up unpacking my things something caught my eye. On my desk something was sketched on it. As I squinted I felt my heart react.

Bella

It said.

When I was small I couldn't get my thoughts off of her. I used to just write her name everywhere, crying as I did. Sobbing like a baby. But there's no need to act like that anymore. I'm strong. I'm a man. I could forget. Even the strongest emotion. Love.

I could defeat it. I just need distractions, and it would all just fade a way like a distant dream.

I traced the sketched name with my fingers. Remembering the good days. But warned myself not to get far.

I got up and laid on my bed thinking of how I would ask Tanya to be my girlfriend.

A few minutes later someone knocked on my door. "Edward?" Tanya called.

"Yes?" I said, sitting up.

"Could I come in?"

"Sure."

She entered my room and looked around. I wonder what she wants. "So, what do you need?"

"Oh nothing. Just checking on you actually," she smiled.

I sighed. Ever since Bella left, my family's been keeping a close eye on me as if I would do anything stupid like take my life. They never got out of that habit.

All right, maybe because I still, sometimes, act lifeless and dull around them. I've been in depression for too long. I didn't think I could take it. I didn't think that my heart could take it. I was cracking; piece-by-piece did they fall. But I have to have distractions. I need distractions.

"So Tanya, what have you been doing since our last visit?" I asked, making a conversation, trying to avoid my mind from wandering.

She turned to face me; "It was pretty much boring without you here."

How do I respond to that? I thought for a while then spoke, "I've missed you," and it was true. I did. I missed her company. I missed her beautiful smile. I missed her. She changes me day after day for the better. I was able to face through a lot of things with her. She was always there. Like the wind blowing me to the right direction. She guided me at my worst.

Her eyes seemed to brighten and her face seemed to be glowing. "I've missed you too, Edward," she said as she came to me for a hug.

I hugged her tight and rubbed her back with small circles. "Edward," she whispered.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for coming back."

This confused me. I was really coming back anyway. But I let it go. "Of course I came back." I said.

"Dinner's ready!" Esme called.

I released my hold on Tanya and grabbed her hand. "Let's go," I smiled.

She grinned back at me with sparkling eyes.

But honestly, internally, I'm sighing and saying my last goodbye to Bella. My love.

Goodbye my love, I thought. You will always have a part in me, though I cannot give my whole space for you anymore. For I have waited for your return and still have no sign of you. I'm sorry but I don't think I could wait any longer. I tried to wait. I truly did, but life moves on. But I hope love does too.

Love, Edward.

I therefore seal this unsent message in my heart. For there it would stay, my last goodbye.

Then I returned back to reality and started eating my dinner. I think they've noticed my mood because Tanya placed a hand on my shoulder with concern in her eyes and asked, "Edward, are you okay?"

I frowned; I didn't know it was that obvious. I looked away. "Not really," I whispered.

Everyone was quiet, except for the whistling sound of the kettle in the kitchen.

"I'll get that," Esme said, standing up.

I looked at Carlisle. "Dad, may I be excused?"

"Sure Edward."

I stood up and headed back to my room. I laid down on my bed, and stared at the ceiling.

It was harder than I thought. Letting go of Bella seemed to be impossible. My body was craving for her, while my brain was telling me to move on.

How could I do this?

Then a soft knock came at my door, disturbing my train of thought. "Who is it?" I asked, not really wanting company right now.

"It's Tanya."

Ah, Tanya. My good friend. My best friend. And possible lover?

I walked over to the door and let her in. She smiled at me as she entered, not speaking as she walked around the room, looking around. She was twirling around when she caught sight of something. She stopped and headed towards it, towards my desk. She stood close to it and traced her fingers on it. "It's still Bella, is it?" she whispered in a sad voice. Tracing my carvings.

I sighed and sunk back to my bed. "Yes," I replied back in a whisper.

She bowed her head, "I understand," she said. But I don't think she could. I don't think anyone could. Nobody could feel this pain I'm enduring. I'm surprised I still lived after all what I've gone through.

What I've gone through was like living through the days without my heart or my mind. It was unnerving. It was excruciating.

"Though, I would like to know if you would still give me an opportunity" she said, breaking the silence.

I looked at her, and didn't think twice of my answer, "Of course, Tanya."

She smiled, "I'll wait until you're ready."

I sincerely smiled back at her, "Thank you."

"Well," she started, heading towards my door, "good night, Edward."

"Good night, Tanya" I said with a smile.

And that was the first night, I dreamt of Tanya.

I woke up with a new goal. Get Tanya to be my girlfriend. It was now or never. Plus, it would be a good way to get distracted from her.

The day seemed to drag on as I practiced my lines. But time came by when it was already time for me to pick her up.

I got out of my room and walked up to her door, clutching the roses in hand.

I knocked the door and waited. Feeling a bit nervous about this.

But as she opened the door, a beautiful creature was revealed. I felt my eyes widen and my mouth drop. She looked absolutely amazing. But not too amazing for my heart to stutter like Bella's, I thought.

OH shut up Edward. You are in a date with Tanya. TANYA.

"You look beautiful," I managed to say, trying to compose myself.

"Why thank you," she blushed. "Oh! Are those for me?" she asked, looking at the roses.

"Yes they are." I said. Giving her the flowers.

"Oh my. They look amazing, Edward. Thank you," she exclaimed.

I smiled and held out my arm. She eagerly took it and we strode down the hall arm in arm.

"So, Tanya" I began. "I know I might be going so fast but…"

"Would you like to be my girlfriend?" I finally asked.

She looked at me, wide-eyed, disbelief covering her face. "Wh- I mean wha- but ho-" she shook her head; "really!?" she gasped.

I nodded at her with a smile. "Of course."

And there I've done it. I made Tanya my girlfriend.

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