Okay, Eri-chan is now coming off as lazy I suppose, so I will give you guys a great chapter now hm? Practicing graduation stuff for a couple days so I need the release (kyah~!) so here we go with this chapter. Day 3!

Day 3: Days Among the Ruins

Edward's P.O.V

It was a weird day for the rest of yesterday, or what we had made of it at the very least. The mood hung high in the joy of simple company; light laughter at the most general of words, the ones that come and go in conversation daily. It was nice.

I sat in the room while the sun sank from its high position in the sky and slowly made its way past the horizon in which I had once looked to before, in hopes of some type of answer that would quench the thirst that boiled under my skin. I never got it, so the turns to sleep were always ones that reflected great disappointment and yet, it reflected the expectedness of such an event. For the light of day, the last peak of hope was merely a delusion for me.

The night came to endless hours of staring up above me and watching shadows cascade across the ceiling, imagining the grayish fantasies that they could create. It was silly, but I wasn't going to waste any ones time pestering them while I could not sleep. It wasn't my place to do so.

Old memories spilled on to the gray canvas, I could see the metallic red so clearly that it aroused my nostrils to the familiar smell that would come from such sinful pleasure. The demonic cravings in which I would seek were all too powerful for me to control with my less than human stature, but this time I owed it to more than one person, more than the monster sitting inside me, I owed it to the people who gave their all for me, and this time for Roy.

The intense burning of old scars and new alike was enough to drive me completely mad. My fingers twitched by my side and I could feel my skin twitch as well, as if something underneath of it was literally crawling about, scratching at the surface and waiting to be released from the biological constraints. I left my weapon of choice far behind me, but my hands scratched, picking, trying to get to the little creatures that lived inside of the infectious blood that I carried through my veins.

I took deep breaths, trying to steady myself, but slight tremors turned into full shaking, and the withdraw from my system was literally killing me. I didn't want Roy to notice, because his time to worry was long passed expired for the night. I tried to think of other things, other events, but my body craved the punishment that I would once so willingly endure for it.

The withdraw was never really so bad before because I had never gone so far. It was as if I had crossed some sacred line in which I could never return from, thrusting me further into the depths of my own sin. This is a problem that I find myself having to live with every moment of my life now. The first day I decided to step into that blue light, I made a plight to be forever intertwined with hell itself.

Some things we are given the choice to stray from in life, and yet, even when I had this chance, I took the wrong path, and took too many people down with me.

It's hard to forget about all the lives I've ruined, even when they tell me that they don't mind, that it's not my fault, that I'm making it better, it still doesn't change the fact that they shouldn't have had to have dealt with it in the first place.

My own ignorance is enough to fuel the destruction of anything around me, enough to make tomorrow's daylight hide behind the clouds in hope of salvation. I have made it so that I am no longer justified as human, but more so as a structure; Nothing to go inside of it anymore, just there for people to see and recognize.

Every day when I look in the mirror, I don't see Edward, I see guilt. I see hate. I see pity. I am just emotion in a floating pocket of flesh, and nothing more. If I were truly human, then I would not be trying to save myself and the people I love from my own hell that I created through blasphemy. Religion is something I never believed in, yet I took it by the reigns and tried to lead it for the day.

I snap from the thought trail and feel rawness at my arms. White bandages are on the floor, and I am faced with bleeding arms, from the scratching, and from the picking of old scars.

I go to pick up the scraps silently, and try to be quiet as to not wake Roy.

I wander to the bathroom and try to redress them, being careful so that the blood soaks only through the first layer. I try my best, but they bleed through each layer. I keep wrapping until I have no material and yet they are still bleeding.

I want to call for Roy, but something tells me not to.

Voices inside my head grow louder, telling me to finish the job, to just take a shard of glass and do what is right, what I need.

I pick up a shard of glass behind the mirror, and put it towards my face. I look in the mirror, and the eyes that were once golden brown are now dark red, like the color of blood.

I start cutting, all over my face, my shoulders, my chest, my legs, all skin that is left open into the air. I scream, I let my raw emotion fade into the sound of ripping flesh. I have tears that seem to be composed as blood as well. Everything stings, and I am unable to control myself. The wild beast inside of my system roars, and with one last motion, I put the glass to my throat and yank it across.

I look into the mirror, seeing my true self. The red blood eyes look across the canvas I have painted now for myself, it's not just a grayish fantasy, it's a realistic hell in which I am now damned to fade from, as I sputter blood and fall backwards into endless oblivion.

I can't explain to myself the things in which I do, and I can't expect myself to explain it to others either. If I am unable to see this for myself when I am strewn into the darkness living in a conjure of fear, then I see no way that I will be able to articulate such things that are unknown.

So why ask the question?

If anything they say it's because they want to help, but the frustration of not knowing the things that happen within my own mind are frustrating enough without having to put them into some form that makes them make sense to someone who is nonexistent in the same form in which these feelings converse with themselves.

As I fall back deeper, I see the reflections of myself get brighter until the darkness is caught between the brink of blinding light of what I have become, and the shadowy disarray of what is fighting inside of me to resurface somewhere deep in my heart.

I am unsure what level of consciousness I still maintain, but I am sure that it is one that is hard to come back from. In a way, this is the first time that I felt as though I were really going to die.

I have unraveled myself from deep inside my own core just because of my own insecurities, the same damn pity that made me go mad from the point that the sorrow became too much for me to understand myself.

Maybe that doesn't make sense to other people, but in some sick twisted way, it makes enough sense for me to not only understand it, but to live it as my reality.

I feel now, the weight that I had once carried not lift, but compress me. It forces me deeper down instead of trying to enlighten me. I am drowning in my own blood that is spilling out of my heart and the burden of truth is pulling me down to the bottom, leaving me there to die.

But this time, I want to fight.

I try to get myself back to the surface, to at least say good bye for now before I do depart to finish my pact.

I finally detach myself from this burden, if only for a moment, and open my eyes.

I am unsure of what time I had fallen asleep, but I see a dark room around me, my arms burn, but they are still intact. I feel my face as well, and it feels smooth.

These nightmares are getting harder to differentiate between now, and this is something that scares me.

I go towards the bathroom, and place one hand on the mirror.

Though my eyes still remain the same colour, I still feel as though I am a monster.

And only monsters are left to rot among the ruins.

Well, that is it this time. I kind of wanted to put in some kind of small twist to keep you all a little interested at the very least. I try not to make the ideas sound repetitive, so I have to sift through my literature memory bank and find new connections in which I haven't either tried, explained, or talked about enough. Some of the theories may seem wonky, but do bare with me. (And no, I do not make up words in the chapters, trust me, I look up the words that don't sound right) but yeah, so let me wrap this bit up here.

Please review if you can, you know the drill. But for newbies, I do like to know how I am doing and how to please you more as a reader. I also need to make sure that the manner in which this story progresses is appropriate to you all as well. If not, do let me know and i can either speed it up or slow it down.

Thanks for those who have r&r'ed, and have added to story subs and all that good stuff.

Off to hang clothes, and shower~!

Happy Reading,

~Eri-chan