Disclaimer: Twilight is Stephenie Meyer's.

Author's Note: I had issues thinking of a song for this one. Probably Barbie Girl by Aqua. Go on. Do it. Poor, poor, Bella. (Laughs maniacally.)

~ * ~

Chapter Ten:

In Which Bella Meets the Eye of the Storm and Edward is Hanged

~ * ~

After the parking lot fiasco, I would have thought it would have been impossible for anythfing to distract me.

I hadn't really factored in the tornado.

Alice Cullen was the tornado.

And she was ripping my clothes off.

"Alice that's my boob!" I screeched in fear.

She scratched her head. "Really?" She raised her index finger and poked my white Haines cup, wearing a very scientific expression. "I think you need a new brassiere, dear."

"Says the four-foot tall terror who says "Breh-ZEAR" instead of bra," I countered.

My complaints did not faze Alice. She ripped my bra off and knocked me onto the cushion.

The event left me in shock. I sat with my mouth handing open, sprawled on the cushion with my hands attempting to shelter my girls.

The little sprite had the cheek to smile at me. She held up the bra, "I'm burning this," she snapped before she quickly flitted out the door, closing it behind her as she escaped my yelling.

"I didn't see you as the type, Alice, really! Aren't you supposed to be slapping men and sporting two-inch pit hair, too?!" I yelled from the changing room.

Alice came back five minutes later carrying a small skyscraper's worth of clothes.

I stared on helplessly as she advanced towards me, hangers discarded and shirt ready.

Two hours later…

"Alice, we agreed that I would buy the rain jacket. Nothing else. The rest is excessive and unnecessary."

"I'm replacing your bra," she replied.

"Fine—you can replace the bra. The rest is a no-go," I argued, staring with wide eyes at the pile Alice had accumulated.

"Bella..."

"No, Alice. NO."

"Bella..." she repeated. She said my name in a low tremulous voice, her huge eyes glistening ever so slightly from the excess of emotion. She looked like the most adorable little child ever, and I was the monster that had hurt her feelings.

"Oh, Alice! Are you okay? I didn't mean to! I'm so sorry."

She sniffled.

The world seemed so wrong.

"Do you think you could bring me a tissue? The bathroom is on the second floor."

I set out to retrieve the tissue.

When I came back with it, little Alice Cullen was happily clutching four large shopping bags.

"Surprise!" she piped.

I threw the tissue at her. You can't really "throw" tissues, so it gently wafted to her feet.

I put both hands on my hips and glared at her. "You devious little imp. I told you not to buy me anything. I can't even think of how much money..." I trailed off, examining the bags.

"I have the money," she held up a shiny black credit card.

"Ha-Ha-Ha. Very funnnnny. We're taking them back," I demanded.

"Bella, really. They're new clothes! New clothes! Who doesn't love new clothes?" she sang dismissively.

I gave her my scary Bella eyes.

She laughed.

"Now, come on. I need new pumps!"

~ * ~

When I crawled into my sheets that night, I couldn't feel my arms. I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't feel the balls of my feet or my ten toes. The left wall of my room was lined with shopping bags, of which there was only bag that I myself had actually purchased. A grey rain slicker.

I told myself: never again.

Once upon a time in Phoenix (which now seemed to belong to a galaxy far, far, away) I had considered shopping something of a pastime. Renee and I would scour the sales racks, picking out outfits and exchanging feedback on the selected garments. If we found a really good sale, we'd "splurge," but we're talking tens and twenties here—what could be afforded on a single teacher's salary. I cringed at the realization that Alice had never even glanced at the sales rack.

In spite of it all, shopping with Alice had been exactly what I needed. Given the absurd spectacle in the parking lot, I had expected her to needle me with questions about the afternoon's events, but she didn't.

She had turned to me suddenly, dropping the topic of conversation about our English class. "I know we just met, but you can trust me, Bella. Let me know if you want to talk. I'm here if you need me." She didn't need to spell it out. We understood each other. I had glanced a warm smile in her direction, while still keeping my eyes on the road ahead. She smiled back, and then she had looked out the window, silent and contemplative, her expression that of a person in very deep thought.

She seemed to understand, even though I hadn't said a word.

Alice had been right earlier. We would be good friends.

I yawned. I stretched out in my bed, waiting for sleep to take me.

When it finally did, I dreamed of shopping bags with jaws and blue vans that burst from an excess of lasagna and cave men beating their chests and porcelain angels and golden goddesses floating down from the heavens. I dreamed of verdant, lush forests in which the water ran down every trail, gently pulling me to and fro. And I dreamed of the waterfall, as I often did. Only this time the dream changed. The water leapt and twirled, an animus unleashed. I tried to beat the current, tried to swim away, but the water held me still, and as I looked on, it became solid, shaping into a figure with arms and legs and a chin and nose. I kicked and smacked, but the shape held me in an iron grasp. The shape of Edward Cullen stared into my eyes like he could see my soul.

I woke up to a loud pang, followed by pain. The back of my head hurt. I had smacked it on the headboard. I rubbed the spot and muttered curses to soothe myself. Go back to sleep, Bella.

~ * ~

The following morning Alice and Rosalie barged through my bedroom door an hour before the alarm clock was due. Alice immediately started plugging through the shopping bags that I had yet to unpack while Rosalie shoved coffee in front of my blurry eyes. "Is this from Charlie?" I raised a puffy eyebrow.

"Your dad drinks instant." She wrinkled her perfectly sloped nose. "This is Esme's blend." When I didn't immediately take hold of it, Rosalie popped off the lid and swirled the cup under my nose.

When the rich aroma hit my nostrils, I moaned and caught the cup in my hands, drinking in the hot liquid. I had barely pulled in a second sip when Alice snatched my coffee and ripped off my warm covers.

"Shower tiiiiiiime," she sang, dragging me down my own hallway. She flung the door closed, and once again, Alice was ripping off my clothes.

"I want my coffee back, Tinkerbelle," I grumbled miserably through the sweatshirt being yanked over my head.

"If you can get in and out in less than eight minutes—you can have the coffee back." She dangled the cup in front of me. I made a swipe, but she danced back at the last second and scampered into the hallway.

"Just because it has wings, doesn't mean it isn't evil!" I called as I flung off the last of my garments to step into the shower.

I heard a giggle from Rosalie.

When the water stopped, I barely had a chance to wrap a towel around my torso before Rosalie had me by the hair and Alice had me by the chin. While Rose pulled the blow dryer down my chunks of mahogany, Alice smeared thick streaks of makeup across my carrot-striped cheeks. The only redeeming factor in this grueling torture was that Rose returned the coffee cup. Alice kept trying to bat it out of the way, but I ignored her, glugging happily away.

They didn't let me see the outfit. They told me that if I kept my eyes closed, I could have some of Esme's Parisian quiche that was sitting on the countertop downstairs. I ultimately agreed because I could smell the pastry crust-omelet-garlic-roasted vegetable smell wafting up the stairs, and it was causing some unflattering morning drool.

I stole a peek when I felt the boots being shoved on. I don't own boots. Or, at least, as of the day before yesterday, I didn't own boots.

I realized I wasn't really wearing all that much. A scrap of a skirt. Almost see-through shirt. Suede boots.

"No!" I shrieked. "No way!" I tried to pull away, but the two vixens grabbed an arm a piece and hauled me in front of the floor length mirror on the back of my door.

"Look!" Alice demanded, as the three of us pressed into the small visual space.

I did. "We match," I groaned. There was no escaping this.

Alice gasped. "We do not match!" She crossed her arms across her chest and raised a haughty eyebrow, "We are simply coordinated. There's a difference. We are dressed in similar fabrics from the same designer. They are totally different outfits."

"Designer?" I gawked at her.

"Bella, the quiche is getting cold," Rose muttered offhandedly.

I pursed my lips. "It'd better be good quiche…"

~ * ~

The day passed in a series of painful encounters. Blue van-boy, who I discovered went by the name of Tyler Crowley, met me after every class to apologize with longer paragraphs and more profuse words. I had already told him there was nothing to apologize for, but he kept coming back. I had started to snip at him. Now, if he had continued to apologize to my face, I would have been polite, but since he spoke only to Bella Right and Bella Left, I was getting a bit bad-tempered.

Tyler failed to notice.

Lunch was awkward. I had made a point not to look at Edward. In fact, I had folded my arms and hid my head on the table.

Oh, yes, and Emmett had outdone himself with his greeting.

"Bella! And how be Eddie's little nymph, to-day?"

I was pretty sure he'd been waiting to say that all day.

I cursed through my folded arms and flipped an arm up to point in the general direction of Jessica's table. She was, after all, the self-labeled little nymph. Not me.

Jessica had been quite upset in trigonometry this morning, understandably. She looked ready to yell at me when I walked in, so I had to explain the whole mess to her. Well, I sort of explained it. I left out the unflattering details regarding my drawing and the like. Thus, she apologized for not putting her name anywhere on the note, and I apologized for not stating her name in the delivery of the note. We agreed it was a series of errors, and that Edward was a dumb jerk. Job done. Jessica was a pretty nice girl, all in all. Really cute, too. Did I mention that Edward Cullen was a dumb jerk?

Edward had tried to catch me before English this morning. Alice had stopped him. She had done so by threatening to rip out his throat and eat it for breakfast if he didn't leave me alone.

Did I mention that I adored the little one?

Thus, lunch was spent with my head on the table. Alice and Rosalie taking turns patting my back, while Edward looking rather sullen on the opposite side of the table. Emmett kept trying to make jokes, but he stopped after Rosalie gave him "the look."

When lunch ended, Mike Newton ran up to escort me to Biology. I actually showed bit of enthusiasm. I could feel Edward's eyes on my back and Tyler's ogley stare zooming in. Having to blow off Mike's regular requests to get coffee was cake in comparison to dealing with the other two.

When I sat down at my lab station, Mike pulled over his chair so he could continue to chat with me. As I noticed a tall figure slump into the seat next to me, I became increasingly grateful for Mike's attention. Mike informed me that his parent's Outfitters shop was looking for a person to help out. I needed a job.

I told him this.

He got scarily excited. He told me that I'd have to interview with his mom, who could be finicky, so I should meet him for breakfast on Saturday morning "to prep me," and then he'd make sure I had an interview right after. I cringed internally but accepted.

Mr. Banner called the class to order, and Mike reluctantly returned to his lab station.

I felt a finger tip on my knuckle. Edward's finger. His tingly finger. Crap.

"Bella, I've been trying to talk to you all day," he whispered softly into my ear. I flinched slightly, his breath against my earlobe tingled and not in a bad way either.

I pursed my lips and stared defiantly straight ahead where Mr. Banner was lecturing on about Protists.

Edward brushed the top of knuckles again. "Please, Bella," he whispered, a slight whine sneaking in.

I felt my whole body clench. My turncoat heart started beating a mile a minute. I also felt a warm, familiar wet sensation down below. Edward Cullen is a dumb jerk.

But still, ignoring him wasn't working, so I reached into my bag and yanked out my notepad. I scrawled out a question:

What do you want?

He rolled his eyes. My hair had fallen forward when I had reached down, and he brushed it behind my shoulder, before speaking softly into my ear. "I want to talk to you, Bella."

I squirmed slightly in my seat, jerking my gaze away from him. I scribbled another note.

I'm sorry if my notepad has offended you.

He shook his head and pulled my pen out my hands. He already had two pens on his side of the desk, so I tried to snatch it back, but he clutched all of the pens in his fist behind his back. He pointed to the notepad and spoke in a fevered rush, "It's just, I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I know whatever you drew had nothing to do with me. I just wanted to try to explain myself. You refused to accept my other explanations, and I…" his face stiffened like he was trying to gain control of his features. "I spoke unthinkingly, and I've regretted it every moment since." His pursed his lips as he examined my expression, and then he grinned. "I was a bit irked, we'll say, after our little run, and I didn't want you to read the note, and well, I acted poorly."

I raised an eyebrow at his choice of words.

"Despicably?" he offered instead.

I grabbed a new pen from my bag and started in on my notepad. I drew a large "L" and six blank letter spots.

Edward looked at me questioningly.

Pick a letter.

He smiled.

"N."

No n's. I drew a rope.

He rolled his eyes at me. I pointed to my previous command.

"O," he muttered, shaking his head irritably.

No o's. I drew the head. I added the eyes and a smile for the full effect.

Edward laughed, and then chose the next letter. "E."

The first letter was an "e." I marked it in.

Edward shook his head and sighed as he stared down at the drawing. "Bella, don't you think this is a little petulant?" he asked as he picked up a pen and filled in the rest of the letters.

"E-D-W-A-R-D," the hangman paper read.

Okay, you win. You're forgiven for not being thick.

He laughed, and then turned to smile at me.

Before I melted on the floor, though, I hastily picked up my pen.

But just for kicks…

I drew in the body, arms, legs, and feet. Hangman. Edward was hanged. I peered down happily at my little drawing.

Edward pressed his index finger into his forehead and affected a grimace, but I couldn't help but notice a twinge of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. "So are we friends?" he asked with unbelievable sweetness.

I think I grimaced.

"Being friends" did not seem to fit my feelings at all, but I shrugged. "We can try," I agreed.

~ * ~