(Chapter Eleven)
Other than the cries of despair from Dee Dee, no one made a sound as they struggled to gather their thoughts and emotions through the shock and sorrow.
Dee Dee slowly sank into a sitting position on the floor beside a chair. "You did this...to me." She said to Rick between gasps for air. "You...destroyed...my life."
Anna quietly moved to take her daughter in her arms. Through her own tears, she tried to offer comfort, but Dee Dee pulled away and wrapped her arms around herself even tighter.
Rick expelled a weary sigh and used his shirt sleeve to wipe his tears before he spoke. "Oh, my God. Dee Dee, I didn't want you to go, but I thought it was the right thing to do." He sniffled. "When Alex came for you, you were willing to work on your marriage. You left to try to save your marriage, Dee Dee. It hurt me to the core, but I wanted to do anything to make you happy. I didn't think I should stand in your way."
Dee Dee looked at Rick with her eyes full of tears. "You...knew what...you were doing. You told...me to decide for myself...to follow my heart." Her voice rose and strengthened as the anger gained fuel again. "I was following my heart when...I told you that I was still in love with...you, but it didn't matter! You said...you were still in love with me, but you never said for me to stay! If you loved me so much, what else could have been said? What else?"
Rick stood to move toward her. "I would have begged you to stay, but I thought maybe you wanted to at least give Alex another chance. If it didn't work out, then you and I would have gotten back together. That was my understanding, and I'm sorry if I misread everything."
"Get away from me! Get out!" Dee Dee yelled and turned away as her breathing become labored again.
"Dee Dee, please forgive me. I never meant for you to be hurt."
"Leave...me...alone! Don't ever...come...near...me again!"
Rick's tears began to flow again as the wrenching of his heart took over. "I love you and I loved AJ."
Dee Dee's sobbing increased with each passing second. "Just go!"
"Please don't shut me out."
Dee Dee closed her eyes and released the grip around herself. "I...I...can't...breathe."
Anna began to panic and tried pulling Dee Dee close again. Mark and Rick moved closer to try and calm her, but Dee Dee put her hand up to stop Rick. "No! Stay...away!"
Mark asked Anna to get a small paper bag as he moved to sit next to Dee Dee. "You'll be okay. Try to slow your breathing."
"Mark, make...Rick...leave." She said as her chest tightened even more. "Please."
Though Mark felt sympathy for Rick, his best interest was for Dee Dee. "Rick, maybe you'd better go."
Rick nodded solemnly. He wanted to desperately to be the one looking after her, but he knew that was not to be. He walked toward the door, but when he saw that Dee Dee wasn't watching, he didn't make an exit and stood out of sight to make sure she'd be okay.
Anna returned and quickly handed the bag to Mark who then helped Dee Dee place it over her mouth and nose to aid in calming her breathing.
Mark gently pushed a stray curl away from Dee Dee's face. "You'll be okay. I'll take care of you."
With some coaxing from Mark and Anna, Dee Dee began to breathe easier and slowly settled her head against Mark's shoulder.
It was one more action that made Rick feel as if he was being wedged even further apart from her.
Anna started to feel a little less frightened as she saw Dee Dee begin to settle down. "I'll make you some tea. Maybe it'll help you sleep."
"No." Dee Dee replied after slowly removing the bag. "I don't want to go to bed. I need to get out. I need to get some fresh air." With Mark's help, she slowly rose to her feet. "I need to go for a drive." Driving with her favorite tunes on the stereo would often help alleviate her stress.
Knowing that she was too unsteady to drive, Mark offered to take her for a ride. "I think the night air might do you some good, too."
"I appreciate it, but I don't even know if I want to come back home tonight. I need some time away."
"We can ride for as long as you'd like and afterward, you can come home with me. I have plenty of room and you're more than welcome. That is, if you'd feel comfortable with that."
Dee Dee was quick to answer. "That sounds really good." She'd gained a lot of trust in Mark and didn't worry about him getting out of line with her.
Rick continued to listen out of sight as another gesture of Mark's kindness tore through his heart. When Dee Dee went upstairs to pack a bag, he quietly slipped out of the dining room and out the front door.
Anna turned to Mark. "You'll take care of her, won't you?"
"Yes, I will." Mark answered. "She just needs a little time gather herself...time to grieve in however she chooses."
"Thank you."
Rick sat in his car for nearly an hour before entering his house.
He sat and worried and wondered. Worried about Dee Dee's emotional state. Wondered when and if she'd recover, and if he'd be forgiven. Though it would shred his heart to know she'd never forgive him, he'd accept that any day if he had to make a choice of that or her being strong and happy again.
The scenes continued to replay in his thoughts and his heart grew heavier with every counting second. He pulled himself from the car and made his way inside his home.
He kicked off his shoes and changed into a comfortable pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt, grabbed a soft drink from the fridge and plopped down into his recliner to watch television, but didn't pay it any attention as his mind remained focused on the suffering that had been expressed to him by Dee Dee.
He felt guilty for not asking her...for not begging her to stay two years ago, but he honestly thought it was for the best. He felt that he would be causing her to make a decision that may have lived to regret later on. Now he was suffering feelings of regret.
"Will she ever forgive me? How can I make things better? She hates me ...she's in so much pain...pain that I may have been able to prevent. I never wanted this." His eyes misted again. "Maybe Alex was right. I'll never have her even after his death."
(Continued...)