Chapter eleven
"Where is he?" she demanded, as the door to the beach house was pulled open
"Ah, Veronica. You have that crazy look in your eyes again" Logan smirked
"Where is Dick?"
"What has he done this time?" he asked as she let herself in and headed towards Logan's bedroom on the bottom floor of the house
"He has been his regular slippery self, and just after I thought that I liked him again too" she sat down on the end of Logan's bed, she was still trying to wrap her head around what the waitress said and what that implied, and now that she knew Logan was in the beach house she knew that she wasn't going to be able to get her hands around Dick's neck to kill him or get a decent answer from him "Why does he have to be a Dick all the time?"
"My sweet, you are going to have to use your words if you want me to attempt to understand" he kissed her hand as he sat down next to her on the bed
"He tricked Mac into going on a date with him, well actually he tricked me into setting him up on a date with Mac. And what for? To humiliate her? Make a joke at her expense?" Logan stayed completely silent "Like she needs to be traumatised by another Casablancas"
"Dick isn't Cassidy" he remembered the night that Cassidy had jumped off the roof, running down the halls of the Neptune Grande to a room that he hadn't been to in his time at the penthouse and finding Mac sitting on the floor sobbing and wrapped in a sheet. He also got to watch the process of Mac getting over Cassidy between the time of his death through to their first year – living it vicariously through Veronica and later on through direct contact with Mac – even to this day he sometimes still saw the look in her eye that said she was thinking of him, he recognised it from the same look his best friend got.
"You know something" she eyed him curiously, even though they had been separated for years and 180 days, she could still read the facial expressions as they fell on his face
"I'm pleading the fifth" he smiled back at her squeezing her hand
"I'll let you off on this one for now Echolls, but only because Mac had common sense and made it out of this situation and then found someone decent to get off the celibacy express" she smiled at him and then her eyes widened "Logan Echolls!" she gritted "I know that look you aren't telling me something"
"I don't know what you are talking about sugar plum," he said standing up from the bed and walking out of the room – he figured his best response was to get the hell out of dodge
"Did they have sex?" she chased him out of the room, her short legs meaning she practically had to jog behind his short ones "Is that why she didn't tell me that she met up with him?"
"I'm not saying a thing"
"She would have definitely mentioned that it had been Dick Casablancas cause she knows it would spook me out of making her go on more blind dates, she must have had the quickie in the bathroom like I had suggested" Logan looked down at the kitchen bench "You shifty eyed bastard what are you not telling me?" she was starting to get frustrated "We cant build a marriage on a lie"
"I just can't believe that a private detective can be so naïve" he smirked as he watched her think for a moment and then realise
"There is no summer fling called Drew is there?" Logan shook his head "Mac and Dick have been sleeping together this whole time?" he nodded "Oh man" she sat down on a stool "Why didn't she tell me?"
"Probably thought that you would react like a champ, storm over to Dick's beach house and give him a buzz from Mr Sparky" she sulked
X-x-x-x-x-x
Wrapping her arms around her body she walked out of her bedroom towards the smells that wafted through the open doors, her eyes squinting as they tried to adjust to the light. She had woken up and he wasn't beside of her, she worried that this had all become too much for him and that he had buckled in that fear, right up until her nostrils picked up. He stood in her kitchen, humming away as he stirred whatever was on the hotplate in front of him, as if noticing her presence he turned around to face her and smiled
"Good morning" he noticed her expression and quickly picked up a cup as he moved towards her "I know you aren't a morning person so drink this" she looked up at him as he passed her the cup and kissed her forehead
"I'm not not a morning person" she sulked as she sat down at the kitchen bench
"Would this not not a morning person like some breakfast?" she looked around at the plates – filled with bacon, eggs, sausages and toast
"I appreciate the sentiment" she gulped "But I'm a vegan"
"I know" she thought that she was going to have to explain to him what being a Vegan actually entailed. He pulled a large bowl out from behind his back and placed it in front of her "That's why I made you this" she looked down at the fruit salad he had prepared for her "And I brought my own pans so that I didn't contaminate yours" she reached up and placed both hands on his face, drawing it down so that she had less distance to make up in order to make-out with him "Wow you are easy to please" he smiled against her lips
"So when is our date?" Mac asked, lifting a piece of watermelon to her lips
"Ah the date that you haven't mentioned since I brought it up? I thought you had chickened out"
"Just waiting for the perfect moment" she smiled up at him
"How about tomorrow night?"
"Short notice" she tutted "How do you know that I don't have plans with some eligible bachelor?"
"I know for a fact that you do"
X-x-x-x-x-x
Mac was sitting at her desk when Veronica skipped in, she assumed that it was just follow up happiness from getting to be connected to Logan at nearly every minute of the day. This was how Veronica had been the minute that Logan's feet safely hit the ground in Neptune, this aura of bliss following her with every step – except for the first morning that she had to say goodbye to him so that she could go to work. "Mac! Can we please go for lunch? I feel like I've been neglecting you"
"If this is anything like the last time that you enticed me out for lunch in the middle of a work day then I'm really not interested" she stated matter of fact-ly as she continued to type
"Believe me I've learnt my lesson, no more blind dates for you – I really enjoy your Christmas cards and I'm pretty sure that if I played that move again I would be off the list"
"Very true" she looked up from the computer
"I just realised that I have spent the past couple of weeks in my bliss bubble and the few weeks before that obsessing about Logan coming home and I haven't really dedicated any time to Mac, especially in a time when you are going through so much" Mac looked up at her curiously "You know with your dads health scare. So lets get lunch! I've already cleared it with Dad"
"Okay" Mac beamed as she stood up and grabbed her handbag heading towards the door with Veronica
"How is your dad doing anyway?" she asked, linking her arm through Mac's
"He is doing good, mum has him on a pretty strict diet and Wallace has him on a very strict workout routine – dad is pretending not to enjoy it but you can tell he is feeling better"
"Good. And how is Drew?" she noticed Mac gulp as they walked out the front door of Mars investigations into the summer sun "still summer flinging it?"
"Drew is good"
"Just good?" she probed
"Really good" Veronica could see the girlish smile that Mac was trying to conceal
"Tell me about him" Mac looked at her as though she was trying to read her intentions "I know that he isn't ready to meet your – not overbearing but loving friends = but I really want to know all about the guy that is giving you that look"
"I haven't been this happy in a long time" she nervously gushed, yes it was clear that one day Veronica would work out who Mac was really dating and shit would undoubtedly hit the fan, but while it lasted she was going to take this opportunity to talk about this guy that she was really starting to have feelings for with as little specific detail as possible
"I thought it was just supposed to be a summer fling?"
"It was, I guess it still is, I don't think we really know where this is going"
"What do you want to happen?" Mac was hesitant "Really truly?"
"He, Drew, asked me on a date"
"Is that a good thing? Or is it complicating the summer fling 'vibe'" she air quoted
"We are having a really good time together, and the sex is great" Veronica hoped that her cringe wasn't visible to the human eye "I am worried that its going to screw everything up but I think I owe it to myself to ride it out. I haven't really had a relationship in a long time, there has been the occasional guy but I've never fully been able to let my walls down – not since…" she stopped herself
"Is he the relationship kind of guy?"
"If you asked me four weeks ago I would have scoffed but I look into his eyes and I listen to how delicate he is in selecting his words around me and I wonder, I truly wonder if he wants this to be more than a summer fling. But what if I'm reading into this? What if its just some part of the act and I'm falling for it?" she had to admit it was nice being able to talk to her best friend about it, even if her best friend wasn't getting all of the information
"Do it" it took all of her strength to say it but Veronica did "I say take the risk"
"You are just saying it because you are in your love bubble and you think that everyone should be as happy as the two of you, but Drew and I are not you and Logan"
"Are you kidding? Logan and I are epic, you cant beat epic" she laughed " I think this might be good for you, I know that we aren't ever supposed to talk about this but ever since it all happened back in high school you've been sheltering yourself off from men, running at the first sign of trouble, panicking that your life is going to be altered beyond repair for the second time in your lifetime, but you cant hide forever and I think that if a man comes along that makes you smile like that" she pointed to the goofy grin that was bubbling at the surface "and makes you feel the way that he clearly does, then you need to make that leap"
"What if he doesn't want to?"
"Then he is the biggest idiot in the world because you are Cindy Mackenzie and you are legitimately the bees knees"
X-x-x-x-x-x
This was the most stressful experience of her whole life, Mac stood in front of the mirror, critiquing in her mind every portion of her body – from her hair that just wouldn't sit right to her knobbly knees that were exposed by her short black dress that she hoped desperately that Dick would like. What was it about dinner with a prospective lover that made someone so nervous? He had seen her naked too many times to count, they had kissed, they had slept over at each others houses, he had made her breakfast and now it was time for the step that in a regular relationship would have occurred before all of it and she was sweating bullets. Running through her head was topics that she could spurt off if conversation lagged, and she had stuffed a fifty in her purse so that if the date went horribly wrong she would be able to catch a taxi home because he was picking her up to take her to an undisclosed location. She didn't know if the butterflies in her stomach were from excitement or nervousness but she was embracing it, who knew, if this date went like she wanted it to go then this could well and truly be the start of something beautiful. Her phone beeped at the other side of the room and she pounced at it, the message wasn't from him but while she was responding to it she noticed the time and the fact that Dick was officially two minutes late – Mac didn't think to much off it because she knew that traffic could be a nightmare in Neptune – but took the opportunity to send him a quick text
"Don't worry I'm nearly ready" she pressed the green button and sent the message off into the great unknown. After one final check in the mirror, Mac walked towards her couch, taking a seat far away from the front door so that when he arrived she had a little distance to cover and didn't look overly eager. It had been around ten minutes of sitting on the couch before her phone pinged again
"Cant do tonight" was all it said. Fighting back the tears that were spurred on by disappointment that threatened to pour down her face, Mac locked her phone and threw it down next to her.
X-x-x-x-x-x
"I'll get it" Veronica said as she shut the fridge door, walked past her two boys sitting on the couch and walked to the front door, her head tilted to the side and a look of confusion covered her face as she looked through the glass and saw her friend standing there
"Hi" the short woman timidly waved "I brought beer"
"She knows the password" Keith yelled from his position on the couch, she moved back slightly to look through the living room window – Logan was sat down next to him, a slightly confused look on his face but also a sympathetic smile
"Come in" Veronica smiled
"I'm not interrupting family time am I?"
"First of all you are family and second the boys are doing the macho thing – adjusting their jockstraps and eating ribs" she lowered her voice in order to impersonate them "You would actually be doing me a public service by coming in and saving me from them" she said stepping back to allow for Mac to enter the small home "So" Veronica gulped, wondering if this was a safe topic to broach "I thought that you had a date tonight" she shut the door behind them
"He cancelled at the last minute" she tried to play it off as though it wasn't something that had affected her but she knew that Veronica could tell that it was all a lie, she could see Veronica look over her shoulder at Logan and give him a look
"Was there a reason?"
"Nothing, not even a "my cat is sick", just a text ten minutes after he was supposed to pick me up that said "Cant make it tonight"" she could see out of the corner Logan standing up – she presumed that he was going to check on the whereabouts of his best friend
"Come in and adjust your jockstrap home girl" Veronica said putting am arm over Mac's shoulders
X-x-x-x-x-x
Mac wasn't going to lie, she had had a lot to drink the previous night at Veronica's – she had woken up with the biggest hangover and the plan to have the quietist night possible that evening – and so far it was working in her favour. She was wrapped up in her pyjamas with a bowl of popcorn, trying desperately to forget the night before, to stop thinking about all the possibilities of why Dick had cancelled on her. From that last literal line of communication, she had heard nothing from him and if she didn't know that Logan was definitely on the case then she might have worried. There was a knock on the door and she knew it was him – no one else would show up at this hour of night on her doorstep unannounced. After a moment of consideration – where she contemplated pretending that she wasn't home – Mac placed her bowl of half-eaten popcorn to the side and walked towards the door. Taking a big breath in she peeked through the peephole – he was just a beautiful as usual but she didn't want to be the girl that took shit and then forgave the guy the second he showed up on her doorstep looking beautiful – She threw the door open and Dick turned to make direct – sad – eye contact with her
"I'm so sorry Mac" his hands rested in his pockets
"I already had my date night underwear on but its okay" she tried to deflect the hurt, she was trying to take him in, trying hard to find a missing limb or some physical reason why he had cancelled on her – she found his eyes, his incredibly bloodshot eyes "Are you okay?" his face distorted, his bottom lip dropped as he shook his head and started to cry, she snaked an arm forward as she grabbed his and held his body tightly to hers
"I panicked," he said into her ear, not wanting her to let him go at any point in the near future
"About what?" she slowly released him
"Our date. That I was going to screw everything up, that I was going to live up to all of your dads ideas of the Casablancas name and leave you in a million pieces like my brother did, like my words did all those years ago" his hands returned to his pockets and his eyes looked anywhere that wasn't her eyes, Dick had become a pro at holding in his feelings and instead expressing a nonchalant attitude paired with a joke "And then there was Cassidy, I thought that if we didn't mention him that all the problems that arose between us because of him and the stupid decisions that I made back then, that it wouldn't matter and that we could move on from it all and be happy but who am I kidding? You were his one and only girlfriend, the love of his life. It's been nearly eleven years since he jumped off that roof, imagine if none of that shit went down – imagine what that boy could have amounted to. He could have had the world"
"And you are an idiot" he looked up at her, this outrage threatening to pour out
"For missing my baby brother?"
"For not talking to me about it. You do realise that I know exactly what you are going through? That moment eleven years ago defines me in so many ways too, I miss what he could have been as well"
"Is that what this is to you" he sounded defeated "Am I the representation of the Cassidy that he could've been if I wasn't my namesake? Am I that last connection?"
"Stop" she lifted his head so that they were making eye contact "You are not Cassidy, you are not responsible for what Cassidy became"
"But I could've showed him so god darn compassion" he swung an arm and threw the popcorn bowl across the room, she jumped as he turned his back to her – taking a moment to breath "What am I then?"
"You are Dick Casablancas – you are kind, you are loving, you are hilarious, you are worthy of love and you deserve love"
"How can you think that after all that I put you through back then, all I put Veronica through, all I put Cassidy through?"
"I don't know" he turned to face her, but now it was her turn to avoid eye contact at all costs "It was all such a long time ago, can we really define ourselves on the stupid mistakes we made when we were young? Sure we take responsibility for them and we accept whatever consequences fall upon us because of them but we use them to grow"
"But I was so despicable, I disgust myself"
"How can you not see how much you have changed? Do you honestly think that I would allow myself to fall for the guy that tormented me through high school" he flinched at the word tormented
"How do you know that the old Dick isn't just waiting at the surface ready to turn back into the person that you hated ten years ago?"
"I never hated you"
"What's to say in ten years I wont be the horrible father tormenting our son, making him feel worthless, teaching others to treat him the same way and using it as a bonding experience, tearing down everything that makes him beautiful and unique, spewing poison everywhere I go? It's in my genes Mac, its in my fucked up family genes"
"You may posses some of his traits but you are not your father. In fact you have grown into a man that I respect, that Logan respects, fuck it even Veronica respects you to a certain extent – despite your fathers influence. Back then you were just a vulnerable boy, a boy who sought out the affection of his father because his mother had abandoned him, and you did it the only way you knew how to – by picking on Cassidy. If you were anything like your father you wouldn't have shown remorse for your actions."
"I miss him so much"
"I know" she linked her hand in his "Dick is this for you, just some way to remember Cassidy? To feel closer to him?"
"I wasn't lying that day at the hospital when I told your mum about the crush I had on you in elementary school, Cassidy just knew to act on it sooner – not that what I had to offer back then would have been anything that you would have been interested in, you would have been able to see straight through my bullshit" he laughed "I want you Mac"
"And I want you"
"Sometimes I wish I had a normal, loving and adoring family like yours"
"We aren't as normal as you might think we are"
To be continued