Disclaimer: [Insert funny statement about not owning Yu-Gi-Oh here]

A/N: It's 2 am and I'm still awake writing this story. If I get it posted to FanFic, it's no longer annoying me, threatening the life of my fan-base.

The café had been redecorated so that streamers of blue and brown dangled from the ceiling like thick ribbons of spider webs spun by a colony of drunken arachnids. Joey Wheeler sat in the corner with Mai Valentine perched on his lap, molding his hair like blonde pottery while simultaneously shredding his dignity like parmesan cheese. In the diagonal corner, Tristan and Duke were arm-wrestling over the right to stare at Serenity during lunch today. Serenity and Pacifica stood in the center of the room admiring the décor while Mako fished from a window that wasn't made to be opened. Yugi was flirting with Tea was flirting with the Pharaoh was flirting with Yugi. Odion was lying under a table along the back wall while Ishizu firmly pressed her tongue into his mouth. Mokuba and Rebecca were watching the latest Pixar movie via his brand new laptop, completely oblivious to the freaky stuff around them. Kisara was trying to hold back laughter as Seto pressed a bag of frozen peas to his junk. Bakura and Marik were writing a hit-list while working on yet another song parody. And Melvin and Ryou were enjoying a rousing game of "That's My Horse".

At long last, the food was brought out by an army of waiters with aprons and hats matching the streamers. All 20 of the guests immediately dropped what they were doing and piled into the seats around the one feasting table, forcing all the competitors to sit together and eat without the threat of dismemberment or humiliation at the hands of trading cards. Nonetheless, Seto was still seated at the head of the table with only Kisara to talk to. But since Ryou sat beside her and they were back on speaking terms, Seto didn't get much attention from his girlfriend, either.

At the opposite end, Pacifica and Mako were ignoring their food in exchange for a much more delicious oral occupation. The rest of the diners at their end of the table were doing a fine job of ignoring them up until the point when Mako's foot knocked over the pudding, spilling it out across the table and tainting some of the more desirable dishes.

"Under the table. Go under the table to do that," Joey exclaimed, trying to salvage the pizza he'd been guzzling for the past five minutes. "I get that it's your honeymoon and all, but you've been married twice before. Shouldn't you be over this by now?"

"Spoken like a true virgin," Duke retorted.

"Nyah, shut up!" Joey replied, making a fist and shaking it in his general direction.

"Pharaoh, you must try some of this macaroni. It's delicious," Tea said, cramming a spoonful of the yellow goo into his unsuspecting mouth just as he was turning toward her to decline.

"Gmm nmh puhff!" he exclaimed, spitting the stuff onto the table and wiping his tongue off on his napkin.

"Good, huh? Want another bite?" The Pharaoh slapped his hand over his mouth and shook his head fervently. "Okay," Tea shrugged, "but you're missing out."

"I'll take a bite of that, Tea," Yugi offered, giving her his signature smile of innocence.

"It's right there on the table, Yugi. There is more than enough for you to have your own bowl." She returned to her food, averting her eyes from the dwarf.

"That's two strikes and one hit," Odion observed to Ishizu, inconspicuously taking her hand under the table. "So I must ask you, will I also strike out? Or will our team make a home run?"

Ishizu giggled, covering her mouth to hide her tell-tale smile. "Ask me after lunch, and you might just score."

"Ishizu, why are you and Odion talking about baseball?" Marik asked, then pointed at Bakura, "Bakura also likes to play. He said he's the pitcher and that I should be the catcher. But then he said something about batting for the other team, and I told him he was only allowed to be on my team because the other team didn't deserve him. Also, he would look better in my uniform. I'm good at dressing him. What's so funny?!"

Ishizu and Odion were laughing so hard that they choked on their food and had to escape to the bathroom together. Marik crossed his arms and turned to comment on the matter to Bakura, but he was having a glaring contest with Melvin from across the table (probably another baseball dispute, Marik thought), so he huffed and returned to his steamed broccoli.

Bakura glared at Melvin, his eyes fierce in their resolution not to blink. Melvin stared back with a crazed gleam in his eyes. Slowly, his long, cow-like tongue slithered out of his mouth and began dancing around grotesquely while they both completely ignored it as if unaware of its presence. Ryou turned to him to say something, but upon realizing the duel between the two yamis, decided better to wait than to interrupt, and so returned to his conversation with his sister. Bakura stealthily pulled a knife out of his pocket and began picking his nails with it without looking. Even still, their eyes remained glued to each other's, and the duel progressed without break. Even when a dinner roll flew across their optical connection, they continued to glare, stubbornly refusing to be defeated.

Each beside his boyfriend, Ryou and Marik locked eyes from across the table and formulated a plan. They stood simultaneously, stepped behind their boyfriends, and counted off with their fingers. Together, they yanked the chairs from beneath the boys, who went down like sacks of beans being tossed at unsuspecting penguins. Then the hikaris rushed to each other and huddled securely against the wrath of their boyfriends.

Bakura stood up cursing and rubbing his arm. Melvin sprang to his feet and picked up a baked potato which he tossed at Bakura, who caught it and hurled it at the two who had ruined his game. They dodged the potato and rejoined, holding each other protectively. "You cost me my game, Marik. See if I allow you into the room tonight."

"Don't worry, Marik," Ryou soothed, "You can sleep in our tub if you like."

"What makes you think I'm letting you into my room?" Melvin challenged, "I would have won that if you'd given me two more minutes. But no, you had to have my attention right then." He picked up another, softer potato and flung it at them.

"Food fight!" Joey yelled, standing up and shoving his hand into the macaroni.

"Sit your ass down!" Seto commanded from the opposite end of the table. Joey unwillingly obeyed, dropping the macaroni back into the bowl with a disgruntled grumble.

At that moment, Ishizu and Odion returned from their separate restrooms. They took in the scene before them with confusion, then sat back down and continued eating. None of this had bothered the married couple vigorously making out at the table. Everyone returned to their seats, though Marik with a wary glance at Bakura before scooting his chair closer to his sister. Bakura glared at him and ran his finger under his chin expressively. Marik gulped, and Bakura grinned evilly.

Across the table from them, Ryou put on his shiniest pair of puppy-dog eyes and asked Melvin, "Could you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

Melvin grinned madly, patting the white hair. "No, but I might could find it in my bed to." At this, Ryou's checks flamed and he returned to his food without another word. Melvin chuckled to himself and wrapped his tan arm around Ryou's back. "I suppose I could forgive you, but it'll cost you."

"I don't have any money on me," Ryou confessed.

Melvin shook his head. "I don't want your money. No, what you must give me is something I'll collect after the cruise is over. For now, I'll loan you my forgiveness. Then when we get home, you can earn it."

Ryou cringed slightly when he asked, "I won't have to wear some kind of costume for this, will I?"

Melvin cackled. "No. No costume at all."

Marik cleared his throat loudly, and Melvin stopped laughing, gave him his attention. "Melvin, remember what I said about appropriate dinner table conversations?"

Melvin rolled his eyes and whined, "But Marik! Ryou and I were having a perfectly mature conversation."

"Probably too mature for our audience."

"Or too mature for the spies watching our author's posts," Bakura replied, staring pointedly into the spyware.

"But some of the audience wants to know about it," Melvin reasoned.

"Yes, but the spies dictate whether our story ever reaches that audience again."

Melvin sighed discontentedly and went back to his vegetable soup. Through his mouth full of food, he grumbled to Ryou, "It's still gonna happen. We'll just have to wait 'til break to do it."

The night air washed over the deck of the ship like a tidal wave of impalpable clouds. The horizontal fence of lights surrounding the decoupage snow cone area splashed blobs of illumination across the blithe faces of the two remaining patrons sitting at a secluded table together. The lighter one casually relaxed his hand in the center, a not-so-subtle invitation to the darker man. The darker man, having no reserve at all, snapped up the hand and smoothed its pale skin with his suave thumb. He lapped up the crushed red ice while his white companion took tentative nibbles at the blue ice in his slack fist.

"Melvin, if we don't win this tournament, will you still love me?"

"Clearly, sweet Ryou. Why would losing a children's card game cause me to stop loving you?"

Ryou shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose it's an irrational fear of mine."

"I have an irrational fear of cows, but it doesn't stop me from drinking milk." Ryou raised an eyebrow at him, and Melvin continued, "Some things seem scary, but their outcomes generally outweigh the risks. You may be afraid that love will hurt you, but if you give it a chance, it could make you the happiest you'll ever be."

"Wow, Melvin. That was surprisingly deep."

"Unlike the wading pool."

Ryou rolled his eyes, swallowing the last of his snow cone. "Time for bed," he said, standing up and chucking his cone into the trash can as Melvin followed his lead, "If we don't get enough rest, we might lose the card game."

"But you won't lose me," Melvin added, taking Ryou's hands firmly, "I will always be here for you." They stared into each other's eyes, and an intensity like lightning passed between them, through the pupil down to the very cores of their beings. Ryou pushed up onto the tips of his toes, and Melvin bent his head ever so compliantly, cupping the shorter boy's chin and placing a soft kiss on his parted lips. Ryou wrapped his arms around Melvin's neck, pulling him down to his level and placing several more soft kisses on his lips. With one flowing movement, Melvin lifted Ryou under his knees while simultaneously steadying him with the other arm behind his back. As if instinctually, Ryou wrapped his legs around Melvin's waist and anchored himself comfortably on his torso. Blindly, Melvin carried him into the elevator, faintly aware of his surroundings past the intoxicating touch of Ryou's lithe body. The ride down seemed too short as Melvin explored the region under Ryou's shirt. He wobbled into their room and plopped down onto the bed, whereupon they tore each other's clothes off and plunged deeper into the caves of their faces.

From the slightly ajar connecting door, a small red light blinked.

A/N: Alas, a short chapter! Oh the inhumanity! There's only one thing to do: leave a review.