A/N: Chapter title: "Wasteland (Vechnost)" by Silent Planet.

Innocence & Instinct: Chapter Eleven

-Legolas-

All I knew was darkness, stone, and dread. My gaze remained fixed on the wizard as we moved, the light of his staff acting as a beacon to our Fellowship amidst the darkness of Moria. No light had touched this place for an age, and its twisting, crudely carven paths echoed such a harsh aura. I trusted my own footsteps enough to not look down as I walked, which became useful during points in which our path stretched over humongous pits with no apparent end. The hobbits, unfortunately, were not so sure-footed, and on more than one occasion I had noticed Kathryn looking rather terrified of the heights as well. But if the precarious environment itself was not enough to shake my spirits, the atmosphere certainly was. Silence blanketed our company, even as we began the first day of our journey. The air was thick with tension, and constantly, I found myself fearing the ground would cave in on us at the first errant footstep. It was clear we were unwelcome here, and I hoped more than anything that our time in the mines would pass swiftly.

I reached out, touching both sides of of a cramped corridor as Gandalf led us through, picking his way over a large chunk of fallen stone from the ancient ceiling. That was another thing I disliked; these narrow corridors. There was hardly enough room for two people to walk through them side by side, forcing us to follow one behind the other. Everything about the place felt unnatural to me. I hated it. Down here, in the murky depths of the once plentiful Dwarven colony, I felt trapped. Constricted. Suffocated, with each breath of stale, musty air feeling as though it could be my last. In the past, I had spent millenia living in an underground kingdom, but these halls contrasted sharply against what I remembered of my father's. The Woodland Realm had been full of light and laughter, with a sense of warmth and security within. Moria provided no such comfort to me. Despite there still being breath in my lungs and strength in my step, I felt as though I had already been buried alive. How Gimli could ever find gladness in coming here was a mystery to me. And deeper still than the darkest pits we crossed, I felt an evil presence beneath us, of which I could not name. I prayed it would not be disturbed as we crossed through.

I knew Erin could sense my unease. Many times, she had tried to place herself near me and ask about my fears, but each time I pushed myself away. I did not trust myself to be near her - not when I had come so close to losing all composure at the gates. Never in all my life had I been so furious and ashamed of myself. I did not know what had come over me then, or what had given me the audacity to even consider... It was beyond me. Now I was reluctant to even look Erin in the eye out of fear that I would lose my head again. The look on her face as I had pulled away was one of confusion and shock, I remembered. Clearly, her sentiments were not returned. Now it seemed the best I could do was to give her the space she deserved from my rash actions, hoping our friendship was salvageable.

The voice of Gandalf suddenly pulled me from my thoughts, a welcome distraction as we momentarily paused. "The wealth of Moria was not in gold," he remarked, turning, "or jewels...but mithril!" From the tip of his staff, the light began growing brighter, its radius expanding as he leaned out over the edge of the precipice we stood on. I stepped forward to peer over the edge, awestruck by the vast expanse of an abandoned canyon once used for mining. Even from here, I could see faint glimpses of mithril running through the rock far below, like fine silver threads.

"That's amazing," I heard Kathryn exclaim softly from further down the line.

"Yes," Gandalf replied, beginning to move forward again. "The dwarves took great pride in the beauty unearthed from the mines. It was highly valued among their people." Then he turned, glancing over his shoulder a second time."Bilbo had a shirt of mithril rings that Thorin gave him."

"Oh, that was a kingly gift!" Gimli gasped.

"Yes," Gandalf agreed. "I never told him, but its worth was greater than the value of the Shire!"

I smiled to myself, remembering the brave hobbit. I had only ever seen him in brief glimpses during the battle for Erebor, and it had been so long ago. But even now, I recalled his loyalty toward his dwarven companions. It was something to be admired. I thought of the dwarf at my back, who had grown sullen upon seeing the destruction of the lands of his kin. In truth, I had begun to grow accustomed to Gimli's presence within the Fellowship by now, though I was unsure if he felt the same for me. Perhaps one day we will lay our own prejudices aside and walk as brothers, I thought. Just then, he stumbled over a loose stone in the path, cursing and grumbling under his breath as I suppressed laughter. What a strange day that would be.

–

-Kathryn-

I hated Moria.

Those three simple words had become my mantra as we slugged through our first day in the mines. It was pitch black, dead silent, and full of bottomless pits which terrified me to even think about. Already, I was questioning how I would make it through this whole quest when the first rough patch was causing all kinds of issues. I'd been sticking with Erin and Boromir at the back of the line for most of the day, and they'd given me good company as my anxiety had spiked. But I was still worried either way...and not just about myself, either. I was constantly keeping eyes on Boromir, feeling almost defensive of him now. The closer we became, the more I realized I wouldn't be able to let him go, which terrified me. The whispering voice in the back of my mind kept pushing me to save him, but I knew it was risky. How risky, though? Could this be a possibility? Could I save Boromir?

I needed answers, which was why I was more than happy to hear Gandalf announce we were stopping for the night after hours of trekking through the decaying dwarf kingdom. As soon as we found a good spot to park, I threw down my pack and stretched my sore muscles, groaning. "My God. I need to get in shape."

"If you're weary after only one day of walking, perhaps that is true."

I turned at the jesting voice, rolling my eyes. "Thanks, Boromir. You're really boosting my confidence here."

"You know I'm only joking," he laughed, sitting down. I joined him. "These mines have made us all weary," he added lowly.

I sighed. "You can say that again. I can't wait until we're out of here."

He nodded, but I noticed a sense of unease in his posture, and his eyes flicked about to make sure we'd be unheard before dropping his voice to a whisper. "I still do not understand why Gandalf would lead us here in the first place. We are all in danger here. We would be better off in the lands of Théoden and my father; places of strength."

"I don't know if we'd be much safer in Rohan, actually," I corrected him. "Things are pretty rough there right now. But I would much rather be in Gondor than here."

Boromir turned his head to look at me, question in his eyes. "Then why do you stay silent? Go to the wizard with your concerns. He would trust your word more than mine."

I frowned. "What? Why wouldn't he trust you?"

"None of them do," Boromir replied. "I can see it in their eyes. They think I am a villain, or a thief in the night come to steal from them." I could see the guilt and remorse written all over his face, and it hurt me. I knew he hadn't been himself when he'd picked up the Ring earlier on the mountain. He hadn't been trying to freak out Frodo or the others, it had just happened.

"No they don't," I said, turning towards him, lowering my voice again. "One moment of weakness on Caradhras doesn't make you evil. We all feel pressured by the Ring."

He watched me for a moment before exhaling, looking down. "I still do not feel like they trust me, Kathryn."

"Then make them trust you," I replied. "Show them you're someone worth keeping around. You have a place in this Fellowship, whether they want to believe it or not. If everyone else wants to shut you out over one tiny little mistake, then that's their loss, because they'll never see you for the guy you really are." My tone softened as he met my gaze again. "You're a warrior, Boromir. A fighter. And I know you have good intentions. You just have to show them that."

He paused, thinking on my words for several long seconds before speaking again, voice quiet. "...Do you trust me, Kathryn?"

"Of course I do," I said immediately. "You're my friend. Even if this entire Fellowship turns on you in the end, I'll still trust you. You won't ever have to question that."

As I spoke, I saw his face shift, and there was a flash of shock in his expression before it turned into a small smile. Small, yet... hopeful. "...Thank you," he said softly. "And I trust you as well, Kathryn; far more than any other here."

Although I knew he meant it as a compliment, hearing him say it felt like a slap to the face. You really shouldn't, Boromir. Not when I'm hiding so many things from you. Again, I felt my gut twist, wanting to tell him everything I knew...but I couldn't. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't bring myself to say the words. "Thanks," I said after a moment, forcing a smile. Before he could say anything else, I stood, jerking my head to the right. "I'm going to go find Erin. There's some stuff I want to talk to her about." He nodded, and I quickly fled the scene, crossing the relatively flat area we'd identified as our campsite in hopes of getting some alone time with my brunette friend.

She was unpacking her things and preparing her bedroll for the night when I walked over, smiling when she saw me coming. "Hey."

A million different thoughts ran through my head as I tried to figure out how to start the conversation, but I returned the smile anyway. "Hey." I took a deep breath, looking at her seriously. "Do you, uh, have a minute to talk?"

"Yeah, sure." Erin stood again, and I led her a few steps away from where she'd been standing so we were further away from all the others. When I turned to face her again, she wore a concerned frown on her face, obviously noticing my discomfort. "Is everything okay?"

"Um, yeah, I guess," I said, shrugging. "I just...I wanted to ask you about, like, the normal timeline and stuff."

Again, I paused, choosing my words carefully. I didn't want to flat out tell her I wanted to save Boromir just yet. Now wasn't the time to be painfully blunt. "How much are we allowed to change?"

She gave a short laugh, like she thought I was joking. "What do you mean, 'how much?' We can't change anything."

I frowned. "Nothing?"

Realizing it had been an actual serious question, her half-smile disappeared. "Nothing, Kathryn," she repeated. "We have no idea what kinds of disastrous affects it could have on the rest of the plot."

"Even if it was a change for the better?" I asked.

"No," she said, frown deepening. "Everything has to happen the way it does in the movies."

"Well, you and I are here," I scoffed. "That's certainly shifting things around a little bit."

I'd been partially sarcastic with the joke, but Erin's reaction was much more than I'd expected. She stared at me for half a second, and something in her face shifted, the faintest flash of either panic or insult in her eyes. "You and I are fine," she replied sharply, "and we're not doing anything to fuck this up. We're not the problem."

"I know that," I retorted, slightly irritated by her snappy tone. "But do you really think we were sent here for no good reason? You don't think we're destined to change something?"

"No," she said firmly. "That's not our job."

"Then what is?" I pressed. I had expected her to be at least a little bit more open minded about this. "Innocent people are going to die because of this quest, Erin! Are we supposed to just sit back and watch them go?" Thoughts of Theodred flashed through my mind, and of Boromir as well. Don't ask me to stand aside and watch people I care about get killed. Please don't. "We could save lives," I went on. "Don't you want that?"

"Anyone who dies in the original timeline dies for good reason," she argued, stepping closer to me and dropping her voice to a whisper. "The second you start playing God is when things really get dangerous," she warned. "I'm not going to be someone who messes with that, and neither should you."

"But Erin, if we have the chance to change-"

"Nothing is going to change!"

Her response was so harsh, I instinctively jerked back half a step, staring at her for a moment in shock. What the hell is her problem? She seemed outraged that I'd even suggested the idea. After a beat of silence, she blinked, her face relaxing slightly, but still retaining the frown as she exhaled. "We can't change what's already set in stone, Kathryn. It's out of our hands." Before I could say anything else, she turned, leaving me to go finish setting up for the night.

I stared at her for another minute before also walking off, jaw clenched as I returned to where Boromir and I had been before. Why is she so against this? She's being completely pessimistic about it, and she wasn't even giving my idea a chance. All I wanted was to save Boromir. He didn't deserve death, and I had the option to get him out of it. Does Erin not understand that?

She has no hope for the Son of Gondor. I internally flinched away from the unwelcome hiss as I began unpacking my things. He is a traitor in her eyes.

No he's not, I argued, trying to push the Ring out of my head. Erin understands his character better than anyone.

Not better than you. You have befriended him. You have seen his heart. Why should she be the one to decide his fate?

I shook my head, trying to clear it as I stretched out on the ground. There had to be an explanation for Erin's weird outburst. Surely she wasn't so strongly opposed to the idea. Anyways, she did tell me about the shit with Legolas that happened outside at the lake. She's just been having a weird day. I have to trust Erin. She knows this story better than me, and she knows what she's doing. I closed my eyes, shifting to get comfortable as I began drifting off to sleep, but I still couldn't fully shake the dull anger I felt. Maybe she'll change her mind. It'd certainly make things a lot easier for me.

–

-Erin-

Nothing is going to change.

I repeated the phrase over and over again in my head as I returned to my bedroll, forcing my eyes shut as I laid down to sleep. I'm right. I know that. Kathryn and I are fine, and we're not doing anything wrong. Nothing is going to change.

You are a fool to believe such things. I frowned against the voice of the Ring, intruding on my calming thoughts. You doubt yourself. You doubt the others. Your confidence is flawed.

I tried to ignore it. I knew what the Ring was trying to do; it was trying to mess with me, trying to throw me off. But I wasn't going to let it succeed so easily. This doesn't mean anything. We haven't caused any problems so far, and we're not going to for the rest of the story. Simple.

Still, I felt its presence weighing down on me. You bear infinite knowledge, yet your ignorance will be the doom of Men. You will bring suffering and pain to those you love by your own hand.

Stop, I commanded. This isn't right. I'm stronger than this, I can fight thi-

"You and I are here. That's certainly shifting things around a little bit."

The words had been spoken mere moments ago, but already echoed in my brain. Kathryn's wrong, I thought, dismissing the comment. Nothing's changed. The Fellowship's still in Moria, just like they're supposed to be. I'm worrying over nothing.

You lie to yourself as much as you lie to those around you, the Ring whispered. Your wisdom is false, and your actions will bring only death and destruction.

It's not true. I knew how this adventure played out. I knew the story word for word. We were going to see this quest fulfilled, even if it meant I had to give up my own life.

Hearts have changed, the warning sounded.

"Your involvement could warrant effects you yourself would not even be aware of." Now it was Elrond's voice ringing in my ears, and I felt a sense of panic begin to creep up my spine.

Shut up, I growled.

Then another unexpected voice came, this one belonging to Galadriel. "Much that once was...is lost."

Shut UP. I shut my eyes even tighter. This is all a trick. It's just the Ring trying to get to me. Nothing is lost. Nothing has changed.

You think you are the protector of this realm? The defender of the future? The savior of Middle-Earth? You have never been more wrong.

Nothing is going to change, I pushed back. The Ring could not be right. It would never be right. But as much as I fought against its prophetic whispers, the Ring kept going. Even as I slowly began falling asleep, it dug at me, and just as my consciousness faded I heard one last sentence that chilled me to the bone.

You are no guardian, insolent girl. You are the catalyst.

–

-Theodred-

"Theodred, wait!"

I spun, turning just in time to catch my dear cousin's embrace as she ran to me. I closed my eyes, relishing in the moment as we stood in a quiet hallway within Meduseld. Once again, I was being sent to lead a patrol group in search of a band of Orcs that had been spotted attacking villages close to our northern borders. And, as always, I was reluctant to do so. I held Éowyn close, her face buried in my shoulder. "Must you always go?" she asked.

I sighed. "I have no choice. If I did, I would choose to remain here."

She drew back, brown eyes steady and valiant. "I would rather go with you than to have you face this enemy alone."

I smiled a bit, admiring her strength. Éowyn had always had the heart of a warrior, although she would never be one. "Your place is here," I assured her. "You've done well in protecting my father from Wormtongue when I am gone. I need you to keep him safe."

She nodded, though I knew she still resented being left behind. "Will you ride to Isengard, then? Like we discussed?"

I paused, unsure how to answer her. For several weeks, Éowyn, Éomer, and I had grown more and more suspicious of the Orcs consistently swarming our lands. Most of our men assumed they came from Mordor, but I knew better. Kathryn had warned us of Saruman's attack on the Rohirrim, and now it seemed as if he was putting those plans into action. But of course, it was useless to make such a claim without proof that the creatures were under the wizard's orders. Just after Éomer had left on a separate hunting mission five nights ago, Éowyn and I had decided it was time to take matters into our own hands. I had promised to ride to Isengard in secret at the first opportunity to investigate things further and see if I could find evidence of Saruman's betrayal. "I don't know if I can do it now," I said to her. "The villages we ride towards are not close to Isengard. It would add another week to our journey, at least. I don't want to leave you here alone for that long."

"Éomer will return," she replied with certainty. "And I have done well enough on my own this far. You should go."

"Wormtongue will suspect something," I added, "and he cannot know our plans. He'll have us executed if he discovers anything."

"He can't have you excuted," she argued. "You are the son of the king."

"Maybe," I said, "but I fear eventually that will not stop him. He's growing more dangerous. You must be careful, Éowyn."

She nodded again, dropping her gaze. "I will."

Silence fell between us, and I cleared my throat, stepping away from my fair-haired cousin. "...I should be off." I looked at her for a moment longer, then turned, preparing to don my riding gear and armor for the hundreth time.

"...Theodred."

Again, I turned, and she caught my hand, squeezing it tightly in one last goodbye. "Watch for Éomer," she whispered, "and be safe."

"I will come back," I promised.

A hint of a smile ghosted her face for a moment, and she looked at me with determination. "We shall live to see these days renewed."

I nodded, releasing her hand as I finally continued down the hall, taking a deep breath to steady my nerves. We shall live, I thought. We must. For I would die before seeing my own house fall to darkness.