"Yukinoshita..."

I shiver at the sound of my name. We were both still. Unsure of what to do next. The moment felt unreal. Like a dream, somehow. It wouldn't be so strange at all, for us to wake up suddenly, for this not to have happened. Frankly, the situation was quite unbelievable.

I kissed him. And he kissed back.

What was I even thinking?

We clung to each other now, a little lost and out of breath. A minute that felt like an eternity passed and we were still both feeling overwhelmed. A line was crossed in our relationship. I may have started it, but he was not without fault either. The act was not without his consent.

So what happens now?

"Yukinoshita... I..."

I shake my head and tug at his shirt, stopping him for a moment. My head throbbed, and I felt dizzy with worry. Did he kiss me out of pity? Afraid that he'd hurt me if he didn't reciprocate? Or was he just swept up in the moment? I didn't know.

"Hey," He mumbles. "What just happened?"

I glance up at him. He looked confused, dazed, shocked. Like someone who's had his world turned upside down without warning. I would have thought it funny if it weren't my fault.

"...that should be obvious." I answer lamely. What was I to say? I wasn't sure why I did it myself. I may have just gotten carried away.

"No... I mean," He narrows his eyes at me. "Why?"

I stare back, unsure at how I should react. Was he being intentionally dense? But if I say the wrong words now, I could ruin everything.

Stupid. I berate myself. Just stupid.

"Hikigaya-kun," I mumble, stalling for time. What should I tell him? That I'm in love with him? Was I? I can't deny that I feel something for him. But was I truly in love? Or am I just afraid of losing him?

"I don't get it." He grumbles again. "Why?"

"...it's not like you didn't want to." I mutter accusingly. He hadn't needed encouragement, he became quite enthusiastic half-way through.

"Ah, well." His cheeks blush even brighter. "I'm a guy, so..."

I frown. "So you're saying you'd be fine with any other woman?"

"Uh, no." He gives me a disgruntled look, but recovers. "Wait. Don't try to change the subject."

I turn my head away from him. We were both standing in my doorway, the door still open. I checked the hallway for people, just in case. It would have been quite embarrassing if we were seen by my neighbors. We were still locked in an embrace, his hands were loosely draped around my hips and mine were on his shoulders. It was obvious that we were doing something... intimate.

"Yukinoshita."

"W-what?"

"Why did you, um," He gives me a helpless look. "you know."

"Well," I glare at him defensively. "Can't you figure it out for yourself?"

He tilts his head and makes a guess. "Um, because you're really drunk?"

"Guess again." I mutter menacingly. "Just because I'm not entirely sober doesn't mean I've lost all reason." Just misplaced them, I thought bleakly.

"I still don't get it." He answers, sounding petulant. "Yukinoshita, I don't know what's happening..."

"Don't be dense." I mumble. "You know I have... "

"What?"

I struggle for the words and mutter. "...feelings..."

"Huh?"

I duck my head, feeling my cheeks heat up. Why can't he take a hint? I take a step back, gently pushing him away. This was a little too much for me to handle at the moment. I was feeling afraid and too nervous to proceed, and my thoughts were all a jumble. Best to retreat for now.

"Never mind." I brush my hair away. Trying to act casually annoyed. "You can go now. Good night."

"Eh!?" His eyes puff out. "You're saying that now?"

"Why? Were you expecting something?" I pull myself together and try to look intimidating. "It's getting late. You said so yourself. You should leave."

I take another step back, hands reaching for the doorknob. I try to swing it shut.

"W-wait!"

He steps inside just before I could close the door. I glare at him.

"Hikigaya-kun..."

"I can't leave without clearing things up." He frowns back.

I shake my head in frustration. Of course he wouldn't. Not surprising, after all he's been through. I understood his feelings well. Getting your hopes up, only to misunderstand, to be faced with despair. To be burdened by questions of sincerity. I know. I have felt the same way.

But how to resolve this? Can I tell him about my feelings? Can I truly be honest with them? There were so many things to consider. My imminent transfer. My family situation. His feelings.

Yuigahama-san.

Just thinking about her was making my heart break.

This was all my fault, however. I have to face the consequences of my actions. Though I'd rather face them sober and calm. Not like this. Not with my throat tasting of liquor and my mind jittery.

I breathe slowly and deeply, trying to regain my composure. But with him standing in front of me, looking at me expectantly, I wasn't entirely successful.

"I'm sorry, Hikigaya-kun, but I think you should..."

"...ah, damn it."

He moves close and I look up, just in time for his lips to press on mine.

His eyes were closed tightly and I could feel just how desperate he was, and I feel my heart clench in sympathy. I close my eyes and respond, tentatively moving my lips against his, I try to forget my worries, hoping they'd go away along with his.

He opens his mouth a fraction, pushing hard against mine. I gasp as I feel his tongue slide on my lips, making them moist. I shiver and moan in pleasure, feeling my legs weaken. I put my hands on his chest to steady myself.

After a few seconds, we both pause and I let myself lean away from him. I was still trembling, and from what I could feel of him, so was he.

"Hikigaya-kun," I pant, looking up at him in wonder. "Um..."

He stares at me, eyes glazed. And I wait for him to gather himself, to explain. His eyes focus on mine after a few seconds and he opens his mouth to speak. My pulse quickens in anticipation.

Does he have feelings for me? Will he tell me now? I felt both terrified and hopeful.

But then he says, "Errr...equivalent exchange, ever heard of that?"

What?

I stare at him, waiting for more. But from his expression, there didn't seem to be any. "...an eye for an eye?"

"Yeah... since you kissed me, I, um, figured I owed you one." He looks away and frowns. His cheeks were bright red and his eyes were looking away nervously. "I'm not letting you take one over me, you know."

"Oh." I let out a breath, feeling both relieved and disappointed. "Does this make us even now?"

"N-no, I don't think so."

I frown. "Why?"

"Um... mine was better." He grumbles.

My mind screeches to a halt and I laugh in surprise and delight. What was that about? Is he taunting me? If he is, then letting him take the lead now just won't do.

On impulse, I lean in and tilt my head upwards. I let my lips drag slowly along his cheek, his jaw and down his neck, where I kiss him hard enough to feel his pulse. He gasps and I feel his arms stiffen around me. I look up and smirk.

"There." I announce. That should make us quite even. Though you can't really quantify this sort of thing. I felt my assumption was near it's mark.

"Y-yeah," He clears his throat. "Um, my turn?"

I shrug, keeping my smile in place. Though inside I felt like a runner crossing the finish line, only to realize there was another race to follow.

He pulls me in hesitantly, his hand pressed nervously on my back as his head faces the side of my face. I feel his lips close in on my earlobe and I try to stifle a moan. He does something with his mouth that sends a tingle of pleasure rising from the roots of my hair down to the tip of my spine. My knees buckle and I cling to him.

"...you seem to know what you're doing." I whisper, half-accusing and half-curious.

"Really? Well... you can learn a lot of useless things from books and the internet. Like erogenous zones and stuff."

"Not so useless, I think. And why would you even research about these things?" I grumble and shake my head. "Never mind. I don't want to know."

"...I'm studying psychology. Sexuality is part of that and you can get sidetracked when you're searching stuff..." He rambles.

"Of course," I nod as I pull myself slightly away. I take a look at my surroundings, the door was still open, and the hallway was right behind him, but we were now inside my apartment, and just a few steps away from my living room.

I was standing on a ledge, a deep pit before me. One I could jump into and lead me somewhere else, and it could be heaven or hell. The chances were almost equal. But there was a chance for something real here. A chance I can only take now, if I were brave enough to reach for it.

Would it be okay for me to do so? How far can I push our relationship? And where would that leave us after?

Acting without thought of the consequences put me in this predicament. I was feeling wary, despite everything that's happened. I've already taken enough risks for one evening. And there was still the chance that I might lose everything, that I might end up with nothing.

But then, wouldn't it be senseless to keep worrying about the future? Letting it chain down the present?

I tilt my head upward, to look deep into his eyes, and I thought: What was I to him?

Suddenly, I knew there was no turning back. I needed to know. I needed an answer. How could I bear to let things lie as they are? The lines we crossed tonight could never be retraced. Our relationship was irrevocably changed. There was no other choice but to move forward.

I clear my throat loudly and gesture behind me.

"Would you like to go back and sit on the sofa?" I flinch at my question. I sounded too hopeful, it was embarrassing.

He blinks rapidly and nods. I close the door behind him and nudge him towards the living room. He walks slowly, unsure despite his agreement, so I tug at his sleeve until we reach the sofa. I gesture for him to sit down and he looks at me nervously. I push him down and I stand before him.

"I suppose it's my turn now." I whisper under my breath, and I hesitate a moment, thinking of what to do next. I don't want to overextend myself and scare him away. But then again, I've already made my decision. If I aim for the stars and miss, I still might catch the moon.

I swallow back my anxiety and step forward, placing my knee on the sofa's edge, I then put my hands on the sides of his head to balance myself and to keep him in place. His eyes are open wide and his mouth hanging open as I move my other leg closer, settling myself slowly on his knee.

"W-wait, t-this is a bit..."

He looks at me anxiously, his hands raised to defend himself. He doesn't push me away, however, not unless he wants to grope my chest in the process. I close in on him, kissing him tentatively. He lets out a sigh. A sign of him giving up, perhaps? I decide to use my tongue in an attempt to imitate the kissing scenes I've seen in movies or described in books and I feel immensely gratified when I hear him moan.

I pull myself closer, wanting more physical contact. I angle my head just right, to make it easier. I wrap my arms around his neck to embrace him, diminishing the distance between us. I felt warm, and oddly frustrated at the amount of cloth separating us. A tiny part of my brain was panicking, sending signals to the rest of my body, telling me that we were going too far and too fast. But I didn't stop. I couldn't. I felt like a dam inside me had burst, and now several years worth of yearning was...

My thoughts scatter and I jerk backward, quickly moving myself a few inches away from him. My cheeks on fire, I turn my gaze downward.

"S-sorry." He says quickly, his face red with embarrassment.

"N-no," I pull my eyes away from it. "It's a completely natural physical reaction. I was just... surprised."

"Y-yeah," He breathes in deep, trying to compose himself. "Uh, m-maybe we should just call it a day. I'm not sure if I can stop myself if we keep this up."

"Oh," I nod back. It was probably the right thing to do. But... "Do you want to stop?"

"...well, of course not." He looks at me longingly. "But we can if you want to."

"Well..." I stop and consider my options.

If we go on like this, we were bound to do more than just kissing and touching. We were moving just too fast. After all the progress we'd made, wouldn't it be wise to stop here?

But I felt restless and unsatisfied. I still didn't have my answer. And it was unbearably tempting to make him stay. I know I could make the offer. I was willing to give myself up to him, to give him everything. To let myself go.

I smile wryly at our predicament, and at myself. It was such a depressing thought, how badly I wanted him. And to think he used to call me an Ice Queen.

Oh, how much we've changed.

I sigh loudly, reaching a decision. I suppose I could be making the wrong decision, and a time may come when I'll think of this night with regret. But how am I supposed to know for sure?

This could mean an ending, but perhaps, this could be a beginning as well.

But only if he wants it to be.

"I...I'm not against it if you aren't."

"What?"

"Don't make me repeat myself, Hikigaya-kun." I grumble, feeling anxious and drained. The ball was in his court now, the choice now his to make. "Do you want to continue or not?"

I hold my breath and wait, my heart beating faster by the second, ready to jump out and run away.

Thankfully, it doesn't take him long to reach a decision.

He straightens up, his hand trembling slightly as he holds onto my hip. And with a jerky movement reminiscent of terror, he kisses me on the lips.

I suppose I can take that as a yes.

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"..."

"..."

"..."

"C-could you please stop staring?" I complain. "And please, close your mouth, you're drooling."

He shuts his mouth with an audible snap, but his eyes remain fixed on my chest. We were now both inside my room, lying on my bed, our clothes off. We'd taken our time at the sofa. Enjoying one another. But as our kisses became more heated, the novelty quickly wore off. We pulled at our clothes and stumbled our way into my bedroom and onto my bed. And now he was propped up on his elbows, watching me from above, a stupid - and quite disgusting - look on his face. Though the lights were off, the moon outside was shining bright, and my pale skin seemed to glow. We were both under the covers, but the light was angled in a way to make most of my upper body visible, and he was now enjoying the view.

"Hikigaya-kun... really..." I mumble, feeling more and more embarrassed. "If you don't say anything..."

I hesitantly cover my breasts with my arm. It was quite late for me to do so and I wasn't completely unhappy with his admiration. Nor was I feeling insecure, at least not entirely. Obviously, mine weren't as large as others, but at least the shape was perfect, and his obvious desire for me did boost my confidence quite a lot. It's just that his regard was just a little too much for me to take. He seemed almost worshipful or hungry. I was confused. Was I a Goddess in his eyes, or a side of beef? It was making me a little uncomfortable.

"S-sorry," He chokes out, snapping out of his reverie, his eyes focusing on mine.

"It's fine." I smile at him. "I can't blame you for being fascinated. A man such as yourself would never dream of an opportunity such as this. You are quite blessed, Hikigaya-kun."

"Y-yeah," He smiles wryly at me. "I can't help it. I spent most of the evening watching you in that dress. My mind's numb after all that stimulation."

"Ah, I see." I thank Nee-san quietly. Perhaps the dress wasn't such a bad idea after all. "Did you have fun undressing me with your rotten eyes? How does reality compare to your fantasies? You are quite the lucky man, aren't you?"

I chuckle as he throws me an annoyed look. He then shuts his eyes with a loud sigh.

"I wasn't the only one fantasizing about you." He whines. "You were pretty generous with your blessings. Walking all over the place, turning this way and that."

"How exactly..." I feel a lump of ice form inside me."...did I... did the dress... reveal something it shouldn't?"

Did I have a wardrobe malfunction? One that I didn't even notice? That would be horrifying.

"Huh?" He looks at me, confused at my reaction. He then shakes his head, as if to clear his cluttered mind. "No, I don't think so. There were others who wore gowns a little more revealing than yours. I was mostly talking about the guys who kept staring at you at the party."

"Oh, good." I sigh in relief. This was something normal. It was something I've gotten used to and something I've learned to ignore. Though the stares I gathered earlier were probably more than what I'd get on a normal night, considering my outfit. There must have been quite a lot of them for him to notice.

"Were you jealous?" I tease lightly.

"Nah," He shrugs, dismissive. "I just felt sorry for them. They're in love with you but they don't know just how much of a pain you are. The idiots."

I slap his arm playfully and smile up at him. I was feeling a little more relaxed after our usual back and forth. And I was breathing more easily. But I shouldn't get complacent. The night was still young, and there were... things we still needed to do. And we might as well start, no sense in delaying the inevitable.

I raise one hand and place it on his chest, he was cold to the touch, and I could feel him tremble. "...you can touch me if you want to." I whisper softly.

We'd already gone this far. And he'd seen most of me too. There was no reason at all for me to deny him now.

Though in truth, I wish he didn't look too eager. His intentions were all too clear for me to read.

But I guess we can't all have everything.

I gasp and shiver as his right hand cups my breast. Despite the fact that his hand felt cold and clammy, the pleasure I felt at the contact was so sharp I had to hold my breath.

His lips brush against my shoulder as he lowers his head on the side of my pillow and I whimper as I feel his weight on top of me. His proximity, our intimacy, was driving me insane. To be able to feel so much of him, to be this close, after years of keeping our distance...

I twist my neck to kiss him on the mouth, and I wrap my arms around him, squeezing him tight. His hand starts to roam, slowly moving down my side, stroking my hip and sending a wave of pleasure throughout my body.

I could feel the tip of his arousal pressing against my navel. It was quite distracting, and I was feeling my anticipation and anxiety slowly build. But it was something I need to get used to. Any moment now, he was going to put that thing inside of me. So instead of pulling away, I decide to raise my hip and press myself on him. The moan he lets out was worth the trouble.

In retaliation, he hooks his finger on my panties, and with a sudden jerk downwards, he pulls them off. I gasp and squeeze his arm in surprise. The suddenness of the exposure had me feeling a little annoyed. But I could understand his impatience.

"A warning would have been appreciated."

"Sorry," He breathes out, and I feel his hand squeeze my hip. "I can't hold back anymore. Is it okay if I touch you down there?"

He was breathing hard and his voice sounded hoarse. And with his chest pressed on mine, I could feel his heart beating, fast and erratic. His body now felt exceedingly warm, and I could feel him trembling. To cause such a reaction on him made me feel pleased and afraid at the same time.

"It's fine," I answer, feeling anxious and not just a little excited. "But be gentle, okay?"

He nods as he presses his lips to the side of my neck and I feel his hand slowly move towards my groin. His touch sends me shivering, my skin felt overly sensitive and the feel of his fingers was electric. I was breathing loudly and in gasps, and I could tell that the sounds I was making was having an effect on him.

His hand reaches my intimate area and my hips buckle at the contact. I was filled with a desire for him, to have him touch me, to feel me, to give me pleasure. I wanted more of his attention, and I pull him down closer, hooking my legs to his and moving myself along his body, causing him to groan loudly.

"Yukinoshita..." He breathes out.

"Hikigaya-kun..." I sob, putting as much feeling as I can in my voice.

His hand starts to move, his fingers tracing the outer lip. I pull my panties off completely and spread my legs wider to give him better access. He starts to explore, opening myself wider and dragging a finger down the gap. His touch on my sex causes me to whimper, and the sound makes him press harder.

I lower my hand to touch him, intent on giving back as much as I was taking. I grasp his erection, and I move my hand up and down, stroking and squeezing, making him moan. He reciprocates in kind, slowly inserting his finger inside me, pushing a little deeper each time, pulling it in and out, making wet noises that became embarrassingly louder.

He then lowers his head, trailing kisses along my neck and my shoulder, slowly moving downward. His lips reach my breast and he kisses them lovingly, using tongue and teeth in good measure. Making me cry out his name over and over.

It doesn't take long for me to go over the edge, for the pleasure to reach its peak. I arc my back and call out his name one last time as I grip him hard, the orgasm making me pant and bringing me to tears. He follows after a second, gasping loudly as his seed pours out onto my belly. I close my eyes for a moment, exhausted by the intensity, Hikigaya-kun's head resting on my shoulder, a pleasant and reassuring weight.

He tilts his head after a minute, kissing me lightly on the cheek. "That was..."

"...amazing, yes." I finish for him, nudging his jaw with my nose.

I stroke his back with my hand, tracing patterns on his shoulder as we steady our breathing. The reprieve doesn't last long, however. He was still quite aroused and, to be quite honest, so was I. There was still something yet to do.

"Hikigaya-kun," I whisper, secretly amused at how seductive my voice sounded. "you know what to do next."

There was no need to tell him twice. He raises himself off of me, adjusting his position. He then looks up, his expression serious.

"Tell me to stop if it gets too painful, okay? This could hurt a lot."

I nod at him. "I suppose it might. Though I'm hoping it won't. I tore my hymen years ago, so there's a chance that there won't be any bleeding at least. Hopefully that means that the pain won't - what?"

He looks at me dumbly, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "...you tore your what?"

"Oh," I smile in understanding. "Please don't misunderstand."

"Misunderstand what?" He says a little loudly, a hint of panic in his voice.

I chuckle at his reaction, enjoying his distress. But it wouldn't be fair to tease him too much on this, so I raise my hands to cup his face, stroking his cheek in comfort. "Horseback riding used to be one of my hobbies. During summer, back in middle school, my family would go visit our vacation house out in Kanto. We owned a stable and several horses, the land was flat and wide, and Nee-san and I used to ride together." I smile in remembrance. Recalling the wind brushing my hair and the exhilarating feeling of freedom.

"One day," I continue. "Nee-san challenged me to a race. We galloped long and hard, and I tried my best to win but in the end I lost. I felt sore afterwards. On the way back, Nee-san pointed out that I was bleeding. It wasn't my period yet, I knew because I had one just the week before, and I panicked. Nee-san took advantage of that and started teasing me, telling me that I was no longer fit to be a wife. That my first time was wasted on a horse. My mother then tried to reassure me, telling me that this happened occasionally, that my hymen broke because of the stress. And that I was still, technically, a virgin. It was mortifying." I end my story with a shiver.

"O-oh, I'm sorry." He gives me a sympathetic look. "That sounds rough."

"Yes," I muster up a smile. "But that's all in the past. It's not important anymore."

"Yeah," He sighs, a little in relief. "For a moment there, I thought you..." He stops, shaking his head to banish the thought, and I try to fill in the blanks.

"With Hayama-kun?" I ask and he responds with a sheepish nod.

I shake my head in denial. "I would never. You are far more precious to me than he ever was or ever will be."

I feel my cheeks heat up at my admission, and I know he was feeling equally embarrassed. I cough to brush away the feeling, I then smile up at him. "How long will you keep me waiting, Hikigaya-kun?"

With a grunt, he lowers his hip and places himself just outside my entrance. I adjust my position and angle my hips to meet him.

"Okay, here I go..."

He thrusts his hips forward and I spread my legs a little wider as I feel him push. I try not to clench and relax. His thing was now slowly inching its way inside of me, and the pain was sharp enough to put tears in my eyes, sending a chill down my spine that left me shivering. I was never one for self-gratification, I have never touched myself in this manner, so I was completely inexperienced. It was surprising how sensitive I felt. And how awful it was. But this feeling of intimacy, of closeness, made the discomfort bearable, and more than worth it.

I decide to push myself down on him, hoping to finish it in one stroke. I was quite wet with desire and the rest of him slid easily all the way in. The shock of pain had me gasping for air, and it felt immensely uncomfortable and invasive. But we were both connected now. And that thought fills me with wonder, enough to make everything else feel unimportant, just tiny little details beside the all encompassing feeling of unity.

I finally understood. I could finally see what the big deal was. Why some couples were so happy, why some of my female classmates would look at them with jealous eyes. To feel this complete with someone else was a joy.

I wipe my tears away as I catch my breath, laughing a little hysterically.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I kiss him soundly on the lips. "Don't mind me."

He pulls himself out a little, carefully withdrawing, and I gasp at the friction. I cross my legs behind his back and push him downwards, encouraging him. He begins to move rhythmically. The constant strokes set a pulse of pleasure slowly building deep inside me, and I cling hard to his shoulder to pull him down, wanting more. My gasps eventually turn into cries and I kiss him to silence myself, pushing my tongue inside his mouth, synching with his thrusts. I press myself harder to him, the sound of my flesh slapping on his egging me on, driving me wild. It doesn't take long for us to lose our rhythm, to thrust at each other erratically. I try to hold back a little longer, only to fail as he pushes hard against me just as I was pulling him down. The pleasure peaks and my hips convulse as I cry out, my mind blank and my legs numb. I breathe fast to catch my breath, holding onto him as my body continues to spasm. He grunts a heartbeat later as he reaches orgasm, and I feel him throbbing inside me, the movement sending me over again, making me weep.

We stay still afterwards, feeling drained, and for the moment, satiated. I kept my eyes closed, enjoying the feel of his body, his weight resting on mine. I raise one hand and place it on his head to stroke his hair.

"Yukinoshita..." He whispers after a while. "Sorry."

"What for?" I answer drowsily.

"For hurting you."

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." In fact, I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. But he doesn't need to know that.

He coughs lightly. "I also came a lot inside you."

"Oh." I open my eyes a fraction.

"Is that okay?"

I think about it for a moment. "I haven't had my period yet."

"What does that mean?"

"It means it's not okay."

"Oh."

I twist below him and he pulls himself off of me to lie on my side. I turn to face him and smile.

"Don't worry. Getting pregnant isn't as easy as one would initially assume. And I believe there are contraceptives I could take to avoid it." I reassure him.

"Oh," He closes his eyes in relief. "That's good."

"Is it so unappealing to you?" I complain half-heartedly. "We would have to marry if I end up carrying your child. That would be a tragedy on my part but a miracle on yours, if you think about it."

"You're over-exaggerating." He retorts, voice muffled by my pillow. "I'm not that bad. I'd make a great house husband. You'd be lucky to have me."

I sigh dramatically. "I'm skilled at cooking and I'm capable of doing household chores. Despite my image, I am quite domesticated. A house husband would be redundant. I don't need one."

I wipe the sweat of my brow and fix my hair. The movement catches his attention, and his admiring gaze slowly moves from my hands, to my arms, to my shoulder and downwards. I feel flattered by his attention and I try my best not to preen.

"Yukinoshita," He speaks up, his voice a low rumble. I couldn't help but feel a thrill of excitement at the sound. "Are you feeling okay?"

I swallow to wet my throat. "Yes, I suppose. I'm feeling a little sore, but I'm fine."

"...can we try again?"

"...I don't see why not." I answer a little too quickly. But what use was dignity in the face of love? Or whatever it is we're feeling right now.

I take a deep breath and roll towards him, placing myself on top of him, my hands on his chest, pushing him down. I sit up, letting the bed covers fall away, exposing my flesh. He stares at me openly, his eyes wide as he takes it all in. I grin at him haughtily, pleased by his reaction.

"Well then, Hikigaya-kun." I flick my hair out of my eyes. "My turn."

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My head felt like an overripe melon, and the light outside like knives trying to pierce it. I groan and turn around, burrowing deep into my pillow. I reach my hand out tentatively, hoping to snuggle. But instead of warmth, I find only empty space.

I open my eyes to squint and for a second I panic as I register his absence. I breathe out and settle down quickly, however. I know he wouldn't be that insensitive. His side of the bed was empty, but there was a lingering warmth on the space he vacated. He was probably just using the bathroom.

With a grunt, I sit up slowly and carefully, trying to avoid making any movement that would cause the sore parts of my body additional grief. I look out the window, wondering at the time. The sun was shining brightly outside, and almost at its peak.

Putting my feet on the floor, I take a long look at my bed and the rest of my surroundings. The sheets were crumpled, and there were noticeable stains on some places, a testament to our activities last night. Our clothes were lying on the floor as well, thrown away randomly as we went our way towards the bed.

I stand up and groan, feeling my body ache. My stamina was never something I could brag about, and last night's activities had taxed me greatly. I stretch to try and ease away the soreness. Though there was not much I could do with the discomfort I felt down there. Except maybe to take a nice warm bath.

Now that was a good idea, a bath would be absolutely perfect. I was feeling sticky all over, and my hair was a mess. A good long bath would make me feel right as rain.

The idea of soaking in the tub gave me a little burst of energy. And I walk smartly towards my closet, grabbing a bathrobe within. I tie my hair up into a loose ponytail and I step out of the room to look around, Hikigaya-kun wasn't in the living room or the kitchen and the bathroom door was closed. I head towards it and twist the doorknob, finding it locked. It seemed that my guess was right.

I walk inside the kitchen to prepare breakfast instead. I browse through the cupboards to check for ingredients and I open the fridge and give the contents a more careful look, quickly crossing off items that were obviously spoiled. With what I had left, I decide to make a pasta dish.

I grab the ingredients and arrange them on the kitchen counter. I then start to boil the water for the pasta.

I decide to clean up in the meantime. I walk into my room to gather up our clothes, and to fix the bed sheets. As I tidy up, I notice a slight sour smell in the air, and I blush at the thought of its cause. I decide to spray aerosol all over the bed and the room to cover it up. I then proceed to the living room where we'd started to undress, grabbing Hikigaya-kun's coat and shirt off the table and folding them neatly.

I go back inside my room to place them among his other things. And that's when I notice my phone, peeking out of my handbag.

A small feeling of dread starts to niggle its way into my thoughts.

I reach out slowly, grabbing it from my bag. With my hand trembling slightly, I turn it on.

There were 8 missed calls and 11 messages.

Oh no.

I'd completely forgotten. I hadn't sent any messages to my father or to Nee-san on the way home. I'd been too occupied. And then last night happened.

I groan as I check my inbox. Most of the messages were from Nee-san. A few were from my father. One from Yuigahama-san's. I ignore hers for the moment, she usually sends something random on a daily basis, something like "I ate an omelet for breakfast!". I open the ones from Nee-san and father. Father was asking worriedly about me, but his text wasn't the last one I received. I check Nee-san's messages next, most were questions, coupled by a few thinly veiled threats. But it looks as if Nee-san managed to cover for me. Telling my father and mother that I was staying in my apartment, and that I'd sent her a message notifying her about my decision. She'd guessed correctly, but there was an underlying warning in her last message. That if I wasn't where she expected me to be, there would be hell to pay.

There was only one way for her to know for sure.

I spin around and walk to the bathroom. Intent on warning Hikigaya-kun. But just as I step out of my room, a loud series of knocks suddenly echoes through the apartment.

"Yukino-channnn!"

A cheery voice calls out from behind the door.

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AN

I'm so sorry! Again!

This chap was freaking tough to write. Had to deal with a bad case of writer's block the first two weeks. Couldn't write past the 1k word mark, re-did the chap, and then I couldn't write more than 2k, so I ended up redoing it again.

I initially tried to keep it T rated, but if I did so, I'd have been forced to condense the lemon scene into 1-3 paragraphs, which would have been hard and kind of disappointing to do. So I ended up writing whatever came to mind and I got 2k words worth of smut. I didn't expect to write that much, and I sort of hate myself for it, but meh, that was one of my original goals anyway, so I guess it's okay... I think.

Also, as I was writing this fic, I had several things in mind. One, horseback riding: in vol 1, Yukino's and Haruno's character profile have it under hobbies. So I figured something like her hymen tearing up wouldn't be too out of place. Two, real world ( possibly TMI ) trivia, about a woman's first time experience: the pain they feel is inversely proportional to their arousal, there are exceptions to the rule but this is mostly true.

Anyway, to the guys who find lemons a bit uncomfortable, I cut the chap in a way to make it clear where the scene would start. So, hopefully, you guys managed to avoid or skim the parts that might be a bit cringey to you.

Also, thanks guys for reviewing and sending me pms and stuff. It's very encouraging and uplifting to hear from you people!

I'll be trying my best to update faster now, I might be busy late next week but for the next 7 days, I'm more or less free. My goal right now is to finish this story before Jan 3 (?) or Yukino's bday, whenever that is. There's a chance that v12 might get published on that date, so I'd rather spend my time hunting for spoilers and translations around that time.

Anonymouse ( and everyone else who's worried ) - I wrote a timeline, or a checklist sort of thing back when I was still working on ch 6. ( or maybe 7, or around that time anyway ) so basically I already have a plot outline, if that's what it's called. I have an idea of what's going to happen in ch12,13, and so on. I have a somewhat clear picture of the beginning and ending of each chap, it's the middle parts that give me trouble. I also tend to make a few changes along the way, some small, some big, but essentially, all is good. So you guys don't have to worry about this fic becoming undone. I have things planned and all I need is the time to write em out in a way that won't end up in me hating myself too much. :D