Chapter 11: Change

REN´S POV

986, 987, 988, 989, 990-

Someone enters the gym, interrupting my weights train. I glance over the door and see Mariana. Again here. She looks serious. She goes over the bench, seats down and patiently waits for me to finish.

So I continue. 997, 998, 999, 1000.

Drinking some milk, I look at her way and can tell she wants to talk. I think I know what this is about. "I´ll go take a bath, if you don ´t mind" I say sarcastically.

An extremely prolonged bath and an hour worth of aimless circling in my dorm later, I step outside. She ´s waiting for me, leaning against the door.

"What do you want?" I shoot aggressively.

"Could we go for a walk?" She requests passively.

"A walk? With you?" I ask dismissively, although the idea does not sound unappealing. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Come on, we can take some milk and cookies" She insists. "Please?"

I sigh exaggeratedly "Ok. But a quick one" She nods, still in that serene way.

So we walk. We start off silently, just watching the way, almost gliding. This is not so bad, sort of relaxing.

"Let ´s go there" She points at the river. She leads the way and I follow. She stops close to the edge, flings herself on the grass and pats at her side, inviting me to do the same. I sit down slowly next to her and lean back. We stay like that for a while. Hearing the wind, the birds, the river, the silence, a peaceful feeling invades me. A strange mood comes into me, almost enjoyable and I close my eyes, finally relaxing.

About half an hour later, I hear Mariana moving and suddenly feel a hand in my arm. Tensing up, I open my eyes to find her face directly above from mine, her eyes looking into mine. Her hair is tied in a pony tail, which falls over her shoulder. She looks concernedly at me.

"Ren" She mutters softly "I know what happened. I know about Chrom"

I turn my head to the side, close my eyes again and breath deeply, trying to stay calm. "Yeah, I thought you did. It ´s true. You can leave if you want" For some reason it pains me to say this, I can ´t bear to watch her leave.

"No" I look at her. She ´s a determined expression on her face. "I talked to Jun. She told me about you and your family?"

I tense up again. "So what?" I say coldly. "What ´s that got to do with anything?"

"It ´s different. Even though I still consider it a horrible thing to do, to kill an innocent man, it´s not the same thing as if you would have been from a normal family. They don ´t sound like very nice people" She explains.

"What the fuck do you mean with that?!" I snarl at her. "You ´re telling me that you pity me or something?! I don ´t need you to come and feel sorry for me! You have no idea who you ´re talking to, do you? I ´m not some poor guy, victim of a nasty system in the society. I killed the guy ´cause I felt like it! There ´s no excuse for that!" I end up shouting at her. Saying all this causes an unexplainable ache in my chest and I feel awful.

I stand up in a rush and am about to leave, but Mariana grips my hand with hers and doesn't let me. "Wait! It ´s not like that, Ren!" She tries to pull me back down.

With a hard tug, I free myself of her. "NO! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU STUPID GIRL! Don ´t you understand? It ´s dangerous for you to be around me! I ´m not good for you to be around. You ´re an innocent and nice girl, while I ´m no more than a murderer!" I bellow at the top of my voice. "What are you trying to do anyway? Change me? Comfort me? If that ´s your plan, think twice. I ´m sullied, nothing fixable. You could get hurt in this"

I try to walk away once more, but now she goes for my legs and tackles me down. She climbs on top of me.

"Listen! I ´m not justifying your actions. I ´m not making up excuses for you. You did something that might be unforgivable. I don ´t know, I ´m not god" She attempts to reason, breathing heavily from the exertion. "But do not say you are sullied! You have a lot to give! And instead of thinking yourself as trash and a sinner, why don ´t you think of correcting your ways for a change? You can ´t undo what you have done, but you can make a difference in the future!"

"Get off of me!!!!" I push her away a bit but not really trying. "You don ´t understand anything!"

"No! I ´m not going anywhere! Did you think I was just kidding when I promised I would prove your views wrong? Or that I was saying that out of compromise for helping me?" She yells in my face, tears falling down her face. "Well, you were wrong. I ´m here to stay, I ´m not leaving you any time soon. And not just for your sake, trust me"

She pauses for a long time. We are both breathing hard, making an effort to calm down. "Look" She starts again "There is always hope. You have to believe in yourself. Don ´t you see? If you would be a lost case this conversation wouldn't be affecting you so much, you wouldn't have been so disturb after killing Chrom, you would never had come here with me or saved my life the day we met and taken me to your own home to make sure I was alright. You think a person who is completely mean would do things like that?" She pauses once more with a pant. "Well, let me give you some news, darl. I ´ve met some damn evil people in my life, like the real kind of shit that resides in this world and I can assure you, you ´re not one of them. This people I ´m talking about never felt even a fraction of remorse, a feeling which, right now, you are showing in enormous quantities. You are calling yourself a murderer, saying you ´re not good and that you ´re sullied. You obviously regret your actions. And even though that doesn't fix anything, it ´s definitely a good start for making a change!" She finishes her speech.

She slowly disentangles herself from me. I don't move. She stares at me, obviously waiting for a reaction. I have none. I feel both numb and overwhelmed at the same time.

She speaks yet again "The most important matter is…..do you want to change?"

I think it over for a moment. "Yes" I hate the way my voice shakes. However, I evade eye contact. Even though I ´m being truthful, I ´m not sure I can change. As the saying tells, old habits die hard. My habits are to hate and be unpleasant.

"Ok then" She says soothingly, a hand reaching my face and touching it gently. "If you have the will to change, then I will help you in anything I can. I swear I ´ll be there for you in every step"

She leans down and hugs me. And once again, I don't feel like pushing her away. Together, we watch the sunset in peace.

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Fast update huh? Dont forget to review please, it makes me write faster!