Wow...so, um hey everybody-who-still-might-bother-to-read-this. Sorry...again. There is no denying it, I'm a horrible updater.
Stars
There was an hour to go before dawn when he came. It had taken him longer than I had expected, but when he suddenly materialized by the window far in the corner of the room I was not surprised. The curtain ruffled slightly with the window wide open, but no sound had been made. His agility and stealth were impressive, but I kept the compliments for later and stood up. I turned to look at Bella who slept soundly, mumbling occasionally a word or two. He then gestured at me towards the window with a curt nod before jumping out himself. I didn't want to leave her, but had no choice. This was it for me.
Carlisle stopped after we had run several miles into a large expanse of forest. If he had turned and chopped off my head to later bury me next to a maple nobody would find me, especially not Bella. I wasn't stupid, but I was aware that my say in any matter had disappeared as soon as the Cullens had let me into their home. I was not going to be a rude guest and start a fight just because Carlisle did not let me pick the place to have our reunion conversation.
He turned abruptly and eyed me coldly.
"Before you begin to tell me how great it is to see me, may I say how good you look? Life with humans suits you. Have you lost weight?" my voice sounded carefully dry to my ears, but I was on constant guard. I positioned my body in an anchored position in case he decided to pounce on me unexpectedly. Carlisle may have been much younger, but it would have been careless of me to underestimate him.
"I am not going to lie to you, Gabe," he began shrewdly, "This situation was one I could not have possibly imagined in my wildest dreams. You are protecting a human. Where was I when hell froze over?"
"I don't blame you for not noticing, it's pretty chilly here," I replied annoyed.
"Quit the bullshit Gabriel," he snapped heatedly, "I can tell that this is just the beginning of a serious problem."
"Well not really, it has been going on for a while—"
"A problem for me and my family," Carlisle clarified. I opened my mouth to reply, but realized I had no retort for it. A century ago I probably would have a dozen comebacks that would have made him visibly wince, but now a part of me felt ashamed for putting him in the position I had by coming with Bella. He and his family had been in danger the moment they had opened the doors of the clinic for us.
We stood in silence as he waited for a response and I waited for him to save me from apologizing. Finally he closed his eyes and strained his face, as if he was collecting his remaining patience.
"Gabriel, have you changed?"
I had been prepared to respond, but to the expected question, "Why are you here?" This one I had definitely not anticipated.
"What do you mean?" I asked slowly, wondering if it was a trick question.
"I'm giving you a break," he said clearly, "Tomorrow you can explain your situation with Bella, but for now you have to tell me the truth about this or else I can't let you into my home. Have you changed?"
My mouth opened and closed, mostly because I was speechless. Had I changed? Yes, I most definitely had. For one thing I no longer had the rank of an Elder in the inner circle of the immortals. The Ban was stamped blatantly on my forehead, and I was being hunted by my kind. I had gone from king to pauper. That was a big change, but I knew that that wasn't what he wanted from me. The Gabriel he knew was insolent and cruel. The Gabriel he knew would have never touched a human with a caring hand, except to break its neck. Most importantly, the Gabriel he knew would have walked into the rising sun rather than admit he possessed these deficiencies of character.
"I have," I finally said with my voice cracking, "are you happy? I'm a happy-go-lucky idiot like you now. Maybe you could teach me how to use a catheter, I could become one of your nurses and heal the world with kisses."
He smirked at my sarcasm, but his expression finally softened, "You need more than kisses to fix this world."
Before I could point out I had not been serious he stuck his hands in the pockets of his trousers and slouched his shoulders: a position of relaxation, of trust. He trusted me to keep from attacking him.
"If you are telling me the truth about this," he began, "then you will have no problem to promise me something."
My old opportunist senses rose from the ashes and screamed at me to say no automatically, but they were too weak against this new thing called conscience.
"What do you want?" I asked carefully, eyeing him suspiciously. Aside from my conscience, I feared that he would refuse to protect Bella if I didn't go on with his request.
"I don't know if Bella has told you about Edward," he began, but stopped to gauge my reaction. I kept my face carefully blank and remained silent so that he had no choice but to continue. "The reason why we left Forks was because Edward could not stand the idea that one of us—one of our kind—would hurt Bella…and then for one to arrive with her in tow after the huge effort it took him, and us, to leave, definitely makes emotions run high. He will make this harder on you, so will the others. Mostly because in his eyes you are putting her in harms way just by being near her, not to mention the fact that you two seem somewhat close.
"Tomorrow simply state why you are here, nothing more. I know how you can be, please don't make this harder on him."
"What exactly do you mean by that?" I asked acidly.
"I guess what I am trying to say is that he loves her Gabriel." Carlisle finally stated point-blank, "and she loves him. Starting a fight for petty reasons, as you are wont to do, will only hurt people."
I couldn't exactly tell, but there was a new emotion that was building up. Was it ire? Indignation? Hurt?
"So the only reason you brought me here was to promise you I would not fight with your trophy boy, is that?" I asked through gritted teeth. He was just standing placidly with his soft expression, almost pitying. It made me angry enough for my fists to clench involuntarily. He was so presumptuous.
"Yes…that is correct. Please play nice with my children, Gabriel. I would hate to have to fight you. I believe you would not want to do that, especially in front of Bella, am I right? So can you please lay your pettiness aside and give me your word?"
My stoic silence made him sigh in genuine weariness, "This promise is as much for your sake as it is for mine, more so I'd say."
"I don't see how it would benefit me," I scoffed derisively, "With all due offense Carlisle, I would not mind pulling some of your boy's hairs, especially if he continues to prod my mind. I don't know if you can tell, but right now I have nothing I can call my own. For that prick to go prying into the one thing I thought no one would ever have as if it's his god-given right makes me a little angry, do you understand?"
Carlisle stared me down for a while and I was beginning to think he would leave me hanging just to irritate me but he finally spoke, "If you were to hurt Edward I don't think she would ever forgive you."
This time he let the silence drag, it was up to me to break it. During this entire conversation I had held my ground mostly because of my hard ingrained stubbornness. Part of me did hate to give into whatever he wanted—or whatever anybody wanted from me at all. Had he figured out that by admitting to change I had exposed much more of myself? If that was not the case, how was it that he had formulated an argument he knew I could not deny?
There was just no use questioning it anymore; I was a bona fide happy-go-lucky human-loving idiot, and he was going to take complete advantage of it.
"I promise."
There was no greater thing than waking up to the smell of bacon in the morning—or so I was told. If you happened to be an immortal you would prefer the pig alive and running. Otherwise it was just another overwhelming aroma.
As Bella breathed softly behind me I wondered how long it would be before they came to get her. It had been a stressful night after I had returned from my special rendezvous with Carlisle. The house had been uncomfortably still by that time.
I had been around mortals so long that I had grown accustomed to hearing a sound from every little movement they made. Their very presence created a symphony of sounds with the beating of the heart, gush of the arteries and occasional grinding of the teeth. The past quiet life I had had for so long was washed out of my system.
I closed my eyes and fought to concentrate on the sound of Bella's breathing while trying to tune out the cacophony of pans coming from downstairs. Who was cooking? Carlisle? It was not that hard imagining a frilly apron on him, but no. It was probably Esme. She was the motherly type who probably baked cookies for the human children in the neighborhood instead of actually eating and sucking the kids dry. That wasn't a bad idea…reeling in the bait with cookies. I'm sure it worked extremely well. I could bake brownies and pass them around in the neighborhood park. Children would come to me like crack addicts to coke…beautiful.
You are a raving imbecile.
I blinked and immediately the surrounding sounds of the kitchen and Bella filled my ears. My mind had run off randomly for a while. It occasionally did that nowadays. I strongly suspected it was a manifestation of mind deterioration for being around Bella for as long as I had.
"Rosalie, can you go wake up Bella? I'm almost done with her breakfast," the deep voice rang in my ears as if it had been spoken right next to me. Well, who would have thought? The giant, muscle boy knew how to cook. He didn't seem like the type who would know which end of the butter knife to use.
"It's fine, I'll go get her."
"I do not think that is proper Edward, she might not feel very comfortable with you at the moment. Let Esme go instead," Carlisle intervened immediately. I wondered if he feared I would not honor my promise. Edward aside, I realized it would not be the best idea to remain with Bella. It wasn't like I was a sexual predator of some sort, but she was still a girl after all.
The kiss I had given her last night flashed in my mind like strobe light until it made me light-headed to think about it. My insides quivered in an odd way and I winced. If I had had blood running through me, my face would have been red with shame. The massive age difference between us made it worse. I felt like a lecherous old man.
Only a depraved pervert could kiss a girl while she slept. It had not been fair on her either. She did not get the choice of throwing heavy objects or slapping me.
I realized it was bad for my overall well being to be around Bella. Not only was she morphing me into a mindless imbecile, but a pervert too. I stood up and wondered where to go. Maybe if I went into her old bedroom they would just get confused and think that we had traded our room assignments.
"It will be fine, we slept countless of times together, Bella won't mind if I see her bed head," Edward replied, sounding closer to the stairway. The queasiness in my insides abruptly stopped and the sound of grinding teeth in the room did not come from Bella. He certainly was a presumptuous little prick. I was used to seeing her bed head as well. She tended to throw pillows or books at me if I saw her before she combed it down, but I had seen her. Why did he assume that after all this time he still possessed the right to see her hair looking like a pigeon nest? It had been me whom she had had in her life these past months. I had more right than anybody to see her looking hideous in the mornings—or kiss her at night…well, maybe not that.
Bella had actually wanted him in her bed with her, but what about me? Where did I belong? Had it just been consequential on my part?
In the nanosecond I heard him running up speedily I flopped down again. Besides her was my rightful place. Everybody could dispute it, but I had earned the right to remain there.
The empty bedroom next door made Edward go into a prissy fit.
"She's not here! Gabriel!"
Wow, it had not taken him long to point fingers, had it? Others came running immediately up the stairs as if a national emergency was taking place.
"Where is she?" Edward yelled at them in the hallway. Just how thick did you have to be to not notice her beating heart? She was the only human in the entire house.
"Edward, please calm down!"
"She's not there!" I could not help but laugh a little bit. Bella started to rustle the sheets behind me and sat up muttering incoherently. I felt the bed shudder as the door banged open, sending small pieces of chipped wood flying from the where the door came to impact the wall. I had to admit he posed as an impressive figure as he barraged through the doorway looking murderous. If the situation had merited his overreaction I would have not been amused at the capacity of his rage.
The situation was turning ridiculous. It was true that I was enjoying myself, but we could not keep living a life of sitcoms.
"Just because you don't sleep doesn't mean you have to wake her up so early," I told them softly, hoping they'd leave, but of course that was only wishful thinking.
"Bella, I thought I had given you the room across the hall," Esme intervened, coming to stand before the bed and Edward, as if he would pounce at me without warning. Unfortunately, Bella made the situation worse by opening her enormous mouth and told the entire room that she was used to having me in the room as she slept. Now, I don't remember my dear mother, but I imagined that the horrified expression on Esme's face as she stared at me might have been hers. It made me squirm in the inside. I was not an old, lecherous pervert…I wasn't…it just happened that I liked sleeping in a closet. And yeah—so I might have sniffed her hanged coats and sweaters more than what was considered healthy, even for a starving vampire, but it was not like I would stand over her at night and stare at her as she slept.
Last night did not count.
"Closet, he usually stays in the closet," she attempted to save face, shooting me a worried look.
Carlisle shot me a wide-eyed look that did not mask his amazement and said slowly, "In…the closet."
I could not look away from his amazed gaze that slowly turned into that odd look he had given me at the clinic. It was a searching look, with brief exultation. What was he thinking, and why did it annoy me so much? It was as if he was seeing something far beyond my understanding, and enjoyed not sharing it. Whatever it was, it somehow gave him an upper hand over me.
"He would stay with you—in your closet?" Edward was saying, his voice getting lower in intonation. The corners of Carlisle's mouth turned and he raised an eyebrow at me. Instantly I knew he was thinking how un-Gabriel like I had been behaving. It made me wince inwardly. I had mocked him endlessly for his affection for humans. Now, I had joined his team, somewhat unwillingly, but here I was nonetheless.
"I suppose you are going to feed her, she hasn't had anything for a while," I said trying to change the subject but my words only made him stare amazed at me.
"I'm not hungry," Bella muttered beside us, but we all ignored her. The woman Esme held her hands to her face, looking anxiously from me to Edward, as if we would jump each other's throats at any second. Unfortunately for Edward, Carlisle intervened by grabbing him gently by the elbow and pulling him slowly back. He must have said something telepathically to him because they exchanged quick looks. Whatever had passed between them made Edward nod almost imperceptibly and walk briskly out of the room.
"Bella, I'll bring you some of my clothes. You can take a quick shower before you head down," Esme said smiling gently at her, but the tone of her voice remained somewhat strained from the past confrontation.
Bella blinked at us from the mass surroundings of blankets and pillows with her hair mussed. I wondered if she thought all of this was just a dream. She turned to me, as if waiting for directions on what to do.
"You should do as you're told Bella," I mumbled and grabbed one of her feet sticking out. I pulled her effortlessly across the bed until she was almost falling out that she had to stand up. Like always, her abundant grace won over and she tripped on a bed sheet. I caught her and straightened her out easily. She was malleable in my hands, like a mannequin. "Bella, can you please wake up. Unless you want me to wash you myself."
She blinked once more and smiled lazily, "Gabe, you pervert." Esme and her had left and snapped the door shut behind them before I managed to shut my mouth too. It was my turn to blink on the spot like a moron. A pervert? Me?
Oh dear gods, did she know? Maybe she had been awake…she knew.
I had never been so mortified in my life…and it had been a very, very long one. What kind of person would let another person kiss them and not say anything? I turned quickly away from the bed; ashamed at the memory it created. The sheet Bella had tripped on got tangled on me and I ended up tearing it while falling gracefully.
It was amazing what a clear perspective could be attained from the floor. For one thing, I realized I had reached an all time low, both literally and figuratively.
Okay, the way I saw it Bella had been awake and realized I had kissed her. After which she had pretended to be asleep for it and then called me a pervert later on. Conclusion?
I was a bad kisser.
Esme and a hair-dripping Bella returned twenty minutes later to find me seated serenely on the bed.
"Gabe," Bella said stopping shortly, immediately noticing the oddity in the room.
"What?"
"Did you do the bed?"
I looked at the neat bed around me and mouthed for a second before realizing there was no use lying, "I did, is that a crime?" Bella was about to reply but I continued pointlessly, "We are guests here, why is it wrong of me to show my thanks by doing the bed?"
My innocent and seemingly rational response made Esme smile at me, but Bella knew better. She stared at me through narrowed eyes that clearly said, 'I know you would not touch a bed with a ten foot pole, liar.'
Of course I had had an ulterior motive for doing the bed. Doing it kept others from doing it, hence keeping others from noticing the torn sheets. Hiding my shame with benevolent acts—that was the way of the wise ones.
Esme took us later downstairs to the dining room where they had set up the table for Bella's breakfast. The pretty boy was there by the chair on the head and drew it out for her. He gave me a quelling look, as if daring me to come further into the room. Taking this as an obvious invitation I walked right behind Bella and took a seat next to her. It was funny how I kept forgetting the promise I had made not too long ago, but making him angry was so much fun! Like picking eggs in Easter; you poked and poked until a happy surprise came along.
"Would you like some scrambled eggs too, Gabe?" Emmett, the housewife, asked scathingly, carrying in a laden plate with steaming food.
"Do you have some kids around the house? I prefer five to ten year olds, they taste the freshest," I said airily, "O positive would be perfect, but if you have negative that is fine too, I'm not picky."
Edward and Emmett both hissed at me through bared teeth. There were large windows that had been left open so that the morning sunshine poured in. All of us with the exception of Bella shone like glittery statues that happened to move.
"He's being silly," Bella explained placidly while spreading her napkin neatly on her lap. This was the first proper meal she had had in a long time. I was sure she was determined to enjoy it. " Gabe is like you guys; he doesn't drink human blood. If he did he would have killed me months ago."
The plaintively delivered statement was followed by a dry silence. The Cullens eyed me warily, clearly doubting her words. Edward especially did not hide his fangs entirely, but he did back away from the table.
"You don't want to join us?" I asked him giving him my most winning smile, which happened to show a little fang or two as well.
Something small and cold hit my face. I looked down in time to see a large grape rolling from the table after it bounced off me. Bella gave me a dirty look that clearly told me to behave.
"Please eat and take your time Bella," Esme finally said, coming over to Edward and begin to steer him from the room. "When you are done, we will be waiting for you two in the study, alright?"
Everybody exit the room and Bella finally picked up her fork. I noticed her shoulders relaxed after they had all departed. Their presence made her antsy for some reason, or maybe it was just Edward who did. I let her eat in silence after that. My mind was reeling with last night. Was she not talking to me because she was ignoring me, or because she was just enjoying her bacon? I could not tell, but maybe after she was done she would start yelling and throwing her empty plate at my head.
"Gabe would you like some of my kiss?" Bella finally turned to me and smiled innocently.
"What?" I gasped, shocked that she would bring it up in such a blasé way, "No, why would I? Y-you're disgusting," I stammered edging away from her on my chair. Bella frowned and cocked an eyebrow at me.
"What is wrong with my quiche?" the large muscle freak asked affronted, coming into the room in a flash. He was wearing an apron and held a ladle spoon on hand. Seriously.
"Nothing, it's delicious Emmett, I had no idea you were such a good cook," Bella said taking another bite of the egg tart. Once more I felt my mouth hanging without reason. Quiche, not kiss. I was an idiot.
"Yes, delicious, great, awesome protein. Everybody has to eat it," I babbled absentmindedly as Emmett shot me a poisonous look and headed back into the kitchen.
Bella turned to me with a worried look, "Gabe, are you alright? You've been acting funny all morning."
"Funny? Funny how?" I snapped looking at everything else in the room except for her.
"I don't know," she said slowly between bites, "A little jumpy, I guess."
"Elders don't jump Bella," I grumbled while playing with her butter knife. Bella reached over and gently touched my hand. I jumped a foot in the air and let the knife fly off into the air. It clattered nosily on the tile ground and made the muscle head poke his head in again to scowl at me for a second.
"Gabe?" Bella said softly as I retracted my hand sharply as if she had shocked me. I didn't answer and stood up quickly, almost knocking the chair behind me. I heard her put her fork down and stand up. I started to pace but I felt her grab my shirt and hold me in place. "Are you alright? Are you nervous because we have to explain ourselves right now? You don't have to worry about that Gabe. I know Edward and Emmett look like they are out for blood but Carlisle is a fair man. He'll hear us out, and I'll make sure they know how much I trust you. It'll be okay."
I trust you…I knew those three words would haunt me later, but I could only deal with one pink elephant in the room at a time.
"Were you awake?" I blurted turning to her. She looked up at me blankly and said slowly, "Yeah, I'm awake now."
"No, last night. Were you awake…then," I choked out feeling like an idiot. If she had been aware I had to apologize, if she hadn't—I just had to forget about it. It had been nothing. It had meant nothing. Parents kissed their children all the time it was not uncommon. I just didn't want her to think I thought of her in that way…and yeah, I did, but she didn't have to know about it.
Bella looked up at me and suddenly smiled, "Wow, you really need to feed don't you? You are speaking gibberish." She turned and sat back down to finish her food.
Slowly I sat back down and watched her eat. There was no sign that she was lying. She hadn't been aware at all…for some reason that did not make me feel any type of relief. A masochistic side of me wanted for her to have known. I looked as she kept eating placidly and felt for the first time that I had done the right thing at bringing her here. Before it had only been empty words about how much the Cullens were better and how they would protect her. The thing was that they were better. As much as I wanted to scorn them for being flighty and full of rainbows, they were good people. Me? I would have sucked Bella dry had I been given the chance. Even now I doubted myself. If the ban were to be removed who was to say I wouldn't lose myself and kill her automatically? I feared I was more likely to kill her than kiss her, given the chance.
"Almost over," Bella muttered giving me a guarded look.
"Yes, I know," I sighed and slumped on my chair, "It took a while, but it'll soon be over."
I played with her napkin ring on the table, but it took me a moment to realize that there was no more noise of utensils against plate. Looking up I met Bella's wide brown eyes. A few months ago the look she was giving me would have confused me, but now I could clearly tell what it was; sadness and anger.
"I meant I'm almost done with my food," she clarified in a clipped tone turning away, "But I guess your mind is in other things."
She pushed her plate away sharply and stood up, "But if you are in such a hurry, lets go and end it. You'll leave right away, right?"
I stared as she pushed her chair carefully in and simply stood still, staring away from me. I knew she was waiting for me follow suit, but my carefully honed social skills told me she was not a happy camper. It had happened again: I had stuck my foot in my mouth again and it had not even been intentional this time. Not that it was the rest of the time, but I knew this time was a little worse than others. Her feelings were hurt because she thought I wanted to be rid of her quickly, which was true in a sense, but she didn't have to know that. Though she was waiting for me I could tell she was avoiding looking directly at me and her nostrils were flaring with pent up anger. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. Danger was near.
"Gabe," she said in a tone that almost produced visible icicles in the air, "we should get going, now."
"I'm in no hurry," I said but stood up hurriedly. If I were human my palms would have began sweating. William Congreve must have met a Bella at some point in his lifetime because it was certainly true that hell really had no fury as a woman scorned. Scary stuff.
She began to walk off but I copied her and grabbed her shirt to pull her back, "Bella, you usually ignore everything I tell you. Why can't this be any different? Forget it, just this once, okay?"
"I am here, safe and sound. Why don't you just leave now?" she replied angrily trying to tug her shirt free.
"If I said I do not want to leave soon I would be lying," I said irritated and she finally stopped struggling, but I got a sharp smack on my grabbing hand anyways, "but that is besides the point. It won't be happening for a while, so just give it a rest Bella. Forget it and love me already, you know how sensitive I can be. You are hurting me with your thoughtless words."
Bella gaped at me for a second until she remembered that almost everything that came out of my mouth was sarcasm, "Gabe, I hope you shrivel away with old age."
"You don't mean that."
"I do, and I also hope you get scurvy and mad cow."
"Why would I want an angry cow? Do they bite?
"You're a moron."
"That is why we get along so well, there is a common denominator."
I covered her mouth with my hand and patted her head with the other, "Lets just get through this and then you can kill me with your poisonous words, alright?"
Bella paused for a moment and eyed me beadily but finally nodded stiffly giving a muffled, "eh heht tuuu."
"I heht you too sweetie."
"We're ready for you, are you done?" Edward suddenly appeared at the hall entrance and gave me a withering look that showed he had heard and seen everything.
The actual explanation of the events did not take long, but it felt like a lifetime as the both of us sat in the middle of the Cullens and the red headed girl. They stared at us as if we were jumbo pieces of a jigsaw puzzle: if they stared hard enough at us then everything would go into place. Bella made a half-assed attempt to explain the situation but she began to falter midway. I tried to deal with the situation in a suitable manner, but my natural born grace would not let me. On an occasion or two I would end up making things worse, who knew?
It wasn't until the pretty boy (who wasn't as stupid as he looked and sounded) brought up the problem of Bella's scent.
"Your smell!" he blurted angrily, as if he was experiencing a bout of Tourette's syndrome. Bella looked startled at his direct address and I would be lying if I didn't say this new turn of conversation made my insides clench, especially when Carlisle's eyes rested heavily on me before turning on her.
"Why don't you smell like yourself Bella?" he asked softly, which contrasted with Edward's rash tone, "Emmett told me that that was the reason they didn't know you had arrived in the city, and I didn't even recognize the smell myself when you were brought to the clinic."
I lied. It was apparently a very good and credible lie because Carlisle and the others only blinked two or three times before believing me. It was too easy. They were too gullible. Even as Bella interposed and began to give extra information as to why we were being persecuted because of our "accidental" merge of scents my hands were balled into nervous fists no one had noticed. A bomb-like countdown was going in my head, waiting for the moment when Edward or any of the others would stand up in a huff, point a dramatic finger at me and declare me a liar. It wasn't until the girl with the crazy red hair interjected and claimed to know others who were capable of doing what had happened that I finally thought my head was going to explode.
Seconds later it turned out that I did not have to worry so much because the Cullens were turning out to be like those type of pretty people that did not have much up in the head: they did not get it. The girl called Sable clearly stated that some vampires from Norway could do it, this implied it could be done at will. Only that piece of rational information passed over their produce-topped heads. They did not get it.
I followed and supported my growing lie until it was flawless; until it turned me into a sort of martyr-like saint who had watched over Bella like a big brother. I was such a great vampire that only cared for her safety first and foremost. I was superman and she was my Lois Lane…only I had enough dignity to never wear my underwear outside my pants.
My status reached an ultimate hypocritical high when the angelic Esme came forward and beamed, "Thank you Gabriel, you kept our Bella alive, we owe you more than words can express."
"Your Bella?" I asked amused, "I hadn't realized she was 'yours', otherwise I would've wrapped her up for you with a nice bow."
What ensued after my usual witty remark, which I enjoyed delivering very much, was one of those things Carlisle had warned me against doing. What had been his precise words for the consequences? Starting a fight for petty reasons, as you are wont to do, will only hurt people.
The blonde vampire who had a pretty face but kept ruining it with a constant sneer said, "She wasn't ours, she was Edwards."
Instantly I felt rather than saw Bella's stiffening posture. Carlisle's neck tightened and Edward had the decency to look startled and remorseful as he turned rapidly to Bella, but both then glared at the girl. Thanks to all of my centuries of appearing bored—mostly because I was to begin with—I managed to control my composure. Carlisle had been right, my idiocy tended to hurt others. Unexpectedly, this time I had been one of the casualties.
It came as expected when Carlisle spouted that Bella and Edward loved each other, it was another for someone random like the sour-faced vampire to state it so clearly. Bella had been his. Willingly too.
All the smiles, grasped hands, stolen kisses…they held no true meaning if the core foundation consisted only of a part, not two.
Unable to stop the train wreck I had begun Bella finally reacted, "I was nobody's! I'm my own person, not some object somebody can claim and discard!"
Once her voice reached the highest level it could before it broke off Bella strode out of the room, leaving us all in a dead silence before Esme, of all people, broke it.
"Roselie, I told you not to mention any of that," she snapped uncharacteristically.
"It's fine," Edward muttered distractedly, his eyes glued to Bella's empty chair for a second but began to follow her, "I'll go talk to her."
"It's not fine, and if you go bother her I'll gut you and put your head on a pike."
It hadn't happened for a while, but I felt the murderer in me take hold once again. Before I knew it I had gotten to my feet and placed myself in his way. My hand held his throat, just tight enough to hold him in place. All this had happened even before Bella had reached the door to exit the house. We all heard it shut behind her and I finally released him. Surprisingly he backed off eyeing me guardedly and even Carlisle kept back and didn't rush to placate me or defend him, probably because he was shocked himself.
At times like these I wondered how bad my tempered actually was. I had not gotten around to ask Bella about it: she was an expert by now. The rest of the room was staring at me as if I was some type of…well, monster. For some reason their reaction unsettled me. I took a small step back and saw my reflection on a sun-shaped mirror behind a paler than usual Esme.
I could not remember the last time I had fed, but my eyes gave it away. They were coal black, but there was no definition between pupil and iris. The darkness had even begun to consume the surrounding white. In my anger I had bared my fangs to an alarming point. I really was monstrous. To let myself be close to Bella like this frightened me.
I closed my eyes at this old Gabriel I had once been so fond of. Now he was just a bad memory that made all my misery possible. I took a step back from Edward and forced myself to breath. In less than a minute I had fully composed myself. My eyes returned to a somewhat normal state, albeit still black, and my fangs became normal canines.
"I'm going to speak with Bella now," I said to the room at large, but turned to Carlisle who was still staring at me at a distance, "Can you take me to a place to go feed when I come back?"
Carlisle gave me a single nod and went over to keep Edward back from stopping me.
Once outside their line of sight I rushed to where Bella was. I followed our mingled scents that really did compliment one another. It was as if they were meant to mix. My senses were all on edge after having seen my transformation, but once the back of Bella's head came into view it all made sense.
I suppose it is rather cryptic to put it that way, but in a way it all did fall into place and make sense. Why I had run to Carlisle for help even though the idea had repulsed me, why Bella had been the one to find me and in a way raise me as a normal being. It made sense why our lives had meshed as they had. I had watched her, I had seen the misery in her eyes because of what she lacked: Edward.
In a way we had both been put into each other's lives to fix each other and fill the missing pieces. She had made me capable of surviving in this world and I had brought her to what she really wanted. It all made sense.
Even so, as I saw her bowed in the cold and felt sane once again, it all felt like a punishment more than anything.
"If it makes you feel better, I never thought you were an object," I said lamely, hoping against all hope that she wasn't crying.
Thankfully she turned to me with her wide eyes more startled than tearful, "It does, a little."
"You talked too much to be an object," I muttered turning to look at an old birdbath she was entranced with. I poked at a frozen leaf and felt miserable all the while. Not because breaking dead foliage out of frozen water does not posses any entertaining qualities, but because I hated epiphanies more than I hated hair product, and I felt one approaching at an alarming rate—an epiphany, not hairspray.
"I thought you were trying to make me feel better," Bella's soft voice attempted at her old bantering tone, but she couldn't quite accomplish it. I continued playing with the leaf but it could only help our awkward silence so far. My horrid reflection kept me from attempting to make her feel better. I was a step away from regressing to that form. Bounty hunters were not the only ones that could break Bella's neck in a fit of anger.
"Carlisle is taking me somewhere to feed," was the only thing I managed to say. I was acting cowardly, especially since I had promised her hours ago that I would say good-bye. I knew it was time for me to leave now, and I knew she did too, at least I hoped so.
"You're leaving me by myself with them? Can't I come too?" she asked with wide, suddenly desperate eyes.
"I asked Carlisle the same thing but the mind-reading idiot complained, so no, you can't come," I answered promptly, not even surprised at the rapidness and validity of my lie. I was detaching, and fast. How did I say my final bye? With a smile, a nod, or should I try the impossible and go for a hug? Maybe a handshake. It was a difficult choice to make, especially when I was feeling more hesitant and devastated than I had ever had in my life. I assumed that waking after Michael had transformed me had not been a day of fireworks and confetti, but I didn't see how it could have topped this inevitable separation.
"Edward and I were together for some time, it ended on September…a little after my birthday," Bella said suddenly, as if saying what kind of toothpaste she used and explained its many handy-dandy uses. It left me stunned that she would even bring it up to begin with, but it wasn't devious of her. She did not know me; she did not know what was inside. Mostly because I would have died rather than let her. Edward was a prick.
"We have to leave now," I managed to say, even though my brain was not functioning. I wanted to say good-bye, I really did, but she just had to go and make it more difficult with her flat-out explanation that I had not wanted to hear, especially not from her, "The other five will stay here with you they seem useful enough. The bounty hunters come either single or in pairs, so they will be able to handle it."
"Will you come back?" she finally asked, and because I was a coward more than anything I allowed myself to lie.
"Yes, I suppose I will."
In my mind it was perfectly rationalized just as I had rationalized our fateful meeting: despite her good influence on me, I was still a soulless creature. Lying was in my very breath. Breaking promises was part of my warped ethical code. I started to leave and I wanted for her to stop me. For some inane reason I wanted her to instinctively know I was leaving and never coming back. Just as I had secretly wished she had known of that secret kiss I had given her. Was she really that dense? I knew she was hurting, but couldn't she look into my eyes and see how similar they were right now? I wanted to keep her and I wanted her safe. I wanted for her to know of my impossible emotions and I would have died rather than to have her reject them. Why couldn't she see all of this? Why couldn't she just turn and instantly realize I wanted her to stop me?
"Bella, I'm disappointed in you," I blurted angrily. She turned to me and slightly surprised and asked, "Disappointed, why?"
At the end I could only deliver a plain and flimsy insult that brought us back to our old selves. That was my gift to her.
"Even as a feeble human girl I thought you would've had better taste, but I guess I was wrong."
Rounding the side of the house I saw Carlisle and Edward standing in front of the house. Even before I reached them Edward began to make his way to the back. We passed each other without any type of interaction. There was no insult I could make, or threatening look to give that would make me feel better. She was not coming to grab my shirt and hold me back, not anymore.
"Lets go," I managed to mutter. Whatever Carlisle managed to see in my face or eyes kept him from saying anything. He only began to run and I followed, disappointed that the last I saw of Bella she was not even thinking of or seeing me.
The sky was covered with specks of light that had taken millions of years to get to earth. To look up was to look at the past. As I lay sprawled on the moist dew, I wondered if all my past mistakes could be seen up there too. Maybe they were like the really dull stars, or like the brightest ones showing how great my never-ending idiocy was. Whoever said wisdom came with age is an idiot. So many years had flowed past and though I had gone through so many different ways of living my life I was still immature and childish.
There were too many promises I had broken that laid sprinkled behind me, like broken pieces of mirror that reflected my shamed face up to me and rendered my life unlucky.
The facade had fallen, and I had found myself back to where I started: alone and low on the dirt.
"It amazes me how you don't fight back," Carlisle was saying softly somewhere above me, "I guess you do realize the extent of your actions. I thought you had changed."
I sat up on my elbows and glared at him standing not a few yards away looking down at me.
"Will you leave on your own accord?" he asked coming to stand by me. His pale golden eyes shone with disillusion, "What will you do now? You have hurt her enough…"
Yes, I had hurt her. She had never once questioned the disgusting lies spurting brazenly from my mouth, and now I was breaking the promise she had drawn out of me. Carlisle was amazed how I was not getting up and fighting back, but I just couldn't do it right now. There was this inner shame eating my insides, making me heavy. I thought telling Carlisle the truth about my actions would make me feel better, but his angry blows at me did hurt in every way. He had had higher expectations of me, I knew this now, and I had let him down.
The reminder of Bella's wide eyes looking at me with trust and her hands holding onto mine because she wanted me with her…it was gnawing and gripping me painfully inside. It took all of my self-control to keep it from showing on my face.
"Don't tell her, okay?" I asked him softly after a while. He moved back, perhaps thinking I was about to fight back but instead I laid back on the ground again, "I won't follow you back, so don't tell her what I did."
Carlisle paused for a moment, considering for a moment, but he ended up taking pity on me, "There won't be any need if you stay away. Don't come back Gabriel, there is no room for a monster like you."
With that a gentle gust of air stirred my hair and he was gone.
I looked up at the distance stars; the million mistakes twinkling. I covered my face with my arm. There was no need to be reminded of my blunders when I was living one right now.
'Don't tell her, don't tell her Carlisle, don't tell her,' I kept thinking like a mantra I was praying to myself, 'don't tell her…please don't tell her…'
Don't tell her I'm a coward.
Sorry for the mediocre update. I PROMISE to update again this month, seriously. I'm not even sure if people are interested anymore, but I swore I'd see this story to the end. So review, comment, flame. I am still going on with this.