Chapter 10

"Been here before, revolving door. Got up and I don't know what for, anymore. We had the best and nothing less. But the second we fell out of step you up and left. Well this is so you. This is what you do. You'd rather make do than make a move. What'll it take now? How do I make this matter enough to you? Say you're the mess. Say it's a shame. Why can't you at least pretend? Say I should leave, you're over me. Say something, say anything. Anything, say anything, please. What happened to the plans we made? And that contagious smile upon your face. It's all begun to fade. You used to be so careful with me. Making sure that we would always be each other's missing piece. Well we could still save these tattered pages. What do you say we start again? This is our chance and you're all I have. Don't let me slip through your hands. Say you're the mess. Say it's a shame. Why can't you at least pretend? Say I should leave, you're over me. Say something, say anything. Anything, Say anything, please. You know I miss you. I wish you'd miss me too."—Say Anything (Kate Voegele)

"When you kiss me I want to die. That's how much it hurts Damon."

Summer's words although cracking with intense emotion rung loud and clear in Damon's mind. Even now he could see her trying to hide just how emotional she was—trying to be strong when she wasn't; her stubbornness refusing to show her weakness. The heart he denied having clenched. Summer would never be adept at hiding her emotions from him. He knew her too well, understood her in the same way she did him. Hurt wasn't the word for what he'd done to her. He'd shattered and disillusioned her completely.

She was obviously more than confused by his sudden kiss. Why he'd done it Damon couldn't even figure out himself. The need to touch her, to kiss her had suddenly overcome his control. He hadn't meant for it to go as far as it had. But the moment that Summer reacted returning the kiss ardently Damon had lost all control of himself. The passion in one kiss was powerful enough to lose yourself in. They had done just that more than once. Even stronger was something else he'd felt hidden beneath the surface as he kissed her.

For some reason looking at Summer as she struggled for control Damon felt a strange need come over him—the need to comfort. Damon balked at the very idea of doing such a thing. Obviously he truly had gotten in too deep with Summer before realizing it; so deep that he was acting too much unlike himself. Her reappearance in his life must be bringing back the 'slight' regret he felt for what he'd done was resurfacing. In the need to keep such ridiculous thoughts in check Damon tensed his mind and heart putting up a barrier—hardening against Summer's strange affect on him.

Even while shielding himself against Summer Damon's eyes remained looking straight at her from across the room. Looking down into the smoky blue eyes that in five years he'd never once forgotten, Damon could see that Summer still had much more to say.

"Maybe you're over it Damon, but I am not," she spoke her voice growing calm as she regained a hold on her emotions. "You found me, lied to me and used me from the very beginning. You made me believe you loved me all so you could be with someone as evil and vindictive as Katherine!" Summer was yelling now as rage burst forth like fire in her stomach.

For a moment Damon made to say something but Summer never gave him the chance to speak.

"There is a lot written in the books, Katherine and her twisted antics were apparently well recorded in them by my ancestors'—obviously she got around in making others miserable," she explained almost certain that he had been about to question her knowledge on Katherine. "Apparently you never needed me to begin with. It must all seem a waste to you now—all that work you put into getting close to me for nothing," she said mockingly, intentionally being spiteful. "But she never came to find you. She didn't care for you at all. I guess you two make the perfect couple after all—cruel, dark and twisted."

Damon's hold on his anger was beginning to wear thin by Summer's continued insults. It took a great deal of effort to keep himself from retaliating. Every muscle in his body was strained with the effort for control. Seeing that she was getting a rise out of him Summer continued.

"You broke me for a twisted woman like her. You made me fall in love with you for no reason at all!" Summer spoke her righteous anger calming being overcome with the hurt and sorrow.

Summer came to a pause her gaze meeting Damon's tense stare. It was as if she was attempting to gather her nerve before going on.

"I guess you did a good job then because—I am still in love with you," she finally admitted to him in eerie calmness but with complete sincerity.

Summer realized too late that she had just told Damon the very thing that she had meant never to reveal to him. In that moment she knew she shouldn't have. It had been the wrong last minute decision to make. It was a decision that she couldn't pretend hadn't happened. The look of complete horror struck astonishment on Damon's face made that painfully obvious. There was no going back now.

"I love you," she repeated blue eyes shimmering with truth. "Isn't that strange," she added even chuckling to herself at the truth.

Everything came to a sudden crashing halt. Damon's shield of indifference shattered into a million tiny pieces. Shock consumed him. He had never thought he'd hear such a confession from Summer. Never would he think there was more than pain. He didn't want to think—to know there was more than that.

"No you don't," Damon bit out through the shock.

"You think I haven't tried!" Sumer demanded angrily upset that Damon would have the nerve to tell her how she felt.

"Try harder!" he shot back frustrated that he had no idea what to do or how to handle this new information.

"I've tried!" she answered. "For five years I've tried. I've tried every available option, but nothing has worked. It's your fault," she accused. "I love you! If I have to live with it you need to deal with it too."

Silence followed suit. Nothing was said while neither barely moved. Summer waited—hoping that Damon would say something—anything. But he didn't. Instead he stood there across the room in unmoving silence. There was nothing just as to Damon there was and never was anything between them—only lies and illusion. She had never been what he wanted. All he had ever thought about was Katherine.

Perhaps it had been foolish of her to hope for him to say anything after all. What exactly had she been hoping for?

"You don't have anything to say?" she finally prompted.

"What do you want me to say?" Damon asked flatly.

"Anything! I need you to say anything!" Summer demanded taking a few angry steps forward to stand directly before him once more forcing herself to have to tilt her head back in order to meet his gaze.

Once again silence followed.

There was nothing that Damon could think to say. This was a situation he had never considered. Love—it wasn't his thing. What was he suppose to say to that? It was completely foreign to him. He could handle Summer's pain and hate, possibly even her friendship but he couldn't begin to comprehend her love. Not once had he considered that she would ever retain such feelings for him after everything that happened.

What was it that she saw in him anyway? What had she ever seen in him?

He was dark, she was light. He was evil, she was good. He was full of sin, she was innocent. There was no reason for her to love him. There never had been. Even when he had been duping her he hadn't been able to understand what had so fully drawn her to him enough to cause her to feel the emotions that she claimed.

What could she had possibly seen in him that so obviously wasn't there?

Such questions had haunted him for years—since he hurt her—since before he hurt her.

Realizing that Damon wasn't going to say anything Summer sighed in defeat, using that moment to control the tears threatening to fall. If Damon wasn't going to say anything there was nothing else left. With one last shaky sigh she took a few slow steps back replacing the space between them—needing that space.

"It was hard letting you go Damon. That time—but I can't do it again," Summer began coolly. "That's why we'll leave this moment tonight and forget about it—pretend it never happened. Whether or not you said anything wouldn't have changed anything anyway. I can't risk that sort of pain again but I had to tell you so that I could move on myself," she told him putting on a smile as if everything was alright. "Don't take what I said too seriously. This isn't the time or the situation to let the past get in the way. We have to learn to be friends."

Damon shook himself from his shock as Summer began to move away. He watched silently as she moved to the front door ready to show him out. He was just about to follow her; anxious to escape the house and all that had been said there. However, Summer paused with her hand on the door knob bringing him to a quick halt as well. With her back to him Damon couldn't see her face; he couldn't see what she was thinking. Yet, he didn't have to wonder for long before Summer turned back to face him meeting his gaze directly.

"I just need you to know one more thing," she began. "One day you're going to wake up and realize how much I love you and when you do—I hope you feel the same pain I still feel every day."

With that said Summer opened the door stepping aside for Damon. There was a moment that Damon paused at the open doorway as if deciding on something to say but that moment quickly passed. Without a backward glance Damon strode out of the house with long graceful strides out into the night where he disappeared.

"I'll still be waiting for you," Summer whispered silently into the empty night finishing what she had truly meant in her last words to Damon before he left.

But those words had been left unsaid.

With Damon gone Summer closed the door. Instantly it was as if all her strength had been drained from her as she slid down the smooth wooden surface of the door to sit against it for support. Finally for the first time in years. For the first time since promising herself she would never cry for Damon again—Summer allowed the tears to fall. And they did fall mixing with heaving sobs as she sat alone on the floor.

There was nothing else to say.