In which Adam learns that he and Kurt share a love for a certain British TV show, and Kurt learns that some things really are smaller than they appear on TV.
Rest in Peace, Cory Monteith, and much love to anyone reading this who loves or cares about him.
Warnings: A character talks about spousal abuse.
I'm gonna paint you by numbers and color you in
if things go right we can frame it and put you on a wall
- Lego House by Ed Sheeran
It was early Monday morning. Adam sat in the cafeteria with Erin on the ground floor of his dorm eating his bagel and sipping his coffee. Winston had come and gone. Outside, ice pellets and rain were falling from the sky in a nasty wintry mix. Winston and Erin had explained the Facebook fiasco to Adam before Winston headed out for the day.
Adam had just taken a sip of his coffee and put the cup back down on the table when the lights all went out.
A few minutes later, Adam and Erin's phones went off.
After a phone call from Carole Sunday night, to tell Kurt about his dad's confrontation with Blaine, Kurt had suffered through another restless night, and his scar was aching like it often did on stormy days. Kurt had overslept, and he tossed on his kitten-soft royal blue cashmere hoodie sweater, soft black yoga pants and a pair of black Doc Marten boots, and rushed off into the sloppy weather to the train. He had no time for coffee or breakfast. He had just stepped out of the subway station near NYADA when the text came in. He ducked into the doorway of a shop nearby to get out of the ice and rain and read it.
NYADA will be closed today due to an electrical outage caused by today's ice storm.
Dammit. Why couldn't they have cancelled classes an hour earlier so he could sleep in?
But he had an idea. He sent off a text to Adam.
Kurt: what are you doing?
Adam: breakfast. No classes today. Did you hear?
Kurt: Yes but I didn't find out til I got to campus.
Adam: I'm in the caf in my dorm. Come find me?
Kurt:: I'll be right there. :)
Rain was coming down hard now. Kurt pulled the collar of his wool coat up around his neck and ran to the building. Fortunately Joey was in the lobby and saw him from inside and let him in.
Kurt shook off his coat and headed into the dining room where he found Adam and Erin finishing up their breakfast.
"Lovely weather," scowled Kurt.
"Hey Kurt! I was just leaving. I'm going to go get some more sleep," said Erin, smiling at the two of them. "Bye you two." She held up her hand in a parting gesture and headed for the stairs, the light on her phone leading her way.
"Good morning," said Kurt, smiling at Adam.
"Good morning to you too," said Adam, looking pleased, sleepy and very surprised.
"I was going to get some coffee but with the electricity off I'm not sure if I can now," said Kurt, looking over at the kitchen with a scowl.
"Do you want to see if we can find a coffee shop that has power?" asked Adam.
"Good idea. Let me just grab a muffin or something." The cash register was down, but Kurt had a little money in his wallet, so he took a muffin and a ripe banana and a bottle of water, and handed the cashier his money. She wrote the transaction down on a note pad.
Kurt sat back down with Adam.
"So," said Kurt. "I'm here to ask you on a date today. Are you free?"
Adam looked stunned. And then a small smile started to spread across his face. "Free as a bird, now that classes are cancelled."
"I want to take you to the Museum of Modern Art. My treat."
Adam had that same unbearably pleased and emotional expression on his face that he had on after Midnight Madness, when Kurt had stood up to the two guys who were trying to kiss his ass. "That museum is very special to me. "
Kurt's whole body relaxed and he smiled. "Great. But before we go...I don't know if you heard about what happened on Facebook last night."
Adam nodded. "Erin and Winston were telling me."
"I would really like to show you what happened. It would be much easier than rehashing the whole thing. But not here...too many people around."
"Finish eating, and I know the perfect spot to talk. There's a place at the bottom of the stairs where no one ever goes except for the maintenance people."
"Perfect," said Kurt with a smile.
They finished their breakfast, and Kurt followed Adam out the door and down the stairs, using the lights on their phones, to a quiet spot at the bottom of the stairs. They sat down on the bottom stair together and Kurt took his laptop out of his bag, propped it up across his legs, and logged into his email account.
Adam dropped his mouth open in amazement as he read the screen cap Sebastian had sent to Kurt.
"Wow."
"I know."
"I'm so sorry Kurt."
"Thanks. I just wanted you to see it for yourself instead of hearing rumors about it. And I didn't do anything with Sebastian. He was just kidding."
"I didn't either Kurt. I mean, all I did was give Stavros a kiss so innocent I would have done it in front of my mum."
Kurt laughed. "Me too. I ran into an old flame and danced with him, and he tried to get me to go home with him but I turned him down."
"Who, Sebastian?"
"God No! Sebastian used to bully me. I would never. It was Chase."
Adam looked at the picture of Chase gazing lovingly at Kurt and his heart clenched.
"I have a confession to make," said Kurt.
And by the light of his computer screen, Kurt saw a flash of hurt cross Adam's face.
"No!" said Kurt. "Not that kind of confession. I meant that I stalked your Facebook page to see if you were staying in the country when you graduate. And I saw you posting about how you were heading to NYU next year for your master's degree. I was so relieved."
Adam's smile lit up the room. "Would you miss me if I went back home?"
"Of course I would."
Adam looked at the picture of Chase and Kurt again.
"How old is he?"
Kurt grinned. "Thirty one."
"That's hot," Adam whispered.
"You like that?" asked Kurt, incredulous.
Adam nodded. "And you're 19," said Adam.
"Yup," Kurt grinned.
"I bet he taught you a thing or two," murmured Adam. And then he looked startled."I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."
"It's fine," said Kurt, interrupting Adam and laying a hand on his arm. "I mean it's not like I was a virgin when I met him..."
And then Kurt got a mischievous look on his face. "But yeah. We did things I had never even heard of."
Adam shivered and Kurt laughed.
"I do want to be his friend again. But that's it. I guess Chase was kind of a rebound. We got together three weeks after I found out Blaine cheated on me. And we lasted a couple months."
"Good."
"What?!"
"I said good. I was a little worried that I was going to be your rebound."
"No. You're not, I swear. Adam, I want to explain something. I'm not ready for a commitment right now, but it's not because I want to go to clubs and pick up lots of guys.
It's just that if I were to start a relationship right now, that would mean being in three relationships in only about five months. It's too much. I need to catch my breath.
But that doesn't mean I was about to go home with any of the guys who were offering at the club. Because I'm crazy about you.
I'm sorry. I swear I'm not trying to send you mixed messages. I'm just trying to tell you how I feel as honestly as I can."
Adam nodded. "I know. And it can be so awkward, because we're not ready to make it official, but we can still get our feelings bruised if one of us is spending time with someone else. It's a difficult place to be in."
"Exactly!" Kurt said. "How can you be so wise this early in the morning?"
"Not me. Must be the caffeine talking."
Kurt smiled. "So anyway," said Kurt, "You were so kind to me all last week, and I just wanted to treat you to something nice to counteract all that drama."
"I accept," said Adam cheerfully.
Kurt set his laptop down gently on the floor on top of his bag and leaned his head on Adam's shoulder. They both were lost in thought for a bit. Kurt let the feeling of peace and contentment wash over him.
Adam slid his arm around Kurt's waist and leaned down to press his warm cheek against Kurt's cold ear.
A moment later, Kurt felt Adam's lips soft and warm on his cheekbone.
Kurt turned his lips toward Adam's and gently brought them together. Adam took Kurt's hand in his, twining their fingers together as he deepened the kiss. Kurt's breath caught in small quiet sound as he reached his other hand up to stroke through the softy messy strands of Adam's hair.
Adam really knew how to kiss.
Kurt pulled back. "You're really good at that," he murmured.
"You're not half bad yourself, Mr. Hummel," said Adam, lowering his voice to a pitch that shot a spark up Kurt's spine.
Adam bent his head toward Kurt again and returned to kissing him, thoroughly, and oh, I could get used to this, thought Kurt, Adam looking at me like that in the morning with sleepy eyes and kisses that taste like coffee.
"Adam!" Kurt gasped, pretending to be shocked.
"What?"
"You drank coffee! Should I report you to Scotland Yard or something?" Kurt teased. "Is the British embassy going to want to hear about you abandoning your tea habit?"
"Hey, I had a big day planned before classes were cancelled. The amount of caffeine in a cup of tea just wasn't going to cut it."
Adam kissed Kurt one more time. "Mmm," he said afterward. "I like kissing you in the morning."
"Exactly," murmured Kurt.
"Except for you being cyber-bullied, this was a nice surprise. You're a lovely surprise to wake up to Kurt."
Kurt smiled, feeling warmed by the thought. "Let's go. I just need to give Winston back his coat, and maybe you could stow my laptop in your room for the day?"
"Good idea," said Adam.
Kurt put his laptop away in his bag, and by the light of their phones, they headed back up the dark stairway together.
They eventually stopped kissing in Adam's room and headed out to find a cup of coffee. By the time they got to the museum the doors were just about to open. Adam held his umbrella over Kurt while they waited in line to enter the museum.
I guess chivalry is alive and well, thought Kurt, his heart beating a little faster at the romantic gesture.
Kurt was overwhelmed by the size of the museum. He looked up wide-eyed at the modern lines of the building and the huge glass windows.
Inside, his eyes were just as wide. Adam smiled at him. "You've never been here, have you."
"I've never been to an art museum at all," said Kurt.
"Really?" said Adam.
"My mom died when I was small, and she was really the artistic one in the family."
"I'm so sorry."
"Thank you. My dad always encouraged me in the performing arts, even though it wasn't his thing at all. He was always driving me to dance class after she was gone, and coming to my shows whenever he could. And thank goodness he did, because singing and dancing were everything to me, but there was really never any chance to go to an art museum.
"I feel so spoiled," said Adam. "I've been here dozens of times on school trips or with my mum."
"But I thought you grew up in England?"
"I was born right here in New York, actually. I did grow up in Essex, mostly. I was there from the age of two until we moved here while I was in high school."
"Interesting," said Kurt.
"My dad's an American. A New Yorker. Mum is English. They met here in the city studying music in college. And when I was a teenager, this is where I would come to escape with her."
"Escape?"
Adam's expression was cautious. "Almost every weekend. Escaping from my dad. I'm not sure you want to hear about this."
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," said Kurt.
"I haven't seen him in about five or six years. Not a nice guy, unfortunately."
"I'm so sorry," said Kurt sympathetically.
"And when he was in one of his moods, this was the perfect escape," he said, looking up and around at the huge space of the museum.
Adam had a faraway look in his blue eyes, remembering.
"This was always a safe place for me. This and the Met and all the other wonderful museums in the city, but especially this one. We would come here on weekends to get out of the house for a while, me and my mum and my sister Georgie. I would see all the old masterpieces and learn about all of their stories, about the people in the works of art...or the artists themselves...who had survived famines, poverty, war, all kinds of hardships. It made my problems seem smaller somehow. I would get lost in the stories and the art and forget my troubles for a while.
I mean Michelangelo had to survive the situation with the Medicis, but look what he left behind!"
"What are the Medicis?"
"Who, not what. They were a very powerful family who controlled Florence and were patrons of the arts. They educated Michelangelo when he was a boy, and supported him as an artist, but then when they fell out of favor because they were so domineering, he lost that stability and he wasn't safe for a while. There are books and books about it, fascinating stuff."
"His own father used to beat him for three years because he wanted to be an artist, before the man finally gave up and let Michelangelo do what he loved."
Adam's mouth settled into a hard line and his whole body tensed. He seemed far away. Kurt reached out to run a soothing hand down his arm. Adam snapped out of his mood and smiled at Kurt with sad eyes.
"This museum has works from the late 1800's on, so there's no Michelangelo here! But this is my favorite. I practically lived here on weekends. This place was so comforting to me, and I was so touched when you invited me here. It was my safe place, you know?
And such a creative place too. I mean you can just feel all the artistic expression here. The walls are simply pulsing with it."
"It's amazing," said Kurt. "I've never been to an art museum before." said Kurt. "Do you have relatives in both countries?"
"I do. I haven't seen my dad in years, but I am close to my two uncles, his brothers. They're both in New York. I even have a room at my Uncle Jeff's place. He's always been there for me, ever since my parents split up. You'll have to meet him sometimes. He's a Broadway producer."
"Really?!"
"Really. And more importantly, he's a wonderful man who's been like a father to me."
"My other uncle is a Christian minister," said Adam.
Kurt took in a sharp breath. "Does he accept you?"
"Absolutely. He's gay himself," Adam said quietly.
"Really? But he's a minister!"
"He loves who he loves." Adam shrugged. "He loves God, and he loves men. He's been a huge support to me. Lovely man."
"Amazing. And what about your mom?"
"She moved back to the UK. She works for a charity that brings music and theater to children in poverty. My sister Georgie is back home too, studying to be a music teacher."
Adam was always touching Kurt, all day, whenever he could, a broad hand on Kurt's back, long fingers stroking down his arm. Maybe it's because of this exquisitely soft cashmere sweater, or the fact that Adam is a very tactile person who is always hugging everyone. Or maybe, Kurt thought with a warm feeling spreading in his chest, Adam just really likes me.
Kurt smiled to himself.
They wandered around for hours. Kurt saw enormous paintings, tiny paintings, sculptures, photographs, and more. Some were realistic and others were abstract. Some of the pieces moved him and took his breath away, while others did absolutely nothing for him.
And then he saw it.
And he gasped.
He stood there with his mouth open, looking at the painting, and at the crowd waiting for their turn to look at it. Adam enjoyed watching the emotions play over Kurt's face.
"Is that The Starry Night?" asked Kurt, reverently.
"It is," said Adam, placing a warm hand on Kurt's back.
Kurt wrinkled his forehead and tipped his head to the side a bit with a curious and confused expression.
"But it's so small," said Kurt.
"Hmm," said Adam.
"And I thought it was in Paris," said Kurt.
Adam's eyes lit up like he had just won the lottery.
"At the Musée Dorsay?" he asked Kurt.
"Right," said Kurt, still looking puzzled.
Adam turned to stand right in front of Kurt, blocking Kurt's view of the painting, and he looked Kurt right in the eye.
"You are a Whovian," said Adam accusingly, pointing a finger at Kurt's chest.
"A what?"
"You watch Dr. Who."
"Oh! Yes, of course. I love it. I love anything British. I wrote a musical about Pippa Middleton for God's sake."
Adam laughed. "Wonderful." Kurt smiled and Adam tried not to get lost in his dimples.
"I see how it is," teased Adam. "You just want me for the accent."
Kurt looked at him softly. "You found me out," he said quietly.
Right, Adam. It has nothing to do with your kindness, or your beautiful blue eyes, or how turned on I am right now because you're so smart.
"So you saw that Dr. Who episode where the Doctor and Amy meet Vincent van Gogh. One of my favorites," said Adam. "Yes, this painting was in that episode, but you're very observant. They made the painting much bigger on the show. There is actually another van Gogh painting in that museum in Paris. And it's a picture of a night sky full of stars, but it's not the famous one."
"Oh!" said Kurt.
Adam continued to explain as they waited in line for their turn to stand in front of the masterpiece.
"Those were two minor mistakes, or perhaps creative choices, that the writers of the show made. The Starry Night is here in New York. And yes it is smaller than it was on TV. But look at it. Even if you have to wait in line just to spend a moment in front of it, it's worth it. You can just feel the energy leaping off of it and bouncing around the room. Isn't it magical?"
Kurt loved Adam's passion. "You're right," he said.
"Look at the sky. It's not dark and black and without character," said Adam in a perfect Scottish brogue. Kurt melted.
"The black is, in fact deep blue. And over there, lighter blue, and blowing through the blues and blackness, the winds swirling through the air, and then shining, burning, bursting through, the stars!"
Adam had memorized van Gogh's lines from the show, and Kurt wanted to pin him to the wall and kiss him.
"And you see how they roar their light. Everywhere we look, the complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes."
Kurt clapped his hands very quietly to applaud Adam's performance.
"Kurt, do your remember when the curator in the museum said that van Gogh had transformed his pain into ecstatic beauty?
That's kind of how I intend to live my life. I mean... not that I'm a genius like him but...if I do what I love, the joy of that creativity will heal me. I've lived it, by being involved in theater. And I want to teach others to do that. To move from pain to joy. To learn that creativity can be a light in the dark when life is painful. That's why I'm going to NYU next year for a masters in theater education, so I can teach theater to kids."
"That's sounds amazing," said Kurt.
"I've already taught at a youth theater program for the last couple summers in London, and I'll be doing it again this summer. I love it."
"You're wonderful," breathed Kurt.
Finally it was their turn to get close to the painting. Kurt agreed; it was pulsing with life even though more than a hundred years had passed since it was painted.
"Gorgeous. But I thought it would be so much bigger," said Kurt.
Adam let out a loud high-pitched giggle. He leaned in to whisper in Kurt's ear. "I hope it's as big as you're hoping for."
"Adam!" Kurt yelled, slapping him lightly on the arm.
Their loud voices caught the attention of a security guard who began to walk over to them.
"Uh oh. We're in trouble now," said Adam.
"What should we do?" said Kurt.
"Flee," said Adam.
As casually as they could, they left the gallery. It was time for lunch anyway so they headed toward one of the museum cafés. As they walked by a huge glass window, they noticed the ice-rain mix was still falling from the grey sky outside.
It's nice that the sun sent me Adam today, since it couldn't shine through the clouds itself, thought Kurt.
Kurt was smitten again, feeling that same giddy high he hadn't felt since...well, he wasn't going to think about that. He remembered how thrilled he had been on that NYADA staircase when Adam had said yes to a date with him. They were finally moving forward again.
In the café, Kurt told Adam more about his mother, and Burt, and Finn, and Carole. Adam told Kurt about his own family. And Kurt explained how he and Sebastian had discovered at L'Amour that Blaine had been lying to both of them.
Adam also told Kurt that he had dual citizenship and could live in either country. Kurt couldn't help beaming at the news, and Adam looked very pleased when he realized Kurt was happy about it. They were smiling at each other like idiots for the rest of the day.
After lunch they headed back to the galleries.
At about four o'clock, Kurt was exhausted and getting hungry. His feet hurt and his brain was on overload from all of the amazing works of art, and from learning all the amazing stories behind them, things he had read on the little cards on the walls, or learned from the museum staff, or from Adam, who knew so much about art. The man was a walking text book and Kurt was grateful to be with him today.
"You've been an amazing museum guide, Adam."
"My pleasure Kurt."
"What a wonderful day."
"It certainly is," said Adam, his gaze direct, his affection for Kurt fierce and undisguised in his eyes. "You have this amazing spark, Kurt. You can see it from space."
"You're so sweet," said Kurt quietly. "Are you ready for dinner?"
"Let me buy," said Adam. "You already paid for the tickets and our lunch."
"Thank you...but do you mind if we eat early? It's only about four, but I'm famished."
"Sounds good to me," said Adam, and they headed for the coat check to pick up their coats and Adam's umbrella. They went back out into the storm to find some dinner.
Adam knew a great little Japanese place nearby so they headed over, huddled close together as the ice pellets hit Adam's umbrella over their heads. When they got inside they hung up their coats and brushed a few stray ice pellets off their coats. The storm was keeping the crowds away and they got a table easily.
They had finished their miso soup, delicious and warming, and were smiling at each other like lovestruck idiots while they waited for the rest of their food, when both of their phones went off. They listened to the recorded message together.
Because NYADA's electrical system and our internet provider are both down, classes will be cancelled again tomorrow, which is Tuesday. All buildings still have heat at this time, but cold meals will be served for dinner on Monday night and breakfast on Tuesday morning. We apologize for the inconvenience.
"Nice!" said Kurt. "No internet means the professors can't assign homework tonight."
"I should probably get back to my building," said Adam regretfully. "Sometimes the cafeteria workers can't get in during a storm, and Angela may need me to come to work a little early. I hate to end this day, but you'll probably want to be getting home."
Kurt shook his head, unaware that he was nervously biting his lower lip, not realizing how adorable Adam thought the unconscious gesture was.
"You're welcome to stay. As long as you like," said Adam. His eyes were blue flame. "It would mean hanging around in the lobby with me for hours though, while I sit at the security desk."
"That's fine with me," said Kurt, getting lost in Adam's eyes.
"You know what?" said Adam. "I have a book of the full length version of A Midsummer Night's Dream, and we could run through ideas for our auditions."
"That would be great!" said Kurt.
Their food arrived, and they finished eating.
Kurt took a deep breath. Come on, he told himself. Be bold.
"Can you lend me something to sleep in?"
"You want to stay over?" said Adam.
"I thought you'd never ask."
Adam laughed, his eyes dancing.
"Well come on then," said Adam. They left the restaurant and headed for the subway. The temperature was dropping, and Kurt's feet slipped on a patch of ice on the sidewalk. Adam caught him in his strong arms so he wouldn't fall.
"Are you alright Kurt?"
"I'm fine. Good thing the storm hasn't stopped the trains from running."
The ice pellets were falling harder now.
Standing on the train, Kurt had a little pang of jealousy, because everywhere he looked there were straight couples cuddling...a head leaning on a shoulder next to them, a kiss being shared between two lovers across from them. It didn't feel safe to be that bold with Adam, but Kurt enjoyed the electric feeling of being pressed up against Adam's body when the train was crowded, or the feeling of their legs side by side when they finally got a seat. Risking a glance at Adam, Kurt saw that he still looked happily stunned and couldn't stop grinning. Adam's smile warmed Kurt right down to his toes.
Kurt let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding.
I can do this. I can have this. I can choose to be happy today. I deserve it, he thought.
Kurt allowed himself to smile back at Adam for a moment, and then he dropped his gaze to the safety of his lap.
When they got to Adam's building and walked inside the door, Adam paused. He looked troubled.
"Kurt, would it be okay if we had another talk down in the basement?"
"Okay. Is something wrong?"
"I..." Adam took a deep breath. "I'd really like to talk to you some more about my father, before I go to work."
Kurt's gaze softened. "Of course. Let's go downstairs before someone sees us."
It was a little awkward with the soaking wet umbrella and their wet coats, but they headed down the stairs again and draped their wet things over the stair rail. They sat next to each other on the bottom of the stairs, cuddled up warm and close. There was only a little light coming through some small basement windows. On a grey winter day with the sun setting, it wasn't very much light at all. It would have been romantic if Adam didn't seem so nervous.
"Adam, I had the best day today."
"Me too Kurt. Thank you so much."
Kurt waited until Adam was ready to talk.
"So," said Adam. "I want to tell you about my father. It's something that's an important part of my life, but it's not a very nice story...is that okay?"
"Of course," said Kurt. "I'm not only here for the fun stuff, Adam. You're important to me."
Adam's face broke open with emotion, but he quickly reined it in and began to tell his story.
"This story takes place on one of our holidays back in England. It was the summer I was 17. We were staying at my grandmother's place in Essex...you'd love her Kurt, she's wonderful.
My father is known for two things. His brilliant violin playing, and his moodiness. He's had a successful career in symphonies around the world. And he has the ego that goes along with that.
I hadn't come out to my family yet, and one night I was in my garden...or yard, I guess you'd call it here. Anyway, I sort of had a boyfriend,. Andrew. He was someone I grew up with in Essex, although obviously we couldn't see each other much because we lived in different countries most of the year. So anyway, we were keeping things quiet. Neither of us was out.
And one night, we were outside in the dark kissing goodnight when my dad drove home and saw us in the headlights of his car as he pulled into the drive.
And my dad got out of the car and started screaming vile things at me, calling me filthy names. And he punched me right in the jaw."
"No," whispered Kurt, fumbling to take Adam's hand in his.
Adam laced their fingers together and gave Kurt's hand a squeeze.
"This gets even uglier." Adam took a deep breath.
"So my mum comes out 'cause she hears the screaming, and she sees me rubbing my chin, and Andy is crying and he's just standing there, in shock, not moving, tears running down his face..."
And my dad says to her either Adam goes or I go. I won't have that filth in my house."
"She was furious with him. She says well then you'd better pack your bags, Jonathan. And besides, this is my mother's house."
"And he... and he..."
Adam shut his eyes, and he stopped talking, and Kurt could see the pain wash over Adam's face.
Kurt waited silently, holding Adam's hand.
"And he beat her so badly he put her in the hospital."
Kurt's heart broke.
"I was trying to pull him off her, and I told Andy to go inside and call the police. Finally some neighbors heard all the noise and came out to help me haul him off of her."
"I am so, so sorry," said Kurt.
"There was a trial. He was deported, because of her injuries and because there were witnesses. He can't go back to the UK. I think it makes mum feel safer knowing that. It's probably why she moved back home.
He still has a fairly successful career in spite of it, but I don't talk to him, and neither do his two brothers. They circled around us right from the start and had no patience for him at all, even though she wasn't the one born into their family.
My American grandmother took dad's side though. She's a real piece of work. I know I shouldn't speak badly of her because she's very old and her health is fragile, but it's hard not to, you know?"
"I bet it is," said Kurt.
"My Uncle Jeff is the one who's made a home for me here in New York ever since. He helps me out whenever I need it. I'm so grateful to him."
Still holding Adam's hand, Kurt leaned over and kissed Adam's jaw right where he was absent-mindedly rubbing it. Kurt tasted a salty tear on Adam's skin and leaned back from the kiss, wiping the tear off of Adam's face with his thumb.
Adam kissed Kurt on the lips, taking Kurt's hand and squeezing it harder.
"The worst part for me is dealing with the guilt of knowing that this happened because I'm gay. If I had only been more careful that night...I replay it in my mind all the time." He shivered.
"You do know it's not your fault, don't you?" asked Kurt gently.
"Mum and I actually went to therapy together, and apart, to deal with that question. And for a while I used to fall in love with guys who were kind of thugs. I was a mess."
Kurt could just barely see Adam smile in the dark. "And then I met Stavros. Not long after I started at NYADA. He was a few years older, studying business and accounting at NYU. And he was kind and he was stable and he made me realize things could be good in my life. We lasted a couple of years, and we're still friends.
So that's my story. You're not the only one with chaos in your life, Kurt."
"But you always seem so sunny and optimistic, Adam. I don't know how you do it, after what you've been through."
"That's what I was trying to say earlier," said Adam eagerly "It's all about the arts for me. That's what heals me. Self expression. Helping younger people find it. Expressing it myself." Adam chuckled. "That and a lot of therapy."
Adam's face turned soft. "I also wanted to tell you about my dad, to explain to you that I understand that you don't stop loving someone who's hurt you overnight, just because you want to. If they're important. If they're a part of you."
Kurt was so moved he couldn't speak. He leaned his head on Adam's shoulder, and ran his hand through Adam's hair.
"Your hair is wet!"
"Well there is a storm outside."
"Adam Crawford," Kurt scolded. "Were you holding the umbrella over me and letting yourself get pelted with those disgusting little bits of ice falling from the sky?"
"Maybe."
"And they say chivalry is dead. Come on, let's get you upstairs and dried off."
"Sounds kinky," joked Adam.
Kurt laughed. They picked up their things and headed upstairs.
In the lobby, they ran into Angela, Adam's boss.
"Adam! Glad I found you. My phone's out of power. Can you start work a little early?"
"On my way. I just need to hang up my coat and dry off my hair."
"Great. Some of the kitchen workers couldn't get in because of the ice storm, and there are flashlights I want to hand out to anyone who needs them, and we need battery operated candles in the bathrooms, and two kids upstairs are hurt and can't make it down to the cafeteria for their dinner..."
She stopped and took a breath.
"Can I help?" asked Kurt.
Angela considered him for a minute, and Kurt felt embarrassed knowing she was remembering the debacle with Tommy, but he kept his eyes steady on hers. "Do you have any work study hours available?" she finally asked.
"No, I don't have work study."
"Well then, I can't pay you," she answered.
"You don't have to pay me."
Angela's serious face broke into a smile. "Thank you. I really appreciate that, Kurt.
Okay guys. Come back down to the kitchen when you're ready and we'll get to work." Angela rushed off toward the cafeteria.
Upstairs in his room, Adam dried his hair quickly with a towel, and then used the towel to dry off his umbrella, before leaving it open on his floor to finish drying. He hung up both of their damp coats on hooks on the wall to dry.
Kurt texted Rachel.
Kurt: spending the night with Adam
Rachel: Go get him!
"Do you have a clean shirt I can wear?" asked Kurt. "This is cashmere. I don't want to spill food on it."
"Help yourself to my closet," said Adam. Kurt picked out a long-sleeved black t-shirt and folded his blue sweater carefully, leaving it on top of Adam's dresser.
They headed down to the kitchen. Angela had ordered sandwiches and salads from a nearby restaurant, and Kurt and Adam got to work checking them off against the receipt to make sure they'd been billed properly. Then they began to throw away the food in the huge refrigerators that wasn't safe to eat because the power went off.
"I need one of you to bring dinner up to two people on the tenth floor who got hurt dancing," said Angela. "One has a broken leg and the other has a sprained ankle. I don't want them hobbling around on crutches in the dark with the elevator not working."
"I'll go," said Adam. "I know them. You're talking about Chelsea and Rafael, right?"
"That's right," said Angela. "Kurt, could you please stay here and help me hand food out to people when they come through the line? We need to keep everything inside the coolers until the last minute."
"Sure," said Kurt.
He and Angela washed their hands and arms and put on gloves and aprons. The dinner crowd kept Kurt busy, but it was a smaller group of people than Kurt had seen when he visited the building before. Most of the students had left to visit friends or family, or rent hotel rooms if they could afford it.
Adam came back down after bringing sandwiches to his friends. "Raffi needs a flashlight," he said. "I'm going to bring some back up with me, to have in my room in case anyone else asks."
"Great idea, said Angela. "We can handle dinner from here. I'd like you two to put a battery operated candle in every bathroom in the building before you head to your shift at the security desk. And make sure you have a box of flashlights in the lobby for anyone who needs one."
"Will do," said Adam.
"No problem," said Kurt.
There were ten floors and twenty bathrooms to visit, and no elevator service with the power was off. With all the walking they had done at the museum all day, Kurt's feet and legs were aching when they finally got back down to the lobby. He took a couple of pain reliever tablets out of a bottle in his bag and swallowed them at the water fountain.
"Are you okay?" asked Adam.
"Yeah, my calves are aching after all that walking today." His scar was hurting too, but he didn't mention that to Adam.
"You didn't have to hurt yourself helping me," said Adam. "I could have done it you know."
"And leave you all alone in this dark scary building? Never," Kurt said in a flirty tone.
The two of them settled in for the evening with their books, Adam sitting at the desk, Kurt on the couch behind him. Kurt unlaced his boots and let out a happy sigh.
Adam got a text from his uncle.
Jeff: How are you doing in the storm?
Adam: Fine. No electricity but we have heat.
Jeff: Let me know if you need to escape back home, we have a fire going and you are welcome to join us.
Adam smiled. He didn't have a father anymore, but he did have a family who loved him.
"So. Auditions," he said, turning to Kurt. He brought out his book of A Midsummer Night's Dream from his bag and they started working on possible audition pieces.
There weren't many people coming into the building, so Adam indulged in a cuddle with Kurt on the couch for a bit instead of sitting at his desk. Eventually Kurt lay down and dozed off next to him. Adam took off his sweater and put it over Kurt, leaving himself in a t-shirt. Just after he sat back down at his desk, Erin and Winston came downstairs and into the lobby.
Erin came up behind Adam and hugged him around the neck. "Awww," whispered Erin. "Kurt is so cute. Should I wake him up and ask him to come to Callbacks with us?"
"I wouldn't," said Adam. "He doesn't usually sleep very well. I hate to wake him."
"You just want to keep him here with you," said Winston.
"Of course I do," said Adam, and Winston laughed. Adam shushed him with a finger on his lips.
After several hours, Adam's shift was finally over. It was late at night, and two young women showed up to relieve Adam so he could go to bed. "You're here all alone?"
"Joey couldn't get back to campus because of the storm. It's okay, I had company," he said, gesturing to Kurt.
"Come on love," Adam said to Kurt, gently shaking him. "Wake up. Time for bed."
"How long was I out?" Kurt asked sleepily.
"Almost three hours. Erin came in and gave you a kiss on the forehead."
"I never even noticed," said Kurt, sitting up and stretching. They headed upstairs.
"Do you want to get ready for bed before you pass out? I probably have a new toothbrush around here somewhere."
"S'okay, I have one," said Kurt. He let out a yawn.
Across the hall in the communal bathroom, there was one other guy at the row of sinks brushing his teeth by the light of the battery-powered candle. He nodded at Kurt and Adam, his mouth full of toothpaste. Adam made small talk with him. It was sweet and domestic but also odd, sharing the experience with a stranger.
I guess this is what dorm life is like, thought Kurt. Making friends with someone over a sink full of spit and toothpaste. Gross, but cozy.
Kurt washed his face, and Adam handed him a small towel to dry it with, and he put on a little moisturizer.
Back in Adam's room, Adam turned on one of the candles and used a flashlight to rummage around in his dresser until he found a pair of pajama pants and a soft old concert t-shirt that he handed to Kurt.
"Thanks," said Kurt, putting the clothes down on a chair and moving toward Adam to kiss him. Adam's broad hands wrapped around his waist. Kurt ran his hand down Adam's chest as he kissed him, feeling happy, relaxed and turned on.
When Kurt reached for the button on Adam's jeans, Adam stopped him, taking Kurt's hand and lifting it up to his lips for a kiss.
"Maybe we should slow it down a little. I don't want to take advantage of you when you're half asleep," said Adam.
"You're not. I've been wanting to get my hands on you all day," said Kurt, running a hand down Adam's bicep.
"And you are more than welcome to do that. I just want to be sure, because a few days ago you didn't want to do anything but kiss me."
"I guess you could say I had an epiphany this weekend," said Kurt. "I was at the club and all these guys were hitting on me, grabbing me...two of them even tried to get me to sleep with them and I just...all I could think about was you. And how gorgeous you are."
Kurt leaned up to whisper in Adam's ear. "And how much I want to make you feel good, because you always make me feel good just by being around you."
Adam was stunned.
"I'm not ready to do everything," continued Kurt, "but I would like to do...some things." He let out a yawn.
"You are so adorable when you're sleepy," said Adam. "Tell you what. Why don't you take the lead here, because I'm up for almost anything you want. Can I be blunt?"
"Go ahead."
"The only thing I don't want to do is give you a blow job, because we haven't been exclusive, and I can't stand having a condom in my mouth. The taste of latex makes me gag. But other than that," Adam said with a grin so big Kurt could see it even in the dimly lit room, "you can pretty much have your way with me."
"Well I don't know if I'm ready for that," said Kurt.
"You lead," Adam repeated. "I'll follow. We'll talk about all of this some other time, when we're both more awake." Adam yawned.
"I'm sorry I'm not ready for some things yet," said Kurt.
"Kurt. Yesterday I didn't even know if you were going to speak to me again, after we argued about Angela. If you honestly think I'm disappointed..." Adam shook his head. "You're here. I'm fine. I'm fantastic."
There was a long pause.
"Yeah, you are," Kurt sighed happily into Adam's mouth, as he returned to kissing him.
They kissed, and they kissed, and they kissed some more. Then Kurt took Adam's hand, his own hand shaking a little, and led him over toward the bed, where they sat together and held each other and kept kissing.
Kurt slowly undressed, and Adam mirrored him, taking off each piece of clothing after Kurt had removed his.
Finally, wearing nothing at all, they were pressed together in Adam's small bed. Kurt ran his fingers over the strong line of Adam's scratchy jaw, over the curves of the muscles in Adam's arms and his chest, over every part of Adam he could reach.
Kurt's skin was tingling under Adam's hands too, touching Kurt, caressing him, making him feel treasured.
A loud knock on the door interrupted them. "AAAAAAAAAAAdam!" they heard Erin yell.
"I'm off duty," whispered Adam. "I'm not answering. I'm much too busy," he said, taking Kurt's balls in the palm of his hand, and leaning over to tongue at one of Kurt's nipples.
Kurt giggled.
"I hear giggling!" said Winston, loudly.
"AAAAAdam!" said Erin.
"They're so drunk," said Kurt.
Adam was shaking with silent laughter.
"You left your sweater in the lobby Adam!" shrieked Erin. "I'm hanging it on your door knob!"
"Have fun boys!" shouted Winston.
And then everything was quiet again.
"Rude," said Kurt.
"I have terrible friends," muttered Adam into Kurt's mouth, as his hands continued to explore Kurt's body.
Kurt got up, and gently pushed Adam onto his back and moved to straddle him. They both cried out as the pleasure sparked through them.
Let go, thought Kurt. Let go of wondering what this means. Let go of worrying about who's going to get hurt. Just enjoy this.
"This reminds me," said Kurt, gently circling his hips in sync with Adam's.
"What?" Adam managed.
"I need to sign up for one of those stage combat classes."
"Hmm?" Adam's mind was clouded with lust.
"You know," said Kurt. "Sword play."
Adam started giggling and completely lost his focus on what they were doing. He tossed his head back on the pillow and laughed and laughed.
"You're going to pay for that," Adam said when he was finally able to speak again. He grabbed Kurt tightly in his arms, flipped them both over, and started rutting against Kurt in earnest.
"Looking forward to it," said Kurt, gasping.
Adam was gorgeous in the dim light over him, the angles and the curves of him, his muscles flexing. Kurt was tasting Adam's shoulder, and feeling the muscles of Adam's back under his fingers, and inhaling the scent of Adam's sweat as they rocked together.
Kurt thought about Chase and he felt about Blaine, and his heart ached. Every strand of his DNA was remembering the beauty of joining his body with Blaine's, but those days were over. Blaine meant hurt and pain and wrongness to him now, and Adam was right there in this beautiful moment with Kurt, offering him his heart, cracks and all, both the bitterness and the sweetness of him.
So Kurt let himself fall and break open. And he let Adam catch the pieces of him as they began to shift and form into something new, something safe and scary and loving with Adam.
And Kurt caught Adam, too, scars and all, as Adam fell into Kurt's beautiful, battered heart.
Adam leaned back, moving up and away from Kurt, and grabbed a little tube from his drawer. He slicked up his hand, and Adam took both of their erections in his hand, and started stroking them together.
Soon Kurt was arching up into Adam's strong hand, and he was coming. Adam followed soon after.
They rested together, breathing hard.
Kurt lay there, sleepy, drifting. Adam got up and then came back, leaned over the bed, cleaning Kurt up with something soft, and then cleaning himself.
Adam climbed back into bed, and took Kurt in his arms, and then he playfully grabbed Kurt on the ass, right where his scar was. Kurt let out a sharp cry of pain.
"Are you okay?" said Adam.
"Yeah," Kurt said with wet eyes. "I have a scar there and it still hurts sometimes, especially on stormy days."
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Do you need anything?"
The pain was already starting to fade. "I'm fine," said Kurt, sleepily.
Kurt shivered.
"Are you cold? Do you want some warm clothes to sleep in?" asked Adam.
"No," says Kurt. He loved how warm and comforting it felt to be cuddled up close together, skin on skin. "This is perfect," he said.
"I'm really sorry," says Adam sadly.
"It's okay. So sleepy."
Kurt felt safe here, and cherished. He could feel the sweetness and affection from this beautiful man soothing the fault lines in his heart.
The feeling of Adam's skin on his was as soothing as a warm bath, and Kurt hoped Adam felt soothed by it too. Kurt shifted, and they rearranged themselves. He laid down with his head resting on Adam's chest. Adam pulled his blankets up over the two of them, and ran his fingers through Kurt's hair. Kurt was surrounded by the scent of Adam's sweat and the steady soothing rhythm of Adam's heartbeat in his ear.
Kurt was happy.
"You can squeeze the other one if you want," Kurt mumbled, and Adam's deep chuckle was the last thing Kurt heard before he went under.
The wind got louder, but Kurt couldn't hear it. He was asleep, warm and cozy in Adam's arms.
Adam was still awake.
He felt an ache in his heart, a deep longing for Kurt. Before tonight, he had thought that Kurt was just out of reach and that he could never be with him. But maybe he could.
Adam lay there for a while, unable to sleep, enjoying the feeling of holding Kurt warm and relaxed in his arms, listening to the wind howling outside his window. It was cold and stormy outside, but Kurt and Adam were warm together in Adam's bed.
Kurt let out a whimper. Was he in pain? Was he having a nightmare? Adam ran a soothing hand down Kurt's arm.
"Mmmm, right there," Kurt purred in his sleep.
Okay, not a nightmare then.
"So good," said Kurt.
Adam fought back a laugh.
"Adam," Kurt sighed happily, still fast asleep.
Adam felt pure joy expanding in his chest. If Kurt were awake, he would have seen Adam looking at him with a tender and grateful expression.
Kurt's dream ended, and he let out a snore.
And Adam slept.
Eventually.
and it's dark in a cold December but I've got you to keep me warm
if you're broken I will mend you and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now
- Lego House by Ed Sheeran