Chapter 11 – The Affairs of Women

"I don't like this at all," Iellwen muttered, watching Merlin as she idly stirred her broth. The manservant shook his head.

"Neither do I," he replied. "Do you think Barathon has any intention of coming freely to Camelot? I mean, it doesn't seem like him to… play fairly."

"You're working on the basis that you will find the answer to his question, assuming that one exists in the first place," Gaius said as he placed a slice of leftover caraway cake on the edge of Iellwen's bowl. She thanked him, but slid it across to Merlin as the physician turned away to put the remainder of the loaf in the cupboard.

"What do you mean?" the young warlock asked through a bite of broth-soaked cake.

"You said it yourself, Merlin," Gaius said, returning to the table, "Barathon is not one to play by the rules and he may simply be buying himself more time."

"More time?" Iellwen repeated. "Are you suggesting that he may have an ulterior motive?"

Gaius nodded. "It is more than likely."

"But that still doesn't explain Kiana's presence in Camelot," Merlin insisted.

"A distraction, perhaps," Iellwen replied with a shrug. "There could be any number of reasons for her being here, but the more immediate problem is formulating an answer to that dratted question." Merlin nodded. He couldn't agree more.

XXX

For eight days, Arthur and his men questioned any woman they could lay their hands on, metaphorically or not, and Mordred was tasked with keeping a note of the answers they were given. Some knights rode to the outlying villages whilst others journeyed no further than the lower town. Everywhere they went they received different answers and it seemed that few women had answers in common. Arthur began to despair. Merlin watched as the king progressively became more and more agitated. Gaius was consulted on several occasions but he could give no clearer answer than the knights could find themselves. At the end of the ninth day, the night before they would begin their journey to the road to Badon Hill, Arthur called a council.

Arthur frowned, intense hatred radiating from his eyes and burning into the paper in front of him.

"This is honestly all we have?" he asked the knights gathered at the table. They looked to and from each other guiltily as Arthur read out the list, "Noble husbands, good health, riches, plentiful harvest, land and… less bothersome customers?" The king turned to Gwaine and the young knight grinned.

"Other than unmerited slaps, that's all I got from the tavern girls," he explained. "And the one who was kind enough to answer me didn't actually use the phrase 'less bothersome customers', if you can believe it. I was paraphrasing."

Arthur mumbled to himself as he crossed it off the list, "I'm sure."

"What did the queen say?" Mordred asked. "She is the wisest amongst us when it comes to the affairs of women." At this, the king squirmed uncomfortably.

"What the queen said is neither here nor there. None of these answers even sound half right," Arthur complained, quickly avoiding the topic Mordred had suggested. He could see Merlin from the corner of his eye, giving the king an inquisitive look. Arthur ignored him. "What is it that all women most desire?"

"Surely that's an impossible question, sire," Leon interjected. "How can the desires of all the women in the land be summed up in one?"

A silence echoed about the council chamber, but it was cut short by Luned.

"May I interject, sire?" she asked softly. Arthur nodded his assent.

"By all means, Luned," he replied "It's not as if we're getting anywhere."

"Perhaps you are thinking too literally. Perhaps what is sought by all women is not something physical or something that one may own, but something that may be felt." The knights looked dumbstruck at the young maid servant as if she had spoken a foreign language.

"Happiness!" Mordred cried and Arthur snapped his fingers, immediately scribbling down the word on his parchment. The council looked relieved. However, Percival did not seem so convinced.

"Not all women are unhappy," he said. "Do contented women then wish for sorrow?"

Arthur sighed, "This is hopeless." None of his knights denied it.

XXX

The council went on late into the evening and many heated discussions took place. By the end of it they had succeeded in nothing other than wearing themselves out. Arthur returned to his chambers so late that Gwen and Iellwen had already gone to bed and Merlin lay dozing at the table.

"And what time do you call this?" the manservant muttered wryly, shaking himself awake and standing to greet the king. From the look he received, Merlin guessed that his comment hadn't been appreciated. Arthur threw himself into the chair by the fireplace and Merlin automatically began tossing more wood on to the fire to keep it going. After a heavy pause, the manservant spoke, "Are you no closer?"

"If we were, I wouldn't be in such a foul mood," Arthur snapped. He stayed silent for a moment as Merlin stood watching him, his hands clasped behind his back. Suddenly, the king snapped, "This whole thing is impossible. Everybody is different. Everybody has different needs and desires. How am I supposed to find one that covers them all?"

Merlin couldn't reply.