Drowning
Chapter 11 – Options
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Summary: She wasn't queen anymore, of course. But a secret this big would destroy her.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl.
AN: This story is officially off hiatus! So, expect me to be around a lot more often. And, this is possibly the longest thing I've ever published on here. I know, it's sad.
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Spotted…or rather, Unspotted: Chuck Bass hasn't been on his usual midnight escapades. We don't know what has given him a change of heart. Could it be B? She's been spending quite a lot of time with the UES devil. In fact, we hear she's been spending many nights in his suite at the Palace. These two are hiding something, and it's only inevitable that we find out what it is.
You know you love me.
xoxo Gossip Girl
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The end of Spring Break had finally come, and Gossip Girl was back to terrorize them all. It was expected that Gossip Girl would know about her staying at the Palace. But she didn't know why.
It was best that she kept this secret until it became obvious. She didn't need anything threatening her rise to royalty. She needed her title as queen. It was the only thing that made her seem important. It made her seem like something.
The only other person that knew was Chuck. And he was absolutely terrified. Something like this would ruin his reputation. Chuck Bass, stopped in his tracks, never able to go on his midnight escapades again? He was heading towards an entirely different road, one where he would actually gain a heart and let someone into his world.
It was a work in progress. He wasn't going to take responsibility for absolutely everything in a matter of one night.
Yes, he cared. But was that enough?
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Six weeks, they had estimated. Even though it was close to impossible that Nate was even a possibility, this only affirmed her beliefs that this responsibility would fall onto Chuck's shoulders, as well as her own.
He had promised to never leave her and take care of her like she deserved. But she was only waiting for him to run. She was waiting to wake up one morning and realize that he wasn't there.
But for the rest of break, she stayed in his suite. And every morning, he was still next to her. They were turned away from each other while sleeping, excluding her first night there, when she tossed and turned and woke up staring at him, his fists clenched in complete terror.
Chuck Bass was genuinely scared for the first time in his life. And Blair felt horrible for even contributing to his fear.
They didn't even have the complications of being in a relationship to haunt them yet. They couldn't be together at this point. It would only make the situation much worse. She had decided this as soon as she'd put herself in the compromising position of sleeping in the same bed with him.
The suite was slowly becoming her permanent home; she had even thought to bring her school uniform with her when she packed for a few nights. Dorota called to make sure she was okay, understanding the magnitude of the situation, and her mother wasn't in the city. She wasn't missed at home.
So, for the first time since she started staying there, when Blair left with Chuck for school, she left her things there. She knew she was coming back.
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They hadn't talked much since he confronted her in her bedroom. Their fear filled the absolute silence, and they really had nothing to say.
But Blair knew she had to swear him to secrecy.
"You can't tell anyone about this," She locks eyes with him, and he knows what she's talking about. "We need to figure out what we're going to do before we let it slip."
He nods, his jaw clenched. "Do you have any idea…Is there something you want to do?"
"I really don't know," She admits. "I can't really deal with all of this right now."
"This situation…It's not going to wait." He says this cautiously, but sharply.
"I know that," She spits venom. "I…really don't want to talk about it."
"We have to talk about it sometime."
"Well…Not right now!" She continuously fights his pleas to figure everything out. "Look, I appreciate you helping me and everything, but…This situation doesn't involve you."
He takes offense to that statement. "Oh, really? Then how did all of this happen? Did you do it all by yourself?"
"I really can't talk with you about this!" She sighs and tears down the wall between them. "I'm scared, Chuck."
He closes his eyes for a split second. "That doesn't mean you have to shut me out. This…It involves both of us. It's about us. You don't have to go through this alone."
"You don't understand!" She shrieks in defense. "You have the opportunity to walk away. You can forget about all of this. You can forget about me."
"I told you I wasn't going to."
"I can't take your word on this," She lowers her head. "You just pushed me away when I needed you the most. When everyone turned their back on me, you were the last one to let go!"
He doesn't have a response to that.
"If you don't recall, I wanted to die." She nearly whispers this. "I felt that bad."
"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" There is no anger in his voice, only weakness. "I'm here now. And I'm going to stay here."
"Fine," She gives in. "I believe you."
She adjusts his scarf and pretends like the small argument never happened.
"You have to understand that this is about what I want to do with my life," She reasons with him. "This is about everything that's right in front of me. Everything that's about to slip away."
"You don't have to do it if you don't want to." He suggests the unthinkable. "Whatever you decide, it's fine with me."
"I…I can't decide this on my own." She feels helpless. "I really do need your help." She finally admits it.
"Then I'll be there. We'll talk after school."
She nods as the limo pulls up in front of the school and she prepares to face the gossip.
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"I heard that over Spring Break, she moved in with Chuck."
"Why?"
"There's a b-a-b-y on the way."
"Well, I heard Chuck overdosed over the break and Blair's keeping him on suicide watch."
"I heard Chuck asked her to marry him and she moved in because her parents didn't give their blessing."
"I just heard they're sleeping together and she stays in his suite for the convenience of always having him around."
"What's wrong with Chuck's shoulder?"
"I heard Nate stabbed him when he heard that Blair was living with him."
"Really?"
"Of course. You know I never lie."
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Some of them had part of the truth. Some were completely wrong. But no one hit it on the head, and with all the stories going around, Blair knew no one would without confirmation. And I wasn't like she was going to tell anyone. If Chuck did, it would be a complete surprise to her.
No one approached her. Jenny and the minions kept their distance as they shared whispers and giggled. Nate hung his head low and Dan Humphrey just stared, wide-eyed.
Serena was the first to start walking towards her, a wide smile on her face. She was excited for Blair, wrongfully assuming that the two were finally in a relationship.
"So, what's been going on with you two?" She gestured towards Chuck, who had made his way over to a bench in the courtyard, where he sat alone. "You haven't answered any of my calls."
"Sorry," She tried to make the apology sound meaningful. "I've been a bit preoccupied."
"I can see that," Serena laughed a bit. "So, have you two finally worked things out?"
"We aren't dating, if that's what you mean." She's looking at Chuck over Serena's shoulder. Nate's next to him now, muttering a few words that she can't hear.
"Why are you staying with him, then?" She questions her.
"He's trying to help me out, okay?" She gets defensive. "I thought you of all people would understand."
Serena sighs. "I never said I didn't. I'm just wondering why you've had such a change of heart."
"What do you mean?"
"Not too long ago, you wouldn't even speak to him," She says matter-of-factly. "Are you sure there's nothing else going on?
Blair obviously didn't want to hide anything from Serena. They told each other everything. But these were extenuating circumstances. When she was ready to reveal everything, Serena would be the first to know. But now obviously wasn't the time.
"It's nothing, Serena," Blair's voice gets sharper. "I don't understand why you're trying to pry into my business."
"There's something you're not telling me, and you know it."
Blair keeps a straight face and snorts her nose. "I'm not hiding anything from you."
Serena grits her teeth. "Fine. Let me know when you're finally ready to tell me the truth."
She turns on her heel and walks into the school without a second thought.
Blair puts on a brave face as she walks into the courtyard and up to Chuck, who's still engrossed in his conversation with Nate.
"Sorry to interrupt," She says slowly. Nate and Chuck both stare at her. She ignores Nate and looks at Chuck. "I'm going to class now."
He starts to get up. "I'll walk you."
"No, it's fine." She gives him a genuine smile. "But I'll meet you here after school. We can talk more then."
He nods as she turns away and walks into the school.
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"So, what exactly is going on between you two?" Nate asks nonchalantly.
"We're not dating," That's his automatic answer. "I'm just helping her get through things. Her mom's not around enough and…she really needs someone."
He nods. "It's great that you're…taking care of her and all." He lowers his head. "I'm really sorry about everything, man." He extends his hand.
Chuck shakes it and smirks. "So am I."
"So, you really like her, don't you?"
He smiles. "Yeah. I really do."
Nate doesn't ask anything else about Blair, and for that Chuck is glad. He doesn't know if he could hide something so important as well as Blair can.
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The first day back was unbearably slow. For the majority of the day, Blair stared at the chalkboard in every classroom. Just stared until her eyes burned and her vision was blurry.
She and Chuck were finally ready to talk about things. They were finally going to decide on an option.
The conversation could go wrong in so many ways, but for the first time, Blair remained optimistic. He did care. And he was trying.
Right now, that was more than enough.
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He's waiting for her on the bench when she exits the school. When he catches her eye, he gets up and offers his arm. She takes it and she starts walking with him amidst all the flashes of everyone's cell phone cameras.
When she knows that they're all out of earshot, she surveys the area and make sure that no one's followed them. Chuck's limo pulls up and he opens the door for her.
It's finally time to talk. She's never been more terrified in her entire life.
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She starts it abruptly. "There are three options, of course."
He nods, a complete nervous wreck. "Are you thinking of…"
"The easy way out?" She shrugs. "It would be the simplest way, but…I don't know."
He stares at her intently, waiting for an explanation.
"I know I have ambitions and people to make proud," Blair continues. "But…Like you said, maybe this is meant to be. Maybe I was meant to screw up."
"Do you consider this a screw-up?" He isn't angry when he asks this. He is only curious.
"It wasn't a part of my master plan." She chuckles a bit, then becomes serious again. "This was never the way things were supposed to go."
"What do you mean?" He's only asking questions.
"This situation…" She almost doesn't want to finish. "Being here with you."
He isn't sure if that's supposed to be a hurtful statement, but he doesn't take it as one. "Is being here with me…a bad thing?"
"It's not that," She shakes her head. "I always thought…if something like this ever happened, Nate would be by my side, encouraging me to do what I thought was right. Now, Nate and I don't even speak." She turns to him. "You changed everything for me."
He furrows his brows as he listens.
"You were always this clichéd, misunderstood bad boy in everyone's eyes." She almost smiles at that. "But…You're a good guy. And I'm sorry that not everyone sees that."
He smiles at her. "But you do. That's all that matters."
The air is tense and everything goes slowly. He begins to lean in, and she does too, almost giving into temptation. She pulls away before her lips touch his.
She moves away. "This…It can't happen. Not right now."
He sighs deeply. "Why?"
She takes in a deep breath and begins to explain. "I really need you to be a friend right now. I need you to help me choose an option."
"Why do you need my help?" He's frustrated with her now, but not enough to stop caring. Not enough to walk away like he usually would.
"Because you are important to me, no matter what you or anyone else may think. If it weren't for you, I would have died in that bathroom. I wouldn't be here right now."
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tbc