'Whatever'
Jess turned the word over inside her head trying to make sense of it. That had been Nick's response when she had told him she was planning on seeing how things went with Henry. In other words, that she was considering sleeping with Henry and putting on hold their little sexual adventure. Now, as she stood facing the door that had been closed in her face, or rather slammed, the word was starting to lose all meaning to her. Did he mean that her actions were of no consequence to him because they weren't emotionally involved? Or did he mean she was technically free to do whatever she wanted but he would bear a quiet grudge about it for the rest of their friendship? Judging by the look on his face she feared it was the latter. He hadn't questioned or argued with her, she had just seen what could only be described as a dark cloud descend over his face before he immediately removed himself from her company.
She had been trying to bring the subject up with Nick for days, ever since their rendezvous in Clyde's cellar when he hadn't taken it particularly seriously. Nor had she if she was being completely honest. But when she had gone back up to the bar to face Henry that night, for the the first time she felt shallow, like what her and Nick were doing was wrong, really wrong. She never wanted anything about her relationship with Nick to feel wrong because he was one of the only things in her life that made any real sense to her. The last thing she wanted to do was cheapen that in any way.
Everything in her life for the past few months had been about sex, sex, sex. Sex with Nick, avoiding sex with other guys, hiding the fact she was having sex from her friends, embarrassingly explaining that she was enjoying a little casual sex to her mother. A few months ago that had been exactly what she wanted, ironically she thought that was what would make her life simple, just stripping everything down to basics but now she had lost all grasp on her feelings. Nick was on her mind a lot, almost as much as he had been when they were dating and that was never her intention. There was nothing for her and Nick beyond what they had. She needed to figure out what she had with Henry, she needed to take sex out of the equation and the only way to do that was just to do it with Henry, then she would know how she really felt.
But she hadn't meant to tell Nick the way she did, she hadn't meant to sound so harsh or abrupt, it had just slipped out over breakfast. He had made some harmless joke about her bare legs in the short, red summer dress she was wearing and jokingly pinched her knee and apparently that was her trigger point. The feel of his hand on her skin had sparked something and the words just tumbled out involuntarily leaving a thick silence and his pained expression in its wake.
Now, as she took a step toward his closed bedroom door, she closed her palm around the door handle and paused. She felt like she wanted to just talk and talk at him relentlessly until he understood and everything felt normal again but she knew it didn't work like that. He had walked away from her precisely because he didn't want to talk to her and she had to fight every inclination in her body and respect that. Not to mention that the longer she stood staring at his door the more late she was going to be for work. A couple of minutes later she retreated into her own bedroom, grabbed her bag and headed for the door giving his room one last sorrowful glance on the way out.
As she tapped her fingers against the steering wheel nervously she poured over the last hour in her mind. Her sympathy for Nick had soon turned to frustration at his lack of cooperation. This was what they had agreed, Nick had to remember that. She was making a grown up decision, that's what she was doing and lord knows one of them needed to. He would be fine with it eventually, this was just a dent to his male pride, it had to be. Soon he would find someone, maybe that Carrie girl, or maybe even that brash brunette who Jess was positive would be able to distract Nick in a very specific way. Nick would be fine, this would all balance out eventually and they would look back on their time together as nothing more than a little harmless fun. That was the whole point after all, it was never meant to be anything more than that and it wasn't, she wouldn't let it be. She couldn't.
Her eyes suddenly caught the blur of a red light and she slammed her feet hard and painfully on to the brake. The harsh jerking movement an attempt from the powers that be to smack some sense it to her, she was certain of it. She waved an apologetic hand to the old lady at the cross walk in front of her and took a moment to catch her breath, banging her head hard against the seat in frustration. She was not about to crash her car and die because of Nick Miller!
Rose sipped her coffee steadily and frequently willing the caffeine to soak into her system as fast and as quick as it could. She was trying super hard not to grimace or even grunt at every child that ran past her. The morning was not her favourite time of day. Coupled with the fact she'd had no time for breakfast after she'd overslept, she wasn't in one of her finest moods. With an almost elegant swinging of the hips she dodged countless middle-schoolers sprinting past her. What they were in such a rush for she had no idea, the bell hadn't even gone yet. Thank god, because she sure needed a little more time to plaster some make up on her face and make herself feel a little more human. She felt like she had just rolled out of bed, which she pretty much had, and it didn't help at all when an immaculate Jess sidled up next to her in the hallway in a smoothly timed walk. However, Rose immediately detected that Jess looked a little more ruffled than usual. The smile she usually wore in the hallway in the morning for the benefit of the kids, because she believed it was a positive reinforcement to the start off their day, was tilted right upside down. Rose squinted at Jess and pointed at her face in confusion.
"What's this? What's with the face?"
"What do you mean?"
"Jess if you were frowning any more your mouth would be touching the floor, you ok?"
"Yeah, I don't know, I guess I didn't get enough sleep."
A misplaced smile started to tug at the corners of Rose's mouth. "Oh I get it."
"What?"
"Henry been keeping you up all night?"
Jess shushed Rose and looked over her shoulders frantically to check that none of the students could hear their conversation before she placed her hand on the small of Rose's back and ushered her more quickly to the teacher's lounge which was a few feet away.
"No, keep your voice down. I don't want a bunch of sixth graders knowing about my sex life!"
"Ok, ok I'm sorry. So did you?"
"No I didn't!"
Rose flopped down on the couch with a sigh, the hope that Jess was just about to liven up her morning with some juicy gossip now dashed. Draining the rest of her coffee she began to fish round in her bag for her makeup. Selecting a pale pink lipstick she began to paste it onto her mouth while insisting on talking to Jess at the same time with her lips stretched taught. "How many times am I gonna have to ask you that question before I get a different answer Jess. Come on give me some scandal. I know there' something you're not telling me."
Jess sat down next to Rose who was too preoccupied with her compact mirror to see the look on Jess' face. A look that screamed how desperate she was to finally tell someone what was going on in her life. Joan knew bits and pieces but naturally Jess had given her the super edited version of events with her being the mother and all. Inevitably her Mom's advice had been that which any parent would give. That casual sex would only wind up hurting her, she should be with the person who made her happiest, who stimulated her emotionally, she shouldn't risk losing Nick as a friend, all the stuff that Jess already knew. What she needed was someone who would be brutally honest with her, someone who knew all the specifics, who knew what she had been through with Nick and could talk to her straight about what the hell she was doing with her life. The words were on the tip of her tongue, where they had been sitting tight for the last few weeks, ready to jump out and into real life conversation at any minute. But Jess knew that once she talked about it, once she told her friends then it was really real and she would have to deal with it. For the hundredth time Jess swallowed her words which settled uncomfortably back down in her belly.
"Sorry no scandal yet, but... I'm thinking about it."
"Yeah you keep saying that. What are you saving yourself for?"
"I don't know, nothing I guess."
Rose threw her makeup back in her bag and zipped it up, throwing it over her shoulder before she headed to the kitchen to grab some more much needed coffee. On the way out she smiled teasingly at Jess and hit her playfully on the knees. "Well get a move on honey, you can't leave the guy hanging on forever."
Jess sat back and let out yet another loud sigh, trying to push the heavy feeling from her body. Rose was right, she couldn't keep anyone hanging on, something had to give. She had to let something go - she just didn't know what.
The evening was slow in the bar, painfully slow. Nick jerked his head back knocking the small white pills down his throat with a gulp of water. He winced as the noise of the bar compounded his banging headache and stared at the clock willing the hands to move around quicker. He was only two hours into his shift and he already wanted to go home. Every clink of every glass, every raucous laugh was making his ears hurt and even the smell of alcohol was making his stomach turn. It just wasn't his night. In fact it wasn't his entire day. As always, when he felt the way he did, his instinct was always to talk to Jess who made him feel better but in light of the morning's events that didn't seem likely for a while. There was an aching in his chest that had been sitting there since earlier that morning which he couldn't shift, he figured that in time, like most things, it would fade. If he could recover from from being in love with her he could recover from this. Unlike before he knew they had an expiration date this time, that was the thing that would make it easier.
He pressed his thumb hard into his eyebrow and tried to alleviate some of the tension in his head but that only sent a stronger wave of nausea coursing around his belly. Everytime he closed his eyes he could picture his bed, which is exactly where he wanted to bury himself and sleep the rest of the day away so that it was over and he wouldn't have to think about it anymore. He was certain it was the overthinking that had given him this headache in the first place. Thinking about Jess with Henry, wondering if he would make her feel the way he had, wondering if Jess would have any regrets the next morning when she woke up next to him, wondering how much he was going to care when he inevitably saw her walking out of her bedroom in the morning dressed in another man's shirt, her hair mussed up and her face satisfied. He closed his eyes tight and shook his head. It was a bad day, that was all it was. Tomorrow he would wake up, he would feel better and he would be glad that he and Jess had managed to have so much fun and come through the other side still as friends. Hindsight was a wonderful thing, he just wanted to get there a little faster.
At the other end of the bar Cece stood resting low on the worktop as she leaned towards Schmidt with a newspaper spread between them so they could both see apartment listings. Armed with red markers they both started circling feasible options. The need for their own place had become greater since they had brought their wedding forward, a lot further forward. Moving back and forth from each other's apartments was beginning to get a little harder with their busy schedules, not to mention the lack of privacy at the loft. They had talked about Schmidt moving into Cece's apartment but with all the memories of boyfriends past and as the scene of one of their many breakups they decided it would be best to start from scratch somewhere new, the whole prospect made everything just that little bit more exciting.
"It's gonna be kinda weird you not being in the loft any more."
"I've moved out before Cece, remember?"
"That was across the hall Schmidt that doesn't count."
"Does too."
"I just mean it'll me a little weird seeing you every day without Nick and Winston popping up in the background. I'm kinda used to those guys."
"Well we could always bring them with us if you want?"
Cece giggled. "What about Jess?"
"She'll be fine, she can turn that place into one big craft room."
"I think she would kinda love that actually."
Cece's concentration started to drift as she began to draw doodles on the newspaper rather than circling anything meaningful. She stared down the other end of the bar and watched Nick as he drove his fingers deep into the back of his neck, rubbing harshly.
"Do you think Nick has been acting a little strange lately?"
"Nicholas is always strange but no more than usual...why?"
"I don't know, he's been really up and down lately, like there's something going on. Has Jess said anything?"
"No, but I doubt she would know anything she's been super preoccupied lately."
"With Henry? Yeah she's preoccupied with something but I'm not sure Henry is it."
Schmidt followed Cece's gaze to Nick and shrugged his shoulders before burying his head back in the newspaper, drawing red circles around apartments that were twice their agreed budget.
Winston smiled widely at the satisfying sizzling sound as he flipped the steak in the frying pan. It was his first evening off in a while and he had bought some nice food and some expensive beer and he was ready to settle in for the evening with the TV shows of his choice, which really meant him and Jess watching one of his favourite musicals together without any commentary from Nick and Schmidt who were conveniently occupied for the evening. He sipped his beer and took the smell of frying onions deep into his nostrils and it made him happier than a pig in mud. Just as he contemplated singing a little happy song to himself he heard the front door to the loft open and close and the familiar sound of Jess' school bag dropping to the floor and her keys hitting the side table.
"Oh hey Jess, I'm cooking up a storm here, are you ready for this?"
Jess sauntered around to the Kitchen, kicking the shoes of her sore feet on the way, and rested her hands on Winston's shoulders, leaning over him to absorb the smell and sight of his food. Winson actually had some skills in the kitchen when he had the time to do it.
"Oh my god that smells so good." Jess moaned as she squeezed his shoulders affectionately and moved to grab herself a beer from the fridge, replacing Winson's with a fresh one while she was at it. She leaned with her back to the counter facing Winston as he worked away in the kitchen and the familiar, homely activity made her smile. With him working in the evenings and her being somewhat preoccupied with her bedroom activities with Nick lately, her and Winston hadn't spent much quality time together. So her heart had almost melted when she had seen his text earlier that day telling her he was going to cook for her that evening. It was exactly what she had needed after the day she'd had.
She talked to him about work, about his family and about the other guys and it felt good. It even felt calming to a degree although that niggling feeling of guilt still lay low in her stomach preventing her from ever relaxing fully. She knew if she just told Winston that on some level he would understand, he would remain calm, he wouldn't overreact and he wouldn't make her feel bad so why couldn't she just tell him and then that feeling would go away - maybe. Winston had that special brand of chaos he saved for his own life but when it came to giving advice to other people for their problems, he could be very wise. Which was exactly why Jess wasn't surprised by what came next.
"Is everything ok Jess? I've gotta say you've been acting a little weird lately and I don't mean the usually brand of Jessica weirdness, I mean a whole new ball game of weird. I know you're just going to say you're fine but I know you're not and I just want you to know that you can tell me if there is something going on."
This was it, this was her chance. She took a long breath in and opened her mouth to speak, her eyes latching on to Winston's who looked so sincere it made her heart ache. "Ok, well...the thing is..." She paused. "Nick and I..."
"Yeah?" He prodded.
The words were there, they were right there. She had started this, now all she had to do was finish it, just a few more words and then it was over. She turned to face him a little more directly and steeled herself but she was interrupted by the harsh sound of Winston's phone vibrating against the kitchen counter. Winston's tutted with a headshake and snatched it up quickly, shutting off the sound.
"Sorry Jess, what were you gonna say?"
Jess smiled and shook her head. "It's nothing it's just Nick and I had a stupid disagreement this morning. It's nothing really, it just got me a little bummed out today I guess."
"What was it about?"
"Nothing, it was silly. I think I uh, I think I was just nervous about things with Henry and I...I took it out on Nick because he was there. It's all my fault really."
Winston set down the spatula and began to divide the food out on to two plates next to him. He was silent for a few moments as he seemed engrossed in his task. "You know Jess, we've known each other for a while now and I've a few guys come in and out of your life and I gotta say I've never seen a guy getting under your skin like this."
Jess brushed her hair out of her eyes and tried hard not to look flustered. "No, no, no Henry isn't getting under my skin I mean I barely know him really. It's just weird timing I guess, I don't know. It's all fine."
Winston picked up their plates of food and headed for the dinner table but not before he took one more look at Jess.
"I wasn't talking about Henry, Jess."
The following morning, for a few short seconds Nick felt fine, he felt like himself, that was until suddenly he didn't. Aching started to seep into every one of his muscles until they felt heavy and routed firmly to his mattress. His first attempt to swallow felt like he was choking down a bowling ball covered in razor blades as pain shot from his throat to his ears, rattling around his head on the way. He was sore, uncomfortable and sweaty. He was sick and Nick never got sick. He groaned to himself over and over again but even that was taking too much energy. He had been feeling a little rough the night before but nothing he couldn't handle. He figured he was just a little tired and run down from doing back to back shifts at the bar. That was the perils of working around the general public every day, you never knew one of them was going to cough or sneeze all over you and knock you on your ass for the next week.
Using every ounce of energy he could find he sat up and swung his legs round slowly, settling them on the floor but his head immediately started to swim. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes trying to alleviate the pounding behind them to no avail. The only thing that outweighed his need to be horizontal was his need for water. He knew it would be a challenge getting it down his aching throat but his body was screaming for it. He figured if he could just make it to the kitchen and back then he could spend the rest of the day in bed and he would wake up feeling well enough to go to work later that evening. He had to go, it was Friday night and he was the most senior member of staff, he couldn't leave the other guys on their own it would be chaos.
Nick swayed as he made his way towards the door, resting heavily on the handle when he reached it to hold himself upright. His feet dragged slowly across the floor as he made his way to the kitchen, the room spinning mercilessly around him as every one of his muscles objected at the very movement. Pulling a glass from the cupboard he could see his hand was shaking, he should probably try to eat something but he didn't relish the task of having to swallow anything solid nor did he have the energy to make anything that would require more than twenty seconds in the kitchen. Filling two glasses to the brim so he wouldn't have to leave his bed again he headed back there. Once he set the glasses down on his side table he dropped down heavily and pulled the covers tight up around his neck as the shivering started to set it. His body was on fire but he shivered nonetheless, this was not good, this was definitely not good, he had about six hours to pull himself together so he closed his eyes and willed the discomfort to fade just enough to allow him to drift off.
Later that evening Jess piled through the door laden with shopping bags, offering a swift greeting to Winston and Schmidt who sat comfortably on the couch before she disappeared into her bedroom. Tipping one of her shopping bags on her bed she was presented with a wide array of toiletries, all of which were going to have her looking and feeling amazing in the next two hours. It wasn't that she hadn't made an effort for Nick, she had, it's just they had already dated so he'd already caught her in those moments where her legs were little prickly, her skin had suffered a breakout and her nether region wasn't quite as well maintained. But Henry, he was new and she still had to make an impression. She still had that small window of opportunity to make him believe she was one of those girls that was always effortlessly well groomed and naturally in place. She would never be able to sustain it of course but she had to at least try.
Unzipping her dress she let it pool on the floor and she kicked off her underwear at the same time as unhooking her bra and letting it add to the small pile. Throwing her robe around her shoulders she scooped up the razors, nose strips and tanning moisturiser and headed for the bathroom. Turning on the shower and stepping inside she wasted no time in cleansing, moisturising and the arduous task of mass hair removal from everywhere but her head. As she ran the razor up her shin she lamented how much work it took in the early stages of dating, she had almost forgotten it had been that long since she'd had to do it. It was one thing she'd never had to endure when her and Nick got together, he already knew her, he had seen her at her worst. He had literally seen her with her head in toilet and droplet of vomit on her chin after a particularly heavy game of True American and even after all that he had still wanted in. Everytime she said his name in her head she felt her stomach turn. She decided to put it down to nerves, she was hours away from getting naked in front of new guy, it had to be nerves, nerves was the only thing she was emotionally equipped to deal with.
When she was content she had applied every lotion she owned and removed every hair on her body she wrapped a towel around herself and headed back to her bedroom, pausing for a brief moment to stare at Nick's closed bedroom door. She hadn't seen or talked to him since yesterday morning and she didn't like it. She knew she would never exactly get his blessing to go out and sleep with Henry but she hadn't expected him to straight up ignore her for a day and a half. It wasn't like Nick to act that way, no matter how hurt he was. She took a tiny step towards his door and considered knocking to see if he was ok then she remembered what she was wearing, or wasn't wearing rather, and she saw the other guys still sitting on the couch out of the corner of her eye so she decided against it and shut herself away in her room.
Staring at herself in the mirror she began to apply her makeup willing herself to be more excited about the night ahead. She knew Henry was expecting them to sleep together that night, even though she hadn't explicitly spelled anything out. But she had been getting suggestive texts from him all day so she knew it was most definitely on the table. As she began to curl her hair she tried to fight the part of her that just wanted to throw on her pyjamas, walk into the living room and settle herself in between her boys with a bowl of popcorn and the vain hope that Nick would leave his bedroom and join them. She wanted to slap some sense into herself but, for fear of ruining her newly applied makeup, she gave a sting-inducing clap of her hands to snap her back to reality. Ignoring her own thoughts altogether she plucked her new dress from the shopping bag on her bed and began to wriggle into it, hoping she would look far more sexy removing it than she did putting it on. After a lot of deep breaths and numerous stern words with herself she grabbed her purse, threw in a couple of condoms and headed for the hallway. She made a beeline for the front door but her timing was less than impeccable as she ran into Nick in the hallway. A weak and decidedly grey looking Nick.
"Oh hey Jess." His voice shook.
Jess' mouth couldn't help but fall open ."Oh my God, Nick you look terrible!"
"Oh thank you."
Nick shuffled towards the front door, his shoulders hunched and his pale face sweating more and more by the second. He routed around the bowl on the side table for his car keys and slipped his feet into his shoes, the minor action almost sapping the last of his energy. Taking as deep a breath as his aching body would allow he opened the front door before a small body threw herself in front of him closing it tight shut again.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Come on Jess I gotta go to work." He pushed at her arm gently but it barely had any effect.
"Like hell you do." Jess pressed her hand against his hot clammy forehead and immediately grabbed his shoulders, turning him around and ushering him back towards his bedroom. "You're going back to bed Nick, you're sick as a dog."
"Jess I'm fine."
"No you're not Nick, you look like death."
With a gentle push of the shoulders Nick dropped down to sit on his bed without putting up too much of a fight, he just didn't have the energy and if he was honest, standing behind a rowdy bar for eight hours was literally the last thing he wanted to do, the thought of it made him want to weep. As his mouth hung open a little trying to take more air into his sore lungs he felt his feet being released from his shoes and his socks being peeled off, the cool air on his feet feeling almost euphoric. His eyelids opened and closed heavily, he was positive that even his eyelashes were hurting. Closing them once more to test that theory he felt the bed dip next to him and delicate fingers start to fiddle with the top button of his shirt. The shirt it had taken him a good ten minutes to put on in the first place. As the the air hit his the sensitive skin of his chest he turned to her now very serious and resolved face and forced as much of a smile as he could muster.
"You look really pretty and everything Jess but I don't think I'm up for it right now." He joked wearily.
She laughed and stroked a rogue piece of hair from his forehead before she continued to unbutton his shirt, peeling it delicately down his arms and replacing it with a fresh t-shirt she had pulled from his closet. Putting gentle pressure on his shoulders she forced him back down on to the bed and set about unfastening his belt but in a much less passion-fuelled way than she had been used to over the past few weeks, instead it was tender and caring. She eased his pants down his legs leaving him in just his boxers as she pulled the covers up around him and tucked him in. He felt the bed bounce as she stood up and as he rested his eyes he could hear her voice fade a little as she moved into the hallway. It didn't take him long to figure out she was on the phone to Mike. Mike was a grouchy son-of-a-bitch but he actually had a soft spot for Jess the way a lot of people did and he knew if anyone could get him the night off without too much backlash it was Jess.
He smiled weakly as she returned a few moments later and resumed her place next to him. He heard himself moan out loud as she placed a damp cloth against his forehead, the cool sensation and the delicateness of her touch being everything he needed in that moment. Jess gazed down at Nick, he never got sick, she wasn't used to seeing him so vulnerable. However she was used to seeing him be stubborn and she knew that if she didn't take charge of him he would pretend he was fine, go to work and make himself even sicker. She pressed the cool cloth around his face wiping the sweat from his brow and chilling his fiery skin. After a brief protest he seemed to eventually relax under her touch.
"Nick have you eaten anything today?"
He shook his head slightly. Jess looked at her watch and bit her lips into her mouth with a sigh, if she didn't leave soon she was going to be late to meet Henry. Glancing down at Nick's weak form she closed her eyes and shook her head before heading for the kitchen. Pulling an apron speedily round her waist to protect her dress she pulled a pot from the cupboard and began work on some soup, not the most sensible thing to make when she was a all dressed up for a date but she knew it was exactly what Nick needed. She remembered him saying his Mom always made him tomato soup when he was sick as a kid so she had Mrs Miller's backing that this would work. Checking her watched incessantly she willed the soup to bubble in the pan while she chided the guys for not checking on Nick earlier, she was officially going to be late now. Slicing a couple of pieces of bread she added them next to the bowl of soup for good measure and topped it off with a glass of milk. Returning to his room Nick turned to face her slowly, the colours in his face almost completely absent and it made her heart ache. Setting it down next to him she propped some pillows up behind his back as he sat upright and she placed the tray on his knees.
"You didn't have to do this Jess."
"Yeah well you're sick and you need someone to take care of you. It's no big deal." She shrugged.
"You made me tomato soup." He smiled, his eyes making that puppy dog stare at her that made her stomach flip.
"Just make sure you eat it all ok. You'll feel better if you do."
Jess tried hard not to make her pity face as she watched him grimace in pain every time he swallowed, his skin starting to break out in a sweat again at the simple action. For some reason she found herself glued to the bed watching him eat, she had every intention of leaving she just hadn't managed to do it yet. She waited until he had finished the last drop and she set his tray on the floor as he dropped back down on his bed. She swiped away a drop of soup from his bottom lip with her thumb and set the cool cloth back on his forehead. Suddenly she found herself fighting the compulsion to lay a kiss on his forehead but she stopped herself, she knew at that point it was time to leave. He was just going to fall asleep now, there was nothing else she could do. She stood to leave and got half away across his room before she heard him.
"Thank you Jess." He coughed painfully.
She looked over her shoulder at his pale face peeking above the covers and her resolve weakened. "You're welcome."
Jess had been pacing across her bedroom floor for the last fifteen minutes. Winston and Schmidt were there, they could get Nick anything he needed or take him to the doctor if it came to that. He would be fine. He would, he would be absolutely fine. So why hadn't she left the loft yet to go and meet Henry? Nick was a grown man he didn't need babysitting, this was ridiculous. She wiggled her feet back into the heels she had kicked off for the sole purpose of pacing and thinking and grabbed her bag, trying to get her game face on again. She made it as far as her bedroom door.
After standing and staring at the door for what felt like minutes on end, she pulled her phone from her bag and started texting like she was on autopilot. Before she even had time to consider her actions she heard a small whooshing noise as her message disappeared into the ether. A message telling Henry that she wasn't coming, that she was sorry. For a moment she stood facing her door with her mouth open, not really sure what she had just done. Maybe it hadn't really sent, maybe it wasn't too late. But as her phone beeped loudly, breaking the stunned silence she knew the damage was done. Taking a few blind steps back she sat slowly down on her bed, still cradling her phone in her hand, the words from Henry staring at her intrusively. She let her shoes fall once again from her feet and set her bag down next to her. She took a few moments to herself before turned off her phone. She lay quietly on her bed for what must have been almost an hour in perfect silence, her brain alternating between screaming at her and simply being numb. She heard the front door go once as Winston left for work and then she heard it go again as Schmidt left for the bar to ease the stress that Cece was no doubt under from having to cover for Nick. She stirred and moved toward her bedroom door, leaning on the frame and just staring at Nick's room considering what her next move should be.
Finally she edged her way forward and tapped softly on the door, pushing it open slowly at the same time. The room was dim apart from the one small light she had left on when she left just so he could find his way out easily if the fever made him all disoriented. She tip toed over trying to establish if he was still asleep but he turned his head toward her as the sound of her feet shuffling on the floor.
"Hey."
"Hi." He tried to push himself up against his pillow but he didn't make it very far as his arms shook a little and gave way.
Jess perched on the side of the bed next to him. "How do you feel?"
"I've been better." He smiled weakly.
"Can I do anything?"
"No it's ok, thanks Jess, I just took a little something to ease my headache so I can get some sleep.
"Your head hurts?"
"Just a little, it's nothing."
But it was too late, Jess rose to her feet and made her way around the other side of the bed. For the first time in a while she stopped analysing her actions and just settled into the middle of the bed next to him, her lying on top of the covers while he lay snuggled under them. Bringing one arm behind him, stretching it round the back of his shoulders she lay her fingers at each side of his head and began to slowly rub his temples in soothing circles. She could feel his body, which had gone rigid at her sudden presence, start to relax against her, his head falling slowly against her chest with his hair tickling her chin. She continued to rub in circles, moving from the side of his head to the middle of his forehead just above his eyes and back, eliciting a groan of relief from deep in his throat. She pressed her thumbs into the hot skin of his neck, soothing his muscles from top to bottom and then she moved her fingers into his hair, rubbing and soothing.
As she dipped her head to peer over his shoulder she could see his eyelashes flickering against the top of his cheek and she knew he was fighting sleep, but sleep was exactly what he needed so she continued to caress his scalp with her fingers. His breathing became slow and his head heavy against her chest and she knew he had finally dropped off. Her hands paused their movement but she herself didn't move, she was loathe to wake him. The heat from his body was putting her own muscles at rest, her breathing started to equalize with his. She allowed her hand to remain threaded deep into his hair, still very gently moving back and forth and without thinking she pressed her lips against the side of his forehead in a long and benevolent kiss.
He was asleep, he had food in his belly and medication soothing his sore muscles, she had done her job as the caring friend. She could leave now. She could leave any minute now and let him sleep. Jess said the words to herself over and over as she turned of his bedside light and closed her eyes with her lips pressed gently against his skin.