Harry Potter and First the Rejection of Canon:

Chapter Eleven:

The Sports Did Good

November. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. On the one hand, you got to cuddle up together with your significant other to stave off the chill. On the other, for those both too young and those who didn't have a significant other…it was just so damn cold. Snow layered upon the mountains, and the lake reminded some of the weapons that the suits of armor carried; it could look beautiful in the right circumstances but was deadly to touch.

On the third mutant hand, it was Quidditch season! It would certainly explain why Hagrid was outside every morning defrosting the brooms. At least he was all bundled up in his big overcoat, gloves, and oddly furry boots. Draco was often seen whining that he should have been Seeker for Slytherin. Failing that, he then complained that Harry should have been. To which Harry would arch an eyebrow and flatly state something like how the only way he'd ever willingly go flying about at speeds exceeding walking was if a dragon was chasing him.

As the three Slytherin's were helping themselves to a delicious meal, Polina decided to alleviate Draco's worries. "Really Draco, calm down. Slytherin is at the top once again this year, Ravenclaw is at a draw with Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor is last. Even if Slytherin loses the House Cup this year, we have solid proof that we've done our best. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff are tied so because of their tremendous work ethic, and Gryffindor…well, bless their hearts, but all the mischief they get up to does not do well for the new point system."

Draco looked abashed. "Well…that is true, but this is Quidditch," he said as if it explained everything. And from that point of view, it did, as quite a few other students nodded to his perfectly sound reasoning.

Polina thought about it, and then grudgingly agreed. That was technically a true statement. Plus, sports.

Harry, on the other hand, was glad he had Hermione. All this obsession with the whole 'feet leaving solid earth' thing was something he couldn't understand, and he was delighted someone shared his viewpoint. And Hermione was equally delighted to have Harry as a friend, especially since they made excellent study-buddies; she was strong in theoretical with a weakness practical, while Harry was the opposite.

They also spent a great deal of time looking through Quidditch Through the Ages, as it turned out to be a very complex sport. It had over 700 ways of committing fouls. It boggled Harry's mind, as that would mean if referees spent half that much time learning actual spells, they'd be legendary dualists to have memorized 350 different spells. And Quidditch players should have also been up there, maybe only at 200 apiece, yeah, but that's still a rather large number.

It was a rare snowy day that Harry, Hermione, Draco, and Polina found themselves outside. Rare days such as today warrants snowball fights. Harry teamed up with Polina, while Hermione was with Draco. Neither of the latter two was particularly enthused about this, them being only cordial to each other at best. At first. It turns out that Harry and Polina were slightly competitive, and if they were to survive then they needed to become fast friends. Harry and Polina won. No one was keeping score, but Draco and Hermione had surrendered after fifteen minutes, and they both shared similarities to snowmen. After that, Hermione showed off her proficiency with fire spells with a blue flame inside a glass bottle. Harry and Polina stood facing each other discussing lobbing techniques, while Draco and Hermione shared a look of pain and cold. The fire was helping, but only just.

It was Hermione that noticed Snape limping away, muttering angrily.

Hermione turned to Draco and asked, "Why is the potions professor limping like that? He's a professor, shouldn't he know some spell or something to help?"

Draco shrugged. "It could be any number of things, maybe a potions mishap that needs medical supplies he doesn't keep in the classroom?"

Polina looked at him aghast, "Draco! Hermione! Have you no imagination?! He was clearly battling Dark Mages to keep us all safe!"

Harry turned towards the group with a frown. "You don't think Mr. Cuddles and him got into a fight?"

Polina, not having thought of that, frowned as well. "It's possible…though I hope not. He is a good boy."

Three sets of heads nodded, and one sighed.

Draco looked thoughtful, "If he did…why did he need to get past a Cerberus?"

Hermione looked at him, eyebrow raised. "Headmaster Dumbledore very obviously is guarding something valuable, with a Cerberus at the head. It's only prudent he'd have the rest of the professors contribute to the security of the treasure. Someone wants the treasure, so all the professors are chipping in."

Harry turned a thoughtful eye toward her. "Unless one of the professors wants the treasure. It might not be Snape; he's a decent sort if a tad strict, but…well on the list of people you suspect to steal a valuable treasure, he's on that list."

"Boys, boys, boys," Polina shook her head. "There's an easy solution to this. Take a list of all Hogwarts professors and eliminate all who are least likely to do so."

"Quirrell's out then," Draco said confidently. "No one that jumpy is stealing anything from anybody."

All the students nodded.

Later that night, Harry laid awake thinking. Of all the Hogwarts professors, Quirrell was the least likely to be able to do so but…well his aunt and uncle were lawyers, and his cousin was training for auror this year. No one would even suspect Quirrell. So that put it smack dab on the list. And Snape, while unlikely, was also on that list, mostly because of his dark history and general vibe. Binns was a ghost, and thus out. McGonagall was out because he's too terrified of the possibility of an Evil McGonagall. Flitwick was also off his list because the man is a dueling champion and wouldn't leave Mr. Cuddles alive. Professor Zaine…hm, there was something off about him, but if he wanted to steal The ThingTM, then he would've grabbed it at the bank. Unless he only did it to throw off suspicion? With the end goal of overthrowing Dumbledore as Headmaster of a school! Wait…wait hold on. Harry himself can barely handle four other children, why would anyone want to take over a whole school of children? So, he's off the list. There were undoubtedly other professors, but he hasn't met them yet, so on his list…only two. Snape and Quirrell are his top suspects.

And maybe Zaine.

The next morning was much like the previous: cold and horrendously bright. The only difference was that this morning was the morning of the first Quidditch match of the season.

"You comin' to the game Harry?" Draco asked with a mouth full of muffin. Which particular flavor it was, Harry could only guess.

Up at Teachers Table, Zaine was having a fit of disturbing laughter at the sight of a young, innocent and naïve boy who was about to be beset by Powers Beyond His Ken.

"Sure," Harry replied. "I may not like it much, but you guys do, and I like you guys so…why not?" Under his breath, he muttered, "Wouldn't go if I could, but there's nothing else to do today."

The group of friends made their way to the stands, making decent time. Everyone managed a decent seat at about ten-thirty. Harry managed a spot next to Hermione while Draco tried to get away from Polina. He failed.

About half an hour later, Madam Hooch entered the field along with the other Quidditch players. They all gathered around her, and after a few words that Harry couldn't hear the players mounted the brooms. At her sharp whistle, fourteen players and one referee flew into the air, ready for what could be an exciting time. As dictated by the announcer, Lee Jordan. "And Angelina Johnson of Gryffindor snags the Quaffle right out of the start! Good looking and a fantastic chaser-"

"Mr. Jordan!" Professor McGonagall's voice rang out. She looked quite stern indeed.

"Sorry Professor, it won't happen again," Lee tried to act contrite. "Angelina Johnson makes a neat pass to last years' Chaser reserve Alicia Spinnet who passes it right back to Angelina and – Slytherin Captain Marcus Flint intercepts! It looks like he's going for the goal now and – Gryffindor Keeper Oliver Wood intercepts nicely done mate! He passes it off to Gryff Keeper Katie Bell who makes her way around Slytherin Captain Flint and – oof! Hit in the back of the head by a Bludger, Slytherin Chaser Adrian Pucey picks up the Quaffle and makes his way towards the goal – and there's the second Bludger taking him out hit by Gryffindor Beaters Fred slash George Weasley! Angelina Johnson takes up the Quaffle again, racing towards the goal! Nice dodge there, Angelina! She throws it for the opening goal of the game – Slytherin Keeper Bletchly moves for the interception – he overshot it, and Gryffindor makes the first goal!"

Harry and Hermione politely clapped, while Draco had to be consoled by Polina. Draco's reaction was more prevalent in the Slytherin House, while Harry and Hermione's reaction was not repeated at all, as it was overshadowed as all the Gryffindors exploded in cheer. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, curiously enough, were all doing classwork. Figures, the most hardworking and studious houses were doing actual work on their day off.

"Oy," Harry whispered to Hermione. "How long d'you think we'll be here?"

The bushy haired girl leaned over and whispered back, "Dunno. I've read that these matches go on for a while; it depends on how fast either seeker catches the snitch."

Lee Jordan began announcing again, "Slytherin Chaser Pucey has the Quaffle, nice dodge on those bludgers, an…interesting outmaneuvering of the Gryffindor Weasleys and Chaser Bell – hold on, was that the Snitch?"

The crowd seemed to wait on bated breath.

"Gryffindor Seeker Sally Birchgrove seems to have sighted it too, and there goes Slytherin Seeker Terrance Higgs rushing after her, neck and neck! Sally's just a bit ahead though; she might just – oh! Foul! Slytherin Captain Marcus Flint blocks Seeker Sally Birchgrove!"

Harry sighed. "You'd think that with 700 ways to foul in this game, there'd be at least a list of penalties half as long."

The announcer blared to life. "Right, with that blatant and horrendous foul -"

"Lee Jordan…" Professor McGonagall growled.

"Sorry Professor. At that disgusting bit of cheating-"

"I gave you that position, and I can take it away!"

Lee Jordan's voice came across as a bit more nervous. "Ahem, right, so penalty goes to Slytherin giving Gryffindor a free throw opportunity. Chaser Spinnet takes the Quaffle, nice ten points for Gryffindor and we continue with Gryffindor still in possession."

Harry was sipping some cocoa when it happened. He saw one of the Bludgers shudder and move erratically. Lee Jordon was still commenting.

"Slytherin takes the Quaffle, Flint snakes past Spinnet…past Bell and – ooh! Right in the face with a Bludger! Ah, but that isn't stopping him any, Slytherin scores. Whoopty doo."

The Slytherins cheered loudly, but Harry's eyes were still on the oddly behaving bludger. He had a moment when he wondered if someone cast an enlargement spell on it when he realized.

IT WAS COMING RIGHT AT HIM.

Harry pushed Hermione out of the way and booked it to the Quidditch pitch, right on time. It impacted the bench, and the hard-enchanted leather easily broke the wood bleachers. His hopes that it would stop there went unheeded, as it picked itself right back up and chased him.

Draco was suitably horrified, and Polina looked nervous. Hermione again resembled a volcano. "We have to do something!" She hissed at her other two friends.

Polina chewed her nail idly. "I get what you mean; it takes some powerful magic to enchant a Bludger, more powerful still to control it like that."

Draco, still horrified, tossed in his opinion. "It has to be a Professor or an upper year…"

Suddenly, Dumbledore stood up, wand in hand. "Keep running, Harry! I won't be responsible for another lawsuit and so help me Merlin whoever is hexing that Bludger better hope I don't catch them!" And began casting various protective spells around the students, as well as he could.

Hermione gasped, "Waitaminute, you need a near constant casting to be able to control the exact movements of something programmed to move about randomly!"

"Well, yeah," Polina agreed. "But what can we do?"

"Distract them!" Hemione replied.

"Uh, how?" Poor, simple Draco.

"Fire." That was the only word Hermione said before she took off towards the Professor-Only Area with Polina trailing after her.

"D'you know whose out for Harry?" Polina said as they neared the destination.

"No, I do not," Hermione said, passion burning in her eyes. "But there is a simple solution."

Polina was almost afraid to ask. Almost. "Oh?"

Hermione took out her wand, a gleam in her eye and a waver in her icy calm voice. "If you don't know who to burn…" The tip of her wand lit with a bright blue flame. "Burn them all."

After a few seconds, all the Professors started jumping around simultaneously.

Polina was not well and truly frightened of Hermione.

The Bludger had stopped attacking Harry, and he stopped running. He was already halfway across the pitch when the thing stopped though, and the field itself was covered in holes. Idly, he noticed Peregrine Derrick and Lucian Bole flying at him. Lucian looked him over and said, "Alright there, Potter?"

Harry, exhausted, could do nothing but nod.

Peregrine smirked, "Good on you though, making sure the other students were out of the way. And for being the center of attention so Flint can score us an even 50 points. Now get off the field before Madam Hooch gives Gryffindor a free throw for a student on the pitch."

Harry gave them a thumbs up before they flew off, then began sneaking his way back to the stands. All eyes were on him though, so it was entirely pointless. Madam Hooch decided not to make trouble for Harry in his house but still docked twenty points from Slytherin all the same.

Dumbledore walked up to him though for a quick word. "Excellent work Mr. Potter, take fifteen points for saving the school a lawsuit-er I mean saving your fellow students from danger." He coughed, then cast a quick Diagnostic Charm. "Ah, good, perfectly unharmed save some muscle damage from overtaxing them." He nodded to himself and stroked his beard. "Some rest ought to do you some good."

"I'm fine, sir." He huffed, trying to dissuade him from separating him from his friends, no matter how much sense it made to do so. "Just uh…just give me a moment to catch my breath."

The Headmaster waved him off. "Nonsense, Mr. Potter, we haven't caught the scoundrel who hexed the Bludger, so you would be putting yourself and those around you at risk."

Harry could not argue with that logic.

"Of course," Dumbledore's eyes briefly twinkled, "I insist on taking some friends with you and having a nice cup of tea to settle your nerves. I believe Hagrid would be willing?"

"Isn't that a bit far, sir?" Harry asked.

Dumbledore grunted affirmatively, eyes no longer twinkling. "That is entirely the point, Mr. Potter. Whoever did this will be found, but until then I need your help to keep the other students unharmed."

Harry nodded and walked off to tell his friends the general plan.

Dumbledore, unbeknownst to Harry but knownst to us started muttering under his breath, "Damn schoolboard will be breathing down my neck as it is, I swear what I planned for the damn troll would be pleasant compared to what I'm going to do to Squirrelly Quirrell. He can't be too damn scared; he did this in full view of me, so why the devil hasn't he entered my Maze of Doom yet?" He set himself to work repairing the field. "Boy should count himself lucky I have my hands tied by the school board, can't just damn fire him for being possessed by bloody Riddle or whatever his made-up name was." He sighed and went back to the stands. "Instead I have to keep this bloody fool onboard because he was 'highly recommended' by the board. Hope the curse takes hold soon and he offs himself. Endangering my students in my school, I ought to give him a thrashing but 'oh you can't punish a teacher for suspicion of being possessed by the Dark Lord 'I Am Loved Old Mr. Ort,' because 'we'll be fined' yeah, I bloody know I can't Sprout but what am I supposed to do, sit back and wait until the idiot kills himself?" He sighs. "At least he's so damn incompetent that he hasn't killed anyone else yet."

Far above, the Gryffindor Seeker Sally Birchgrove caught the Snitch ending the game 170 – 60.

"It was for sure one of the teachers." Draco began explaining once he was sure all were safe from rogue Bludgers inside Hagrid's Hut.

"Well," Harry began. "My list is down to Snape and…someone else."

"Hogwash!" Hagrid harrumphed. "The perfessers are 'ere ta teach ya youngins. Not harm ya."

"I don't know…" Hermione said. "The Bludger stopped attacking Harry when the Professors were distracted. And we did see Professor Snape limping down the courtyard. We suspect he's after whatever the Cerberus is guarding. Or someone else is, but Professor Snape is the main suspect." Head nods abound.

Hagrid hiccuped. "Hermione, Harry h'allayas… Ya don't mean Fluffy?"

Polina raised an eyebrow. "Fluffy? Is that his name? We call him Mr. Cuddles."

"Well, look," Hagrid started. "It ain't nuthin to be worried over, ya hear? Whatevers happenin' is fer the other Professors to worry abou', and whatever Fluffy is guardin is between Dumbledore and his 'ole friend Nicolas Flamel!"

"Oh?" said Harry as he sipped on his tea. "The treasure is related to someone named Nicolas Flamel then?"

Hagrid froze. "I shouldn'ta said tha'."

Polina sighed and shook her head. "No Hagrid. No, you shouldn't have. We are now going to exhaust every resource our not-so-inconsiderable eleven-year-old minds can muster."

Draco nodded demurely. "Treasure is treasure after all. I don't even care what it is, I'm a growing boy and need to adventure."

All the children nodded, all for different reasons. Draco and Harry saw the opportunity for both adventure and treasure. They were going to take it.

Hermione and Polina needed to come along and make sure they didn't get themselves killed.

Hagrid appeared to have swallowed an entire lemon tree.

[A/N]: Thank you Monster, we appreciate the feedback, look forward to even more insanity later on! Seriously, we've planned on doing eight full-length novels, with plenty of humor and then some rather jarringly serious moments even my editor didn't see coming.

Poll: Book 2/3 combined, yes or no? A lot of our best work is planned for books 4-8, but I've felt the pacing is a little slow right now, we are going to finish up book one as we've planned, 18 chapters, but what are your thoughts about speeding through a couple years?

Or, you can ask questions about why things are happening the way they are, I've enjoyed a lot of the research and planning done for this project and want to share a bit of that.