Rascal Flatts- What hurts the most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It was a rainy Thursday afternoon and Meredith was driving toward familiar territory. Still to this day she could find her way in the dark. It was a drive she often took when she was needing to be close to him. To feel something connected to him. This drive would end unlike the other times that she had come out here while he was away. This time she would come face to face with him.

She didn't tell a soul that she was going to see him. Hoping that no one would find out. If her friends found out that she was going to see him they would no doubt be upset.

She pulled into his driveway and jumped out before she had a chance to change her mind.

It was time to put the past behind her. The only way for that to happen was if she finally put the closure on the once promising relationship.

This would be the last time she would listen to him. After today she would move on with her future. Marry the man that loved her with his whole heart.

She gently knocked on the door.

She stood back waiting for him to answer.

Derek opened the door. He expected to see Mark standing there with a case of beer. He was taken back when he laid his eyes on her face. She was so beautiful standing there the rain pouring down over her head.

"Come inside" he held open the door.

"I'm fine right here" she couldn't let herself get carried away. Being alone with Derek Shepherd wasn't a risk she was willing to take.

Derek grabbed his jacket off the couch and walked outside.

He wrapped the jacket around her shoulders. He understood when she flinched at his touch.

"I'm glad you came" he smiled.

"I don't know why I came here" she looked at him.

"Meredith I wish I could turn back time. I wish that I never left you alone with a broken heart. I was selfish for leaving."

"It was the hardest thing that I ever faced. My heart was broken and I was barely breathing." she looked into his eyes and could see the pain.

"I wish that I could make that up to you. Give me another chance Meredith. Don't marry that man give us a chance first" he begged.

"You are the only man that I have ever truly loved. You are the only man who understands me. It's hard to breath when I am not with you."

Derek was taken back by her words. He never guessed in a million years that she would bare her soul to him. He could tell from the look in her eye that it surprised her as well.

"I have never stopped loving you. You are the only woman for me Meredith Grey." he inched closer to her. Closing the gap between them. Hoping the whole time she wouldn't pull away. That she would want to stand close to him.

Meredith blinked back the tears that were hiding in the back of her eyes. She knew that she had to finish this talk with him. The talk she was dreading knowing that in the end it would cause him pain. That was the problem right now in her life. She was stuck between two men. Afraid of causing either of them pain. "I wish you would have come back before now. Before I promised my future to another man."

"It doesn't matter Meredith. I am here now."

Meredith laughed. "It does matter. I could never just walk away from a man who has done nothing wrong."

"Yes you can Meredith. We belong together"

"I know" she knew that it was true.

"What does all of this mean Mer? You love me and believe that we should be together. I want to jump for joy and swing you around this porch. Instead I am standing here waiting for the other shoe to fall."

"It means that I will have to learn to live without you once again. That for the rest of my life when I think about love it will be your face that I see."

"No it doesn't have to be that way" he reached and pulled her into his arms. This was where she belonged. No one else deserved to have the life with her that he was destined to have.

"Yes it does Derek" she cried as she buried her face into his arms. She felt safe for the first time in years. Being right where she belonged.

"He will understand. Of that I am certain"

"Would you?"

Derek knew that answer. He didn't understand why it took her this long to admit to the truth.

"I didn't think so. Go back to New York. Find someone to make you happy."

"That's not going to happen. Not when I know how you feel for me. I will be here waiting for you to come to your senses. You and Me that's all that matters"

Meredith couldn't take the pain that was forming in her heart. It was tearing her to the core. She was the one who would have to walk away this time. Leaving him here alone and no doubt in pain. The alternative was to hurt another man. A man who didn't deserve to live in pain either. "I have to go" she pulled herself from his arms.

Derek watched as she climbed off the porch. "Meredith" he ran over to her.

Meredith turned around.

"I love you" he whispered.

Meredith smiled. "I love you too"

"Then stay with me. We can both go to New York."

"I wish that I could stay. I need time to figure this out. I still don't know if I can trust you. I need time"

Derek could handle time. That would mean she wasn't giving up yet. That she wasn't ready to walk down the aisle with Finn. "I will be waiting."

She smiled as she walked away. Though the tears were forming in her eyes. She knew that there was no way out of this mess. Not without leaving someone broken.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo