Summery: Owen accidentally turned Jack into a frog and no one wants to cure him.

Pairings: implied Janto, one-sided Jack/Rhys, Jack/Gwen, lots of Jack/Tosh

"Ianto hurry up and kiss him!"

Ianto staggered back in horror as Owen held up a slimy green frog with brown spots and shrivelled up lips that were filled with slime. Owen looked desperate, afraid and frustrated and kept shoving the disgusting little creature in Ianto's face.

"Stop! Stop! I hate frogs! How would you like it if I kept waving a spider in your face?" Ianto squealed hiding behind the desk.

Owen lowered the frog. "Oh sorry mate I didn't know you're were scared of frogs" he said apologetically. "But you must kiss this frog!"

"Why?!" Ianto wailed.

"Because it's Jack! I accidentally turned Jack into a frog somehow and you know what the fairy tale goes, only true love's kiss can break the spell!"

Ianto stood up. "First thing, you will never tell anyone about my fear of frogs or I'll spill about the Christmas 2004 incident, I have CCTV evidence of what you did to that Weevil!" Owen rolled his eyes but nodded. "Second, you obviously way behind the Torchwood gossip because I and Jack broke up three months ago and I have just started to see this nice young woman from the pizza place. Last thing, how sad are you to actually still be reading fairy tales?"

"Hey loads of people stay in touch with their inner child!" Owen shouted waving Jack around with one hand. "I bet you still watch Disney!"

"No that's Gwen" Ianto said ducking from the frog. "I was never a child. The most childish thing I ever did was pull my sister's hair when she was being too loud"

"Weirdo" Owen grumbled. "Fine then, I'll just ask Gwen to help"

"Ask Gwen to help with what?" Gwen asked from behind Owen. Owen whirled round to find Gwen looking tired and yawning slightly.

"Gwen, you've been in love with Jack for a while right?" Owen asked, but before she could answer he continued on. "I accidentally turned Jack into a frog and need you to kiss him before he croaks me to death or something just as vile!"

"I haven't been in love with Jack" Gwen said in an icy voice. "And if that's what he's been telling you then I'll need to find a way to kill him permanently. You could also tell him that Rhys doesn't appreciate the constant phone calls especially at midnight, neither of us want phone sex thank you very much. Now bugger off! I need my morning coffee"

Owen moaned. "What am I going to do?" he whined.

"Kiss him yourself if you're that desperate" Ianto said edging around Owen so he could get into the kitchen.

"Don't be ridiculous Ianto. I don't love Jack at all. In fact I spend nights just dreaming about killing him" Owen said sweetly, squeezing the frog tightly. Jack the frog let out a strangled croak that could be easily translated as 'help!' "Urgh! This is going to be impossible, who knows how many true loves Jack has had in the past century?"

Marching across the Hub, Owen mumbled darkly to himself, not concentrating on his whereabouts when he suddenly tripped over the stairs sending Jack flying towards the cog door.

"NO!"

The cog door opened in time as Tosh entered the Hub, sleepily just as Jack the frog's slimy lips touched hers.

POOF!

Jack was now snogging Tosh in the full buff. Owen sat there dumbly on the floor looking horrified as Jack's bum waved in front of him as Jack dipped Tosh in a cheesy romantic way. Once the need for air kicked in Jack stood up and held a blushing Tosh to his naked chest.

"Yes thank you for helping me you three" he said sarcastically. "Ianto is understandable and Gwen I promise the last ten times were just a joke and Owen that was just plain mean-"

"You turned into a frog! I tend to be nasty when I'm scared and worried!" Owen protested.

"So now you can all do paperwork while I'll take Tosh up to my office for celebratory shag"

Tosh, who had never really been experienced in seduction, fainted at the sheer bluntness of Jack's statement.

"Well someone's certainly going to be living happily ever after" Owen muttered.