A/N: So here we are! Chapter 11. I've been in a flurry of writing so far, and chapter 12 is close to being done. To answer some general questions: yes, I will follow this through the story through the movie, writing about things that were behind the scenes, etc. Because (I assume) most, if not all, reading this have seen the movie, that arc will be short – a chapter or two at most. Originally, I planned the story to have fourteen chapters, and one epilogue chapter. That may get bumped up an additional chapter though. A BIG thank you to everyone who took the time to review. This chapter is slightly shorter (but not by too much, I think) than some of the others I've written, but that's because I ended up writing a ginormously long chapter and had to break it into two. So at least Chapter 12 is close to completion! I'll try and get it up here in a timely fashion ;)
LadyEvenStar22- Merci pour tes pensées. Je crois que mon français a beaucoup amélioré, mais j'ai commencé d'apprendre le français quand j'étais très jeune, donc c'est difficile de voir mon progrès après si longtemps. Mais de toute façon, oui, j'aime beaucoup mon séjour en France. Je suis encore là en fait (j'y reste jusqu'au...juin, je crois). J'ai beaucoup aimé les soldes, mais c'est dangereux quand je fais du shopping!
Chapter 11 – The Words You Say
"And I'm hanging on
To the words you say.
You said that I will be okay."
Nyota stared at the white house that was nestled in a verdant garden. Ivy crawled along the front of the house, enveloping it with its green tendrils; the lush leaves straining to reach the African sun. The gate to the picket fence creaked loudly as she pushed it open, announcing her presence. Brown eyes peered at her from under a large sunhat, affixed with a bright yellow ribbon. White teeth flashed a smile and her mother took off her gardening gloves and tossed them on the porch steps.
"You got everything you need to head back to school, my girl?" her mother asked with a broad smile.
Nyota wasn't quite sure she was ready to leave home. It was time to leave, but she didn't know if she had the strength. Smiling weakly, she nodded anyway.
Her mother stood in the garden, barefoot, digging her toes into the dirt and smiling at Nyota sympathetically. With a sigh, enveloped Nyota in a hug.
"Be careful, my love. I couldn't bear it if something were to happen to you."
Nyota nodded again and hugged her mother tightly.
When Nyota's father had disappeared, her mother's heart broke. And now she was here, in a perpetual state of waiting. Waiting for something that would never come.
Nyota put her hand over her heart and felt it beat slowly and steadily. She closed her eyes and remembered the sensation of Spock's beating heart. How it raced under her fingertips. She inhaled breathily. It felt odd, that her heart could beat so surely, so strongly, when it was so fragile.
"Nyota, it's time to go," her mother whispered into her ear. "You'll miss your shuttle."
She reluctantly pulled away and felt her stomach tie itself into knots. Nyota didn't know what this year would bring. She just wanted to survive it.
"So tell me how you do it, Gaila."
"Hm? Do what?" She asked lazily flipping through a magazine.
"Bump into your exes on campus without dying of humiliation."
"Well, it's usually not a problem because none of my exes are in a position of authority over me."
Nyota shot her a dark look and Gaila smiled guiltily.
"I don't know," she shrugged. "Just act like nothing happened and you don't care."
"But I do care."
"Not the point," she hummed as she stretched out on the bed.
Nyota sighed and headed to the lab where she held office hours. She had a good deal of work to catch up on after choosing to spend the summer at home. She chewed on her lip while she looked over the file in front of her.
To: Cadet Lieutenant N. Uhura
Subject: Research Advisor
This is to inform you that this year's research will no longer be overseen by Commander Spock due to a leave of absence to serve on the U.S.S. Enterprise. All subsequent research will now be performed with…
If she was lucky, she would not run into him at all. Although, she couldn't deny that a part of her wanted to seem him again, more than anything. And yet, another part of her wanted simply to bury the memories of him in the deepest part of her heart.
But there were more important things to focus on right now, like her career. So she pushed her sadness and regret aside and buried herself in work, research, and club activities. And she was content, even when Kirk forced his way into the Xenolinguistics club, despite having no understanding of the material. Instead he insisted he had a "very experienced tongue".
For the first few weeks, Nyota had neither seen nor heard from Spock. It was almost as if he had never existed. He doing very little teaching this semester and did not need a teaching aide, so she was now assisting Captain Becker instead. He had requested she organize slides for tomorrow's lecture, so she had shut herself in the lab, futilely trying to get the program code to behave how she wanted it to. She was even half-considering calling Gaila for help. She heard the door of the lab slide open and she sighed. It was undoubtedly the rotund Captain Becker adding to her constantly growing pile of work.
"Cadet."
"One moment," she muttered. "I'm trying to get this stupid program code to work properly."
"It will take but a moment."
Nyota paused as she recognized the calm voice behind her. The back of her neck prickled as she recognized its soothing timbre and gentle resonance. It was the same mild tone that would whisper in her ear on lazy mornings when she couldn't wake up and late evenings when they couldn't sleep. Swallowing, she slowly turned her head to stare into familiar, dark eyes. Her blood ran cold and her face went blank. Knees trembling, she stood uncertainly.
"Commander," she said formally. "How may I be of assistance?"
His face was emotionless as he handed her a large folder.
"These are the program logs for the Kobayashi Maru simulation. More specifically, the communication control station. Testing will begin shortly and as an aide, you will be assisting in the simulation."
"I am aware," she said in annoyance. "These files could have been sent to me electronically. There's no reason for your busy schedule to be interrupted on my account."
He raised an eyebrow.
"Indeed. My apologies for disturbing you, cadet."
He turned to go and Nyota felt her heart drop to her stomach.
"Spock," she breathed.
He paused.
"Good luck with your research this year, cadet," he replied despondently. "Let me know if you require any assistance."
"That won't be necessary," she said icily. "I wouldn't want to distract you from your work, Commander."
He paused, but nodded silently before turning to go. After he was gone, Nyota shut her eyes to fight back the tears.
Spock left the lab feeling curiously dissatisfied. He wasn't quite disappointed, but he was not pleased either. His father had always said that emotions ran deep within their race. Yet Spock consistently struggled to place the foreign sentiments that clouded his judgment. He opened his office door and then shut and locked it with a resounding click.
"Where've you been?"
"Captain-"
"Chris."
"Christopher, what are you doing in my office, and more specifically, my chair."
Pike grinned and dragged himself out of the seat and gestured gallantly for Spock to sit down. Spock raised an eyebrow and sat.
"I was looking over your recommendations for starship placement for the Enterprise," Pike said with a shrug. "I noticed your girl wasn't on it."
"She was placed on the Farragut," Spock responded flipping through his files. "And she is no longer, as you said "my girl"."
"You're punishing her?" Pike said with mild surprise.
"On the contrary," Spock said lightly. "I believe it would be in Nyota's interest to serve on a different starship. One where her work would not be impeded by…"
"You?" Pike said accusingly.
"I would in no way interfere with her work," Spock said hollowly.
Pike grunted in disbelief.
"The Farragut is a perfectly adequate starship," Spock said evenly.
"Please," Pike said picking up Nyota's file and sitting down. "Top marks, academy aide, impeccable research…she can do better than the Farragut. You're wasting her talent."
"Her talent would be wasted in an emotional situation where she could not perform up to expectations," he replied lightly.
"Hers or yours?" Pike said putting his feet on the desk.
"Regardless," Spock avoided the question. "Awarding Nyota her top preference would be a blatant display of favoritism. I believe I assured you that no favoritism would take place."
Pike sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I suppose you have a point," he conceded.
"If you'll excuse me, Christopher," Spock said. "I have reports to complete."
Pike grumbled as he dragged himself to his feet. He stared at Spock a long moment and received but an eyebrow raise in response. He held back a sigh and left the office, leaving Spock with his piles of student folders. Spock glanced outside his window at the clear sky as he reached to close the blinds. He closed his eyes for a moment and reflected.
"Mm, leave it open, Spock."
"Nyota, given you clearly intend to sleep past noon, it is logical to-"
"I know," she sighed breathily as her warm eyes flickered open. "But I like being able to see the sky when I wake up."
"I do not understand."
She rolled over and buried herself under the covers.
"I don't know," she murmured. "I always thought there was something terribly romantic about the sky. How you can see it no matter where you are."
Spock raised an eyebrow quizzically as she fell back asleep with a sigh.
Spock drew his hand away from the blinds and shook his head clear of old memories. He opened his eyes slowly and watched the sun dipping below the horizon and dying the sky shades of orange. He wondered briefly if Nyota was looking at it, before turning back to his desk and burying her file at the bottom of his mound of work.
However, it did not stay buried long. Every time he managed to complete a large portion of work, he would allow himself a short break to open her file and glance at her picture, her grades, and the research they had done together. It was certainly odd to him, realizing that she was no longer a part of his life. Previously, she had been such an integral part of it. He supposed that it simply demonstrated the fleeting nature of human relationships. Emotional ties were ultimately insignificant, brief and transitory. He opened the bottom drawer of his desk and stared at the bag of Nyota's belongings that he had meant to return to her. Books, a gaming PADD, USB storage devices, perfume, and various other toiletries had been forgotten in his living quarters. He had ignored them for a time, before their presence became a consistent reminder that she was no longer there. He knew he really ought to return them, but even now, he didn't know how to approach her.
He glanced at the clock and realized it was already late and he had not completed the amount of work he had been hoping to. He paused and decided to simply bring work back to his living quarters that evening. Usually, Nyota insisted that he have a clear division between his personal and professional life and refrain from bringing work home with him, but he was all too aware of the knowledge that she would not be there waiting for him. So without fear of retribution, he placed his PADDs and files in his bag and closed and locked the door behind him.
Walking down the hall, he remembered late nights he would spend in the lab with Nyota, before they had begun their admittedly illicit relationship. While he typically preferred working in peace without the presence of others, she had always been a calming force for his work. He briefly considered once again working in the labs with her, although he speculated that the atmosphere now would not be particularly conducive to working. He paused outside the lab and peered in and saw a familiar sight. Nyota- exhausted, asleep at her workstation. He entered the lab and held his breath, wondering if he would wake her. Quietly, he strode to her station and saw her dozing peacefully, her code forgotten.
Curiously, Spock scrolled through the lines of code, scanning over her work and saw the line that was giving her trouble. It was an old error in the code, most likely written by Captain Becker during a fit of absentmindedness. Nyota should have looked over the original code that was given to her before adding to it. Spock smiled to himself slightly. She was undoubtedly accustomed to the codes that he usually supplied her, which had always been revised multiple times for errors so that her work might be a little easier. Carefully, Spock picked up the keyboard and deleted the error and rewrote it. He tapped enter a couple of times and the code began to run smoothly, without any errors. Quietly, he placed the keyboard where he had found it and tenderly hovered above Nyota as she sighed breathily. Hesitantly, he placed his lips to her forehead and left her sleeping peacefully in the lab.
The computer beeped twice and Nyota frowned and blinked herself awake. The screen was lit with multiple lines of programming code, which had inexplicably been resolved. Unable to explain it, but pleased nonetheless, Nyota emailed the file to Captain Becker and leaned back in her chair. She inhaled deeply and frowned. There was a faint familiar smell hanging in the air. Smiling tiredly to herself, Nyota touched her forehead lightly as she packed away her things, feeling the best she had in a while.
Captain Becker's pudgy fingers scratched absentmindedly at his bald head as he looked over the orientation notes he was giving. Nyota didn't pay much attention, as she was already all to familiar with the Kobayashi Maru. She instead tried to avoid Kirk's all to attentive stare and stubbornly refused to acknowledge Spock's presence in the room.
It annoyed her that Kirk seemed to be breezing through the Academy without any difficulties, on track to graduate a year early. She grimaced as he winked at her. Glancing over, she caught Spock's eye, but then looked away quickly and instead focused on Captain Becker's jolly voice asking who wanted to be the first to take the Kobayashi Maru test this year. The faces of the Command track students stared blankly at him. There was a pronounced silence before Kirk stood defiantly and straightened his jacket.
"Sir, I would like to volunteer myself."
Becker laughed happily and his eyes shone mischievously.
"Lieutenant," he said to Uhura. "Put him in the first testing slot."
She rolled her eyes as she punched in his information into her PADD.
"Everyone can sign up at their convenience with my assistant," Becker said lightly. "Dismissed."
He saluted lazily and left the room with a slothful wave to Nyota and Spock.
Students filed out while Nyota and Spock organized their things. Only Kirk seemed to linger.
"So, Uhura…" Kirk began.
"You're not getting my name, Kirk," Nyota said a little louder than necessary.
He grinned wolfishly and ignored her comment. "I haven't forgotten my promise to you."
Nyota froze. "Your promise?"
"Remember? You and me? A bench in the astronomy department?"
Out of the corner of her eyes, Nyota saw Spock look over at her and she felt her face get hot.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"After you bombed your Kobayashi Maru- hey, it's fine," he added after seeing her look of indignation. "It's not like it counts for you anyway."
"Okay, yes, I remember seeing you that day. What promise?"
"I promised you I'd beat the Kobayashi Maru."
Uhura groaned in annoyance. "Yes, I remember. And I remember saying you were an idiot. Apparently you didn't get it the first time. No one beats it, Kirk. Stop being an idiot."
His voice dropped low and his electric blue eyes bore into her. "I will beat it. I promised you. So I will."
She was quiet for a long moment and a part of her almost believed him. He put his hands in his pockets and grinned.
"And when I do, I'll expect to get your name in return."
Before she could snap at him, he jauntily strode out of the room.
The silence was broken by Spock snapping his bag shut. Nyota glanced over at him and saw his level brown eyes watching her carefully. He cleared his throat awkwardly and Nyota tilted her head to the side questioningly.
"I have some of your belongings," Spock said avoiding her gaze. "Which you left behind in my living quarters."
Nyota swallowed and stared blankly ahead. She had been through moments like this before and had been hoping to avoid it. Going to an ex's house to collect a box full of things would only remind her of happier times and how shitty things were now by comparison.
"I suppose if I have had no use for them since, that they are not all that important," Nyota said softly.
Spock raised an eyebrow. "Indeed. However, if you wish to reclaim your belongings, I have them in my office. I'll be there until four this afternoon."
He left the room without a backwards glance or even a cursory salute. Nyota shook her head and shut down the lecture hall monitor and projection screen. Retrieving her things would mean everything was finally over. There would be no shard of her that remained in his life. It was a fact that she had hoped to avoid, but it was time to move on. With a sigh, she shut off the lights and closed to door. Steeling herself, she walked down the hall to his office. It was a walk she had made a thousand times before, but it had never seemed so difficult. She stood in front of his door and knocked twice. He told her to enter and she cautiously pushed it open.
He glanced over at her from behind his desk as he organized stacks of files. Nyota glanced at them and realized that they were the student files from her year. With a prickling sensation that traveled up her spine, she realized that he was sorting them into ship placement.
"Here," he said softly.
She glanced up at him and realized he was holding out a small plastic bag. She looked inside it as he watched her. Nothing in it was of particular value to her but she smiled slightly at him anyway.
"Thanks," she said awkwardly. "I appreciate it."
"It was of no inconvenience," he said evenly as large brown eyes stared at her.
Nyota had always thought his eyes were his most expressive feature. Yet now, they were cloudy and unreadable.
"So," she said with a sigh. "I guess that's really it."
He said nothing, just looked at her blankly.
She glanced into the bag once more. "I don't know how you could do it," she whispered. "Throw away everything we had together. Just…throw it away so easily."
"It…was the logical choice," he murmured, his eyes softening a little.
Nyota clenched her eyes shut and nodded as she felt a single tear escape from beneath her lid. She opened her eyes widely in surprise when she felt his hand gently cup her face and wipe the tear away with his thumb. He slowly moved to draw his hand away, but she desperately reached out to cover his hand with hers, holding it to her face. She held her breath as her heart pounded. She stared into his eyes and saw a familiar expression. The look of longing – that look of hunger – he always had whenever he came home and she could tell that he wanted to throw himself in her arms, but could not bring himself to do so. She bit her lip and his eyes flickered down to her mouth and stared for a long moment. Cautiously, not wanting to scare him, she moved closer to him, until their bodies were barely touching and she was craning her neck up to watch him look down at her. He closed his eyes a moment and Nyota carefully rose to the balls of her feet to gently press her lips to his. He sighed appreciatively as he wrapped his arms around her and pressed her against him, kissing her deeply. She dropped the bag of her things to the floor and wrapped her arms around his neck as his tongue snaked between her teeth and he became more aggressive. Nyota felt his heart race and heard the blood rushing in her ears as she tasted him.
And for a moment, it was as if everything had been forgotten and they were in love again. In that brief second where Spock let his control slip, Nyota could see that their love was still there. And then, he abruptly pulled away. He held her at arms length as he inhaled deeply and regained his control. And it was over as quickly as it had started.
"This is why," he murmured in a quiet, almost pained tone. "You compromise my self-control."
Nyota sighed unsympathetically in frustration as she shrugged his hands off her shoulders and picked up her bag.
"Oh, come on Spock. Whining about how you lose control around me," She snapped as she headed towards the door. "Don't you get it? That's what love's supposed to do to you."
She didn't stay to see the look of surprise in his eyes as she slammed the door behind her.
Spock stared at the door for a moment before realizing, with wry amusement, that she had forgotten the bag containing her belongings.
A/N: And voilà, chapter 11. I hope you all enjoyed it; let me know what you think! Truthfully, I was considering writing a sex scene during the office bit, but after some reflection, I realized it was a little too over the top considering the characters. Oh well, I'll have another opportunity in the future to write a scene like that. Anyway, on to chapter 12! I think for chapter 12, I'm going to experiment with using less page breaks. I'm curious to see how that'll affect the flow of the story. Hopefully it isn't a disaster. Until next time! Xoxo.