Disclaimer: Still don't own Glee.
Thank you for reading and reviewing. Some of your reviews are so sweet It makes me want to make this better for you all.
M-Bring on the frying pan. Forky Dork- Please don't take my spot on the couch away. But you're both welcomed to send me the coupe, her cupboard is ready…Sorry, private garage.
Yesterday meant a few things for Finn and Rachel. Though neither of them could quite place their feelings for the other into matter, they knew something was there. Even when Rachel tried to shake off the thought of being Finn's fiancé every time she saw the ring, it wouldn't leave her. She told her head that it was all pretend but it didn't feel like it. She imagined having a fiancé made you think of them day and night, want to be there with them all the time. She imagined it feeling as though you were ready to commit your life and more to this one person and during each of those imaginings she saw Finn. But that was the thing wasn't it? He wasn't even her boyfriend let alone be her fiancé. The ring on her finger was for the sake of Cassie, and no matter how much her heart and her head were confused, Cassie should be and would be their main priority.
Finn woke up feeling as though he was ready to take on the world. For once, he felt good, like he was complete, even though there were many things missing in his life. Thinking back to the day before, he knew it was one of the worst days he'd ever had; having said goodbye to two of his closest friends and the parents of the child that was now his responsibility. But no matter how much darkness that day had, it also shed some light. He couldn't quite figure out why he was insulted by Santana and Kurt's accusation about the ring- that he didn't know the sentiment of it and was using it disrespectfully, even if trying to prove something.
Laying there with the sun streaming in on to his face, he finally figured it out. It hurt because he knew the sentiment of that ring all too well and knowing so, he gave it to Rachel. When he thought of the ring, he thought of commitment, he thought of loving one person for the rest of his life, he thought of growing old with this one person. When he thought of the ring he saw love, friendship and a future. These thoughts all brought one person to mind and that person was wearing the ring. Somehow his mother's ring looked right on Rachel's finger. It was like her hand was made to wear the ring that was made to fit her finger. It made everything seem complete. It gave him a sense of family and worth, something he didn't have much of while growing up. But he can't be in love with Rachel; sure, he loved her like a friend but it couldn't be that he felt for her that way. There had been moments but they both disregarded them to mean anything since they've always acted like that. Always. His heart told him one thing, and his head another; that this was all pretend and maybe they were just really good at their acting, because all this was in Cassie's interest and right now, that little girls happiness and welfare came first.
Still in his night wear, black shorts and a t-shirt, Finn made his way into the kitchen for breakfast finding Rachel and Cassie already there. While Cassie sat in her high chair, playing with some rusk biscuits, Rachel, who was already ready for the day, was sitting at the table munching on toast and looking at something on the laptop.
Walking over to Cassie with a big smile Finn greeted her. 'Morning Munchkin' to which Rachel replied 'Good morning' back to him brightly, only to look up and realise he was talking to Cassie and not her, causing her to blush.
Placing a kiss on top of Cassie's head and taking a piece of her biscuit, Finn turned to Rachel, flashing her his million watt lopsided smile, and said morning back to her.
Avoiding the awkwardness of the moment, Finn went on to make his breakfast.
'What are you researching?'
'I meant it when I said we'll be doing some research on parenting and that's what I'm doing right now' Rachel was focused on scrolling through the pages that had come up as she spoke.
Finn walked over to her and hovered over head as he took large bites of his toast.
'Why do we need to research parenting? We'll be great parents, Cass agrees' He looked towards Cassie who was happily babbling away as she made crumbs of the soggy biscuit on her hands.
'If any of those toast crumb ends up on my head, you are dead Finn' Rachel didn't even bother to look up as she threatened Finn whose eyes grew at her words; he shifted himself to her side and crouched down to her level so his face was beside hers.
'I read some of the parenting books when Sarah was reading them so I know a few things, like you know, how routines are stimulating for both baby and adults and how it's a must that we keep it as normal as possible' Rachel looked at Finn who was staring at the screen, a little too close for her liking because it conjured up feelings. His face was highlighted by the brightness from the skin, his freckles showing clearly, the outline of his face looking perfect. She shook herself out of her daydream and turned her attention back to the screen she continued.
'We know she's teething, hence some of her tantrums. We pretty much know how her diet goes. You' she emphasised 'have to make sure you stick to it, so no giving her junk food' Finn turned his head towards Rachel's to reply but got lost in her cute face all concentrated on the screen ahead.
'It says here she should be walking by 9-10 months or at least by 13 so we need to encourage that. She's crawling now and tries to stand on her own, she walks holding on to things so that's something'
'Ok' Finn mumbled as he tried to read the rest of what the article on the website said. 'Sound's fairly easy; we've just got to give her the right toys and stuff. Provide the right activities it says'
While they both searched the net together a phone call came, giving Finn the chance to take Rachel's seat while she answered the call.
A few minutes later she walked back into the room, picking Cassie up to clean her off.
'That was Emily. She wants to come over this afternoon with her supervisor.' Rachel wiped Cassie's hands and face while Finn concentrated on getting her highchair cleaned.
'We need to make this place look like it's in tip top condition'
'It's fine the way it is' Finn quickly replied not sensing Rachel's tone of worry.
'No it's not Finn, we need to make it look like a liveable home for a 'couple' and their 'daughter'' she gestured the inverted comma reminding them both of the façade.
Finn walked over to the sink setting the dirty cloth down and took Cassie off of Rachel who looked like she was going to have a mini panic attack.
'Look Rach, it's going to be fine. We've just got to be us.'
'And that's going to work is it?' a deflated Rachel asked Finn. He walked over to Rachel and started to rub her back lightly.
'It's worked this far hasn't it?' He shot her a reassuring smile which seemed to have helped as her face softened.
'We just have to remember to answer things how we planned and you know, everything should be ok'
Feeling reassured Rachel looked up at Finn. 'Ok'
'Now how about you and I go and watch some Wiggles' Finn asked a giggling Cassie as he tickled her.
'Why don't you phone Santana or Kurt for a chat or I don't know, sing for a bit to relax? I'd like to hear that voice?' Finn nudged Rachel lightly on the shoulder with his arm.
'We'll be in there if you need us' with that, he motioned himself and Cassie into the lounge, leaving Rachel feeling a little less apprehensive about the meeting later.
XOX
A few hours later, it was Rachel who was sitting beside Cassie, watching yet another children's show, while Finn had gone out. Hearing the door open Rachel set Cassie on the floor and made her way to Finn. She noticed the black note book in his hand which he often carried around but she had never seen its contents.
'Please tell me you didn't leave me on my own to go and call on one of your girls from your 'black book'' her arms were firmly placed across her chest as she gave him an annoyed look.
Looking puzzled Finn realised she was referring to the book in his hand.
'Oh, no. That's a 'little black book' this one's a big one' he tried to make a joke out of the matter as he walked past Rachel and left the book the top of the bookshelf in the dining room, hoping Rachel couldn't reach it.
'What's the point in hiding the book, it's not like I'll be calling one of them' Rachel said as she followed him.
'If you must know, I went for a little stroll and then met up with the neighbours. They wanted to start a garage band and I accepted their offer to be their drummer. I miss playing the drums, it's been a few days' Finn stood in front of Cassie who was walking around the coffee table as she held on, looking dazed.
'Oh. I'm sorry.' Rachel mumbled in a quiet voice as she plopped herself on the couch. 'Sounds good. It's great that you boys are going to play in your own band. It will give you something to do. I know I miss performing.' She looked sad again.
'Hey, maybe you can give singing lessons again. I'm going to do the whole drumming lesson thing for income. Maybe you should try to do the singing lessons. It will take your mind off of things. We can get a piano and everything' Finn was excited by his own thoughts.
'Maybe. I'll think about it. We have to focus on Cassie right now' Rachel kneeled down to Cassie's level and watched the little girl.
'We can focus on her and our dreams. It doesn't mean we forget our passions' Finn's soft voice once again gave her some sort of assurance, even if his words surprised her.
'I, um, I'm just going to go upstairs and freshen up a little'. Finn made his way up the stairs leaving Rachel with her thoughts.
A little bit of her felt jealous at the thought of Finn being out and calling other girls. Not because she was left to hold the baby as you would say, but because she didn't like the idea of him speaking to another woman, not like that. Though she couldn't fathom why this sudden feeling took over; she wasn't the jealous type, least of all over a fake fiancée.
She had to see what was in that book. Making sure Finn wasn't coming back down anytime soon, she grabbed a dining chair and took it over to the shelf. Although she used the chair to prop herself up it wasn't as useful as she had hoped causing her to stretch to be able to reach the book at the back. Cursing Finn's height under her breath she finally got a hold of it.
Once again, checking that Finn wasn't around, she took the book down and opened it. To her amazement, it wasn't a book of names, but it was full of scribbles. His scratchy handwriting all over the place yet in perfect order. There was something about his penmanship that was endearing but reading what was within it caught her heart in her mouth.
It wasn't just any kind of book, Finn had a book of lyrics. It was clear that these were either songs or poems but seeing that they had musical notes around them she guessed lyrics. Skimming through some of them she realised that there was more to this man she had ever known. She thought she knew him but he keeps on surprising her. Not only did he have and hide the most beautiful voice she had ever heard but he also wrote some of the most beautiful things she'd seen. Her heart skipped a beat with some of the things she'd read towards the end and only wondered what made him feel or think of it.
It was a knock on the door that took her out of her astonishment making her drop the book. She quickly picked it up and returned it to the top of the shelf as she found it. Picking Cassie up, she went over to answer the door.
'Hi Rachel, Hello Cassie' Emily greeted them both with a smile and a handshake.
'This is my supervisor Zara. We're only here for a quick chat. I know I was here yesterday but the supervisor usually does an accompanied visit as soon as.' Emily made her way into the house where Sarah followed.
'Hello, you must be Ms Berry?' Zara asked politely.
'Hello Zara, nice to meet you. Please do come in' She let Zara come in before she closed the door and lead them through to the dining area where they seated themselves.
Putting herself in engagement mode she called out to Finn upstairs.
'Honey? Finn? Emily is here.' She blushed a little at calling him honey, but that's what couples do right? Have weird nicknames for each other.
'I'll be down in a second' Finn replied.
'Can I get you ladies anything, drinks? Tea? Coffee?' Rachel offered as she bounced Cassie on her hips. Thankfully, both women declined.
Thuds could be heard as Finn made his way downstairs in a pair of jeans and white v-neck t-shirt. He suddenly looked more appealing than usual to Rachel.
He made his way over to stand beside Rachel.
'Hey baby' he said with a big grin giving Rachel a kiss on the cheek before taking Cassie off her and placing one her cheek too. To say Rachel was stunned was an understatement, she quickly regained hers composure as she stood beside Finn.
He knew they had to make it seem real but he didn't know what came over him to call her baby or to place that kiss on her cheek. He's pretty sure that's how couples worked. He put one arm around Rachel's waist and pulled her in closer to his side, Rachel hesitantly complying; putting her arm around his waist too. One problem though, her short arms didn't go all the way around Finn, so not knowing where to place her hand she first contemplated his back pocket but then went for the belt loophole. It was the safer, non-weird solution. Suddenly, it was awkwardly comfortable.
Watching the wholesome couple before them, Emily begun.
'How are you both coping with things? You seemed to be handling things well yesterday.'
'Well yes. Finns mother and step father were kind enough to come and help us out' Rachel informed them comfortably leaning her head onto Finns chest, her hand resting there too as she looked up at him flashing him a sweet smile.
'Carole, right? I think I've met her a few times. That was very nice of them' Emily jotted a few notes down.
'We've also had the neighbours and our friends, Kurt and Santana, helping us too.' Finn added smiling down at Rachel.
'So you've got a good network of family and friends for support?' Zara asked.
'Yes ma'am' Finn replied proudly as he rubbed Rachel's shoulder. Cassie, who was squirming too much in Finn's arm decided she would like to play on the floor so breaking contact with Rachel, Finn moved over to her little play area and set her down.
Rachel instantly missed the warmth of Finn's body beside her. She watched as he set Cassie down and sat on one of the dining chairs beside Cassie and opposite Zara. Rachel moved over to join them seating herself beside Finn, his arm instantly draping on the top of the chair behind her.
'And how about Ms Cassie? Has she been coping well with the changes?' Zara took out a few of her papers and waited for an answer as Emily moved over to Cassie and played with her quietly.
Looking at each other for an answer Rachel replied. 'She has been having her tantrums and sleepless nights but we know they're to be expected as she misses her parents.' Suddenly that sharp stabbing pain in the heart could be felt within them as they thought of Sarah and Jason. 'We're trying to keep her routines as normal as possible and provide everything as her parents did and would have wanted too.'
Sensing the sadness in both Rachel's and Finn's features Emily took it upon herself to change the subject.
'Do you think you can plan your upcoming nuptials and care for Cassie? Is she included in your future plans?'
Suddenly both Rachel and Finn became lost for words, searching for something in each other eyes, Rachel hesitantly offered her reply.
'We erm, we've put the wedding plans on hold for now. Cassie is our main priority. Her parent's used to discuss their future plans for her with us, and naturally, as her God parents, we want to carry them out. She's always been in our future, it's just that now, she has her substitute parents only.'
Finn placed his hand on top of Rachel's which was resting on the table and gave it a tight squeeze.
'So you're putting the wedding on hold for how long?' Emily pried.
'Erm, actually' Finn looked at Rachel with a smile, still holding on to her tiny hand which fitted perfectly into his 'it's only on hold for a few weeks. We can easily pick up where we left off, we don't need anything big. As long as I have my beautiful girls beside me' He sort of meant that he said, but of course, there really was no wedding. Still, it was causing Rachel to blush, a lot, her eyes downcast shyly; he figured he liked it when that happened.
'Oh ok. On to pressing matters. Are you both free tomorrow at 2? We would like you to attend a parenting class with Cassie. It is only for 2 hours and it's a quick starter session on what to expect for their development and future choices and so forth.' Zara took out a leaflet and handed it to them.
Getting the nod of approval from Finn, Rachel accepted the offer.
'We would also like to inform you that your initial tribunal date is in three weeks. If there is any information you would like regarding legal issues you are advised to contact the Smiths' attorneys. They should be in touch with you around the given date to inform you about the proceedings.'
Checking the date, Finn was relieved to see it was 4 days before they had to be in Lima, Ohio for Burt and Carole's wedding.
'That will be all for now. I will be in contact with you to find out how your class goes tomorrow. Other than that, it we will have scheduled bi-weekly or surprise meets.' Emily began to pack her papers away and got ready to leave, Zara following suit.
'You do make a very adorable family. It seems Cassie is lucky to have you both' Zara told them, smiling at a proud and beaming Finn and Rachel who were once again cuddled into each other sides, Rachel's ring bearing hand resting on his chest as they all stood in the hallway.
'Thank you. It was nice to meet you.' Rachel said as she shook Zara's hands once again, Finn repeating the gesture.
Once Zara and Emily had left Finn and Rachel broke apart both becoming all shy again as Rachel played with her fingers and Finn rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
'So, I'm going to go and settle Cass for her nap' Rachel said as she turned away from Finn skittishly.
'I'll go get us some take out. Italian sound good?' Finn asked grabbing his coat.
'Sounds perfect' she smiled at him as she walked towards Cassie; within a few seconds, he was gone.
'We do make a perfect family, don't we?' Rachel cooed to Cassie who was looking tired.
Taking her to her room Rachel wondered if maybe they would be a real family one day.
XoX
The evening went pretty well for the two although Finn had become unusually quiet after dinner. Rachel had put that down to nerves about the parenting class tomorrow and hadn't thought much of it. It was while they we're both watching a documentary on the Discovery Channel after they'd put Cassie to bed that Finn decided to let out what exactly was bothering him.
'You had no right to do that' the monotonous tone in his voice told Rachel he was unhappy, he wasn't even looking at her while he spoke.
'Do what?' she questioned slightly baffled. 'Call you 'honey', I'm not the one who wanted to display affection' the annoyance in her voice could be sensed, how dare he tell her that when he was the one to kiss her on the cheeks and be all 'huggy-huggy'.
'I'm not talking about that, that stuff didn't bother me at all' he said turning his head towards her, his eyes sharp.
She was even more confused than before. She thought everything was going well for them so far and that they were getting along as usual.
'I really have no idea what you're talking about' She scoffed as she turned herself towards him, her feet up on the couch.
'Ever wondered why I've never shown you it? Why I keep it hidden? It's something private to me' His anger could be sensed, if not from his voice than by the actions of his hands.
'You've really lost me Finn'
'My black book, Rachel' he stood up from the spot besides her startling her. She had never seen him this angry before. 'Oh' was all she could say, her eyes looking away in embarrassment.
'There is a reason I keep it to myself Rachel, you had no right to look through it' his voice began to get louder.
'I'm sorry Finn. I don't know what came over me' It's true, she would never do something like that, she doesn't know what made her go through that knowing he never lets it leave his side or anyone take a peek at it. Well she did know but she wasn't going to tell him.
'I trusted you Rachel, I thought if it was the one person who I could be me around and not have pry that it would be you but no!' He was now pacing up and down the room in front of her, beginning to worry her.
'Finn, please, calm down. Cassie is asleep' she tried to be calm as she stood up making her way to him. She tried to get him to stop pacing by placing a hand on his arm but he nudged it away like it was burning his skin. She must have really hurt him for him to be reacting like this and she didn't like that, her heart was shattering.
'You couldn't just leave it could you?' He asked her with narrowed eyes, voice full of bitterness.
'How did you know?' she was pretty sure nobody saw her, least of all Finn.
'There's a picture I keep in the book. I know for sure it was in there when I left it. Funnily enough I found it on the floor beside the shelf and I'm pretty sure you're the only one who could reach for it even if Cassie is the same size.' Even in his anger, his sarcasm stayed put.
'I'm sorry' she shouted as she stood in front of him.
'Yeah, well sorry doesn't cut it sometimes.' He walked into the kitchen to grab himself a can of coke from the fridge, Rachel following.
'I don't see what the big deal is anyway. What I saw and read in that book, they we're beautiful Finn.' It was her turn to be angry now. Why was he hiding this talent from everyone, most of all, from her?
'You don't see what the big deal is? It's mine! It's private to me. It's part of me that I like to keep to myself' He was looking at her in disbelief. How could she ask him why he kept that book private? Maybe it was because it withheld a lot of his feelings about life. Maybe because it had all his thoughts. Maybe because it was something he didn't feel the need to share with anyone unless it was special.
'Finn!' she could see that he wasn't going to let this slide, but he needed to know what she thought and why she did what she did.
'I understand that and I really, truly, am sorry' she tried to get closer to him once again. 'I know it's yours and I get why you'd keep it to yourself, but you have some real talent and you keep it hidden, closed off from the world. I don't get why you do that. You have a beautiful voice but you hide it, you write beautiful songs and you keep them locked away. Why are you afraid of people knowing the real Finn?'
'Oh, people know the real Finn, they just don't need to know this part of me.' His voice had once again risen.
'Why do you hide it from me?' she asked him sadly, 'I thought we we're close friend, sometimes I've thought we we're more but you keep showing me things you've kept from me. Things that make you more admirable.' Why she felt the need to confess all this to Finn right now baffled her. She watched his clearly stunned expression as he tried to take in what she was saying.
Was she really telling him that she felt something between them? No matter how angry he was at her, this new piece of information was the only thing resounding in his head.
'Do you want to know why I looked at it?' her voice was louder than before, a tone of irritation to it. 'For some stupid reason I was jealous, jealous that you could be talking to other girls but come to think of it, I don't know what I was jealous of really. Now I wonder how many more things you've got hidden from me.' He watched her face crease up, tears filling her eyes. She was jealous? Although he had two bits of information that wouldn't leave his head he was now angry at the fact that what she did was wrong but now was some guilt tripping him.
'What the hell do you have to be jealous of? You're more than this 'jerk' who kept you waiting for two hours. You've said it time and time. I didn't tell you because it's not something you needed to know. It's irrelevant to us. When did it become something where we needed to know everything about the other?' He didn't know where this argument was heading, he was just angry, but when was it important that he told her everything? Wasn't that crossing the friendship boundaries?
Rachel walked up to Finn, placing her hands on his arms once again, tears lacing her face.
'I'm sorry Finn, I shouldn't have gone through it but at least I know how you really feel now. Let me know when you've forgiven me but for Cassie's sake, can we at least try to get along' with that she turned away to leave. Why was she making it sound like their friendship was over? Didn't she say a second ago that she thought they were more, that she felt jealous?
Closing his eyes shut tight he held on to her left hand, feeling the ring between his fingers, not letting her go. 'Rach. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that' He watched her face fall, her hair draping over her face as she tried to get out of his grip unsuccessfully.
'Forget it Finn, we need to focus on Cassie.' Why wouldn't he let her go? He came a step closer to her. Turning her towards him gently he making sure she was listening to him 'I didn't tell you because I could never compare to you, the singing, the writing; any of it. It's not something someone like me tells the world, let alone someone like you.'
She looked up into his eyes and could see he genuinely meant what he was saying. He still wouldn't let go of her hand, all the while fiddling with the ring on her finger between his fingers.
'Someone like you? Someone who is special, who has more talent than they know? An annoying Neanderthal on the exterior but the sweetest, most caring and genuine man in the interior? That's not something you hide Finn, it's something you should share. And comparing it to me? You should know by now that I'm not more than my voice and my baking. You are every bit as talented as me, if not more'. Both their hearts were racing now with the confessions. He thought she wasn't good enough for her; she thought he was too good for her. Their eyes locked together, their hands hooked by the fingers, inches apart. It was then that Cassie's cries could be heard over the baby monitor, breaking the silence.
Letting go of her hand he let her walk off to tend to Cassie. What just happened?
'Goodnight Finn' was all Rachel said clearly putting an end to their conversation and their night.
Neither of them had a good night knowing the feelings revealed and the fact that they may have possibly wounded the other and their relationship.
Tomorrows parenting class would be interesting.
I hope you all enjoyed that. Reviews are much welcomed.
Think they'll recover from this? Read and see, see you all Thursday ;)