Chapter 11

It took approximately fifteen minutes for me to finally get out of my car, three minutes to make my way to the front steps and five long seconds to ring the doorbell.

The picture of Roxas and me kissing spread like wildfire, a raging inferno that consumed everything in its path and destroyed lives, one by one. Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating it a little, but the thing was literally everywhere. Television, magazines, newspapers, internet, there was no escaping it. I'm surprised it wasn't posted up on billboards along the highways or placed on the side of city busses. Not that it needed anymore exposure.

It was funny how that one simple photograph garnered me more attention than I'd ever received in all the years of my life. I was actually noticed when walking down the street and for more than just my bright red hair and facial tattoos. People did double takes when they walked by, and instead of giving me strange or dirty looks, I could see the amusement or curiousness on their faces. Girls would whisper to their friends when they passed, not even trying to hide the fact that they were talking about me, about Roxas and me. But it wasn't just the young girls. I got attention from all kinds of people, teenage boys, housewives, business men, and even though most of them never said anything, I couldn't help but wonder what they were really thinking about me.

We had an influx of customers at the bakery, mostly teenage girls all dying to see me in person. Apparently, I got the official fangirl seal of approval. They deemed me worthy of being with Roxas because we were hot together. We were going to get married, adopt ten kids and move to Besaid where we could spend every evening sitting on our porch swing and watching the sun set. Those were their exact words that I must have heard hundreds of times a day. It kind of creeped me out that they spent so much time planning out my life like that when I rarely even thought about the future. In any case, I knew that no future of mine was ever going to involve ten kids, and even though I didn't like to think about it, a Roxas-less future was looking more and more promising with each passing day.

Practically every single girl who walked through the entrance of the bakery wanted to take pictures with me or get my autograph. And as a general rule of the common fangirl, they were persistent as ever, never even giving me a chance to decline. I'd become the Wonderland Bakery celebrity according to Demyx, and Larxene never let me forget it. She used my apparent new found fame and the picture that caused it all as part of her arsenal against me, and I honestly didn't have anything to throw back at her. That was certainly a first, but my life seemed to be spinning out of control at such a rapid pace that going toe to toe with an evil demon in disguise didn't seem like such a good idea at the time.

Marluxia was thrilled with all the business he was getting—thanks to me—and he never failed to comment on how I should have stuck my tongue down Roxas' throat earlier. He was so elated that he didn't even care when I used dozens of his precious paper napkins to scribble my autograph on. Autographs that weren't even worth the paper they were written on. Of course, some girls had come prepared, as the really fanatical ones will do. On several occasions I found myself looking directly at the picture I kind of wanted to forget existed. Every time I signed a copy of that photograph I was extremely careful not get any markings on the image of beautiful, pale skin and blond hair. I just thought that by doing that I could somehow salvage what was left of our relationship, I could prevent things from getting any worse. It was completely stupid and totally illogical, but I guess I just needed to feel like I still had control over things in my life.

For four whole days, fifteen hours and thirty-two minutes, I was stared at, gawked at, watched like I was on display for the world. It was like I was up on stage. I was the lead actor in the biggest play in the world, but it didn't end there.

As soon as the picture was released to the public, which was almost immediately after it was taken, I started to get calls from different media outlets. Gossip columnists and reporters all calling and wanting to talk to me, begging me to spill all of the juicy details of a relationship that had barely even begun. The first few times were manageable. I just picked up the phone, politely declined, and that was that. Except it wasn't. One thing I learned is that the media is just as persistent as the fangirls, if not more. In fact, they are almost exactly like the crazed, pre-teen girls, except they get paid for it and are old enough to realize how insane they are acting. The calls kept coming, day and night, ring after ring after ring. It was never-ending, so eventually I just decided to unplug the phone. It was all I could do to keep Zexion from yanking the wire out of the wall and probably causing some pretty expensive damages.

It was safe to say that the secret was out. Millions of people all over the world, people I didn't even know existed, people I would never know the names of, knew about Roxas and me. They knew my name. They were aware of my existence. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't reveling in that just the slightest bit. I mean, all of my childhood I'd been practically ignored, and there I was, being talked about. There were actually people somewhere out there that wanted to be me. Granted, they were probably all fangirls, but still, I was being envied for once instead of the other way around. I was actually being recognized. That recognition came at a price, though.

You see, ever since the night of the Christmas party, I hadn't heard from Roxas at all, and he wasn't the only one. It was like after Zexion, Demyx and I said our hasty, unexplained goodbyes, we ceased to exist in the eyes of Sora and company.

Maybe once I found the will to actually move from that practically desolate spot where Roxas left me, I could have made an effort to explain things to Sora and Cloud or even Riku or Kairi. But I was so stunned at how everything had gone from amazing to pure shit in the drop of a hat. I was too worried about how everyone might react to the news, and even more than that, I was scared, terrified of losing everything. Because that's exactly what Roxas was to me; everything. I couldn't even imagine my life without him. Standing around in that house that was full of memories, listening to my friends laughing, hearing the cheerful Christmas music in the background that I normally loved, all of it made me feel sick, and I knew I needed to get out of there.

I could have gone looking for Roxas. I was even certain that I knew exactly where he would be. I was almost positive he would be in that exact same room we'd been in earlier. I could see him sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me, hoping I would run after him and tell him that everything was going to be fine. If I could have just forced myself to walk up those stairs... But I couldn't. I couldn't face him. I couldn't face the fact that there was a chance he wasn't waiting for me, maybe he never wanted to see me again, maybe things weren't going to be alright. And I knew I couldn't deal with having my heart broken right after it had been put back together. So I ran. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do because in my mind, the longer I avoided everything, the longer I prolonged the inevitable.

When I said those farewells to the Strife family and the rest of my friends, I didn't know they would be taken so literally. Suddenly, it was like I'd never met Roxas on that fateful night of catering the party at his house, I never spent the weekend with everyone at a cabin in Gagazet, I never spent five hours baking hundreds of Christmas cookies with Riku and Sora. It was almost like the past few months of my life had been a dream, like they were just non-existent and I was some kind of lunatic who made up relationships with people I didn't even know.

But just because no one else was making an effort to talk to me didn't mean I wasn't trying my hardest to contact them. I called Roxas every day. Multiple times a day, in fact. Sometimes I'd call once, hang up and immediately call again. Needless to say, he never answered, and all I ever got was his voicemail, but I didn't let that deter me. I just took the next step. I tried to call his house phone and Sora's cell phone but with no success. Hell, I was so desperate I even called Cloud and left him tons of messages that I knew I'd probably think back on and cringe at. I'd become one of those desperate people who just can't tell when they're not wanted or wont accept it, but I didn't care.

Demyx and Zexion hadn't heard from anyone either. It was like we had all been cast away, cut off from the friendships we thought we'd formed. All of us, except one.

Yuffie was the only connection we had left to the Strifes. Sort of. She swore up and down that she didn't really see the family that much, as most of her days were spent with Kadaj. But I begged her, anyway, to talk to Roxas for me or even Sora if she saw him, and she promised that she would. I wanted to believe her, but I always got a feeling in the pit of my stomach when she looked into my eyes and assured me that she'd follow through on her promise. I always felt that she was hiding something from me, and I don't know what hurt more; the secrets she may or may not have been keeping from me or the fact that I'd become so suspicious of someone I considered a close friend.

Needless to say, things seemed pretty dismal, and if I had been anything like my old self, if being with Roxas hadn't changed me in so many ways, I would have seen that. I would have accepted the defeat and heartbreak with open arms. But somewhere along the line I'd become a different person without even realizing it. The new me believed in a little thing called hope. I made excuses as to exactly why I was being ignored by the Strife family. Things like: they were probably just waiting until the media frenzy died down, or maybe Roxas was finally trying to fix things with his family and just needed time alone. I truly believed that things would work out in the end. I just expected Sora to call me up and invite me on another adventure, Roxas would definitely explain everything to his parents, they would accept it, and we would be together. Our whole group would be back together again, and life would be more perfect than ever.

Too bad on that fifth day of my crazy, new life, I came to the realization that having hope doesn't always mean that things will turn out right, wishing for something won't always make it come true, and life certainly isn't a fairytale with a happy ending. They were lessons I'd already learned, things I knew like the back of my hand, facts of life that I'd repeated to myself over and over for years. But I'd abandoned all of that knowledge for a pair of vividly blue eyes that belonged to the most beautiful boy I'd ever met in my life. Because of my weakness, I had to learn every harsh, painful lesson all over again.

It was just another day where I was trying to make it through, exactly like the past four I'd survived. Except for the fact that in the middle it got all turned upside down, even more than it already was, and before I knew it, I was behind the wheel of my car, racing down the highway. The news that Demyx had innocently bestowed upon me, the way he unintentionally smashed every fragile hope I was clinging onto was almost too much to take, and I knew I had to do something.

I didn't even know what I was going to do or where I was going to wind up. All I knew was that I just felt like I had to go, just drive and see where that would take me. It wasn't until I pulled into Timber Greens that I realized how far I'd actually gone. It hadn't been my intention to go to Sora and Roxas' condo, but I guess subconsciously I knew it was what I needed to do.

Standing on the doorstep, waiting and listening to Vincent bark filled me with so many different emotions. I wanted to laugh at the memories of snowboarding, tinsel fights and Disney movies. But then those thoughts were shattered by visions of bodies dancing up against each other, lips almost touching and camera flashes so bright, they were blinding.

I got the sinking feeling as I stood there for another minute, willing myself not to turn around and leave, that no one was going to bother to answer the door. I'd been ignored by the people inside for days by phone, so what difference would it make if they ignored me in person? And even though I was slightly more than afraid of facing what was just beyond that door, I wasn't going to give up that easily. I didn't care that I left my apartment so fast that I forgot to bring a jacket on what was probably the coldest day of the year. I didn't care that all I'd eaten that day was a few potato chips and my stomach was going to be begging me for food soon. I was determined to stay there on that top step for as long as it took. Minutes, hours, days, I really didn't care. They had to come out sometime.

In the middle of all my planning, I heard the lock click. That small noise resonated in my head and sounded a lot more ominous than it should have. I watched the knob turn and took a deep breath in anticipation. Before I knew it, the door was wide open, and I was looking down at Sora, who was holding a wriggling Vincent in his arms.

The Brunette was struggling to keep the dog still as it wagged its tail and barked in my direction. I was glad that at least someone was pleased to see me because Sora wouldn't even meet my gaze. He just stared down at his toes nervously, occasionally glancing up but never looking at my face.

I felt so weird standing there in front of someone who had been ignoring me for days, someone that I thought I'd gotten pretty close to, and I wasn't quite sure what to say other than what I'd unintentionally come for. "I have to talk to Roxas." I said it a little more harshly than I intended. I saw Sora flinch a bit, but he finally looked at me in the eyes.

I almost thought he was going to tell me to get lost, that Roxas didn't want to see me anymore and his whole family wanted nothing more to do with me. But he gave me some weak little half smile that looked entirely out of place on his usually bright and cheerful face and stepped aside to let me pass by.

It wasn't until I really looked at Sora that I realized how worn down and just…sad he looked. I could tell in the way that he was constantly averting his eyes and clinging onto Vincent that he felt bad. It was always easy to read Sora because he never hid his emotions well. He felt bad about everything, and it was written all over his face.

A part of me was glad he felt that way because no matter how bad he was feeling, I knew I was feeling worse. Maybe I was being a bit selfish and self-important. Considering all that had happened, though, I'd say I had a pretty good excuse. But even though I still held some hostility against the star, mostly I just wanted to tell him that it was alright, that I would get over it and he had nothing to worry about. I wanted that happy, sunny Sora back. The one who loved the world and everyone in it. The Sora who would hold your hand if you were scared or sit with you all night when you needed a shoulder to cry on. I wanted him to smile at me because Sora's smiles were something magical, and I thought just maybe they had the power to heal wounded hearts.

But Sora didn't smile. He didn't say anything at all after I stepped into the entryway. He just shut the door behind me and let Vincent hop to the floor. The dog jumped all around my feet, but I didn't even bother to give him so much as a pat on the head like I would have under normal circumstances.

I moved forward when I was sure neither Sora nor I were going to say anything more. I would have moved even if I thought that he was going to speak up because I just wanted to see Roxas without wasting anymore time. I walked as quickly as I could without appearing too conspicuous. It's not that I was excited to get upstairs and hear the words I was dreading, but I just couldn't stand being in the living room any longer than necessary. There were too many reminders, too many things that were attached to memories. Happy memories that, ironically, would only make me feel worse. So I kept my eyes trained in front of me and walked to the staircase.

"Axel."

I had just placed my foot on the first step when the voice stopped me. Despite the strong urge I had to completely disregard it and keep going, I just couldn't. I could never intentionally ignore someone because I knew what it felt like.

When I turned around, Sora immediately bowed his head and started fidgeting with his hands. It was almost exactly what Roxas did when he was nervous, and I felt my heart crack a little. "I'm sorry…"

"Forget about it, Sora." I cut him off and took a few steps, completely ready to fly the rest of the way up the stairs. I didn't really want to hear any excuses or apologies. As much as I liked the Brunette and wanted everything to be ok, there was still that bit of resentment hanging in between us. And even though I wanted to make things right, I was too confused about everything to even try at that moment. Besides, there was a more pressing issue I needed to attend to.

"No, please. Just hear me out." His voice was so desperate and pretty pathetic sounding, actually. It was just like Sora to break down every one of my defenses, exactly like his brother did. I was clearly putty in the hands of the Strife brothers'. I swear there had to be some kind of secret powers behind their impossibly magnetic eyes that kept drawing me back and making me feel like giving in to whatever they asked. "Please…"

And give in I did. My will was non-existent when I looked into those sorrow-filled eyes. I sighed and walked back down the few steps I'd managed to climb. I watched as Sora peered up at me through his lashes, but I didn't say anything. If he wanted to talk I would let him, but that didn't mean I had anything to say, at least just yet.

"I'm sorry for…well, you know…for ignoring you and…" He averted his eyes yet again, and I could tell he was having a hard time admitting what he'd done. It reminded me that Sora was probably the most kind and sincere person I'd ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was trustworthy, loyal to a fault and definitely not the type of person who even slightly enjoyed hurting people. "It's just…everything is crazy, you know? Like one minute things are going so good and then…then they're not."

It was then that I realized that Sora was caught in the middle of everything too. He was smack dab, front and center, in a problem that had absolutely nothing to do with him. The only thing he'd done wrong was be related to Roxas, and that certainly wasn't a crime. I could only imagine what things were like on his end. If a nobody like me had it bad, it had to be ten times worse for the Strife family.

"Yea…I know." I honestly didn't know what else to say. I no longer wanted Sora to feel pain, and I hated myself for feeling that way in the first place.

"We shouldn't have done what we did to you, but…" He turned around and focused his attention on the yellow leash that was hanging on a hook by the door. He poked at it, causing it to sway back and forth. The action brought my attention back to the small, hyper dog that was running back and forth in front of the stairs, begging for my attention. I felt bad for neglecting him in the first place. After all, he was the one true innocent in everything. I felt the smallest of smiles grace my lips for the first time that day as I let my hand run over a course fur coat.

"I…I mean, we didn't want you to have to be in the middle of all the chaos." I was so caught up in Vincent licking my face and reveling in the small feeling of happiness that was consuming me that I almost forgot I had been talking to Sora in the first place. He laughed wryly, and it was unfitting coming from him. "Obviously it didn't do much good. But you have to believe me. We were just trying to protect you, to keep you from getting hurt. You have no idea how bad things can get when the media is involved."

I patted Vincent on the head one final time and stood up. "You mean like what happened with Cloud?"

As soon as the words left my mouth Sora's head snapped up and his eyes widened. "You know about that?" His face scrunched up for a moment. "Well, of course you could have read about it and all since it was everywhere…but you know the true story?"

I'd never read about it. I never even knew the Strife family existed up until a few months prior, but I wasn't about to let Sora know just how cut off from the rest of the world I used to be. "Yea…uh, Roxas told me."

His eyes got even wider. "Wow, really?" He was silent for a few seconds as he seemed to be contemplating something. "Roxas doesn't even like to talk to me about that anymore. He obviously really likes you." At first I saw the corners of his mouth turn up. I almost thought I was going to witness one of his famous smiles, but without warning, his expression turned a little darker, a little sadder, and somehow I just knew why.

The room became silent again, and the first comfort I'd felt in a few days faded away, just like that. More than anything, I just wanted to see Roxas. I had to. "Uh…" I got Sora's attention again and pointed a finger towards the second floor.

He blinked at me for a second, then I saw the understanding wash over him and he nodded "Oh…yea. Roxas is up in his room, which is…" and then the tiniest and slyest of all smiles graced his lips. "Never mind, you already know where it is, don't ya?"

And I smiled back. Not because I was necessarily happy, not because I'd forgotten all about the reason I wound up at the condo in the first place, and not because I knew that everything was going to be alright. But because if Sora could find the strength to smile after everything that had happened, then I felt like I could to.

I started to make my way up the stairs then stopped and turned back around. "Sora." He looked up from the small Santa figurine he was playing with. "I'm sorry."

And even though he looked quite perplexed by my unexpected apology, I just left it at that. I was remorseful that everything had turned upside down and inside out. I was regretful that I'd been the cause for the disarray that had been consuming us since the picture was released, and most of all I was sorry that something as supposedly pure and simple as love could be the root of it all.

I knew that Sora would figure that out on his own and no other words needed to be spoken, so with one final nod of the head, I turned around and ran up the stairs, leaving the brunette behind.

Even though I raced up the stairs like I was in a marathon and could see the finish line in my grasp, I slowed down considerably when I caught sight of the bedroom door because on the other side I knew there was no celebration waiting. I wasn't going to receive a big golden trophy that I could admire for all of my efforts. No, it wasn't going to be like that at all.

I wasn't exactly certain how things were going to go down once I made it into that room, but with the knowledge I'd been given, I knew there were two ways my meeting with Roxas could go: bad or terrible. Of course, if I believed in hope and miracles anymore I would have dreamed up a third scenario where nothing was as bad as it seemed and seeing each other would solve everything. But I'd become jaded and cynical again. Having hope was dead to me. Miracles never truly happened. Life just liked to play cruel tricks on you. It liked to build you up and make you believe in all kinds of fancy words and thoughts only to let reality set in and send you crashing back down to earth. I wouldn't let myself fall for that again.

Without giving myself any chance to have second thoughts I turned the knob and flung the door open. There was no time for knocking. I didn't even care about formalities anymore. I saw Roxas as soon as the door opened. His back was facing me, he was searching through his closet, and even though I couldn't even see his face, I could feel myself already losing what little nerve I had worked up in the first place.

The door hit the wall with a loud thud, and though I'd been the one who threw it open with such force, it still made me jump. Seeing Roxas for the first time in four days was obviously messing with my brain.

As soon as he heard the noise, Roxas immediately stopped whatever it was that he was doing and turned around. I was still standing in the doorway because I didn't have the will to move forward. Even if I had been able to, being held under the blond's gaze would have frozen me on the spot, anyway. His eyes widened, and it was obvious that he was completely surprised to see me standing there in his house, in his room.

We just stared at each other for a few seconds, neither one of us daring to speak a word. I knew what I needed to say, what I needed to ask. But looking at the boy in front of me caused every single, solitary word to get caught in my throat.

Before I could really take in what was happening, I felt arms wrapped around my waist and a warm body pressed up against mine. I might have been just a little taken aback by the action. Ok, I was actually completely stunned. After all the ignoring, everything I'd come to learn in the past few hours, all the time we had been apart, Roxas was right there. I was being held in his embrace just like I'd always wanted. He was finally close enough for me to touch again. Except it only made me feel even worse, and I couldn't force my arms to move no matter how hard I tried.

"I didn't expect to see you here." His voice was muffled because he had his face pressed up against my chest, and he tightened his grip on me. Just hearing those words brought back all the disappointment and sadness that washed over me as soon as my co-worker inadvertently killed all of my optimism.

It felt like forever ago that I was sitting at the kitchen counter, digging into a bag of chips because I was too lazy to find any real food. Demyx, who had become a permanent fixture in my apartment, was sitting on the couch right next to my roommate. Zexion was reading, as usual. The man next to him was surfing the internet and being annoying by reading the titles of all the articles involving Roxas, his family and me out loud. Despite my best friend and I doing our best to ignore him by making random conversation about monkeys and toothbrushes and things equally as stupid, Demyx was as persistent as ever.

"I'm sure you didn't." My voice was so cold that it didn't even sound like my own, and I felt Roxas' body tense. "Why would you when you never even bothered to return my phone calls?"

I finally felt the grip around my waist loosen, and he stepped back. He stared at me like I'd just stabbed him in the chest and ripped his heart out, and I wanted more than anything to pull him back to me, to feel our lips touching once again, but I just couldn't allow that. Not then.

"I'm sorry." He averted his eyes nervously. "I was just busy."

I laughed dryly. "Right, busy."

No matter how many times Zexion and I interrupted him, Demyx just kept on reading, and as time went by, it got harder and harder to ignore. I didn't want to know what people were writing about the whole situation. That was the exact reason I stayed away from the internet in the days following the picture's release. My co-worker wasn't trying to be malicious, he could just be a little bit naïve and unaware sometimes.

"Yea…" Roxas backed away even father, leaving a massive space between us. The gap was more than just physical, and it killed me that all I did was stand there and watch it grow larger. "The media has been all over us lately." He turned around completely and walked back over to the closet.

'Cid Strife denies that anything is going on between his son and the man in the picture,' said one of the articles that Demyx insisted on reading. 'The father of the young heartthrob insists everything was just a big misunderstanding.' I was starting to wonder how long the three of us could carry on like we were because everything had gotten so chaotic, and I was having a hard time keeping up with what Zexion and I had been talking about in the first place. We were still mindlessly chatting about irrelevant subjects, but our conversation was starting to become just random statements that had no real purpose. And Demyx just kept going.

"So what are you looking for?" I didn't care, but I was waiting to drop the bomb, waiting to bring up the subject that I had been holding inside for hours. Truthfully, I didn't really want to bring it up at all, but I couldn't go on living in delusion.

Roxas glanced over his shoulder for a second before sifting through the clothes in his closet again. "I'm…uh… looking for something to wear."

I allowed myself to step a little farther into the room and shut the door. "Oh? Why?"

"I'm going out." His words were short and his voice tight. Obviously, I was getting dangerously close to something he didn't want to talk about. "Why are you here?" The words were harsh, and I felt like I'd just been slapped in the face. Roxas turned around and gave me a look of sympathy. "I mean, why did you come over today?"

I ignored the question. "So where are you going?" He didn't say a word and only reached even father into his closet. "Anywhere exciting?" I felt like a complete asshole for playing games with him instead of just coming out and saying all I knew, but I couldn't stop myself. The more I stood in that room with Roxas, the more the knife in my heart twisted, but I just couldn't bring myself to say the words.

"Uh, no, not really." He pulled out a shirt and threw it on his bed.

"So, who are you going out with?" That question froze the boy, and I was certain that he caught onto the double meaning behind it.

About twenty minutes into his article reading, also known as torture, Demyx found something that actually stopped his incessant babbling, and I was glad. At first. It was weird to finally not hear that constant voice in the background, and I didn't think I'd ever been happier to hear absolutely nothing. I was content to sit there, shoving chip after chip in my mouth and reveling in the peace. Except my paradise of soundlessness was ruined when I heard hushed whispers coming from the direction of the couch. I sighed and turned around on my stool to see Zexion leaning over, peering at the computer screen. Seconds later his head shot up, and the look in his eyes was enough to pique my curiosity. It wasn't everyday that my best friend looked so rattled.

Roxas chose to stare at me instead of answering, and it annoyed me. He was standing there acting like he had no clue what I was talking about when I knew that he did. He knew that I knew, and he still wouldn't say anything. "Who are you going out with?" I repeated, trying to keep my voice strong even though I could hear it wavering just the tiniest bit.

When I made my way over to where my two friends were sitting, Zexion closed the laptop, making me even more suspicious. It was a struggle to get the computer out of both of their hands, and Demyx protested against it profusely, but I didn't even bother to take heed. I figured it was just some stupid gossip site that was probably making up a bunch of stories about me, so I didn't see any need to worry. When I finally looked at the screen, though, I knew exactly what my friends were trying to save me from, and I wished, more than anything, that I would have just listened. The article alone was enough to shatter every positive thought I'd kept hold of, but it was the picture that really said more than any words ever could. There, right in front of my face, as clear as ever was Roxas and…

"Naminé." Roxas looked down at the floor as he spoke, letting the hanger he was holding in his hand drop to the floor. And that was it, the final twist of the knife. It was exactly what I was expecting, but I could have never fully prepared myself for actually hearing it from his mouth.

"I…don't…" Words were getting hard to come by. I could either focus my attention on keeping myself together or making coherent sentences. It was obvious which need won out in the end. "Why…?"

"Look, it doesn't mean anything." He turned around and walked over to the window, leaning his head up against the frame "I don't even like Naminé, but I had to…I had to do something to stop things from getting too out of hand. I had to do it for my family."

I didn't say anything at all. Simple sentences had long since become too difficult to process, so I just watched, stupidly, as Roxas walked over to the desk that I was standing in front of and leaned back against it. "You're the one that I really want, Axel." He grabbed a hold of my wrist. I felt all of my defenses weakening just like they always did, and I suddenly hated how I was such a pushover around him. "We can make this work." He ran his hands up my arms and wrapped them around my neck. I felt like I wasn't even really there. My body was, but my mind was a million miles away. He pulled me forward and kissed the corner of my mouth, and it felt so right…yet so incredibly wrong.

"H-how…" I was barely able to breathe it out as I felt hands trailing down my chest.

He shrugged his shoulders and smirked up at me as he let his fingers sneak under my shirt. I felt his fingers dancing against my skin. I let out a small gasp, and he laughed, but it wasn't the laugh that always made me feel at ease. "We'll figure it out."

I swallowed the lump in my throat as he tugged at the waist of my pants. I was letting Roxas manipulate the whole situation. I had never felt so completely under someone's control in my whole life, and I was just letting it happen. "But what about Naminé?"

"What about her?" He took his hands off of me and grabbed the bottom of his shirt. Then, as slowly as humanly possible, he started to raise it. Bit by bit. Inch by inch. Revealing more and more of his pristine, pale skin with each passing second and effectively confusing me even more. He smiled up at me when he threw it off to the side. "She means absolutely nothing to me." I could feel my shirt being lifted, but I was lost inside of my mind. My thoughts were running rampant, and I couldn't stop that voice in the back of my mind that kept screaming at me that nothing was right and nothing was how it was supposed to be. "I don't care about her, she's just a distraction."

It was those words that finally got to me, and I started to feel even sicker than before. "Stop," I protested and batted Roxas' hands away, but he didn't listen. He just jerked my shirt up despite the fact that I was no longer willing to give in.

"We can do this." The desperation was dripping from his words. "Everything will be perfect."

The situation had gone from confusing and sort of hot to disgusting in the blink of an eye, and all I wanted was for Roxas to stop touching me. "I said stop." I grabbed a hold of his arms and pushed him backwards violently. He landed against the desk, and it banged up against the wall, causing the sound to echo all around the room. He winced and looked up at me like he couldn't believe what I just did. Hell, I couldn't believe that I'd done it either, but the more he kept touching me, the sicker I felt. I just reacted without thinking. I felt the immediate need to apologize and take everything back in any way possible, but there was something holding me back.

"What's wrong with you?" I backed away a couple steps while Roxas just kept staring at me, making me feel incredibly guilty. I would rather die than ever hurt him in any way. "Does Naminé know that she's just a tool in your little game? Or does she really think you have feelings for her?"

He pushed himself off the desk, still eying me warily. "She's not blind. She's seen the picture of you and me. It wouldn't take a genius to figure it out."

"Does she know that you're using her?"

Roxas rolled his eyes, and I noticed he didn't bother to look directly at me. "Since when do you care about Naminé? I thought you hated her?"

It was true that I disliked the girl because of her affections towards the youngest Strife sibling, but I didn't hate her enough to watch her being treated like crap. "She's a person, Roxas. Despite how I feel about her, you can't just do that to people. It's not ok."

"Well, I didn't have any other choice." His voice was raised. I just knew that things were spiraling down hard and fast, and as usual, there was no stopping it.

"Yes you did." I stepped forward and grabbed a hold of Roxas' shoulder so he would look at me again. But as soon as my fingers touched him, he flinched and jerked away like he'd just been burned. That hurt, and I stared down at my hand for a few seconds before speaking again. "You still have a choice right now. What happened to being the change your family needed? What happened to wanting to be normal again and not having to put on this fake perfect act anymore?"

"I'm going to tell my parents the truth." He picked up the shirt that he'd slung to the floor only seconds earlier. His cheeks turned a light shade of pink, obviously over the fact that he was half naked in front of me. Had it been any other time, I would have been more excited about that, but the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was stronger than anything else.

"When?" I wanted solid answers because without that Roxas' words meant absolutely nothing. He was already willing to live a lie just to please his parents. He was lying to himself, and I knew he was lying to me.

"Eventually." He slung the shirt back over his head and diverted his attention to the window again.

"So, that means after you and Naminé get married, have kids and live in a house with a white picket fence, right?" I laughed even though nothing was actually funny. "After you've been sucked so far into the lie that you can't find your way out?"

"No," he said quickly. "I'll do it soon, I promise."

"That's not good enough." I seriously felt like I was being left out in the middle of the ocean and Roxas was just standing there, right there, with the ability to reach down and save me, but he was just watching me drown. Watching the waves engulf me and not doing a damn thing. "You expect me to be some secret gay affair on the sideline while you go out pretending to have girlfriend, pretending to be something you're not, something you told me you didn't even want to be. I don't understand, Roxas. Why are you buying into this perfection crap all of a sudden?"

I saw his back rise and fall as he took a deep breath, and as soon as I finished talking, he spun around harshly. The anger in his eyes was undeniable. "It's not that easy, ok?"

"Of course it is. You just have to do it." I couldn't find the energy to be mad any longer. My shoulders slumped forward, and my voice became a barely audible whisper. "Please, just don't do this to me."

I thought he was going to give in because he face softened a little, but I was wrong. I was so very wrong. "How would you know what it's like to fix a family?" His voice was flat and emotionless. "You don't even have one."

He might as well have pulled out a gun and shot me in the face because I'm pretty sure that would have been a lot less painful. I couldn't wrap my mind around the spiteful and hateful words he'd just spewed at me. He knew how much my childhood had affected my life. Hell, it was written on my face, literally. He knew that I had a hard time talking about my past, and he used it against me anyways.

I stood there, practically begging him to save me from the heartbreak, and he deliberately hurt me even more. All the pain I'd been feeling, every amount of hurt I'd ever endured in my life was nothing compared to what Roxas had just done to me, and it was all my fault. I let myself fall. I let myself feel. I opened my heart completely, and it came back to bite me just like I always feared it would.

As soon as I was able to function again, I practically sprinted to the door. There was no way I could stay there in that room any longer and keep myself from falling apart.

"Axel, I'm sorry," Roxas spoke up quickly when I was halfway out of the room. I forced myself to turn around only to see the most heartbreaking pair of blue eyes I'd ever seen. And even through all the pain that those eyes had caused me, I wanted nothing more than to see them shine again. That right there was a true testament to just how deep my feelings were for the boy.

He opened his mouth to speak again, but I cut him off. "Yea, I am too." I stared at him for just a second longer before walking away.

As soon as I got downstairs, I saw Sora leaning up against the counter, like he'd been waiting for me to come back down. I groaned inwardly because the last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone. I just wanted to get out of that house and…go. Exactly what I'd done earlier when I wound up at the Strife brother's condo. I wanted to run, and that's exactly what I did. I ran right by Christmas trees and huge drape-less windows. I sprinted past small hyper active dogs and spiky brunette hair. Even when Sora shouted my name and asked what happened, I didn't bother to stop. I just kept going. I kept going right out the front door and back into the frigid air and snow.

I didn't even bother to look back when I made it to my car, hastily opened the door and got in. I stuck the key in the ignition and started the engine as fast as I could, not even bothering to buckle my seatbelt.

Pulling out of Timber Greens became like a race. A drag race, and my only other opponent was one that I couldn't see because it didn't physically exist. It was a feeling in the pit of my stomach, a thought that wouldn't leave me alone. I was attempting to outrun something that I'd never be able to escape, but still I tried.

Once I was far enough away from everything, from blue eyes, and lies, and harshly spoken words, I pulled into some random parking lot of some random store in some random part of town and turned the engine off. I let out a shaky breath I'd been holding in since I left the condo and leaned forward so I could rest my head against the steering wheel. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying that everything I was feeling would just go away, but it didn't work, and I just wanted to scream. I wanted to do something, anything that would help me forget. Even though I knew I never could.

And then I heard a tapping sound. When I opened up my eyes and looked down, I saw the small golden heart that was dangling from around my neck hitting up against the steering wheel. My heart was beating in time with the noises it made, and suddenly, that tiny necklace felt like it was weighing me down and choking me. It filled me with anger and rage and sadness and so many mixtures of emotions that I just wanted to rip it off and throw it out the window.

But I didn't. I just wrapped my fingers around it tightly and started the car. I pulled out of that parking lot and set off down the highway again. I didn't know where I was going, but it didn't matter.

It took approximately five days for my life to unravel, four hours to lose everything I cared about and only seconds to learn, once again, that even badly broken hearts still go on beating.

This chapter is a little shorter than usual but I figured this was a good place to stop because I already have the next chapter planned out.

Speaking of the next chapter, it might take a little longer than usual for me to write it because lately, writing has been a bit of a struggle. Of course, I'll probably say this and then suddenly get inspired and have it done within the week lol. But either way, this story will be finished. In fact, it's already close to ending. I think there are two chapters left, at the least.

Thanks for all the feedback and support. And I'm sorry if this chapter sucks. I worked on it a lot but for some reason it was so difficult to get the words out exactly like I wanted them.