Chapter Ten: Everything I Have To Lose

I wished that I knew her
When my heart wasn't broken
I wish I could find lessons in light of life
Then, for her heart, I could easily provide

Holding my daughter in my arms, I gazed down at her face, wishing I could go back to the time when she looked so tiny and fragile – in need of only a father's protection. Yet, as I looked down at Sarah, I realised she was stronger than I expected. She was nearly a teenager. Soon, she'd be in college and then she'd be off in her own personal life, still so oblivious to her true supernatural heritage.

It was too late to tell her who she really was. Too late for her to know that her father was an Alpha of a Quileute shape-shifting Pack and why he had a tattoo just like her two favourite uncles. Too late for her to know why she couldn't go to school for her own protection and why I never seemed to age. Or why I couldn't ever possibly fire her new nanny. It was too late for me to reach out to Sarah-Isabelle with a hoping hand and truthful manner.

I needed to protect her with all I had, yet that meant keeping myself away.

If Sarah only knew why I kept her away from the world, why I wouldn't let her go to school, she'd stay here without a fight. I knew I sounded insane but I've seen what's out there. I've seen the calibre of supernatural beings, which presently lurk in places people dare not speak. They hunt down innocent humans and kill them mercilessly; enjoying their helpless screams and sounds of their last heartbeats.

No matter how powerful my Pack had become over the years, these attacks were still occurring and my secret job to keep people safe from mortally indestructible creatures as well as juggling my big business was becoming a weight on my shoulders. I had countless amounts of immortal enemies, who were all seeking revenge on me. Murdering my daughter would be the perfect way to shatter the only piece of light left in my life. The bitter truth was that Sarah's heartbeat was all I had to lose. My business, my house, even loosing myself was nothing compared to the young thing I was cradling in my arms.

Flashback: 12 Years Ago From Today

"There must be some mistake, Doc," I exclaimed as I stared at the doctor in shock. "That baby isn't mine!"

"Is your name Jacob Ephraim Black?" The doctor asked with a raised eyebrow.

I nodded wordlessly.

"Were you born on the 14th of January, 1990, La Push, Washington?"

"Yes...but what does that prove?" I demanded, finding that familiar anger blossoming in my chest.

"That proves that that baby–" The doctor pointed little baby wrapped in pink, flowered blanket. It was strange, she wasn't crying, yet her eyes were open. She just looked around, almost as if she was observing the new world around her. Every other baby in that hospital nursery was either squealing wildly or sleeping soundly. But, that baby was as quiet as a pebble, which definitely proved it wasn't mine. "– is your biological daughter, sir."

I found myself grimacing at those words and I felt my guts turn into a sick knot. What was Dad going to think? What about my Pack and my twin sisters? They knew I had gotten into a relationship after Bella, though they didn't know I had a child with this girl. Heck, I didn't know either! I suddenly felt as if my whole world was crashing down around me.

"There must be some mistake," I repeated breathlessly, trying to pull my thoughts back together.

"Hmm," The doctor looked at my disapprovingly, pursing her lips as she pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. "That's what they all say."

I glared at the doctor, fisting my hands furiously.

I wasn't necessarily angry at this doctor – I was angry at the world, I was angry at karma. Karma was angry at me for just dumping my, supposedly, long-term girlfriend and moving to Nebraska without as much as a goodbye to her. Though, truly, I didn't want to leave Lyra: my girlfriend. But I knew I didn't have a choice after I started phasing after two years of living in Alaska as a normal, aging human.

I had to go to Nebraska, my instincts were telling me that the leeches were there and I had a duty to kill them and protect the humans. I was right when I assumed the vamps were in Nebraska, though I wasn't right when I thought I was leaving Lyra in a safe place.

Again, I never wanted to leave Lyra, I loved her and we had a nice time together. But, she wasn't my imprint and I guess that's what left me knowing I would be able to leave her side. I knew the feeling of being so supernaturally attached to someone and that would never be able to replace a normal, mortal love. I had felt that cosmically undeniable love whenever I was in Embry or Quil's mind.

My love for Lyra was not cosmically undeniable; it wasn't an insane emotion that left you breathless whenever you thought of it. It was comfortable; it had boundaries and a strange familiarity that left me peaceful. Lyra didn't make me feel complete; she made me feel like I was a piece of paper that had been scribbled all over and now she was very, very slowly rubbing out the ink written scars.

Leaving her side was hard, though it didn't kill me. I robotically continued on with my life like I had done when I lost Bella, when I had lost the right to be a normal human being, when my father lost the use of his legs, when my sisters decided to move away, when I had lost my mother.

Would gaining something in my life give me a different way of continuing it?

As I thought, the doctor motioned for me to follow her. I duly obeyed, walking behind her as she led me into the fairly quiet nursery. I felt blank, confused and dumbfounded. "Did...did," I began slowly. "Did Lyra say anything about me?" I asked the doctor.

The doctor turned and looked at me with a sigh. "Well, of course she did. How do you think we would've found you if she didn't inform us of you?"

"Why did she leave the...the b-b-baby with me? Why didn't she take...take i-i-it with her?"

The doctor approached a crib and pointed down to the baby, who evidently belonged to me. "She had her reasons," The doctor answered simply. "The answers will probably be in this," She then pulled a small note out of her breast pocket. She gestured for me to take it after she noticed I was only staring at it.

I took it from her hands, unfolding it and skimming through the many words:

Dear Jacob

I now know I probably should've told you about our baby but I guess I just didn't have the courage.
I might as well say that I didn't have the courage to tell you that I have to go back to Iran.

I know we ended on a good note and I'd still like it to stay that way.
You'll always be a beautiful memory for me, Jacob. You and our baby, whatever you may call her.
I have already chosen a name for her but I fear I cannot put that on her birth certificate for personal reasons.

I also know that I shouldn't have left her there all alone, for you to go and just pick up like something from a store, but I can't take her back to Iran.
She'll be in too much danger there and I can't risk my beautiful daughter's life, not now anyway.

I'm so sorry and you have no idea how much pain this causes me.
I think I showered our baby with enough kisses to last her a lifetime, yet I feel as if it will never be enough for her.

She deserves so much better than an invisible mother.
I, of all people, should know that by now.

I know this is probably the biggest ask but don't put her up for adoption.
I know you're only twenty and you still wish to live your life but I can't stand to know that my daughter is being raised by strangers.

Please, just love her and the part of me in her will do the same.
That part of me still loves you, Jacob, and our baby will show that to you.
I wish I could go on and on but I have to leave before the sun goes down.

My last words are that I love you, Jacob, and that I have three requests which might seem totally irrelevant to the life you're living presently.
But, these obstacles will come along and I ask you to do as I say to prevent danger they might put our daughter into.

One: Do not ever, under any circumstances, let our daughter take off the necklace she is wearing presently.
It is a normal silver chain with a pendant hanging from it.
The oval-shaped pendant, which will be glowing brightly, is a crucial part of her life – it must never leave her skin.

Two: In your life, you will come across two people in our daughter's life.
Their names will be Benjamin Harris and Joanne Smith.
As soon as they need your aid, help them, they will protect our daughter, even though they might not even be aware of it.

My third request is that you protect our baby with your life.

I know it may seem like an obvious request, something that would be implied.
But, Jacob, if she were to come across danger, you will have to put your life before hers.

I know this all seems unfathomably strange for you and unbelievably wrong of me but there will come a time when this will all make sense.
We will meet again, as friendly equals and as good parents of our daughter.

Please cherish our daughter, Jacob.
Please love her more than you could ever love me.
Please keep who I am a secret to her.

Until we meet again, Lyra.

I looked up from the piece of paper, feeling flustered and confused. I looked down at the baby, who was staring at me with those observing eyes of hers. I suddenly saw this child in a different light. I would do anything for her, I decided. "Mr Black, are you alright?" The doctor asked incredulously after I effortlessly reached down and began cradling my daughter in my arms.

"I'm ready to take my daughter home," I answered in a tone that I only heard when I was talking to my Pack through telepathic thought.

"Do...do you have a name for her?"

I wanted to name her after her mother, but the words: please keep who I am a secret to her, continued to run through my head. "Sarah," I decided on my mother's name. "Sarah-Isabelle." My mother's name and Bella's name. Bella–my best friend–who was the third most important woman in my life.

My daughter was now first in the rank.

End of Flashback

I hoped I was keeping my promise to Lyra; it seemed she had strangely kept all of hers.

I was as exhausted as Sarah was after her twelfth birthday party and she had fallen asleep soon after the guests had left. Imogene was rounding up all of Sarah's presents and ordering the temp maids to place them into the living room. She was now making me a midnight sandwich while I decided to take Sarah upstairs and tuck her into bed.

"I can take her upstairs, Mr Black," I heard Ben point out respectfully, nervously looking at the floor as I neared the stairs by the front door.

"It's not problem, Ben," I replied with a yawn. "You can go upstairs and into bed now. Thank-you for driving some of the guests home. You'll definitely be getting overtime for your unexpected work tonight."

Ben nodded expressionlessly and walked upstairs with an obeying goodnight. I looked down at Sarah again and smiled, her natural beauty glowing as she slept peacefully. She seemed to lean into my unusual warmth, smiling contently. I was glad I could provide some sort of warmth for my daughter.

"Is she still sleeping, sir?" A soft voice whispered from behind me.

I could already recognise her intoxicating scent and melodic voice. I turned and warmly met Dusk's soft brown eyes, a tired smile gracing her angelic face. She looked into my eyes for a moment, though it seemed her concern fell deeply upon my Sarah. I tried to hold back a sigh as I took in her graceful features, finding them somewhat calming by knowing she was safe and content in my presence.

"Yes, she's exhausted," I replied, keeping my voice level and superior.

Dusk leaned in and skimmed her fingers over Sarah's cheek, brushing a strand of her auburn hair from her closed eyes. Her smile remained as soft as a feather, even and elegant. "I don't doubt that. Her night has been very eventful," She whispered gently. "I can't blame her for being tired."

I nodded, beginning to ascend upstairs while I felt Dusk following me into Sarah's room. I clearly found my way through the dark room, yet I found Dusk's footsteps were a little more cautious. I heard her go on the other side of the bed as I gently placed Sarah under the covers, once Dusk pulled them back for me.

I heard Sarah slightly startle as I pulled the covers over her small figure. "Dusk?" She murmured croakily and I saw her eyes open slowly. She looked around, reaching out into the darkness.

"I'm here, Sarah," Dusk's honeylike voice danced through my ears, unusually making me shiver at its sound. "Go to sleep, its late."

"Goodnight, Sarah," I whispered with a soft smile.

An immediate smile graced Sarah's face as she reached out and skimmed over fingers over my cheek. "Night, Dad," She breathed tiredly, yet I saw a glow of happiness in her gentle expression. I stroked her hair for a moment, placing a kiss on her forehead. I hadn't kissed my daughter since she was eight and that left me ashamed.

"Dusk?" I heard Sarah murmur as she drifted into a peaceful slumber.

"Yes?" Dusk immediately replied.

"Thanks for holding my hand," She whispered thankfully. "I felt as if you were there the whole time. I could feel you watching me and I felt better knowing I had a guardian to watch over me."

The fine line between pleasure and pain hit me with a sting of regretful knowledge. I was happy to see that Sarah felt so comfortable around her nanny, though it killed me to know she would never whisper those thankful words to me.

"I promised you I'd never let go," Dusk chuckled sweetly.

"I know...but, I've been so used to people breaking their promises on me," She whispered and I felt as if she wasn't totally aware of my presence. "Sometimes I used to think there was something wrong with me...something I needed to fix to make things go my way when I hardly ever wished they would."

Dusk stiffened, obviously highly alert of my judgmental presence. "There's nothing wrong with you, Sarah. You're beautiful just the way you are. Sometimes you need to concentrate on the beat of your heart instead of the tear in it," She whispered wisely. "But, let's not talk about that now, alright? Go to sleep, honey."

Sarah drifted off and I heard her heartbeats become as soft as a butterfly's wings.

I straightened my back and I saw Dusk do the same. She looked up and, through the darkness, our eyes met once more. That strong spark hit me like fireworks and I suddenly forgot my place as the employee. As I spoke, I was the werewolf who had finally found his imprint, "Thank-you for being there for her. You obviously mean so much more to this family than I expected."

A brilliant smile swept through her lips, yet she remained silent on the matter. "I should go to bed," was all she said quietly. Though, that beautiful smile still graced her lips as she left, obviously oblivious to the fact that I could see those red cheeks of hers. "Goodnight, sir."

"Goodnight, Miss Malveya," I replied in the same polite manner.

She didn't turn back or acknowledge anymore of me. Her intoxicating scent drifted away as if she was a soft breeze. Something in that little interlude left me smiling. I sat back on Sarah's bed, taking in the impact of emotions being thrown at me. I put my feet up, leaning my head against the bed frame.

I shifted my gaze towards my daughter, watching over her as she slept peacefully. I felt my eyelids becoming heavy as I gazed down at Sarah protectively. All I wanted to do was watch over her, like the guardian she described Dusk as. My reality and heart were watching over Sarah, yet my dreams and soul were watching over another.

Chapter Eleven: The Stench Of Mint
Dusk Malveya's POV
17th of December

Shattered glass pieces scattered across the floor I stood on – they gleamed, shining as brightly as the sun. I stood in a very familiar room, though its dark appearance gave it a solemn air. If the broken pieces of glass hadn't been shattered, I would've been blind in the darkness consumed room.

I was whimpering and shivering as the shattered glass gleamed of many, many colours. I had never seen glass this bright in colour; it was beaming of a pale glow that grew in brilliant florescence. I watched as the pieces shimmered feverishly and a rush of emotion made me fall to my knees.

I picked up the piece closest to me, holding it my trembling hands. The rocklike shard shimmered brightly as it touched my sweaty skin. I found it was the last piece glowing by the time I placed it back down, letting the shine fade away as all the others had.

I was now in the dark as the shimmering pieces of glass faded and turned into a black, powdery substance. I gasped, looking around my helpless body, shaking my head furiously. "No," I repeated with a shaky voice. "No, no, no!" I cried frantically.

As this happened, I felt a screech claw into my ears and scratch at my withering soul. The voice continued to scream, echoing through the many empty rooms, fighting its way into my shocked state. The scream called my name continuously, yelping in agony. I felt my heart shudder as the voice sliced into me like the knifelike shards of glass, which had now disoriented into mere black dust.

I felt my breath skip uneasily as I called, "Sarah?" with all the strength I could gather. "Sarah!" I continued as I scrambled to my feet, spinning around and preparing to run out of the room.

"Dusk!" Sarah's, usually delicate, voice screeched in agony. "Make it stop, Dusk! Please, make the pain stop!"

I bounded down the stairs, my wild hair whisking around my shoulders as my head snapped towards Sarah's frantic voice. "Sarah, I'm coming," I breathed. "Where are you?" I shouted.

"Oh, it hurts, Dusk!" Sarah screeched in pain. "Make it go away! Please, someone help me. Ah, the pain, it's growing!"

I dashed into the living room where I found a sight that left me choking on air. There slouched my little girl, my little girl on her knees, clutching to the sides of her temples as her eyes blazed of that pale glow like the shards of broken glass in the upstairs bedroom.

"What's happening?" I demanded with a scream.

"The process has begun," Said a voice from the back of the room.

I jerked up in a haze of panic and terror, my breaths were sharp and my heartbeats were uneven.

Though, something in me relaxed as soon as I realised that the scene had only been a nightmare – a made-up delusion for only my dreams to cower from. I looked around my room, feeling myself tense as the darkness growled viciously, taunting me all the more.

Yet, something in the darkness was faint and unsteady, growing weaker.

I looked towards my window and there I saw the first peak of morning streaming into my room. A ray of sunlight scattered along the ground and I relaxed completely. Day had come upon me and I could finally escape yesterday with a sigh of relief. I felt myself ease back under the covers of my sheets. Staring out my window and into the light, I closed my eyes, feeling a calm sense of reassurance lapping over my drifting state...

18th of December

"They're what?" Sarah exclaimed with a furious expression.

"Imogene and Bridget are going to help with Christmas decorations," Mr Black sighed, taking a sip of his Indian soothing remedy – I had a feeling he'd need it more than ever today.

"But-" Sarah began angrily, though her father cut her off with another sigh.

"Sarah, please don't be so immature about this. Imogene insisted that she and her sister help with the decorations this year," Mr Black said with a levelled tone.

"You mean she invited herself," Sarah seethed viciously and I was thankful that her narrowed and hateful eyes weren't directed at me, for I thought they would've burned wholes into mere human flesh.

"Now, Sarah-" Mr Black began with a pained expression.

This time Sarah cut off her father with a different approach. "But, Dad, putting up Christmas decorations a week before Christmas Day is a family tradition. You, me and Grandpa Billy would always do it together. As a family, remember? They aren't family," Her eyes abruptly became wary and cautious. "Are...are they going to be?"

I instantly knew what Sarah was implying and I instantly hoped she was wrong. I felt someone's eyes on me as I silently poured my milk over my cereal, keeping my back to the father & daughter. I knew I should've excused myself by now, I found it very rude of me to continue listening. But, I couldn't just drop everything and leave the room, could I? Well, that was my excuse anyway...

"No, no, they're not," Mr Black replied with an emotionless tone.

"Not yet anyway," Sarah muttered darkly.

"Sarah, that isn't the point," Her father replied in the same manner, dark and grumbling.

"It never is, is it?" Sarah growled.

"I'm really not in the mood for another one of your lectures about how Imogene isn't a good match for me, Sarah," Mr Black said impatiently. "Besides, lectures need evidence and there is no evidence proving your ridiculous statements about her."

"She's untrustworthy, Dad!" Sarah exclaimed. "I know she is. Somewhere deep down in those green eyes of hers is a greed you're totally oblivious to. How can you be so blind? She's just out to get your money!"

"Sarah!" Mr Black raised his voice abruptly and I jumped, spilling the milk with my shaky hands. "Don't speak about people so judgmentally."

The milk spilt over the counter and onto the floor and I immediately crouched down. I should've left while I had the chance, I thought regretfully. As I bent down, I took a whiff of the spilt milk and grimaced. The milk smelt foul, it left me gagging and I was barely able to control my repulsed facial expression. This milk is off, I thought obviously, yuck!

"Look, this is enough," Mr Black spoke calmly, though I could hear his temper ripening in his deep voice. "Times are changing and now I think it's time to let Imogene, and her sister, into our family."

"It's always what you think!" Sarah cried and I turned to see tears springing to her eyes. "I can never have a say in the way I may want my own family to work or the way I want to be educated or the way I'd like to go out into the world without feeling like I need a bodyguard with me everywhere."

"All I do is for your own safety-" Mr Black began with tired eyes, though Sarah cut him off.

"That's not enough anymore, Dad," Sarah pleaded. "It's never been. I'm my father's daughter, remember? I know it seems like you're protecting me...but, I think, keeping young daughters away from the outside world is the mistake all fathers make, Dad."

Mr Black stared at his daughter for a long moment, seeming lost in thought. He had been defeated by his daughter's arguments. Sarah was right though, fathers do make the mistake of hiding their daughters away from the world, which only leaves them in deeper trouble when the girls finally break out with such naive and oblivious minds.

I couldn't help but flashback to a moment I shared with my own father before I came here.

Flashback: Holding onto the Memories

"You better go, sweetie...I just heard the last call for your plane departure," My father announced sadly.

I nodded, unintentionally letting the tears spill over my eyelashes. "Thanks, dad," I hugged him again. "For everything."

"No, Dusk, thank-you," My father said firmly. "Your family would be a broken home if you weren't doing what you're doing, sweetheart."

"I'm just doing what I know is right, Dad," I sniffled.

My father's eyes became dark and stern. "Just because you think it's right, Dusk, doesn't mean it is. Your mother and I are adults; we should be able to take care of our financial problems on our own. Asking our daughter to do such a thing is selfish of us and pressuring on our daughter. Just think about what you're doing, Dusk. I want you to settle down in a home in the city, become a wonderful teacher...and maybe even find a man-"

I cut my father off. "I don't want to talk about men right now, Dad. I have lots of time to think of that, time when my parents aren't broke and my family can't even pay their fees for schooling education. Besides, it's not like your shipping me off to some country I've never heard of.Imade this choice, Dad. And you want to know why? BecauseI'm an adult as well, just like you and mum. I can make choices on my own...and this ismychoice."

My father stared into my eyes, his watering up. "The only problem with raising a child just like you...is that they end up becoming you. So when you finally have a conversation like this with them, you can't say anything else...because they out-think you. When you've taught them everythingyouknow, it's hard to try and bring something new up. You out-thought me, Dusk...and now there's nothing else I can say."

End of Flashback

Before anything else could be said, the sound of footsteps made us turn to see Imogene Brooklyn striding into the kitchen with a bright smile. She wore her bark hair in a loose plat and her make-up free face gave her features a very natural edge, which left me seeing her true beauty. A long, white robe was draped around her slender figure and she held a novel in her hand.

"Good morning everyone," She chirped charismatically. "What a lovely day it is outside – perfect for snowboarding, ay?"

Sarah's eyes darkened as she glared at Imogene viciously. "Where did you come from?" She asked in a low growl.

Imogene awkwardly opened her mouth to reply, giving Mr Black a nervous glance. "I...uh, well, u-um," She stammered, sighing.

"Imogene slept over," Mr Black answered simply and took another sip of his Indian tea.

I instantly grabbed a tea-towel from the counter and began soaking up the rotten milk. I tried to a straight face, though I feared my eyes were frantic and showing my true feelings. I have to get out of here, I thought desperately.

"Now she's sleeping over?" Sarah demanded, standing to her feet angrily.

"Go to your room and get dressed. We're going to start putting up the Christmas decorations soon, Sarah," Mr Black ordered gruffly, eyeing his daughter commandingly.

"I hope you don't mind, Sarah," Imogene piped in, her eyes looking genuinely guilty. "I didn't mean to intrude."

"Of course not," Mr Black shook his head, smiling at Imogene kindly. "I couldn't possibly let you go home in the middle of the night with the blizzard still lingering, Imogene."

Imogene smiled at Mr Black affectionately and I found something in me inwardly groaned – I suddenly wanted to escape their presence for all of the wrong reasons. "Thank-you, Jacob," She whispered melodically.

Sarah frantically looked between the two of them, seeing the sparks I was totally aware of. She scowled at both of them and picked up her plate of toast before storming out of the kitchen with a grimace. I reacted immediately, standing to my feet, after I soaked up the milk with a tea-towel, preparing to follow Sarah.

But Imogene stopped me by looking at me pointedly and smiling. "Morning, Dusk," She spoke pleasantly, though her eyes were less warm.

"Good morning, Miss Brooklyn," I replied with a respectful manner.

"Are you still using the milk? Because I think I might make myself a cup of coffee. I think I'm still worn out from the party the night before last," She grinned, glancing at the milk for a moment.

"Actually, I was about to throw out the milk, Miss Brooklyn," I replied casually. "I think it's passed its expiry date."

Miss Brooklyn frowned immediately. "What do you mean? I bought it only yesterday. The shopkeeper said it was fresh."

"Well, I think that shopkeeper was a bit of a swindle. I can tell it's off – it smells rancid."

"Let me smell it," Mr Black sighed and picked up the milk, taking an effortless whiff from the carton. He frowned, glancing at me curiously, before he took another long breath of the off milk. Mr Black shook his head after a long moment of examining the milk. "It looks and smells fine," He shrugged causally.

I frowned, taking the milk from his hands. I took a short whiff of the liquid and felt my guts turning into a knot as the toxic scent ran through my nostrils and into my lungs. The milk smelt worse than it did the first time and I felt myself gagging. Luckily, I had no food in my stomach to bring up.

I shook my head, immediately pushing away the carton of milk, grimacing. I breathed through my mouth, feeling slightly lightheaded from the stench. "No, that milk is foul. It's probably contaminated with all sorts of strange bacteria."

Mr Black stared with me for me long moment. "Miss Malveya, are you alright? Your lips are turning pale white."

I tried to shake off the dizziness which had come over me. "I have no idea what it is...but, that milk is toxic," I gasped, trying to stable myself by leaning against the counter.

"It smells fine," Imogene insisted in confusion, taking a quick whiff of the milk, staring at me in concern. "I can't smell any signs of contamination."

I found myself looking at the carton of milk that had caused all of this. As I looked, I glanced at my glass bowl of cereal. Looking at the bottom, I found a strange greenish substance floating at the very bottom, like water hanging below oil.

It's probably contaminated with all sorts of strange bacteria, I thought sceptically.

A/N: Have any theories on that green stuff? Or do you think that's just a decoy for what's really going on? And you've got a sneak peak on Sarah's mummy, what do you think of her?

Huge shout-out to:
Anonymous
Lizzie
Soledad
peggy cook
nene82743
Unknown Girl
Thank-you for your fabulous support!