Ch. 11 Fission

AN: The beginning of this chapter is written weird… be patient… I actually wrote everything that I wanted to write for the chapter on Monday and it only ended up being two pages long… so I'm finally including some Maggie monologue!

Maggie POV

Please, be patient as I explain my mental processes, for the point I must make tonight is long, and the story I must tell is short.

I used to be a very, very logical person. Granted, you all know me quite well, and therefore know this about me quite well. I was logical to the point of separation from normal society. I would not let anything get me down, or let any component of my life take more importance than the other components. I let my head rule my body, so to speak. Even when I was dating that horrible boy, Sam, I let my mind rule me.

And then I went to Camp Rock, and everything changed. I rediscovered my creative and wild side, and everything changed. I met and fell in love with Nate, and everything changed. My world, which I had so carefully built up to prevent me from ever getting seriously emotionally hurt, collapsed because I thought that Nate would always be there. No, I was completely and utterly convinced that Nate wouldn't ever dare to leave me, and that we would take care of each other forever.

I have never yet told the story of Sam to the fullest extent, and perhaps for a good reason. It is private. It represents my final mistrust of all men, regardless of who they are or what my relationship to them was. It represented my final and complete turn to a rational and unemotional existence.

Sam was the captain of the math team; I was the captain of the science team. He played football; I was too uncoordinated to play any form of sport except for chess. He got all B's and one A in math, I got all A's and most were A+'s. He was insanely popular; I just had my small group of close friends. He played bass guitar in a band on occasion, I just allowed myself to quietly play piano in a corner (keep in mind that this is pre-Camp Rock.) And, for some miraculous reason, he wanted to date me. He asked me out to the Sophomore Spring Fling (my school made way too many dances than what is appropriate.) I said yes, despite everyone's urges for me not to (by everyone, I mean Becky, Kevin, Kristen, Alyssa, and Mitchie, my friends at the time.) I had a good time, despite the odds, and agreed to continue going out with him despite everyone else's pretences not to. We dated that summer, and no evil seemed to result of such. I found myself really liking him, despite our differences.

The school year started, and not much changed. I heard Mitchie's stories of a brilliant Camp Rock summer, and her endless monologues about Shane. I ignored her frequent and annoying complaints about Sam, as I did with everyone's frequent and annoying complaints about Sam. Sam and I spent a lot of our time together, not in love of course but still insanely close. I went to football games and cheered him on loudly, looking like some sort of fool in the stands. I actually ended up missing a science team meeting thanks to one of his silly little football games.

But then the bad things started. My friend Kevin and I hung out a lot, just because it was so easy to hang out together. Sam, well, he didn't like that. He was jealous, insanely jealous, so much so that he wouldn't let me hang out with him. But it got worse. Whenever I was out with my friends, he would get jealous. The only one who he didn't get jealous with was Mitchie, and that was because she was my cousin. He was utterly convinced that I was bisexual and falling all over all of my friends. I unfortunately managed to convince him when I wouldn't sleep with him, although I insisted it was because the moment wasn't right for me. He started to slap me, and I told no one, unwilling to make him even madder than he already was. It was when he shoved me against a wall after hanging out with Kevin that I broke up with him. I vowed to never date again, to never let myself enter that kind of pain, ever again.

And then summer came, and I met Nate, and I couldn't help myself. I tried, I really did, I tried to not fall in love with the pop star, but as you all know, it was almost impossible. I was intoxicated, and that was it. Instead of being protected by my wall, I allowed myself to be protected by Nate. I thought he would never leave, which meant that his being my wall would never matter. Years went by, we were so in love, and my conviction remained the same.

How wrong I was.

CampRock

I came home after my fight with Mitchie with tears streaking down my face at lightening speeds. I had never fought with my cousin before about anything, not even about Sam. We were twins, twins who greatly depended on one another and would not let each other break our bond. The stress was getting to us, the stress of me trying to keep my Nate alive and the stress of her actually trying to keep Rae alive. The stress of our friends' copious problems, the stress of trying to live normal lives at work on top of this. Stress, stress, stress, that's all was in our lives was stress.

I breathed heavily and sat down at the kitchen, ignoring the fact that for some reason it felt empty inside the apartment. I ignored this. I wasn't in the mood for more problems, let's face it. I sobbed heavily against the counter. I couldn't deal with all of this stinking stress, it was overwhelming, and consuming me until it enveloped me. I needed something to push the stress away…

Nate walked in and I sighed with relief. He looked determined, but at the same time unsure. I stood up and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, burying my face in his neck and sobbing.

"Maggie… Maggie, what happened?" the concern in his voice was very strained, and almost unnoticeable. Was I not going to get my comfort? Was he not in comforting mood?

"I fought with Mitchie," I mumbled softly, pulling away from him. He raised his eyebrows in shock.

"About what?" he prodded, still not sounding like the comforting fiancée he was supposed to be.

"About Caitlyn and Jason's fight and about how Rae… Rae has diabetes," I mumbled. He gaped at me for a few seconds.

"Rae has diabetes?" he finally gasped. I nodded weakly.

"Well… that… wow," Nate sighed, looking even more reluctant than before. I watched him carefully, my heart pounding out of my chest unfortunately.

"Well… I'm sorry," Nate continued, "Why were you fighting about Caitlyn and Jason?"

"Because she thinks that its Jason's fault and I think that it's Caitlyn's fault," I shrugged. He groaned.

"What?" I asked hesitantly.

"Why do you keep up this charade, Maggie? We all know why you're siding with Jason," Nate looked at me in irritation, "And you don't have to pretend any longer, okay, I get it."

"What are you talking about?" I asked angrily.

"You are falling in love with him! It's the only explanation! I am sick of you pretending to be in love with me just so that appearances can be kept up. I know you love him, alright, so that's it. You don't have to pretend and be in pain any longer," Nate snapped at me. I looked at him in shock.

"You think I'm in love with Jason?" I gaped. He nodded.

"It's obvious," he growled. I shook my head in sheer annoyance.

"No, it's not," I groaned, "Because I don't love him. I love you," I breathed this heavily, trying to stop myself from hyperventilating. It wasn't working out very well; I'm going to tell you…

"Stop lying about this! You've fallen for Jason, I know, and I'm just sorry that this will be such a pain for you, explaining to your family about everything," Nate rolled his eyes, "And I'm just sorry that I'm going to be in pain for a while."

"You don't look like you're going to be in pain," I snapped, trying to ignore the frantic tears that were coming quickly to my eyes, "Nate, I love you, please, don't do this to me…" Nate didn't answer, he just looked away. I let out a sob that managed to muffle conveniently, and threw my arms around his neck. I held onto his neck tightly, I couldn't let him go and leave me, I didn't want him to leave me… no! I couldn't live without him.

"Please, Nate, please, how could you ever think I don't love you?" I sobbed loudly, "Jason's just my best friend, okay? It doesn't mean I have feelings for him, please, stop this," I begged him, looking into his eyes pleadingly and desperately. He shook his head again, gently pushing me away from him. I fought back and threw my arms around his neck and kissed his lips as desperately as I could, pulling myself to be as close to him as possible. He didn't react at all, he didn't even hold me, and he just stood there limp as I attempted to kiss him. Kissing a manikin would have been easier.

I stepped back and crossed my arms in front of my chest, "You don't love me," I began to sob again, loudly and into my hands. He watched me calmly, silently.

"No, I love you so much that it hurts that you continue to keep up this charade for my feelings, and it hurts that I have to leave… but I do. This is it. I can't handle this any longer," Nate snapped, looking at me angrily. I let out another sob and fell to the ground.

"But I love you!" I screamed at him, letting my tears streak down my face, "Why don't you believe me?"

"Because you wake up early in the morning to call Jason, you're always talking to Jason, Jason Jason Jason!" he snapped at me angrily, "And I am sick of this charade you're pulling! Just… stop it! I know you love him, okay, so I'm done. It's over. I can't handle being with you and being this jealous any longer. So go and be with Jason. I'm done," he walked out of the apartment and slammed the door.

It was official, then. The pain of feeling the way he was gone was too much for me to handle. My body went into shut-down mode. I stood up and managed to drag my feet to ou-my bed and curl myself into the sheets, even though I was still in my clothes.

He had taken away my wall, and then he takes away himself… it was official. I was nothing. A bag of mush.

I couldn't feel, I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. I let the numbness take over me as I soon fell asleep, thankful that I was too in shock to dream.

AN: Don't kill me… please? REMEMBER WHAT YOU PROMISED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE STORY! HAHA! I swear to God that everything works out, you crazy insane people. Just be patient. And please review!