A/n: This time travel business is complicated to explain _ _". But I'll do my best anyway. Before the start of this Chapter, I wanted to explain about the infinite loops thing. It's basically that the same thing repeats over and over and over again. Maybe not in the same scenario, but with the same result. This is a reference to the infinite number of futures theory given by Irie Shoichi in the future Arc of Katekyo Hitman Reborn. That's all for now~ I really hope my explanation is understandable :\
This chapter will be enjoyable~
Spolier: Some younger OkiKagu here~ Enjoy~
Please review!
Love~
Glossary:
Kusso Gaki: Stupid Brat
Damegane: Dame+Megane: Useless glasses
Megane: Glasses
Uresai/Urusai: Shut up
Otou san: father
Ahou: fool/idiot
Uwaa Ja nai yo teme: don't uwaa me you bastard/literally translated to 'Its not uwaa you bastard'
Okaeri: welcome home
Chotto: wait/wait a minute
Da re: who/ who is that?
Madao: Marude Da-me no Ossan. A useless unemployed old man. Refers to Hasegawa.
Chapter 10
When the going gets tough, you bring out the big guns
OMAKE~
Kagura stared at the ceiling of the Yorozuya living room, while chewing on a stick of Sukombu. She spread her arms across the back of the green sofa and continued to stare at it. Several minutes passed and she just sat there, chewing on her Sukombu and staring at the ceiling. Just as her patience came to its end, the door was slid open roughly and a panting and blood-covered Sōgo appeared. Kagura jumped up and looked at him expectantly. But when he collapsed on the floor and wheezed, she looked at him with disgust.
"Cheh. I thought it was Bakaiser but it's just you mini S."
"The hell is your problem Chin monkey….." Sōgo wheezed out as he blinked the sweat and Blood from his eyes.
Kagura sat cross-legged in front of him and folded her arms.
"So? Why are you here." A tick marked appeared on Sōgo's cheek as he glared at her.
"Can't you atleast show a TINY bit of concern?! I know I hung you upside down and all but it's not my fault you're such a gluttonous dumb id-" Kagura shoved her foot in his face before he could finish his sentence.
"I asked you why you were here didn't I? I could have just thrown you out or fed you to Sadaharu. Though he probably would have fallen sick." She bent down and sniffed him. Pinching her nose, she made a face.
"Ewwwww you smell like Grizzly poop and natto." Sōgo reached for his sword.
"That's coz I WAS ATTACKED YOU BITCH. NOW WILL YOU HELP ME UP BEFORE I SLICE THAT UGLY HEAD OFF YOUR NECK?!" Kagura wiped a booger in his hair and stood up.
"You look pretty normal to me. Since you can waste energy and scream with that annoying voice of yours, why don't you roll yourself out the door?" She stamped his head. "You're dirtying the floor."
Sōgo was at the end of his patience. He reached up and grabbing Kagura's ankle, yanked it, causing her to lose balance and fall backwards. Just before she hit the floor, he grabbed her and wrapped her in a bear hug.
"HOW COLD CHINA GIRL~~ AND I CAME ALL THE WAY HERE TO MEET YOU ONE LAST TIME BEFORE I DIED~~" He cried loudly, rubbing his cheek against hers and smearing all the blood and muck on her face and clothes.
"AHHHHHH! NOOOO! GO DIE YOU STUPID SADISTIC KUSSO GAKI! EWWWWWW YOU SMEELLLLLL LET MEE GOOOOO!" And while they wrestled across the floor, making a mess everywhere, the front door slid open and Shinpachi walked in.
"Konnichiwa~ Kagura chan I got you some Suk-" He stopped short as he saw Kagura lying on the floor, biting Sōgo's hand as he straddled her and was pulling her hair. Shinpachi's glasses glazed over as he looked at them with a blank expression.
"Ah sorry. Looks like I intruded on someth-"
Sound of shoes smacking Shinpachi's head
"WHAT KIND OF REACTION IS THAT?! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU CONCLUDE THAT FROM THIS SITUATION! NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT WE'RE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER!" Sōgo and Kagura screamed at him. Shinpachi looked over his shoulder, with the same expression.
"They say that out of hate blooms lo-"
"LIKE HELL IT DOES!"
Shinpachi stared at a now, clean and fresh Sōgo, who was sitting half-naked, wiping his hair with a towel and Kagura who was busy picking her nose.
"First of all Okita san…. Before I ask why you were in that situation…. Can you please wear some clothes?"
Sōgo pointed at his boxers.
"I'm wearing clothes aren't I?" Shinpachi's glasses glazed over.
"No… That's not what I meant. No matter how I look at it, that's a very indecent way to appear in front of a young girl."
"Young girl? I don't see any young girl./Who would wanna look at a baby faced kusso gaki, Damegane?" Sōgo and Kagura said at the same time.
While they head butted each other and pulled at each other's cheeks, Shinpachi petted Sadaharu.
"Looks like we're the only sane people left here huh boy?"
Sadaharu swallowed Megane's torso in one bite.
(Shinpachi:…..Atleast refer to me and not my glasses…. HOW ARE MEGANE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A TORSO ANYWAY?!)
Kagura spat at Sōgo as he pulled her hair.
"This is all your fault kusso gaki."
"Don't go blaming you're stupidity on other people Gorilla monkey."
"Don't name me after that Gorilla otou san of yours. AND ANYWAY GORILLA AND MONKEY ARE THE SAME SPECIES!"
(Kondo: Eh? Did someone call me? Kagura: -hits- Uresai kusso gorilla)
"How does it matter? You're so hairy it wouldn't make a difference if you were a gorilla or a monkey."
"THAT'S WHY I'M TELLING YOU THEY'RE THE SAME! AND AREN'T GORILLAS HAIRIER YOU FREAK?!"
"Whose a kusso gaki you ahou carrot?"
"ISN'T YOUR REACTION TO THAT COMMENT TOO LATE?! AND NOW I WENT FROM GORILLA TO CARROT?!" Kagura shrieked as she sat on Sōgo's shoulders and squeezed his head with her fists.
"Oi oi. Don't tell me that when you got your ass kicked you hit your head too?"
Sōgo looked at her with a curious expression.
"Ah. There's a carrot monkey on my shoulders. Uwaa~" He pulled her cheeks.
"UWAA~ JA NAI YO TEME! WHAT CARROT MONKEY?! DON'T GO COMBINING TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SPECIES INTO ONE YOU AHOU SADIST!"
Sōgo grinned and stuck two fingers up her nose.
"Sorry you were so ugly I couldn't come up with any better insults." While Kagura and Sōgo wrestled each other, Gintoki and Tsukuyo appeared and looked down at them.
"What the hell are those two doing Patsuan?"
Shinpachi looked up at the silver-haired Samurai and said in a flat voice, "Oh Gin san, Okaeri. And thank you for calling me Patsuan and not Meg-"
"Ah right sorry. What the hell are those two doing Megane?"
Shinpachi stared at him with the same glazed-glasses expression and looked back at the duo.
"It seems Okita san got his ass kicked-"
"I DID NOT GET MY ASS KICKED YOU USELESS MEGANE! I WAS FRAMED!"
"-and he came in here for some reason and dirtied the floor-"
"OIIIIII YOU COMPLETELY IGNORED THE PART THAT I WAS NEARLY DEAD AND SEVERELY INJURED!"
"-and Kagura chan was kind enough to let him stay in here and not feed him to Sadaharu-"
"DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH MEGANE?! WHY IS THIS MORE ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE THAN ME?!"
"-and then he hugged Kagura chan and they started wrestling-"
"OIIII DIDN'T THAT ESCALATE TOO QUICKLY?!"
"Gin san please don't interrupt me."
"HOW COME YOU ONLY IDENTIFIED DANNA AND YOU'RE COMPLETELY IGNORING ME?!"
"-and then Shinp- ah I mean Megane- ah no I mean I came in and saw them and because I'm too stupid I started assuming things and-"
HIT HIT
Sound of bumps forming
Sōgo looked at Gintoki with a pissed expression as he pulled the wigs off Kagura (who was acting as Shinpachi) and Shinpachi (who was acting as Sōgo) and threw them on the floor. Gintoki walked past them and sat in his chair, behind the table, as he dug his nose. Tsukuyo came to lean against the table as she smoked her pipe.
"So basically our little junior Sadist got his ass handed to him by someone and then came here and got his ass handed to him by Kagura and then he was so embarrassed that his ass was being passed around that he put on some underpants. Nice Kagura!" Gintoki said as he showed Kagura a thumbs-up sign, while the latter mirrored the gesture.
"Chotto Gin san….. There's some really dark aura around Okita san…. I think we should stop making fun of him already…."
"Ah~ Patsuan~ You're so kind~" Gintoki and Kagura crooned at him.
"Please stop. That's disgusting."
"Will you BEEP! CENSORED#$BEEP&*BEEEP#$CENSORED^&BEEP people listen to my story or not?"
"Uwaaa he used so many swear words Gin chan!"
"I myself didn't know some of them….. Damnit…"
"Ah me neither. What does BEEP! BEEP#$ mean?"
"CHOTTO! OKITA SAN?! THIS FIC IS T RATED! PLEASE DON'T USE SUCH VULGAR LANGUAGE! AND KAGURA CHAN THIS ISNT THE TIME TO BE IMPRESSED! AND GIN SAN THAT'S NOT THE POINT IS IT?! AND TSUKUYO SAN PLEASE DON'T ASK WHAT THE WORDS MEAN!" Shinpachi breathed heavily.
"Good job Megane. You've done a good job of playing the straight man." Tsukuyo, Gintoki and Kagura clapped. With poker faces.
Sound of door sliding open and close
"Hm? Did we have a guest?"
"I think Okita san just left…."
"Okita? Da re?"
"….. Never mind Kagura chan… You're hurting his pride even after he's gone…"
(A/n: This is the point of Sōgo kun's visit- He was attacked by a bunch of hoodlums because a certain red-haired, nice-bodied, Yato woman had tricked them into losing all their money and told them he was her boss. He had come running so as to kill the younger Kagura because he couldn't find the older one and the blood was actually tobacco sauce that was spilled on him by a pissed lilac haired assassin when he crashed into her bowl of natto. Oh and all the dirt and muck was because, said lilac haired assassin had drugged him and tossed him in the gutter and he hadn't gotten his ass kicked by the hoodlums but actually by a frustrated Madao whose cardboard house was destroyed by Sōgo.
Sōgo: SO MY PART COMES AT THE END?! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS CHAPTER?!
Author: Ah….. –shrugs- I didn't know what to write so I decided to make fun of you. –smiles sadistically-
Sōgo: I'LL KILL YOU ALL! ROAR!)
A/n: Haha another Chapter I really enjoyed writing! Poor poor Sōgo xD
Ne are my Author notes in the middle annoying? :\ If they are, I'll stop~ But sometimes I need to explain stuff, sometimes I need to make it Gintama-ey and sometimes I just wanna fangirl -w-
So even if you say it's annoying, I won't stop~ I just asked to be polite xD
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ok I shall control my sadistic urges. I promise. (LIE)
I love y'all for favoriting me, following me, favoriting and following this fic. Y'ALL MAKE ME WANNA WRITE MORE AND SPREAD JOY TO THE WORLD :'3
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Also, for the One Piece fans who are reading this fic, check out my other stories (I only have one though xD) Its called 'When Disaster Falls'. Yes I am advertising. What its my fic! xD I talk too much... THANK YOU ALL AGAIN SO MUCH! MWAH!
Love love love~