Chapter 10

Just Rest

"Then she sank down and slept, and her weary frame had rest."

The rest of the dinner was spent in amiable conversation. Brian continued to talk about his article prompted by Sully's questions and Katie played happily in her dinner, looking up every so often with a big smile on her face. In fact, nothing seemed to be different after Michaela's disappearance except the persistence of the empty chair at the head of the table that spoke of her reserved place in the hearts and minds of all.

The most interesting thing for Sully was the quiet acceptance with which Katie seemed to take Michaela's leaving. He'd heard Michaela talk many times about how disappointed she was each time her father had to leave to take care of a patient. She'd even told him of once when she was five and her father leave before dinner was served on her birthday. She said all she truly remembered that night was crying herself to sleep, aware of only the fact that her father wasn't there on her special night. With that story in mind, Sully, over the course of the meal, sent a continuous stream of glances in Katie's direction, watching her play contently as Brian stepped in to take care of her the way Michaela would have.

"Don't fling your fork, Katie." Brian said on the side before returning his attention to what it was he was saying.

"You're ma gone a lot?"

Brian paused to think, and bought time with a long sip of tea. "Not a lot, but she can't help it. It's ok though, 'cause sometimes people need ma to take care of them too, right Katie?"

Hearing her name caught Katie's attention and she stopped mid motion, her fork held over her head. She promptly lowered her arm and nodded, watery eyes staring across the table at Hawking as she quietly informed him, "Mommy thpecial." Sully couldn't keep a straight face if he'd tried.

After dinner, Sully offered to do the dishes so Brian could tend to Katie, and it wasn't long before Sully, deciding to humor Katie who kept begging for him to help build her a tower, gave in and sat in the floor with her. While Brian sat at the table, head bent over his open outline, trying to get as much done in his moments of quietness, Sully lay stretched over to one side, supporting himself by his left arm while he built an impossibly tall tower of blocks.

Katie sat on the other side of the tower, alternating to place her block between the ones that Sully did, and when the tower swayed hazardously to one side, she leaned over, popping her head from around the side of the blocks.

"Now?" her brows rose to widen her eyes.

Sully leaned back a little on his arm, his mouth curling at the edges. He was playing with his daughter. "Yea, go ahead."

Suddenly, the center popped out of the center of the tower, sending everything above tumbling to the ground and taking the remainder of the steady base with it.

Sully laughed as Katie, bouncing on her knees, clapped her hands and squealed. Brian looked up from his pad, smiling himself, but looking at the older man with gratitude. "Ya can turn in if ya like. I can stay up with Katie now." He turned his body from the table, sitting sideway in the chair.

Absentmindedly, reaching for a block that had fallen far, he handed it back to Katie, who grasped it greedily between two tiny hands and stacked it in front of her. "It's ok. Ya keep workin'. She's kinda fun ta play with." The little head bent intently over her task, making it impossible for Sully not to reach out and ruffle the blonde curls. Katie shrugged his hand off, shaking her head violently from side to side before bending back to her task. She never looked at him. She didn't care that the older man couldn't seem to take his eyes off her.

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The clock on the mantle struck ten.

"When's bedtime?"

"She don't have a bed time when Ma's gone. She usually just stays up and falls asleep when she's tired."

Sully nodded, watching the blonde frame that now ran briskly around the room. Did she ever run out of energy? He could feel the tired ache spreading through his own body, reminding him of the hard day's work he'd put in. He felt his age creep over him in his desire for sleep.

Having not moved from his position, he was laying eye level with her, when she wandered between the two big arm chairs, mouth thrown open wide in a yawn.

"Looks like someone's getting' sleepy." Sully teased, his finger hooking into the front of her dress and pulling her forward.

"I no swee…py." She finished her sentence with another yawn and a sigh, leaning heavily on Sully's side.

"I think that yawn begs to differ." A sly smile of irony molded Sully's face, but Katie thought it not funny at all. Instead, she stiffened, eyes glowering at him in defiance. Suddenly the smile fell from his face to be replaced by a solemn expression. Could she look any more like Michaela in that moment? It was no doubt that Katie had inherited her mother's spirit and stubbornness, and, of course, her intelligence- all the things he'd first fallen in love with her for.

"No." Katie told him more firmly. "I wait for Mommy." Turning her back on him as if he were a favorite toy, who for the time being had become dilapidated and unfun, she jaunted toward the window. Standing on her own two legs, which, though as shaky as any two year old, seemed to be sturdy and strong, the pillars that allowed her to stand independent and apart from anyone else's help. She placed her hands flat on the seat of the chair stationed beneath the window, and, with a brief grunt of effort, her legs fell out from underneath her. She squirmed, shifting her legs aback and forth, each time gaining a little ground on the seat cushion until she was laying flat on her belly and had only to pull her legs up. When she finally landed on the seat, she sat up right and turned around. Mr. Hawking was still in his usual recline on the floor. Straightening her back, Katie lowered him a pointed smile, relishing her victory. Then, never loosing her look of satisfaction, she scooted to the back, sitting up on her knees and propping her arms on the tiny windowsill that was now within her reach. She rested her chin in the crook of her arm.

Sully made no move, and Sully said nothing. Instead, he just stared at the small ball, now curled into the oversized chair, head tilting to one side. He imagined that he had stepped back in time, and instead of seeing her daughter, he was actually witnessing Michaela's nightly ritual, waiting by the window for her father to come home. Judging by the solid breathing and lagging head, he knew that her vigil wouldn't last much longer. Katie would be asleep soon. Amused, Sully shot a glance toward Brian, who matched him with the same hidden smirk. It was a moment shared between the two that recognized each other's fondness for the girl only broken by Sully's keen awareness not to look straight ahead too long. Reaching up, he made a fidgeting motion to pull the brim of his hat down over his eyes as he sat up, pulling himself to his feet.

"It's getting' late." He probed gently. Brian shrugged.

"Yea, I think I'm gonna work on this just a little longer." The boy beamed making it obvious beyond doubt to Sully that he'd found the one thing that he loved doing more than anything else. The fact settled on Sully's heart, warming him with a sense of hope for Brian's future. It was a single stabilizing factor that jutted from the twisting mess of the world at the moment, and Sully rested in knowing that Brian had at least that. He had something that bent his head in intrigue and guided his handwriting with excitement. As long as he could keep those things in life, each morning would be a fresh and new palate to look forward too.

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The clock chimed over the mantle, announcing to no one in particular that it was three in the morning. Actually, there wasn't anyone to announce it too, save Sully who was sitting slumped down in on of the wingback chairs, watching the constant dance of flames in the hearth, moving only to add another log to the fire. The time wasn't news to him; he had sat and watched the long hand wrap around the face of the clock as he had the hour before.

Behind him, Brian lay with his head resting on the table sound asleep with a soft blanket draped across his shoulders. He had still been determined to see his ma home when he fell asleep, and Sully saw not point in arguing with him or the plump little figure still curled into the chair by the window. Instead, he simply fell to a position that he had yet to be able to take up with the children- protective observer.

In the hours of silence that followed, Sully's only company was the ticking of the clock, the snap of the fire, and the ever-beautiful wisps of deep breathing from both of the sleeping children.

The quietness allowed him the opportunity to think, to feel things he hadn't allowed himself to feel. He'd spent most of his time attempting an unaffected observance. He could stand it only if he couldn't feel anything, but now in the stillness of the homestead with those he'd seen only in his dreams so close and unaware of his presence, he felt the inklings of emotion floating in his chest. He felt pride, anxiety, happiness, love, fear, a mixture of any and all of the above. He wanted to take Brian on a walk and tell him the things he'd want to know for his article, and to hold Katie and rock her to sleep. The longer the time spanned before him the more unlikely it felt that the day would ever occur for him to do those things, for him to be a pa again.

He'd shifted his chair so that he could see both the children from where he sat, his feet stretched before him. He felt the heaviness of his own eyes wanting to shut, but fought the feeling away. He would see the children delivered safely back into the custody of their ma before being banished once more to the cold, empty barn.

It was a little past three thirty when two gentle footsteps on the porch announced a visitor. Once again remembering the lightness of Michaela's glide, he shot to his feet, meeting the door on his side and swinging it open at the same time the slender hand reached out to accomplish the task herself. Sully found himself standing before a wide-eyed and startled Michaela.

"Mr. Hawking. Ah… um… wh… what are you doing here?" Her shock caused her to stumble over her words.

"I'm sorry ta startle ya. I tole Brian that I'd stay an' watch Katie so he could do his schoolwork. When he fell asleep, I didn't want ta leave 'em here."

Seconds passed before recognition that he'd even spoken fluttered across Michaela's face lifting the cloud from her eyes. She nodded slowly. "Well thank you." The usual glistening of her hazel and green eyes was muted and tired. Suddenly a shiver coursed through her body reminding them both that she was still standing in the doorway. Sully instinctively reached out and pulled her in toward him. With a hand at her elbow and another at her back, he ushered her inside. The contact was an instant mistake. He felt sparks trail through his arms begging to be explored further. He dropped his hands as soon as possible, it was either that or to wrap her fully in his embrace, something he didn't think Michaela would appreciate.

After shutting the door, he turned to see Michaela slumped shoulders slowly placing her bag at the end of the table and shrugging from her coat.

"You're patient ok?" He asked, requesting a glance up from Michaela as she bent over Brian's sleeping form. Her solemn face told him all he needed to know.

"His injury's were too extreme. I did all I could." The last of her words were an exhausted sigh.

"Course ya did." Sully stood stiff backed next to the door, trying to determine something, if anything could be said, to tell her of his faith in her. There wasn't.

Michaela bent over Brian's sleeping frame, gently pulling at the blanket and stroking at the feathery hair as she called his name.

"Mmm."

"Go on to bed now. I'm home." Brian stirred in his chair until he was staring at her through two narrow slits.

"I was gonna wait up for ya, Ma."

"Thank you, but it's late now. Time for bed." Two arms wrapped around Brian's shoulders encouraging him to stand. The stooped shoulders wrapped in the warm blanket swayed a little in tiredness.

"Night ma." Brian swayed to the side to kiss her on the cheek.

"Good night." Both Michaela and Sully watched the draped figure move toward the stairs and then climb them until disappearing into the darkened corridors.

A hand wiped across Michaela's face in an attempt to rid it of all traces of tiredness. She ran her forefinger and thumb across her brow, stretching the skin that stiffened. The pressure helped the strained nerves a little, but once she dropped her hand, the pain returned full force. At this point, all that was going to help was sleep, which she decided to try to get as soon as possible.

She turned back to Hawking and spoke as she reached for the blanket thrown across the back of the armchair. "I'm sorry that it took me so long to get home." The red tint of her cheeks spoke of her embarrassment. She could hardly imagine what he must think of a woman who leaves her family in the middle of the night and doesn't return until the early morning hours. She'd hardly know what she'd think of it herself, but the bristle of indignation crawled up her spin. This is my only option, but he can't understand that. No one can.

"Don't worry 'bout it. The kids seemed ta be ok. I just stayed ta help Brian out." Because he shouldn't have to do this on his own. Michaela mentally added to his words. His words held the friendly flatness of sincerity, but she could imagine the narrowed gaze of judgment she would find in his eyes if she were to look at him. Instead of facing such open hostility tonight, she trained her eyed on Katie, unfurling the blanket to receive the still slumbering baby, never aware that if she had summoned the courage to look into the oddly familiar eyes she would have found not judgment but concern.

"Well I'm home now. You're more than welcome to retire for the night. Take a few extra hours for in the morning." She spoke not a question or a request, but as a filler of silence not knowing exactly what to say and urgently wishing that the stranger would simply leave. She did not wish to be witnessed in her less than shinning moment.

Draping the blanket over Katie, she scooped the girl into her arms, resting the small head against her chest. She completely filled her attention with the baby neglecting everything else of her surroundings.

Sully had noticed the quiet dishevel that coursed through her veins and her limited attention span. Once again, he found himself on the outside of the equation, unable to help in the way he wanted. When he watched Michaela lifted Katie from her makeshift bed, he stepped forward jerkily wanting to help. In the back of his mind, he could see himself carrying the sleeping girl up to bed, the path illuminated by a lamp carried by Michaela, the happy family they were always meant to be.

Michaela turned in time to see him, arm outstretched, preparing to make his offer. She took a step backward, a smile of appreciated solemnity across her lips as a soothing hand ran the course of the curved back in her arms. "I think we're fine for the night. Thank you Mr. Hawking."

He stood there, a second suspended in time in which he was forced to make a decision though there wasn't truly a decision to make. His next step had already been chosen for him. After the second's hesitation, Sully resigned himself to grasping the door handle and, pulling the door open, stepped into the cold night air.

One, two, three, four, Brian counted the number of footsteps it took him to cross from one side of the office to the other, five six, seven, eight. He glanced up at the desk. The mass of red curls pulled loosely into a bun still bent over the writing surface. In one fell swoop, he turned on the balls of his feet and returned across the office. One, two three…

"Well Brian," The voice, breaking the silence, froze Brian's motions, sending him swirling back to the desk. Dorothy sat straightening the stack of papers she'd been reading just a few seconds earlier. She paused, a teasing maternal smile hinting at her lips.

"Well?" Brian asked impatiently, his lips widening into his usual cocked grin. He shoved his hands in his pocket in an effort to contain his excitement.

"I think it's a wonderful idea for an article."

"Really?" He moved swiftly to stand by her side, looking over her shoulder.

"Really. In fact, the only problem I have with it is here." She made a wide circle across the paper. "I think it may be rather ambitious of you to try to do it all in one article."

"Ya think I need to cut some out?" Brian asked, his face falling, trying to determine what that would be.

"I think you need to break this down into several articles and run them as a series."

"Really? Ya think I can write a series?"

"I think you're ready. Especially with a topic like this. Look at the past, the present, and then future. I think you should plan on three separate articles." She took the papers and shoved them into the side of the folder lying open on her desk. She lifted it up to Brian, her eyes crinkling at the corners with a smile. "Work on the first article and then we'll examine it from there."

Brian received the folder with both hands, his breath pent in his chest. "I'll start right away. Thanks." Turning away, Brian headed for the door instantly making a list of everything he needed to do, to read before he started writing. He got all the way to the door before Dorothy called him back.

"Oh, Brian?" He stopped instantly, one foot already outside the door. "I meant to ask you earlier. I heard 'bout Jonathan Crombie this mornin'. How's your ma holdin' up."

Brian shrugged, clutching the folder of notes to his chest. "She got in late this mornin', slept a few hours an' woke up ta make breakfast. She's wearin' down."

Tiny wrinkles appeared across Dorothy's forehead. She'd thought many times about offering to help Michaela with the kids. In fact, she'd offered to stay with them in the months after Sully's disappearance, but over the weeks her help was slowly pushed back. Dorothy knew her friend, and she knew that it was of no rejection to herself, but the determination of Michaela and her desire not to put anybody out. Dorothy thought it ironic to think that the same strength that made it possible for Michaela to wake each morning made things harder on her. She wondered how much longer Michaela would last.

"Where's your ma now?"

"She's at the clinic."

The thick lines of finely scrolled letters blurred together across the paper, making everything unreadable. A tight squeeze of the eyes did nothing to relieve the burning sensation that stung her lids. With a quick sigh of exasperation, Michaela dropped her pen in the inkwell and fell back against the backrest. There was once a time when she could work from day to day on just three hours of sleep, ushered forth from hour to hour by adrenaline and a level of concentration that made her forget that she hadn't had a good nights sleep in days. Somewhere in the past few years, she'd aged what felt like ten years and never noticed it.

The truth was that she had been holding up relatively well when she had a steady influx of patients coming through her door. She had pulled an abscessed tooth, performed a few sets of sutures, set a broken collarbone, and had a check up with a four-year-old boy. About half and hour ago, Melissa Strong waddled through her door, eyes sparkling and a large smile of complete happiness brightening her face. Melissa was seven months pregnant with her first child.

When she first confirmed the pregnancy, the moment was bitter sweet for Michaela. She stood back, in the corner of the room giving the young couple private time with their new news. They smiled and laughed, Melissa even cried, and Michaela couldn't forget the afternoon when she'd first told Sully that there would be a Katie.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Michaela had many sleepless nights of wandering the house, and somehow always ended in Katie's room, watching as the little girl slept. She'd managed this long to neglect how very much she wanted another child, and how much she missed Katie being little and crawling around the floor. Until then a part of her had always held the hope of becoming a mother once more, though unrealistic that was.

However, after weeks of thinking, praying, even, during the worst of it confiding her realization to Dorothy, she found peace. It was a peace that no one could teach her, or help her with, she had had to discover it on her own. It was an early morning, a Saturday morning when Katie had crawled in bed with her only to fall asleep again snuggled against the pillow that Michaela realized how very blessed she was to have Katie, and how much more comforting her age was now than it would have been several years ago. Her daughter never ceased to make her smile or laugh. Life was always brighter with Katie in her arms. More importantly, though, Michaela learned to understand the peace in what this new child would mean for the world. It was her proof that life continued, that goodness and truth moved forward. Nothing ended in pain and despair, but it did begin with love and purity. As the weeks stretched to months, Michaela watched as both mother and child thrived with vigor and health, the pregnancy was almost therapeutic. It became essential for a new, healthy life to be born into this world.

Michaela's chest fell with a heavy sigh. Both mother and child are doing fine, it was the last thing she had written in the file, but now her head seemed so heavy; her eyelids were so tired. Surrendering herself for just a few minutes, she propped her arm on the rest of her chair and rested her chin in her hands.

Twenty minutes later, there was a soft tapping at the door, but Michaela did not move. The knocking grew louder, and still she sat, head on hand, eyes closed. Another pause and then there was the squeak of the door swinging on the hinges. Dorothy stepped into the doorway and then paused, her face fallen as she saw the scene before her, Michaela, nestled in the back of her wooden chair, head in hands, fast asleep. Swinging the door behind her, she stopped it just short of the jam and closed it with a quick click.

Gentle hands moved up Michaela's shoulders across her head, softly rousing her from the blank, dark sleep. "Hmm?" She moaned softly, head moving to the side, trying to force her eyes open.

"Michaela."

Her eyes shot open with a start. She landed arms sprawled across the desk and found herself staring blankly at the open file. Her brow knit in confusion.

"Michaela, honey why don't you go home?"

A stray hand wiped the sleep out of her eyes as Michaela turned, slightly dazed to the woman standing next to her. "What? Oh, no… I need to finish these files."

"You're not going to finish them if you're too tired to keep your eyes open." Stray hands pulled at pages, pulling them into a stack. Thumbing through a pile of files, Michaela pulled the one out from the center of the stack.

"I won't get anything done at home."

"You're not getting anything done here."

Michaela's hands stilled across the crisp white pages, her weary eyes softening with the truth. It didn't matter where she was; she wasn't going to be affective.

"Go home Michaela and sleep. I'll have Brian bring Katie from Mrs. Calloway's when he leaves town." Dorothy spoke, placing a gentle, insistent hand at Michaela's back. She watched as her friend gazed around the room, trying to find something, anything to use an excuse, but there wasn't anything. Michaela glanced at her from the corner of her eye and then, her lids dropping shut once, nodded.

"Alright," she whispered quietly, "I'll go."

Sully was just stepping out of the barn, arm raised to wipe the excess water from his lips when he saw the wagon winding its way to the homestead. He stopped short, shutting the door behind him, his eyes watching the jerking movement of the wagon as it bumped along the path. He made it to the front of his homestead in enough time to meet Michaela, who was pulling back on the reigns.

"You're home early." He stated bluntly, reaching out to pull softly against the bridle while smoothing another hand against the smooth side of the beast.

"Most of my patients came this morning, so I thought I might get some things done here" She threw her reigns over the side of the handle attacked to the buckboard before standing forward, preparing to climb down. Sully moved toward her side, laying his hand over hers, which grasped at the metal handle, stopping her before she turned to take the first step on top of the wagon wheel. She stopped her motions instantly, turning to look at him accusingly, but Sully paid no notice. He hardly cared for anything at this point other than the utter exhaustion that etched dark circles under her eyes. Lifting a hand, he waved his fingers toward her, beckoning her to come toward him. Michaela, too tired to argue, followed the silent order.

Two hands wrapped around her waist lifting her from the bottom of the wagon and over the side. Michaela was slightly taken back by the unexpected action and doubly so by her proximity to the broad chest once she'd landed. She found herself unable to look into crystallized stare, unwilling to lift her eyes from the worn and nearly moth eaten shirt. She became acutely aware of the two hands, still firmly placed on her waist.

Sully could feel the gentle curve of her hips even through the heavy coat. The mere inches that separated his body from her reminding him of the way they fit so perfectly together. Her warmth emitting an intoxicating spell, beckoned him closer. He felt her fingers curl against the fabric of his sleeve and swayed a little in her direction, instinctively moving closer, unable to tell himself no, but pressure on his shoulders brought him back to the world of reality. Michaela turned her back to him, forcing him to drop his hands.

Sully stepped back, defeated. "Ya look tired."

When Michaela turned back around she clutched her bag in her hand, "I could say the same about you."

"I think I got a little more sleep than ya did, though."

"I had to be at the clinic early this morning." As she made her way to the front door, Sully proceeded to follow, ignoring with a smile of sly humor the irritated looks she sent over her shoulder.

"But ya're home now. Maybe ya can get some sleep 'fore the kids come home tonight."

Michaela stopped short at the door, causing Sully almost to run into her. Wordlessly she turned and stared blankly in his direction before turning back around and opening the door.

"Actually I have some things I hope to get done." She dropped her bag on the table by the door and shrugged out of her coat.

"Like what?"

"Well, there are a few more weeds in the garden."

Sully crossed his arms over his chest and lowered his head. If she could have seen his eyes, she would recognize the pointed question that peered from them, but instead she heard it in his voice.

"Ya're going to weed a garden that will have to be weeded again in a few months?"

"Well, there'll be less weeds for the second go."

"That don't make sense."

She draped her coat over the back of the chair and squeezed her eyes shut, her head hurt and the last thing she wanted now was to argue. She turned harshly to face him, hoping to end this here. "Mr. Hawking, I just need to keep busy."

As much as Michaela hoped to avoid confrontation, Sully felt the same way. He did not want an argument, and he didn't want to anger her, or scare her. He just wanted her to rest before she made herself sick. "Come 'ere." He reached for her arm, pulling her with him as he turned toward the fluffy, wing back chairs. "Just sit and rest, for twenty minutes. Then ya can do what ya like."

Michaela stopped, staring at the comfortable chair for a long while as if trying to make her mind, but with every passing second, her shoulders grew heavier. Moving around to the front of the chair, she sat, feeling her head fall back into the soft cushion. She took the blanket Hawking held out to her and laid it across her lap.

"I'll work on cuttin' some more shingles so I ain't banging on the roof."

"Thank you," she mumbled, her head leaning into the curved edge of the chair, pulling the blanket up over her arms.

Sully stood there for another moment, watching her eyes flutter shut and her arms tighten under the blanket. Her hair, pulling from her bun, fell over her eyes. Sully's fingers stroked against the ribbed needlework of the chair before he finally tore himself from her side. With deliberate steps, he left the house, pulling the door shut behind him.

The soft click of the door woke Michaela temporarily from her shallow sleep. Lifting her head, she looked around before laying her head over once more. The last thing her eyes laid on was the clock keeping steady time. She had one hour before the children got home. Then, she fell asleep.

It's been a while, but I hoped you enjoyed this chapter!