Author's notes: Ah, that delay was not scheduled. Anyway, let's go on talking. The night is still young ;-)

Thanks for all four reviews on the previous chapter!

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Without being interrupted by Tommy who listened intently she told about the disease her brother had suffered and the difficulties she had with her parents throughout that time and more so after his death and later on, shortly before they had died.

She let pass some long moments of silence, staring into nothing and sipping absentminded on her wine, then she started speaking again still without looking at him.

"I was at a loss when my brother died but my parents had been totally devastated. Then, when they both were... umm... not healthy anymore, I was very busy with job and care and all - well... nursing." she emphasised the last word by nearly spitting it out. "...and I had no time for myself and friends. And when Mom and Dad were both finally gone most friends were, too. I was rather alone. Just a few are left now which I mostly knew since childhood but meanwhile many of them are married and have children. I seldomly see them. Young parents tend to redeploy interests. 'n believe me, I don't like to talk about children's poo the whole day..."

She rolled her eyes and Tommy smiled sympathetically even though she was still looking somewhere else but in his face.

Barbara was glad to share it with him. He had been there and had seen her parents and especially had witnessed the dementia of her mother. He even had helped finding her once. But Barbara always had kept most of her shields up and rarely dared to talk to him about her feelings. Now she felt relieved.

"I was a lucky person having one particular friend by my side who helped me through the deepest despair then - though I never let him fully participate in my feelings." You were the beacon that lit the way. She now intensely looked him straight in the eye. "Thank you."

Tommy nodded. There was no need for words on her statement.

"Well, 'n' additionally there's always some bloody case that keeps my thoughts busy, isn't it." she smiled halfheartedly but it did not reach her eyes.

"I know there was a lot of hurt in your life but you should always share your burdens with someone. It makes them lighter to bear." Tommy said.

And I was glad to listen. His eyes mirrored his thoughts but then he decided to offer it clearly.

"You can always share it with me like I shared with you, well, a bit... a tiny bit... I wasn't sharing at all, was I?"

Tommy placed an insecure look on Barbara who smiled understandingly.

"Nah, you might not've shared many words, but sometimes your behaviour very clearly tells how you feel." You've been an open book sometimes.

Tommy apologetically smiled at Barbara. You're the only one who ever read me.

He knew he seldomly had talked with her about his own personal problems. He mostly had barked at Barbara when he was in one of his foul moods and he only had given her little pieces of what had made him upset. It probably had been his upbringing that kept him from sharing his feelings. Something silly like 'outward appearance'. And sometimes he simply had relied on her friendship, had even took it for granted she would be having nothing else to do but to offer him her couch when he had appeared at her doorstep in the middle of the night without a warning.

I was a bloody fool. Tommy thought.

I was glad to listen. Barbara sympathetically smiled at Tommy.

They let some more minutes drop by in companionable silence. Barbara felt that Tommy wanted to tell her more so she waited patiently for him to find a start.

There is a world out there. she thought.

After one more gulp from his wine Tommy suddenly started to talk about the different times he had had with Helen when they had been married. When he felt that he should have been happier but never fully was. He thought it should have bothered him more that they both had their own daily routines and opposite schedules. Only when she had left him he had started to find a way to rescue their marriage. Helen had hated it when he was called to a case in the middle of the night, when he had stayed out nights with chasing murderers, when he had been sent away on a case with his Sergeant for days, having to stay overnight.

Tommy told Barbara about a certain argument in their kitchen when Helen had once again obviously not understood that it had been, and still is, his job to leave when called to a case.

Or when someone was in need of a friend.

"She had been fuming and grumbling that I'd be spending more time with you than with her." Tommy lopsidedly grinned. "Which was true, wasn't it?"

Barbara chose not to answer and instead hid her face behind her glass once more.

Barbara had of course not observed all that had been going on in Tommy's world, especially not in his marriage. My Mom's just passed away, I suddenly was all alone, and to cap it all this bloody case occupied me. she remembered.

Tommy went on. "She said something to me like all of it would be more understandable if I'd be having an affair with you."

Tommy chuckled bitterly remembering that fight with Helen.

"She had said it as if an affair with you would be inconceivable." Which it isn't at all. "We weren't sharing many thoughts at that time but I think she had been truly jealous."

Now Barbara snorted deprecatorily. "Yeah! Jealous of me... That's ridiculous, Sir!"

Shaking her head she dipped her nose into her glass.

"Tommy..." he pleaded softly.

"Mh." Barbara muttered, turned and put her feet back on the ground.

Tommy... she thought but dared not to say it.

Her toes played with the grass underneath and Tommy watched it with delight. He thought that it had not been that ridiculous at all that his late wife had been jealous of Barbara. Thinking back and being honest to himself Helen had all good reasons because Tommy had welcomed the distraction by the case and of Barbara being around him. It gave him an excuse to avoid to deal with the problems in his marriage. Like always.

And after all it is absolutely not ridiculous to have an affair with this crazy woman. Tommy thought. Well, a relationship, that is...

He sat on the edge of the bench and crossed the ankles of his stretched legs.

In fact it would probably be very nice to have an affair with this man. Barbara mused. Handsome, sensual, well, and most likely platonic towards me.

Barbara sighed and shook her head. She watched his naked feet and wondered why he had told her this story now. She had always avoided talking about Helen. First, she did not want to hurt Tommy's feelings by stirring memories, second, she had always felt awkward in Helen's presence, they never would have become friends, so talking about her would have become awkward too, and third, she had sensed that there had been something standing between Tommy and his wife and that was not allowed to mention openly.

Who was I to talk about that? Barbara would never dare to put the friendship between him and her on such a level.

Tommy had always seen this awkwardness Barbara had felt with Helen and had mostly avoided to talk about her thus avoiding miserable feelings for Barbara. Well, and if he was honest to himself he had to admit that he did not want to stir those memories for his own sake, to avoid miserable feelings for himself. But now he realised that it felt good sharing it with someone, especially sharing it with Barbara who listened closely and was not at all embarrassed.

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