Jack didn't waste any time, he walked forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Kissing the top of her head and pulling back he asked her, "What are you doing here?"
"Dr. Reid called me, he said that you had told him to try and contact me when you got better… and that's what he did." Kensi replied.
"Oh God I missed you so much Kens." He murmured in a warm voice.
"Then why did you leave alone Jack?" She demanded, trying not to sound broken. She wanted to know why he had done that to her, why he had left her to live in pain and misery.
"You know why I did that Kens, I was in too much pain… I was losing myself piece by piece and I was hurting you. I couldn't take that any more, I had to do something or else I was going to drown you with me and drag you to the hell I was in. So after I left you I came here to get help… I needed to try to be myself again." He answered, the pain in his voice obvious.
"Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you be better. I could have been there with you every step of the way… you shouldn't have had to do that by yourself!" She yelled, upset.
"I'm sorry Kens, but I had to do this by myself. I didn't want you to see me weak." His tone of voice almost broke her heart.
"Do you know what this did to me? I haven't been able to trust another man! I couldn't get in any relationships for more than a month; it broke me! I built these walls all around me that no one could ever pass, and though you may not have meant to hurt me, you put me through hell by leaving!" Kensi was about to cry but closed her eyes to prevent the tears from finding their way down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry Kens, you have to believe me when I say that. I know you won't forgive me but I did all of this to be able to get back to you. I didn't think it would take this much time, but I did it all for you." He told her, apologizing for what he had done and asking for her forgiveness, knowing it would be hard (if not impossible) for that to happen but praying that someday it would.
Kensi didn't know what to say or do, so she did the only thing she could. "I'm sorry Jack, but I have to go now."
As she passed him, walking towards the door, he took hold of her wrist and turned her to face him. "Will I see you again?" Jack asked, hoping that she would give him a chance to make it up to her.
When she felt his touch on her wrist Kensi was lost in memories of how he used to hold her, how soft his touch was. It was the same touch he had now. "I… I… don't… know." Kensi stammered, pulling her hand away and rushing through the door, out of the facility and to her car. When she was in the safety of her vehicle she let the tears she had been holding back fall freely. They didn't seem to have an end as she started the car and headed back to her apartment. The whole trip had taken almost five hours. When she reached her apartment she curled upon the couch and sobbed. She thought that this might be her only chance to help him, and since she hadn't been able to in the past, her guilt was torturing her and making her feel like she hadn't done enough in the past. She felt like she needed to take this opportunity to take this guilt off of her chest, she needed closure so she could live in peace.
That was when she noticed her badge lying on the stand next to the door and it hit her: "Deeks!" She had forgotten all about her partner… she was supposed to be there for him! But again, she wondered if he would want to see her after what had happened between them last night. But she started the car anyway and headed to the hospital.
When she arrived she saw Callen, Eric and Nell talking outside of Sam's room. When they noticed her they turned to face her.
"Where have you been? It's already afternoon." Callen asked her. They hadn't seen her since last night and they all thought that she would be the first one there, to be with her partner.
"I had something to do. I came here right after… why? Did something happen?" She became worried that something had happened to Sam or Deeks, especially Deeks after the tension last night.
They all gave her a confused look but just shrugged. "Nothing happened, they just took Sam to have some tests. The doctor said if the test results are good and his veins are healing as they hope, he will be discharging Sam in two days. He will need a couple of weeks before getting back to work though." Callen replied.
"And what about Deeks? Have you seen him?" She asked them.
"Not yet, we were waiting for you. After what happened between him and me last night I wanted to make sure that wouldn't happen again if he sees me. I think he'll be more comfortable if you are there with us." Callen explained.
Kensi nodded, not knowing how to tell them that Deeks would probably be more upset with her than Callen. "Well, he has surgery scheduled tonight for his mouth so we should go and see him before they come to take him." Kensi said before walking to Deeks' room, but when she reached the door she stood there wondering if he would accept her visit or not. Finding no other choice she opened the door and entered. When Deeks saw her she noticed his face was full of sadness and hurt, but when the others followed her he forced a smile on his face to hide the pain. Kensi knew his smile was fake, that he wore it so that no one could see what he really felt.
"Hey there buddy, how are you feeling today?" Eric asked while giving Deeks' hand a shake.
"I'm healing, that's what the doctors say and that's the important thing." Deeks said, glancing at Kensi.
"Hey Deeks, hang in there. We've missed you so much! We need you back as soon as you can." Nell told him, before bending down and giving him a kiss on his cheek.
"Let's hope for that. I'm tired of all this already: the bed and the air surrounding me in this hospital are suffocating me. I can't wait to get back to my apartment." Deeks replied in a cold voice that everyone noticed but no one mentioned.
"By the way, don't worry about Monty, I got to your apartment and took him with. He really misses you." Nell assured, trying to change the subject.
Deeks smiled at the mention of his dog, before Callen began speaking. "Look man, I know that it didn't end well last time, but can you give another thought about talking to Sam?" Instead of Deeks going off like last night Callen received a 'what the hell are you doing?' look from Kensi.
Deeks remained silent for awhile before he opened his mouth and said, "Please Callen, we talked about this. Just leave it there; when I'm ready I will talk to him… just please don't push it more." His tone of voice made it sound like he was begging.
After half an hour a nurse came in and told them that they had to leave so that Deeks could get some rest before the surgery. They all nodded and complied and started leaving the room. Kensi turned around and called, "Han on partner, okay?"
"I'll be fine." He said in a harsh tone, not making eye contact with her. She left the room.
They all headed to Sam's room and saw him with Michelle and the doctor.
"So what are the test results Doctor?" Callen inquired.
"Well it seems like the veins are healing, their progress is better than we expected, so I believe he can go home in two days."
They all smiled and congratulated Sam and gave him hugs and handshakes.
"So what about Deeks?" Sam asked, turning the tone of the situation serious.
Before any one could say anything about Deeks going to surgery Callen quickly answered, "He's still under the drugs and not awake from his surgery," which made Nell and Eric give him a confused look. They knew that Deeks was getting ready for surgery, not finished with it.
Sam nodded and after half and hour he started yawning and couldn't fight the sleep that was pulling at him. In a few minutes he succumbed and they all walked out quietly, not wanting to disturb him.
After they were outside of the room Kensi turned to face him. "What the hell was that? Deeks is just now going into surgery." Kensi exclaimed, wondering what Callen had just done.
"Well what was I supposed to do? Tell him that Deeks doesn't want to see him? I told him that he was in surgery. I thought maybe I could convince Deeks to change his mind and agree to see Sam and talk to him." Callen explained.
"I'm sorry, but you know you should tell him that Deeks doesn't want to see him sooner or later."
"Why doesn't Deeks want to see Sam?" Eric asked, confused.
"He's not ready to deal with him right now, he says." Kensi answered.
Eric was about to say something but was distracted by the nurses who were wheeling Deeks' bed to the OR. They all watched him until he disappeared behind the doors.