"Um...Er...Well" I spluttered, at this most unexpected of queries. I don't know what I was expecting to come out of Mabel's mouth, but it most certainly wasn't THAT.
Maybe some rogue foam from one of her infamous 'Smile Dip Fits' (judging by her manic behaviour this evening)... But definitely not THAT.
I mean... Yeah. Since my enforced internment in this grotty little hovel, I've had a lot of time to think about the aspects of my life which are going wrong... And along with my petulance,my bullying, my narcissism, my over-competitiveness and my FAR TOO LONG HAIR (Seriously, I've got to get this mane cut one of these days... Sometimes, it almost suffocates me in my sleep) I think the people I hang around with, and my parents, have got to rank alongside my most toxic influences.
Of course, amongst that crowd I have to include my alleged 'boyfriend' Chad. I see him now as sort of a trophy on my arm, rather than an individual I can love and appreciate (as horrible as that sounds). Sure, he's 'nice' to me... When he wants something in return, such as a quick snog behind the bleachers, or a little grope just before classes start.
But the fact remains... We have NOTHING in common. Even less, now that I've decided to turn my back on my old ways. No longer will I hang around the 'popular' table, insulting everyone who doesn't match up to our impossibly high standards. No longer will I patrol the school corridors, looking for victims to belittle and humiliate based on their social standing.
And no more will I pretend to tolerate an empty headed, sexist blockhead whose only talents consist of scoring the odd lucky touchdown, chugging down beer kegs in record time and inventing new and elaborate ways to try and get into my pants. (My personal favourite: "But babe, we might die tomorrow... SO LET'S DO IT NOW!" How romantic...)
It ALMOST brings a smile to my face... Imagining him waiting outside my mansion in vain, condom in hand, checking his watch every five minutes, until that 'magic hour' at midnight arrives. He was probably looking forward to telling all his fellow jocks in the morning how he 'deflowered' the richest girl in town. Well, he's gonna be disappointed. Thank GOD Mabel and her friends showed me the light (in a non-religious way) before I made a horrible mistake.
That doesn't mean to say I'm going to instantly fall into the arms of Dipper though. I mean... He's sweet, and all... And we had certainly graduated to 'good friends' by the time he left Gravity Falls three years ago, before events took a turn for the worst. But actually...GOING STEADY with him? I wasn't sure I was prepared for that... Or, even if he was.
So, Mabel, Candy and Grenda would have to forgive me for my garbled, non-commital answer. "I... Like him. But... We haven't seen each other for a long time. And... I don't know what he thinks..." I panicked as I looked at each smiling face, eagerly awaiting my answer.
Upon hearing me, the response from those in attendance listening in was like someone letting the air out of a balloon. "AAWWWWW!" Came the reaction, as I could see Mabel weighing up whether to give me another sticker or not...
Then, the brunette perked up. "Well, if your uncertainty over what Dipping Sauce thinks of you is providing a major stumbling block, I can help you out with that... HEY BRO BRO! GET UP HERE! WE'RE HAVING A PILLOW FIGHT IN OUR UNDERWEAR, AND WE WANT YOU TO BE THE REFEREE!" Despite my flustered state of mind, I found myself helplessly creased with laughter on the floor at Mabel's statement.
"WHAT?!" A male voice sounded from downstairs, and it was like a mini-hurricane made it's way from the lower level, up the stairs, before nearly blowing the door off the hinges. Yes, it was the cap wearing geekazoid himself, this time carrying a stopwatch instead of one of his trademark journals.
"Anything I can do to help!" He gasped, clutching his ribs. "On your marks, get set..." He paused, when he noticed we were all fully dressed, rolling around with merriment at his sheer naivety. He rolled his eyes, before sighing and throwing his timepiece into the corner of his side of the room.
"Got me AGAIN, did you?" He muttered, before turning around to descend the stairs. "I ALWAYS fall for that one..." Wow, Dipper. I had no idea you were such a pervert. Perhaps I should cut him some slack... After all, he's at that tender age... When a boy's hormones start to...
Mabel cuts short my sex-ed flashback. "DIPPER, WAIT!" She leaps up and chases after her twin, who she grabs, before leading him back into the attic. "Sorry for fooling you... But you know what it's like. Me and the girls have got to have our little fun!" Grenda and Candy gave him a knowing wink, whereas I just felt like I was missing a private joke. Sounds like this kind of thing has happened before...
"Stay for a minute..." Mabel continued, pulling her brother further into the room. "We REALLY need your help with something..."
Upon hearing this, Dipper looked horrified, trying to shake off his clingy sister and beat Usain Bolt for pace in a hasty retreat.
"No, silly!" Mabel chuckled at her sibling's apprehension... "I don't mean, we're going to give you a makeover... Unless, you want one..."
"I'LL DO HIS HAIR!" Shouted Candy all of a sudden, producting some curlers and clippers from nowhere, as if by magic.
"AND I'll CHOOSE HIS OUTFIT!" Grenda quickly got up, and started rummaging through drawers... Taking out the most girly and glamourous outfits, and throwing them into a heap on the bed.
"Er... I'll... Stay here... And be the judge... And, judge..." I mumbled, wondering how much longer I could survive in this madhouse.
"So... Dipdop... Shall I set up the salon?" Mabel asked her younger twin keenly, ready to transform him into Lord-Only-Knows-What.
"Um... Some other time, perhaps..." Dipper blushed, as he scratched the nape of his neck. "Just tell me what you wanted me for, and I'll be on my way..."
"OH, NUTS!" "You're no fun!" "PARTY POOPER!" Went the chorus of disappointed voices, as every beauty product was hastily put back into place. Mabel looked displeased for a minute, before FINALLY remembered why she invited him upstairs originally, and a crafty laugh escaped her lips.
"Well, anyway Dipper..." she began. "Remember my plan for this evening? Operation Twinkle? Codename: Get-Our-Old-Friend-Back? Well, it's my absolute pleasure to report... It's been an unqualified success. Pacifica has realised the error of her ways, and has decided, with our help, to start being nicer to people... And make decisions for herself again. WE'VE GOT THE OLD PAZ BACK, BRO-BRO! And only after one session..." She was jumping up and down, while holding onto her sibling's collar... The poor boy looked like he was turning blue...
I raised an eyebrow upon hearing this declaration "What do you mean?" I enquired "After only one session?! You mean to tell me... You would have kept brainwashing me up here... Until, I was 'cured', to your satisfaction? Isn't that a little... Extreme?"
Mabel stopped choking Dipper for a second, to glance back at me. "Of course not, Paz. We had complete confidence that you'd come around the first time of asking! And if not... We wouldn't have held you prisoner... We'd have just come to get you... Every day... In the evening, until we'd worn you down..." Mabel added ominously.
"O...k...ay..." I responded, feeling more than a bit creeped out. Can you imagine... Me walking home at night... Anxiously looking over my shoulder the entire route, for any sign of Mabel's deceptively titled Fun Bus which would no doubt stop right in my path, it's inhabitants wearing homemade cute animal masks as disguises, before they grabbed me to spirit me away to another 'reeducation' assignment...
This nightmarish image was cut short by Mabel sniggering, her hand covering her mouth. "YOU SHOULD SEE THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE!" She shouted out, before convulsing with hilarity once again... Candy and Grenda following her lead. I quietly seethed... For someone so happy-go-lucky... She sure likes to mess with people.
All of a sudden, with Mabel and her friends temporarily incapacitated by their uncontrollable delirium, I found my eyes wandering to Dipper himself. I gave him a sympathetic glance for having such an off-the-wall sister, and he seemed to pick up on it, silently mouthing the words 'I know'.
I could get lost in those... Oops. Too early, Pacifica.
Anyway, when Mabel and her friends had FINALLY halted the silliness, and I'd ALMOST lost the will to live, the pig owner cleared her throat to resume proceedings. "AHEM... As I was saying... Pacifica is now 'back to normal'... comparative speaking, and her clean slate begins tomorrow... When she plans to make a FULL apology during assembly to ALL the people she's picked on while we've been away... And tonight, in between painting our nails and telling each other Werewolf romance stories, we're going to help her work on a list of names of everyone she's tormented... Aren't we, girls?"
Candy and Grenda beamed, obviously well up for it, but I had to jump in. "HEY, that's nearly the ENTIRE school! you didn't say anything about..."
I was hushed by Mabel's flailing elbow. Ow. I deserved that, I suppose, for treading on her foot earlier.
Meanwhile, the ex-braces wearer continued " We were wondering, Dipper, since me and you were the first ones to uncover the TRUE Pacifica, underneath those layers of hate her parents had carefully put into place, would you be able to stand onstage with her and me tomorrow, and offer her moral support through what is sure to be a difficult experience?"
"And besides..." she added, looking down. "It IS partially our fault she regressed back into her old self while we were away, by not calling her, and making her feel as if she was all alone... We gave everyone nasty in her life ample time to warp her way of thinking again..."
I listened intently to her, very much in two minds. On the one hand, upset with myself that I'd let things get this far with my intolerable attitude. On the other, angry that I was so weak I'd let some truly horrible people corrupt my psyche, including, of course, my own mother and father.
Never again.
Dipper listened to his sister, then walked over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders, and stared into my eyes as if he was peering into my soul. "It is REALLY true?" He asked, somewhat emotionally "Do you REALLY want to be a whole new person? Are you SURE you're not just saying this so you can leave here tonight, and go back to your old life, and have a good laugh with your lousy friends at how you conned us all into thinking you'd changed for the better?"
With as much sincerity as I could muster, I stared right back into his brown orbs. "Dipper, I am truly ashamed of myself for the way I acted while you were away, and I will make it up to everyone... Even if it means losing all my old friends, and earning the condemnation of my parents. I KNOW who i want to be now... Not that spoilt little rich bitch you saw this morning... But that happy, sassy girl you trod mud into the carpet with that day at my mansion. I don't expect you to believe any of this now... I will start my new journey tomorrow, in front of the entire school... And I hope, in time... You'll see me for who I really am..."
My voice trailed off as I looked away, my emotions taking over. I managed to wring a few more tears out... Funny, I thought the well would be barren by now. I must be on my last reserves of fluid, at least.
Unsure how Dipper would respond to my little speech, I turned to face him again... Only to be met with a pair of arms flinging themselves around my neck, the feeling of fuzzy facial hair rubbing my cheek, and a soft breath in my ear. "It's okay... I believe you NOW. I'll be there in the morning with you, front and centre... Holding your hand, all the way... And afterwards, as well... Whenever you need me... This time, let's finish the journey together... I'll never leave you alone to suffer again..." Dipper's hands gently massaged my back, as I started to wonder if there was a broken tap behind my eyes.
Meanwhile, I got some serious flashbacks to when we caught that lumberjack ghost, when I embraced him in much the same way as he is now doing to me... And I was about to kiss him then, just like no...
Suddenly, my vision was cut short by the sight of Candy, Grenda and Mabel in front of me, but behind Dipper... All reacting in different ways to this gratuitous display. Grenda was giving me a firm 'THUMBS UP' sign with her rather thick digits. Candy was smiling... A little forced, perhaps? Don't tell me... She's got a cru... Nah, best not to speculate on such things...
Mabel... Well, what do you think? She looked like a firework ready to explode, a rocket about to launch, a lottery winner recieving their cheque... That was good old Mabel for ya. In Love With Love, and probably about to add another column to her 'MATCH MADE' worksheet.
Perhaps, a little early for that... But we'll see, sister... We'll see...
Dipper finally withdrew from the warm hug, (must be a Pines family speciality) but still held me close. "Don't worry, okay? Everything's going to be fine. Anyway, enough about the heavy stuff ... I seem to remember... It's someone's 16th birthday today! And seeing as how we've dragged you away from your own celebrations, I think the LEAST we can do is put on a little soiree for you now..." He winked at Mabel, who hesitated for a minute, before realising what her twin was getting at.
She rushed over to a cheap looking sound system on her corner, and put in a CD. Skipping through a few other songs, she eventually settled on a track..."Oh, girl you got me ackin' so cray cray..." The tune started, rather muffled.
"We're REALLY sorry you missed Sev'ral Times this evening, live." Dipper said. "And this isn't 'their latest single...' But we figured... We'd try to give you the next best thing... So anyway, happy birthday, Pacifica."
He then kissed me.
ON
THE
CHEEK
Calm down shippers, it was purely a platonic peck.
Still didn't stop me from turning an attractive shade of scarlet, though.
Candy and Grenda were laughing at my discomfort...
While Mabel had vanished for the time being.
(I'm kind of glad for her in a way... any more excitement tonight, and that girl would be halfway to the moon by now)
Oops, and now she's back... Kicking the door open.
Brief period of silence... Over.
"I'VE GOT PRESENTS!" She announced, accompanied by an oinking Waddles, as a small heap of gifts in her outstretched hands threatened to spill over the floor. "AND HE WANTED TO WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO!" She added, pointing at the porker in question.
What...? They'd prepared all this... Even AFTER the way I behaved this morning?
I...I couldn't believe it...
So, THIS is what having 'real friends' felt like...
"I don't deserve this..." I stammered, as Mabel literally dropped the gifts onto me.
"NONSENSE!" Mabel grinned, as I examined each carefully wrapped parcel. "You're our friend now... And I KNEW you'd come through tonight! I never lost faith!"
Her belief in me was inspiring... Not to mention illogical. After all, she seemed to have a LOT more confidence in me than I did in myself...
Perhaps, with her and her brother's help, I really could... Break The Northwest Chain...
Suddenly, the music stopped. It was Dipper, who had hit the 'MUTE' button.
"Oh Dipper, no fair!" his sister protested. "You can listen to BABBA later!"
"No... SHH! I thought I heard something outside..." Dipper walked to the window, and looked through the glass.
"Yeah, right Dipstick! That's the oldest excuse in the... OOO." Mabel stopped herself mid-sentence as she stood next to her brother.
Grenda and Candy, who had been doing a bizarre waltz together in the centre of the room, soon joined them.
Only Waddles remained, to sniff at a random stain on Dipper's side.
"Er, Pacifica?" Dipper spun around to get my attention.
"Huh?" I was busy looking at the presents. I hadn't opened them yet, but I could tell just by looking at the labels, the shapes and solidity of a couple that Dipper had got me a giant book, and Mabel another sweater (to add to my collection of one). How refreshingly predictable.
"Could you come here for a minute please?" Dipper seemed quite frantic.
"Okay, okay, hold your horses..." I put off my inspection for a minute, joining the twins and the other girls at what was now a very crowded window sill.
And, what did I see?
Why, my father at the front door of the Mystery Shack...
Having a VERY animated conversation with Messrs Stan...
And about ten police cars, all with their lights a-flashing.
At the risk of repeating the final line of the last chapter...
I'll say it again...
Uh-oh...