Hey everyone, it's J here! I've got the new chapter here, but I just want to warn everyone that I'm going on holiday for Easter - three weeks - so there'll probably be a three week gap at some point! Not in this chapter, but I thought I might just warn you all. Sorry! Signed, J.

Cammie's POV

"Cammie, is that you?" she exclaimed, squinting at me as though she couldn't quite believe it. Not being able to hide, I stepped out from behind the car and made my way towards Dee Dee with my arms spread wide in greeting.

I put on a huge smile and said loudly, "Dee Dee, long time, no see!"

"It's been, what, twelve years since I last saw you!" she smiled. "Last time you were almost kissing that guy and then you hid in the bathroom and ran away from him – sorry, I can't remember his name!"

"That's fine," I laughed tightly, not liking being reminded about Zach. "We're over, so I couldn't care less about him. Anyway, how are you and Josh?"

"We're married," she held up a hand to show a diamond ring. "See?"

"Congratulations. When was the big day?"

"Oh, ten years ago," she explained. "I was pregnant with Dillon, so we decided to bring him up as married parents."

"Sorry I couldn't come," I apologised, recalling that among the hundreds of emails, there was email sent from Josh with an invitation. "I dropped that email address a long time ago and I only checked it a few days ago."

"It's okay," Dee Dee said, leading Morgan and I inside her house. It was the same one that Josh lived in when I was dating him. He even kept the bin – the one which Liz, Macey, Bex and I searched through to find out more about Josh and whether he liked me. Then Dee Dee said something, reminding me that I was supposed to be talking to her, not observing my surroundings. "What about you? Are you with anyone?"

"No, not really," I shrugged as though I didn't care, as though the last person I dated wasn't the guy I swore to kill.

Morgan piped in, "She's still in love with my dad."

"No, M," I glanced at her, annoyed, "I am not in love with your dad."

"You're obviously in denial," Dee grinned, taking Morgan's side.

I turned to Dillon. "Come on. Back me up here."

"No, for two reasons," Dillon held up both of his hands as a way of apologising. "A) I've only just met you, and B) I'm a guy. I have no idea about 'feelings' or whatever else girls talk about."

"Ugh!" I groaned loudly. "Can't I find any peace in this whole damned town?!"

"I'd have to agree with whoever said that," a voice called from upstairs. A few seconds later, a figure appeared at the top of the stairs and started to descend towards us. He was about 5'10" and was with brown hair and beautiful blue eyes that I knew anywhere.

"Josh?" I asked.

He came to an abrupt halt and he stopped walking to stare at me. He gasped, "Cammie?"

I cracked into a smile. "It's nice to see you again."

"Yeah," he replied awkwardly. "So… uh… what are you doing in Roseville?"

"Oh, we came to live here," I explained. "This is my daughter, Suzie."

Josh looked surprised. "You called your daughter… Suzie? Like… your fake cat, Suzie?"

Oh yeah… that was what sounded so familiar when I had chosen that name for my daughter.

"How did you guys know each other?" Morgan asked, tilting her head to one side.

I bit my lip and Josh and I exchanged glances. Josh said finally, "We dated for a while, back in sophomore year."

"Gross!" Dillon pulled a face.

Morgan, however, looked intrigued. "Why did you break up?"

The answer to her question came from Dee Dee, before I work up some sort of convincing excuse. "She turned to out to be a Gallagher girl."

Dillon recoiled from me as though I had a contagious disease. His face was aghast with horror as he gasped, "You went to Gallagher Academy?"

"Uh… yeah, I went to Gallagher."

Recognition flashed across his face. "You're that girl who pretended she was home-schooled and had a cat called Suzie!"

Morgan was slowly processing this information and no doubt storing it in her memory for a later time. She said slowly, "Let me get this right. You went to Gallagher Academy."

"Gallagher isn't the snobby school everyone makes it out to be," I preached, but the only reaction I got was Dillon snorting in disbelief. Well, they would never know the truth about it and I wouldn't be the one to blurt out its secrets. So instead of getting all offended that they didn't believe me, I simply brushed it off by saying, "Some of us can be okay."

"When pigs fly," Dillon retorted. "Anyway, we'll leave these three old friends to catch up on twelve years of not seeing each other and go on a bike ride, right Suzie?"

Morgan took a moment to realise that he was talking to her, before brightening and exclaiming, "Great idea! Let's go!"

Morgan's POV

"Phew," I breathed, once we out of our parents' earshot. "I thought we were going to listen to them blab on and on and on. I was dying in there."

"Well, we couldn't let that happen," Dillon grinned. He led me into his garage where there were four bikes tied together with a lock and chain. Dillon fished a key from his pocket and quickly unlocked it. He gave me the handle of one of them. It was totally pink and purple with ribbons and a basket, but it was light and seemed well worth however much Dillon's dad had to pay for it.

"Whose bike is this?" I asked, gesturing to the ribbons.

"My sister, Emma," Dillon explained. "She's younger than me a couple of years, but she's almost as tall, so I guessed you'd be her size. If you don't want it, you can take my mom or dad's."

I glanced over at the adult sized bikes and shook my head. "I'm fine with this. So where is your secret hideout place?"

"You'll see," he smirked. "But it's in the woods, so be keep to the path I made."

I nodded and we set off, pedalling towards the woods. Dillon seemed to know exactly where we were going, which told me two things. A) I was definitely not going to get lost, which was a good thing. And B) Dillon had obviously gone to this hideout many times before, which was a bad thing if he was the only one who knew about it. Did he really have nothing better to do in his life?

We continued into the forest, delving deeper in than I thought we'd have to. But we finally arrived at the destination. Dillon looked so proud of it, and I supposed it lived up to my expectations. It was a secluded clearing, with enough space for the sun to come shining through, yet small enough to be enclosed and cosy. Under the shade of one of the tall trees, there was a log, which had been carved into a seat. I wondered how he had made it that shape.

"Wow," I breathed. "This place is awesome."

"Oh, you think this is cool? This isn't even the hideout," Dillon grinned mischievously and I raised my eyebrows. He pulled on a branch like it was a lever and I shrieked as the ground underneath me swung downwards and I fell into a deep hole, approximately two metres deep. Above me, Dillon laughed at my discomfort and started climbing down a ladder into the hole. He pulled some other lever and the trapdoor rolled back into its original position, leaving us in total darkness.

"Where are we?" I whispered once he landed on the floor next to me, afraid that if I made too much noise something bad would happen – it was stupid and I should have known better because of my experiences with the Circle, but it was a spur of the moment thing.

"I have no idea," Dillon smiled, showing all his pearly white teeth, "but wherever it is, it's cool. Come this way."

He tugged on my hand and dragged me in a direction, which was when I realised that we weren't in a hole. We were in a tunnel. At first, we were feeling our way along, but after a while, Dillon remembered he was carrying a torch (or flashlight) in his pocket. He pulled it out and turned it on, so that the tunnel was filled with a white-bluish light. When I glanced at Dillon's face, I saw that it was filled with excitement. Mine probably reflected the same thing, except I was slightly nervous too.

"Oh, look," Dillon exclaimed and he stopped walking, causing me to collide with him. We fell on top of each other in a heap. After standing up himself and flicking a light switch, he helped me up and I looked around us. It was some sort of cave, made out of hollowed soil. It was a bit disgusting really, but at that moment, I was too amazed to care. Placed around the room were four beanbags and a huge – almost lifetime – supply of sweets, chocolate and fizzy drinks. I picked one up and opened the wrapper.

"You might not want to eat that," Dillon warned. "I put some new sweets and stuff here, but the stuff in that corner was here before I came. It might be ten years old!"

"Ewww, that's disgusting!" I squealed, promptly dropping the sweet back onto the large pile. Then I realised what Dillon had just said. "There were other people using this place before you did?"

"Yeah," Dillon shrugged nonchalantly. "This place was filthy, though. There were spider webs and dust everywhere. You have no idea how long I spent tidying this place up."

"Well, it doesn't matter who made this place," I said, beaming at my friend. "This has to be the coolest underground hole I have ever seen."

"Thank you," Dillon said graciously, taking a bow.

Cammie's POV

"Well, I really must get going now," I said after we shared yet another awkward silence and stood up to leave. I could easily tell that Dee Dee and Josh were relieved at what I had just announced. They weren't being unfriendly or cruel; it was just one of those awkward moments when you haven't seen someone for years and you didn't know what you could or couldn't talk about without that person getting offended or upset. It was even worse that I was Josh's ex and he was now married.

"It was nice seeing you again," Dee Dee said politely. "I'll make sure Suzie gets home safely, once they come back from their bike ride."

"Thanks," I smiled. "So… I'll see you around some other time, okay?"

"Yeah, it was great having you here," Dee Dee said. "You should come around again."

"I will," I promised, even though all of us were secretly wishing I wouldn't.

Then I left their house and began the journey back home, stopping at Morgan's school to pick up the car. My mind was still reeling when I arrived in the safety of our house. I had seen two more people from my past and had spoken to them for over two hours. It was crazy.

There was nothing on TV and I really didn't feel like reading any books, so I logged onto my old email account, predicting that there would be nothing more except for Macey's weekly updates.

I was wrong.

Suddenly remembering the irrational action I had taken after Bex's wedding, I realised why. Everyone had sent an email – apart from Liz, I realised with a pang. Was she alright? How could I live with myself now that I had shot her? Why had I been so cruel? Why had I done that to sweet innocent Liz? I had to be the bitchiest friend ever. It was no wonder that my friends had stopped visiting me when I had my mental breakdown. I deserved all the pain that I got from Zach, from being abandoned, from everything. I deserved everything I got.

I opened Macey's one first, my heart aching heavily in my chest. It said: Cammie, of course she loved your present. Only you would put bullets in there with 'Baby Newman' on them. But I just wish you could have seen how happy Bex was when she found out you came to the wedding, even though you didn't stay for the reception. Maybe if you saw her happiness, you'd come back. OMG, I just realised that if you check your emails, you've read everything I've emailed. EMBARRASSING! You've got to delete them before anyone else reads them! PS. Joe is in hospital because he was on a mission to infiltrate the Circle's base and was found out, but he told me to tell you that he really wants you to come back home.

Joe was the guy who tried to gain access to the Circle's secrets? I remember there was a CODE BLACK and I was part of the Alpha Team, who was sent to shoot him down. Oh God, I may have shot my godfather…

Mom's one was sent yesterday and it went like: Cammie, I can't believe you were at Bex's wedding and we didn't even realise! Everyone there was part of some sort of spy agency, yet no one noticed! You must get all the best spy traits from both your parents! It's my birthday soon, you know, and can you guess what would be the best birthday present? You coming back; it's pretty much the only thing I want.

I couldn't manage that… but I definitely would send her some sort of birthday present.

Cammie, I didn't know you that well, said Grant's, but you were always like a twin sister to me. And thanks for making my wife – still not happy about being tied to one woman for life, btw – the happiest person ever on our wedding day. And I'm just hoping you'll pull some more surprise visits, because you've made everyone who was at the wedding (including the Director!) look like idiots and I want a rematch!

That sounded so… Grant. It made me smile to see that his personality was still the same.

CAMERON ANN MORGAN, YOU ACTUALLY CHECKED THE EMAIL ADDRESS! WE SHOULD HAVE A PARTY! AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY CAME TO MY WEDDING! I WAS LITERALLY DANCING AROUND THE ROOM! NOW THE NEXT STEP IS JUST GETTING YOU HOME, BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE!

And there went Bex's one. I should have guessed that it had the ritual capital letters, like always. I was about to click the next one, when I realised it was Zach's. My mouse hovered over it, while I wondered whether to click it or not. I decided to put the choice off until I finished Jonas'.

Next up was Jonas'. Dear Cammie, I'm happy you pulled in for Bex's wedding, I really am, but I need to know: did you shoot my family? These past few days have been torture for me. You have no idea how it feels to have your heart, the reason you live, ripped away from you. If it weren't for Arianne, I would be committing suicide right now. Or I would be getting revenge, but I'm not that sort of person.

By the time I finished reading it, I was in tears. It was so similar to the situation I was in, eleven years ago. The reason I woke up every day, the love of my life, wasn't mine anymore. I would have committed suicide too, if it weren't for Morgan… and the fact that I was the revengeful type of person.

But for Jonas, it wasn't just a 'boyfriend cheating on girlfriend' situation. It was a 'wife dying because of best friend' situation. The guilt of what I had done was suffocating me. Why, oh why, had I done it?

Now, I didn't feel like just the worst friend in the history of bitchy friends, but I also felt like I was the worst person in the history of people altogether. I felt like I deserved the most miserable life anyone could ever wish upon me. I didn't deserve any of my loyal, believing friends or my loving mother or my beautiful daughter. I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror, and I felt was disgusted at what I saw. I didn't deserve to look like anyone else. I should look like the murderer I was. I should be branded as a killer or be covered in slime or something that will let everyone in the world know what a terrible person I was.

I hated myself. I was despicable. I was… I was evil.

I should be stopped. Without even thinking it through, I brought out a sharp razor that was meant for if I was attacked. I drew two lines across my left wrist, not going in deep enough to lose too much blood and not close to any arteries, but it stung and hurt like hell. I watched unblinkingly as blood streamed down my arm and dripped off my elbow, hitting the bathroom tiles. I bit my lip with pain, but at that moment, I felt like I needed that pain. I deserved it.

But it didn't take away any guilt.

Then as the realisation of what I had just done began to slowly sink in, I quickly washed my arm and tightly wound a bandage around it. I mopped up the floor and covered all traces or clues, feeling close to despair. I was having a mental breakdown.