A/N: Thanks to my awesome beta. Thanks for the reviews and all those who favorited and followed. Here is the next chapter.
Questions PT. 1
~Sam~
Today, I am avoiding going home or seeing Seth because I honestly don't know what I want or how to get it without someone being hurt in the process. Instead, I am going to hang out with Paul, who called me up last night asking for help with something that couldn't be mentioned over the phone. He gives me the address and as I am jotting it down I realize that it's not his house or any of our normal hangouts. I'm gonna have to ask him about this. Thirty minutes later and I pulling up outside of a two story house on the outskirts of the res close to the woods. Not too shabby. Perfect for a shifter. Huh?
Knock.
"Hey man come in."
"What are you doing out here?"
"I'll explain in a minute. I need to finish lunch. Make yourself comfortable."
I walk into the living room and sit down and wait for Paul to finish in the kitchen. Taking time to study my surroundings, I notice that it's only pictures of his family, kids, him, and Jacob. Odd. I wonder what that's suppose to mean.
"I left Rachel. Awhile ago actually. Right before Jake and Seth came back." Paul hands me a beer and opens one for himself sitting down next to me casually like he hadn't made a huge announcement.
"What? Why didn't you say anything?"
"There was no need. At the time, Billy and Sue were more important. Then Jake and Seth arrived with the kids and we found out they were ours. Since then I honestly haven't thought it too important."
"Why did you leave?"
"She's selfish."
"Um okay."
"She didn't want anything to do with taking care of Billy when he was sick and I couldn't believe that someone who had already lost their mom and was so close to losing their dad could be so heartless. She sat there and told me there were more important things."
I knew he needed this time to vent, so I sat back and listened.
"Then had the audacity to tell me to decide between helping Billy or staying with her. So, I chose Billy. She told me to pack my shit and move in with him."
Here I thought Leah was crazy.
"Then we argued about finding Jacob and Seth that night and she said that shit to the pack and it had my blood boiling because she didn't show up for her father she showed up trying to get me to come back. Of course, I said no and then right as we are about to get into it again, the one person who I ever really loved walked in and I lost all my senses."
"I was angry and confused. The night of the bonfire, I kissed Jacob and when he kissed back it reminded me of how much I ached for him and not just on a sexual level. So, in that moment I knew I had to figure things out because I wouldn't make the same mistake twice."
"Last night, at dinner, we kissed again when we got up from the table and we actually talked for once without yelling at each other it was nice, different."
"What are you going to do about Rachel?"
"I don't know. I will always be her friend and protector but I know now that my heart belongs to Jake. What about you? Have you even talked to Seth yet?"
"No. I am afraid to fall down that rabbit hole. I know the moment I even open that door in my head, I won't want to close it and then I will have to make a choice."
"Either way Sam, you're gonna have to choose. I don't know if you saw what I saw last night but the two siblings were going to kill each other because of the death glares they were giving. Any time Leah touched you, Seth hissed. Any time the girls talked, Leah growled. How did you not notice or are you avoiding them altogether?"
"Avoidance is what I've gotten so good at lately. It's a real shame. I didn't know Leah growled at my girls and I am going to have to fix that because I don't like that one bit. Do you think she knows and that's why she's acting like that?"
"No from what I heard from Becca the girls, Leah, and Rachel got into a big fight the day they met because Leah tried to hit Seth and Livie and Soph went off. Your girls are fiercely protective of Seth, even more than Henry and EJ and that's saying a lot."
"I'm going to have to diffuse this aren't I."
"Do it as alpha. Then they won't second guess your reasoning. However, I have one question for you: before you make a choice how do you feel about both of them honestly?"
"Leah is my wife. She is arrogant and frustrates me to high heaven but I can't just forget that the Spirits meant well when they had me imprint on her. Though I feel as if she doesn't understand me like you and Jared do let alone Seth. Seth is completely different, he is kind and caring, generous, and so full of love. He knows me inside and out and never once has he asked me to change. The sun rises and sets with him. His smile alone can make my heart skip a beat. If I'm honest with myself, I am and forever will be in love with Seth Clearwater but I am tied to Leah Clearwater. How is that fair?"
"Well that's why I called you over here today. I am looking for some kind of loophole in the lover part to the imprint. I don't want to approach the elders with a request to full on break the imprint unless a dire need comes along. I just want to unbind us physically so that she can be free to see who she wants and I can have Jake."
"I have some books at the house but Billy has the others or even Sue does. I can't even think about breaking parts of the imprint or all of it until I man up and figure things out. Oh fuck it. I gotta go see him,"
"That's cool. I'm going to see Billy."
"See ya later man."
"Sure, sure."
With that I was headed to Forks General Hospital to see Seth and sort out my emotions and see where his heart lies. I don't know if I have the balls to do what Paul did without knowing for sure there was nothing left to fight for. Then again they must have tried and tried but failed. I pull up and park in the parking garage and head inside to his office.
"Hey, Sam. What are you doing here? Is it one of the kids?"
"No. I needed to see you. I have some things I need to say."
"If we are going to talk then let me cancel my meeting because there are some things I want to say too."
Seth stepped out of his office and I waited anxiously for him to return. He came back in and sat down at his desk.
"Do you hate me?"
"No, why do you think that?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"What's going on, Seth? Talk to me."
"How am I supposed to talk to you when you have been acting like I don't exist. Why have you been avoiding me, Sam?"
I look up at him shocked that he knew I was avoiding him recently. I honestly couldn't say anything at first. I looked away from him and out to the window in his office.
"What are you talking about?"
"For the last few weeks or so, you have been purposely avoiding me or going out of your way not to be left alone with me. I was wondering if I did something to make you feel uncomfortable or if you never did really forgive me for not telling you all these years."
"No it's not that."
God, I'm an ass. If I hadn't been a coward and talked to him in the first place.
"I am scared, Seth. I don't like feeling the way I do when I am around you. So until I can sort out the shit in my head I haven't been around you or Leah."
"What do you mean? What are you feeling?"
"I want you in a way I shouldn't. I am irrational at the thought of you with anyone else. I dream of you at nights when I am in bed sleeping. I am hopelessly in love with you."
Seth gasps and gets up and hugs me.
"That's what you been keeping from me and here I thought it was just me. I love you and never stopped, Sammy. There are nights when I dream of us in the future with our kids and grandkids and watching them from our porch just laughing and being happy. I know that I will never be happy with anyone else but because I love you enough to let you go I did and I was fine with that. I don't regret the choices I made because for a little bit of my life I was granted the time to love you and was given four wonderful children that will remind me of you."
I hold on to him tightly and inhale his woodsy and strawberry scent that soothes my soul.
"Speaking of our children, what's the deal between our daughters and Leah? What was going on last night because I didn't like it. Not one bit. Plus some things have been brought to my attention about some fight happening months ago."
"Don't worry about it. I'll take of it. Don't want you blowing your cover." he smirks.
"I worry whenever I am away from you all. I wish things could be different and I could be with you and the kids all the time and there was no talk of imprints."
"You don't mean that. Look how happy our children are. Just because you and I lost out doesn't mean that it'll hurt them too."
"That's the thing I'm confused about lately, why am I not in love with Leah and Leah in love with me like the kids are in love with their imprints. It's shocking because truth be told I don't feel much for her more than obligation and responsibility."
He pulls back and looks in my eyes. What he is searching for, I don't know. However, he must find it because for the briefest moment Seth's lips are on mine. My mind swirls and I feel the bliss that he only brings to my life and satisfaction as well as a need I haven't felt stirring in me in a long time. The need to bite him has come back but I push it down as I continue to enjoy the kiss we are sharing. As quickly as it starts it ends and he pulls away.
"It's still the same. I love you and I will wait forever if need be for you to figure out what you need to because I may be a fool but my heart beats only for you. However, I won't play second fiddle to no one and I know you won't ask me to. So you need to choose my sister or me. I will respect your decision either way. I gotta go though because I have to hit the grocery store before heading home. Will you be joining us for dinner tonight?"
I nod my head and leave the hospital with a renewed sense of determination. Of three things I am certain
1) I love Seth Clearwater.
2) I love my children.
3) I want us to be a family.
Now if only there was a way to make it so I can leave her without harming them. I am going to have to convince her to change the nature of the imprint or help Paul figure out a way to change it without them knowing. This time around fate won't fuck me over.
~Paul~
Billy gave me loads of books on imprinting when I went over to his house and kept giving me looks that just made me feel he knew something or everything. Knowing him, he probably does that man knows too much for his age. He told me to talk to Old Quil and Sue to get the rest of the books that I would need, so I headed to their houses and retrieved the rest of the books and now I am heading home to read all of them. Hopefully, one of them will have what I need.
I don't know what I was thinking getting my hopes up. This is the tenth book I have read and it was shit telling me everything I already knew about the imprint but being the stubborn asshole I am I continue to read it the rest of it. The second half of the book, I stumble upon some interesting information that jumps out at me that I know I need to share with my friend and alpha immediately. This changes the game completely. After I call Sam, I wait until he shows up and shove the book in his face and tell him to read it and he reads it aloud.
"Imprinting is a very rare magic that is gifted to those who are strong enough to handle the power of the pull or the pain of the rejection. There are two kinds of imprints that can occur: 1) a shifter and a non-shifter and 2) a dominant shifter and a submissive shifter. In the first case, the shifter will become whatever the non-shifter wants at any stage in their lives eventually giving up their wolf to grow old with their imprint. When this occurs, the imprinter no longer sees others when they around those they are attracted to or used to be attracted to because they are a blur to them except the imprintee. The second case, is a much stronger bond because they ALWAYS double imprint on each other. Therefore, the bond is always a mated bond that is cemented through a mutual mate mark that is made in between the neck and shoulders. The need to bite your imprinted will be constant until you have marked them and at that point your scent is mixed in with their own identifying them as your own."
As he finishes reading the excerpt, Sam looks up to me and I see his mind working and I know he is realizing what I realized not too long ago myself. The question he wants to ask is on the tip of his tongue as it was on mine but both of us are too afraid to ask. This little bit of information raises more questions and provides answers at the same time. Then again we have to say it aloud as part of the first step to figuring out this shit because all of it is a mind fuck.
"Is this saying what I think I think it's saying?"
"I think we need to research some shit."
"That's not what I asked, Paul!" Sam growls.
"I don't know what the fuck to think Sam." I reply getting as irritated as Sam.
"Fuck it."
"What do you think this shit means then?"
"Did we?"
"Did we what?'
"I can't."
"Say it."
"Did we imprint?"