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CHAPTER 11
RPOV
"So tell me, what was that urgent matter you needed to talk about but couldn't at school?"
We were barely in her house or Lissa was already broaching the subject. She was a curious little thing, but she was right. I did tell her that it was urgent so it was better to get it over with immediately – before I changed my mind.
"It's about Dimitri," I said, a little hesitant now.
If possible, Lissa looked even more curious. "Oh?"
"Let's go to your room," I said, giving her a little push towards the stairs.
"My parents aren't here, Rose," Lissa said. "No one will hear you but me."
I sighed. "Okay, fine."
We went into the kitchen and Lissa pulled open the fridge, taking out a container of vanilla ice cream and handing it to me.
"Thank you," I said when she gave me a spoon as well. I started to dig in. "So, I think you might be right, Liss. About Dimitri," I said around a mouthful of ice cream.
Her eyes widened. "W-what do you mean? That he's violent?!"
"God no," I said immediately, shaking my head. "No, that's definitely not what I meant."
Lissa breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. You scared me there for a moment, Rose."
"Sorry," I mumbled, giving her an apologetic look.
"So what's it about, then?" Lissa asked. "You're stalling and it's making me nervous."
I looked at her, biting my lip, still hesitating. Jeez, just tell her. You've wanted to do it all day!
"I like Dimitri," I blurted out. "You were right, all of you were right, I like Dimitri and I – I don't know what to do! It's way past attraction, Lissa! I'm seriously crushing on him and I don't know how or why it happened. It just did. Yesterday, I kept thinking about kissing him and I – I really like holding his hand. If he was just my friend, I wouldn't want to hold his hand all the time, I wouldn't think about kissing him, right?"
"Whoa, Rose, calm down," Lissa exclaimed. "You're completely freaking out."
"I know!" I whined, burying my face in my hands. "It's just… I've never felt this way before about a boy."
"Oh man, this is worse than I thought," Lissa muttered.
My eyes widened in fear. "What do you mean?"
"I thought you liked him, yes, but you are-"
"Don't say it," I warned. "I'm not… It isn't that bad."
Lissa arched an eyebrow at me. I cut her a look.
"Well, it's definitely a crush," she said sighing. "The question is…are you going to do something about it or are you going to wait it out?"
"Wait it out?"
"Yes. Until it fades away."
I contemplated her question. "I don't know. I really like having Dimitri as my friend, but… I kinda like how I feel around him as well. I have this strange fluttering in my belly every time I see him and it's…pleasant." I frowned. "Is that weird?"
Lissa laughed. "That strange fluttering in your belly are butterflies and…no, it's not weird."
I sighed in relief.
"What's weird is that you're crushing on Dimitri Belikov, though," she added.
I scowled at her. "Are you serious right now?"
"Not entirely," she admitted. "I know you can't help who you fall for, but you could've picked out a better guy. Someone without a criminal record maybe."
I wanted to throw my spoon at her. "God, Lissa, I'm tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. I know you're not like everyone else and you don't gossip about Dimitri and call him names, but you could be nicer."
"I'm sorry," she said, contrite.
"Don't apologize. Just stop breaking him down," I said, still a little annoyed. "He doesn't deserve it. He really doesn't, Lissa. I know you don't want to believe it, but you believe in me, right? Well, I've heard the whole story and I'm saying he doesn't deserve it."
"You heard the whole story?" Lissa asked.
I nodded. "He told me everything."
"So…what really happened?" she asked.
"I'm not going to tell you that," I said, continuing to eat my ice cream.
Lissa frowned. "Why not? I'm your best friend."
"I can't, Liss. I promised him," I answered. "But you can take it from me, his dad deserved it."
Lissa looked surprised by my answer, but didn't say anything. Clearing her throat, she said, "So what are you going to do about your feelings for Dimitri? Are you going to wait for them to pass?"
I sighed. "I don't know. I really don't know." I bit my lip, gathering my thoughts. "I think…"
"Yes?" Lissa said, encouraging me to go on.
I groaned and put another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. "Honestly, I think this feeling for Dimitri isn't going away anytime soon."
"Alright," Lissa said after a pause. "Do you know how he feels about you?"
I shook my head. "I don't think he likes me that way."
But he did ask me what my type was. Why would he ask me that kind of question if he wasn't interested? Right? Don't fool yourself, Rose. You're reading too much into this.
Lissa grinned. "I beg to differ."
Shaking my head again, I said, "I can't believe this is happening to me."
"Why are you so upset that you're crushing on Dimitri?" she asked. "It's nice to have a boyfriend."
"But he isn't my boyfriend," I countered.
"Yet," Lissa said and she winked at me.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Okay, let's pretend that Dimitri likes me back and we get together. What happens when it doesn't work out? I'd lose my friend. I don't want that to happen."
"Okay, I see your point," Lissa said, nodding. "But…what if it does work out? I'm not a huge fan of Dimitri, like you know-"
"It's hard to forget when you keep telling me that," I said, rolling my eyes.
"But I can see you like him very much," she continued, ignoring me, "and I have to admit that he can make you happy. So if it does work out you'll have a beautiful life together."
"We're only seventeen, Lissa, and you're already imagining a life together with your high school sweetheart?" I exclaimed.
"I can't imagine my life without Christian," she said, simply shrugging. "And if we'd ever break up – which I doubt because I love him so much – I'd still want him in my life. If you and Dimitri get together and maybe break up, you could still have him in your life."
I started to nod, but then shook my head vehemently. "What are we even talking about? We aren't even together. We aren't even close to getting together. This is stupid."
"You wanted to talk about your feelings for Dimitri so we're talking," Lissa said.
I let out another groan. "I'm so confused."
Lissa pursed her lips. "Okay," she mused. "How about this? You eat your ice cream, we stop talking about boys for a while and do girly stuff all night. Distraction might be good for you – and who knows, by tomorrow you might have found your answer. A good night's sleep can do a lot."
"Can I stay over?" I asked.
She smiled. "Of course."
I smiled back. "It's a deal, then."
DPOV
I didn't see Rose much at school the next few days. She'd been very quiet after our talk in the park and I wondered if telling her my story had been such a great idea after all.
I rolled my eyes, annoyed with myself. Why was I making a problem of something that wasn't even there? Maybe she was quiet because she was busy. From the way she'd reacted when I'd told her the truth, I didn't think she was repulsed by me and wanted to avoid me at all costs now. She's just busy, I convinced myself. You'll see her later.
Someone cleared their throat and I looked up, startled. My eyes widened when I saw Christian standing before me, looking very awkward.
He motioned to the empty seat across from me. "Would you mind?"
I shook my head, too shocked to respond. He hadn't talked to me since…well, since last year – before I was sent to juvie.
"You always eat your lunch in the library?" he asked.
I nodded.
"You're lucky Alberta likes you," Christian said smirking, glancing at the school's librarian behind her desk. "She usually doesn't allow people to eat here."
I looked at him, confused. Why was he making small talk? I bet he wasn't just here to talk about Alberta. Something must be up.
"Anyway," Christian said, clearing his throat again, "I need to ask you something."
I arched an eyebrow at him. "Really?"
"I know, I shouldn't be asking anything, but… Well, here I am." He shrugged helplessly. "Just hear me out."
I leaned back in my seat and crossed my arms. "Alright," I agreed. I was actually curious to hear what this was all about.
"You know my girlfriend is friends with Rose Hathaway, right?" he started.
Oh. It was about Rose. It wasn't hard to figure out what was coming next, then.
"Well, I know you are close with Rose as well," Christian continued. "However, I don't know how close you are – and I really don't want to know that," he added hastily. "But please don't hurt Rose."
I frowned. What the hell?!
Christian's eyes widened and he looked actually embarrassed. "That came out the wrong way. I'm sorry."
I scoffed.
"Look, I don't mean hurt her physically – I know you wouldn't do that," he explained. "You're not like that."
My frown disappeared and I looked at him in surprise. Did I hear that right?
"I meant emotionally," Christian said. "Just…don't hurt her feelings."
This conversation was really confusing. "Why would I do that?"
He shrugged. "It just got to my attention – well, everyone's attention actually – that you two are…" He paused, then shook his head. "I'm just going to ask you. Do you like Rose?"
My eyes widened in surprise. What?! How did he…?
"Christian, what's going on here?" I asked, evading the question.
"If you don't like her, please don't give her hope," Christian said.
Give her hope?
I was starting to get annoyed. "Why did you come here, Christian? Look, I know everyone is telling Rose to stay away from me, but in all honesty, I think it is up to her to decide that."
"I'm not asking you to leave her alone," Christian said. "I don't care if you two hang out. But Lissa does. I told her already she doesn't need to worry, but she's Lissa so of course she worries and that's why I'm talking to you now. I'm trying to look out for Rose."
I studied his face. "You care for Rose, don't you?"
"W-what? No!" he spluttered. "I came here for Lissa – to help her ease her mind."
I didn't believe him. He might not want to admit it, but I think he saw Rose not just as Lissa's friend but also as his friend.
"So please do me this favor and don't hurt Rose's feelings or anything," Christian. "If you just want to be friends, tell her so."
I nodded, not sure what to tell him. The thing was, I wasn't sure if I just wanted to be friends with Rose. I'd thought so, but things had changed a lot lately. I'd been attracted to Rose since the very first day, but I had to admit that my feelings for her had grown stronger – and they were still growing stronger by the day. I'd been trying to ignore it, but I didn't know how much longer I would be able to do that.
"Why are you asking me this?" I asked. "Did Rose…say something to Lissa?"
He hesitated for a moment. "Uh, not that I know of. But she doesn't need to say anything. It's obvious."
"What's obvious?"
Christian rolled his eyes at me. "Are you serious right now? I think you are the only two who haven't figured it out yet. Idiots. Or maybe you have figured it out, but you just don't want to admit it to me."
"If that were true, can you blame me? We haven't exactly been friends for a long time," I shot back.
"Touché," he said, and he smiled at me.
Reluctantly, I smiled back. "You meant what you said before?"
"What?" he asked.
"That you don't think I'd hurt Rose – physically," I added.
"Of course I meant that," Christian responded immediately. "We used to be friends, Dimitri. I know you. And I know you wouldn't have beaten up your father if you hadn't had reasons for it."
My eyebrows rose in surprise.
"You just assumed I would act like the rest of these shallow people here and stopped talking to me," Christian continued, a sincere look on his face. "Do you remember how many times I called you after it happened? But you didn't want to see or hear me."
There was a long pause and I looked down, ashamed.
"You're right," I admitted, my voice quiet. "I thought you'd say the same as everyone else so I pushed you away. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I understand," he said quietly. "I just wish I could've helped you somehow. I can't believe I never noticed something was wrong."
"I feel really stupid right now," I admitted.
"Good," Christian said, but then he grinned. "I'm glad we had this talk. Now I can go back to Lissa and tell her she no longer needs to worry. I'll be her hero."
I snorted. "Don't praise yourself too much."
"No, but seriously, I'm glad we talked," Christian said, serious again. "We…we should hang out again."
I nodded.
"Do you want to sit with us during lunch sometime?" he asked. "I know Rose would love that."
Would she, really?
"Your friends wouldn't," I countered.
"Screw them," Christian said. "They don't know shit."
"You including Lissa there?" I said, arching an eyebrow.
"No, but it would be good for her to have an actual conversation with you. She only hears bad things about you from other people, but she's never really spoken to you so how would she know who you really are?" He started to get up. "Anyway, think about it. Catch you later, Dimitri."
I was lost in thought for a long time after Christian had gone. He'd left me with a lot of unanswered questions. The one question that bugged me the most was if Rose had talked to Lissa about me because Christian seemed to know more than he was letting on.
Maybe I should talk to Rose. Maybe I should take my chances and tell her how I felt. But did I even stand a chance when there were guys like Adrian Ivashkov walking around in this school? While she'd told me she didn't like Adrian, I didn't think she'd go for a guy like me. Rose was too good, too beautiful for me. She could do better. She deserved better. What did I have to offer her anyway? But what if there was a chance – even if it was only a slim one – that she liked me as much as I liked her? Was I going to let her slip away just because I was afraid?
I decided to find Rose after school and ask her if she wanted to meet up this weekend. Maybe we could take another walk in the forest if the weather allowed it. After class had ended, I hurried to Rose's locker, knowing she'd go there. When she saw me, she gave me a cheerful smile and made her way to me.
"Hey comrade."
My heart skipped a beat and I felt myself smile back automatically. "Hey Roza." I stepped aside so she could put her books into her locker. "Do you have plans this weekend?"
Rose shook her head. "Nope. No plans. Why are you asking?"
"Maybe we could hang out?" I asked, praying she'd say yes.
A few seconds passed in silence and I started to lose all hope, but then she closed her locker and looked up at me. "Sure."
I almost sighed in relief. "Cool."
I frowned. Cool?! Seriously?
"Are you okay?" Rose asked.
I smiled again. "I'm great."
I walked her to her bike. We didn't talk much – Rose seemed a little distracted – but I didn't mind. I was just happy to see her.
"Sorry I can't stay a little longer to talk," she said at last. "It's just that I'm meeting Lissa in an hour and I'd like to take a shower before I have to leave again."
"It's okay. I'll just see you tomorrow," I said. "Right?"
"Right. I'd ask you to come as well tonight – I'm going to the movies again with Lissa and Christian – but I know you don't like Lissa and Lissa doesn't like you so yeah…" She shrugged awkwardly.
"Maybe someday," I told her.
"Yeah?" she said, surprised. "You'd do that…one day?"
"Sure, if that's what you want," I answered immediately. Anything to make you happy.
"That's really sweet of you, comrade," she said softly, "but I don't want you to do anything you don't want to."
"If it makes you happy, I'll do it," I told her.
Rose looked at me, a small smile spreading across her lips. "Dimitri…" she started, but she cut herself off and looked away, frowning.
"Yes?" I said, hopeful.
She looked at me again. "I… I have to go." She climbed on her bike. "But I'll text you later, okay?"
"Okay," I said, hiding my disappointment. I didn't want her to go yet. "Have fun tonight."
She gave me one last smile before taking off. I sighed as I watched her leave on her bike. When I could no longer see her, I started walking home.
About time they realized something more's going on than just friendship, don't you think? So...who would like a kiss next chapter? ;p
Please leave a review and let me know what you think! I hope you liked the chapter. Have a great day/evening! :)
