I'm glad you guys liked Abby and Raven's scene so much, that made me really happy. ^-^

Clarke's POV

The snow had been falling for almost a day straight and there was no sign of it letting up anytime soon. You could hear the cracking of trees around the village, but as far as I knew, none of them had fallen on anyone or anyone's homes yet. It had gotten so deep that white was starting to peer over the one window we had by the fireplace. If the storm kept going like this, the snow was going to pile over the top of the houses!

"I'm so cold I'm about to just sit in the fire," Sabina exaggerated, but then again, this was coming from a girl whose people required you to walk across a bunch of hot coals in order (among other various, difficult challenges) in order to claim your full status as a member of the group (I think they overlooked that part for me). She might actually be considering it.

Luckily the during the hunting party they had found a herd of deer, surrounded them and killed seven of them. They gave Bellamy a whole deer since he was the one that had spotted them in the first place. That gave us a lot of meat and an extra blanket to keep warm. Sabina and I had moved all the firewood inside so that it would be dry. We had enough firewood to last us a couple weeks. So I wasn't worried about food or heat so much as I was either a) getting killed by a falling tree or b) the snow collapsing the roof in.

"Come over here with me then," I offered.

"Am I interrupting something?" Bellamy questioned jokingly. "I would leave, but it's kinda cold out."

Sabina and I both groaned. I think Bellamy's way of dealing with cabin fever is by making bad sexual innuendos because he'd started doing that when I was beginning to feel like I was going to strangle either one of them.

There was a heavy, desperate knock at the door. Jumping a little at the unexpected sound, I went to go open the door. Snow flooded in and a man, who had been leaning against the door, fell with it. I had to step back quickly in order to avoid being bombarded by either one.

"What's wrong?" I asked, struggling to close the door behind him.

"Dina is going into labor," he answered hurriedly.

According to symptoms and how big she was, Dina was only in her sixth month of pregnancy maybe in her seventh month. I was very limited on my knowledge of pregnancy, but thankfully Sabina had been in training to be a midwife...until the previous midwife had been killed in the missile strike...but at least we had someone that knew what she was doing. But having a baby two months prematurely with the right technology and medicine was one thing, but without it? I had a bad feeling about the situation, but I wasn't going to say that out loud in front of the soon-to-be father.

"Do you want me to go with you?" I asked Sabina, who was already getting out of her bed and putting on her coat.

"No, you should stay here in case someone else needs help so they know where you are," she answered. "Besides, I've delivered several babies alone before."

It was true, she'd delivered five with me since I'd gotten here and I had pretty much done nothing but be there for moral support. Having children definitely looked like something I would never want to do-ever. Having your body change like that, then pushing something two and a half times the size of your lady hole? No thank you. I figured since no one was getting implants or really any form of birth control anymore, one of my friends from the Ark was going to get pregnant or get someone pregnant sooner or later. Other people's kids were great because you got to give them back to their parents after their cute appeal wore out. Might I feel different ten years from now? Maybe, maybe not.

Dina's husband scrambled up and opened the door again, letting huge snowflakes fly into the house and gusts of wind chilling me to the bone. Sabina looked dreadingly out the door, knowing that it would be a long trip back to Dina's house.

"Have fun," I told her.

She gave me the 'fuck you' look before stepping out into the snow and slamming door behind her.

I'd fallen asleep twice because there was nothing else to do. No one else came to the door. Sleep was oftentimes a luxury when there were tons of patients coming in and out with a cold, and freak accidents seemed to happen all at once. So when I got the chance, I caught up on as much sleep as I could. But there was only so much sleeping that your body can do before all you can do is lie there and try to go to sleep yet again. Our sleep schedule was going to be very off because we couldn't even tell if it was day or night anymore because the clouds were so thick. Or maybe the night just seemed like a lifetime. It seemed like a lifetime since Sabina had left for Dina's.

I crawled out of bed and stepped over Bellamy, who slept on the floor by my bed. Even though I already had a coat on, I decided to wrap my bearskin around me as well. Even though I already had a coat on, I decided to cover myself with my bearskin as well before I stepped outside.

As quiet as I tried to be with opening the door, the quieter and more careful I tried to be with the door, the louder it seemed to get. Nonetheless, Bellamy didn't stir. I wasn't sure I was trying not to wake him because I wanted to let him sleep or because he would oppose the idea of going out there with the snow now up to my elbows.

I waded through the four feet of snow and got maybe thirty feet away from the front door when I heard shouting.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bellamy, of course, who I could barely hear over the howling wind.

I didn't bother answering him because I was too focused on checking on Sabina. The path that the two had made was visible, but was caved in by now and pretty much useless for me. I kept plowing through the trail they had left until something blocked my way. I didn't remember anything being here, so I dug through the snow to see what it was. When I figured out that I had grabbed a hand, I immediately dropped it and fell back into the snow.

"Clarke what-

Bellamy stopped as soon as he saw the hand, turning blue, sticking out of the snow. "Shit," he muttered under his breath.

I got over my initial shock and started to dig through the snow to see the face, even though in my gut I already knew who it was. I told myself that this person could still be alive.

"Clarke, don't do this," he said, trying to grab my hand to stop me, but I yanked it away and kept digging.

Sabina.

My whole world seemed to stop. The cold that I was feeling wasn't from the snow, it was because my heart had stopped pumping blood to the rest of my body. There was no denying that she was gone, her body was void of breath or a pulse and judging from her temperature she had been gone for at least a few hours. I had learned from Finn that death is so much more real when you have to face their human body.

"Help me carry her back," I said, my voice hard and unemotional.

"She's...

"Dead?" I finished for him. "I know that, but we can't just leave her out here.

He was hesitating. He'd never been good with corpses.

"Help me carry her back or I'll do it myself," I told him, pulling her by the shoulders and dragging the rest of her body out of the snow.

Bellamy exhaled sharply. "I'll carry her, you don't have to," he said.

Even though he didn't say it out loud, I knew that he didn't say it because he thought I was too physically weak to do it, but because he didn't want me to carry my dead best friend's body back to the house. But I couldn't live with myself if I knew that I just left her out there in the cold, even if she was dead. That would just be cruel.

We made the long, thirty foot trek back to the house. The whole way I felt sleepy and dazed, like this was all just a dream. Maybe this was just a very vivid, hallucinigogic dream that I was having. The piercing cold air that hit my lungs every time that I took a breath told me differently. One foot in front of the other, I told myself. I could only focus on one thing; how was I going to tell her family? When we got inside, I held the door open and shut it behind Bellamy. He set Sabina's body on her bed and covered her with a blanket and slid her curtain so I couldn't see it anymore.

"I should have gone with her," I said guiltily. "She shouldn't have gone alone."

"That could have been both of you easily," Bellamy said, trying to make me feel better.

But at least then she wouldn't have died alone.

"You have to stop blaming yourself," he insisted.

"People die around me, Bellamy," I pointed out.

Wells, Charlotte, Finn, the Grounders, Anya, Maya, the Mountain Men...all of them had died directly or indirectly because of me. I had failed to save all of them. Now I got to add Sabina to that list.

"People die everywhere," he reminded me. "Whether you're around or not."

He was right, but for some reason I always had to blame myself- it was the only way that I wasn't going to go to hell after I died, if I took responsibility for the death that I was responsible for. I wanted to take the place on that bad. It should have been my lifeless body covered by a blanket, not Sabina's. I was the one that deserved it, while Sabina's life had been dedicated to saving people, I had hundreds of deaths on my hands. How many times did I have to save lives in order to make up for that?

"You're not doing anything, you're not reacting," he said.

"I'm in shock," I told him informatively. "It's the first stage of grief."

He took a step forward, and I reacted by taking a step back. We repeated this process like a dance until I backed into the table and he gripped my shoulders tightly.

"It's time, Clarke," he said. "You're shutting down. If you keep denying your problemes, they're going to swallow you whole and I'm not sure that even your mother can bring you back from that."

I looked up, making eye contact with him for the first time since I'd found her body. And what I saw was a mirror. He had as much blood on his hands as I did. Even though he accepted everything he had done, for some reason he could only heal completely by helping me forgive myself, despite how much I didn't want to do that. We both blamed ourselves. We were both guilty. We both needed each other. We were the only ones that knew what the other was going through. He stared back at me with pleading eyes.

"I'm so sorry I made you do that," I apologized. "I made you kill all those people."

"That was my decision," he argued. "We're both leaders and I couldn't let you bear that alone."

Right now, those people didn't even matter. All that mattered was that my best friend was on the other side of that curtain and there was nothing that I could do to bring her back. All the 'what ifs' were killing me slowly. 'What if I had gone with her?' 'What if I gone out to check on her the first time I woke up?' My mind couldn't handle her death and the 300 deaths at Mount Weather all at the same time.

"I loved her," I said, my voice breaking. "I told her everything. We saved lives together. I don't know what having a sister feels like, but she's the closest I've ever come to that. I don't know if I can live through this again."

I loved Octavia and Raven, each in their own way, but neither of them clicked like Sabina and I had the first day we'd met. There was no one that I'd gotten along with this well since Wells (before my father's execution). For the last three months, she'd been the first person I saw in the morning and that last person I saw before I fell asleep. The one that had woken me up and held my hand through the night terrors for the first month. I couldn't feel my heart beating anymore because she had taken it with her. After my mom(although placebo), dad, Finn, and Wells all in the last year and half? I felt sick just thinking about going through that process again.

"I can't," I told Bellamy, shaking my head. "Not this time."

His eyes were holding back tears, I could tell by the way he was blinking more rapidly. Even though he always acted the 'tough guy', he was definitely more in touch with his inner emotions than most guys. Maybe he owed that to having a real sister.

"You can," he said. "You know why?"

"Why?" I asked, just to humor him.

"Because I'm here this time," he answered. I wasn't sure whether he was being slightly cocky or not. "And I'm always going to be here."

"She's gone," I whispered.

'Dead' and 'gone' were two different terms. Dead was cold and fact-based. Gone was lonely and empty. Not only did I know she was dead in my mind, I knew that she was gone in my heart as well.

"I'm sorry," he said.

I don't know if he wrapped his arms around me because I broke down or if I broke down because he was hugging me. Either there was a leak or he was crying, too, because I felt a drop of something on the top of my head. If he wasn't holding me, I would have dropped about thirty seconds ago. His arms felt like the only safe place to do this.

"I can't believe she's gone," I said, my words muffled by his chest.

His arms tightened around me. "I'm so sorry."

He kept repeating those words over and over again. Soon he was holding me so tight that I could barely breath. I was crying so hard that I could barely breath anyways so it didn't really matter.

In the back of my mind, I knew it that a some point I was going to face reality again. It didn't matter how many times Bellamy said he was sorry, it didn't matter how hard I cried or how tight Bellamy hugged me...she wasn't coming back. No matter what I did, I couldn't bring my best friend back.

I was literally crying while writing this! Something had to push Clarke over the edge so she'll face her demons once and for all.

Anyways, what'd you guys think?