I'm back! I seem to be having problems uploading my stories to TWCS, but I'll keep trying. I'm also going to load them to twilighted dot net under the pen name Cagney1982 (same as here) I've already set up the account.
Thank you to all of my wonderful readers and everyone whose favourited. I dedicate this chapter to five of my fabulous reviewers: Kittylover93, WhitlocksHevyn, mrsgravyrug, Konohashinobi07 and Cathy29jes. A big thank you to my Beta Twlightbloom for sticking by me even though she's uber busy.
Enough of my mini speech, on with the chapter: I think this is the turning point you've all been waiting for!
Disclaimed: SM owns twilight, I just wanted to play with her sparkly toys :)
The cool breeze gusted through the forest as I ran alongside Sam, following the now familiar if unknown scent of the intruder. My dead heart felt like it was palpitating as I realized the trail was getting closer to the Swan's house. Sam alerted the pack, as I took off running at my fastest pace. Overcome with fear that I hadn't kept my promise to protect Bella, I pushed deeper into the ground gaining as much momentum as physically possible.
Every ounce of my inhuman strength propelled me to my destination; the Swan house. I prayed that I wasn't too late. These last weeks and months were hard enough but losing Bella would crush me faster than any newborn could manage. She had become someone I truly cared about; our developing form of closeness had only intensified after she heard my story. I thought back to the night before, a quiet 'family' affair at the Swan's.
Charlie sat on his worn armchair watching the Mariner's winning, and animatedly gesturing at the TV after a poor decision by the umpire. I had sat on the couch, pretending to watch the game with Charlie and sharing his disagreement over the calls and commenting on the ineptitude of the officials.I was paying enough attention with a small section of my mind to be able to insure Charlie thought I was paying attention. In truth, with a brain capable of many thought processes at once, it wasn't a difficult task.My main task was watching Bella beside me; curled under a small blanket, book in hand, her back against the armrest, her body angled towards me. Slight frown lines marred her face as she got engrossed in whichever chapter of the Austin classic she was reading. She seemed so content; the book offering an escape from the woes of her everyday world. She almost seemed at peace.
I felt like I was spying, but I couldn't help but watch and wonder exactly what she was thinking. Her emotions were alternating between hope and longing as she got deeper into the literary world of Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett. Her emotions were so intense that I could almost be reading along with her.
She must have sensed my side wards glance, as she looked up from the pages and smiled knowingly. She snuggled deeper into the sofa as she flicked another page. The faint smell of fusty worn paper momentarily filled the air.
Even though we weren't touching, I could feel the heat from her sock clad feet through the flimsy blanket. The warmth pulled at me like a homing beacon. I froze at my wayward thought. Bella sensing my discomfort raised an eyebrow at me, the concern in her eyes was overwhelming. I purposefully relaxed and shrugged so she wouldn't push for more. She returned to her book, but seemed worried and less relaxed than before. I reached for her foot and gave it a quick reassuring squeeze. I felt like my skin had been burned; it wasn't unpleasant, it felt like she had become my own personal sun.
I knew things had changed between us over recent days and weeks, but I refused to acknowledge my changing feelings for her. I didn't understand what these feelings were, or why they had come about. For an empath it was unnerving; I read emotions as easily as children's books. I wasn't ready to deal with the potential consequences of my shifting feelings, at least not yet. I was suddenly overcome with a sense of guilt. I couldn't deal with this yet, not here, I needed to be alone.
I turned my concentration back to the TV and fed from Charlie's emotions, desperately trying to block my inner chaos. My calm exterior did nothing to control the inner emotional demons that were shaking free from their chains. Bella must have sensed something was wrong, but knew now was not the time to discuss it. I felt her own warring emotions as she tried to decide how best to help me. Unfortunately, the only person who could help me was me.
Bella feigned tiredness and soon headed to bed. She kissed her father's cheek bidding him goodnight, then turned to me expectantly. I awkwardly hugged her goodnight, as I quickly whispered "I'll be patrolling with Sam. You want me to come back later?" I longed for the calm my nightly ritual of watching her sleep provided and the calm emotions that fluttered around me as she resided in her unconscious thoughts.
Her whispered "yes" told me we would be talking later; she had obviously sensed my subtle distress. "Goodnight Jasper." She smiled and I felt her throwing her acceptance at me, she wanted me to come back later. I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door, turning to thank Charlie for a pleasant evening.
Charlie frowned, "You're not watching the rest of the game?" I felt his disappointment.
How could I answer him, I didn't want to leave but felt obliged to, I also needed some time to think before patrols started at midnight. "I just thought."
"Sit." His tone was authoritive but friendly.
"You can't leave during the last inning!" I sat back in my spot, breathing in Bella's lingering scent as I watched the remainder of the game.
I was pulled from my memories as I made it to the edge of the forest, stopping as the trail ended. I could feel Bella and Charlie's relaxed emotions as they slept. My muscles began to relax slightly, one taut sinew at a time. They were safe, if only for now. I would spend twenty four hours a day on high alert protecting them if needed.
I checked my phone. I had felt it vibrate but was too involved in yet another mini drama to check it. I knew who it would be, but this time Alice's timing had been too close for comfort. I didn't respond, knowing that Alice would see I was concentrating on the potential threat.
Sam joined me minutes later in his human form. "Jerad and Paul are circling the perimeter of the forest. They'll keep us updated." I could feel the familiar tension that had been between us the last few days. I was not sure what had changed, but Sam's emotions demonstrated he wanted to move away from me. Instead he turned to face me. Whatever his problem was did not seem as important as dealing with the nomad threat. I had felt this type of emotion before in my own ranks in the Southern Wars, the day Nette and Lucy had turned on Maria. I would stay on alert just in case.
Sam stood tall demonstrating his authority. "We need to move them to the reservation. Whoever this is knows of the treaty line. So far they haven't crossed it." Sam was right, this unknown was unaware of our amended pact, and the temporary removal of the treaty lines, but I wouldn't force Bella to do anything. She would need to leave but I would give her a choice of where she wanted to go.
Sam's already somewhat volatile and un-yielding emotions would make this conversation difficult. I needed to stay focused on both our surroundings and this discussion; luckily I was capable of both. Although we had become friends, I had recently sensed a feeling of anger from Sam in my presence. Whatever his problem was would have to wait, we couldn't afford to have cracks in our defenses. I didn't want to antagonize him but I felt this conversation would test the depth of our comradeship.
"How would you get Charlie there? He is still unaware of the supernatural world." I started with the easier questions first; hoping to keep this as diplomatic as possible.
"It's coming up to the anniversary of Billy's wife's death. We can ask Billy to take Charlie fishing for a few days, on the pretense that he doesn't want to be at home. Jake can go too. It will keep him out of trouble." It seemed a plausible if slightly underworked excuse at the moment, but there was time to flesh it out. This was one point where I would trust Sam's judgment.
"And Bella? Do you expect her to come willingly?" I smiled internally remembering how stubborn she could be. She was independent and hated being told what to do. I could almost imagine the scowl and fury as a result of that conversation.
"We'll have a bonfire at the beach. We'll all be there including you. We can camp in tents and ensure that Bella's is situated in the middle with Leah. We'll make a weekend of it." Sam's tone implied that he would not be budged from his plan.
"I will not lie to Bella. She goes because she knows she'll be safe. I won't allow you to drag her there against her will." I had rarely had the need to stand up to Sam and our once tentative friendship had developed into a partnership. However, this was one point I was willing to risk losing the familiarity for. If we went back to being just two men with the same goal then I'd take responsibility for my actions. I had made Bella a promise that I refused to break. "She needs to know about the pack, the true threat of the situation. If she knows her father is in danger she'll do the right thing."
Sam's face hardened. "No. You will not tell her about the pack. We will keep her safe and the Reservation is the safest place for her." There was a finality to his tone; he would not negotiate. His tone was terse as he continued. "It's in her best interest. We'll find a way to get her there." He didn't know me very well if he believed I would follow his edict as unquestioningly as his pack.
"It may be in her best interests, but she will come of her own accord with full knowledge and understanding of the situation; I will not put up with her grumbling for the length of time it takes to get her home, and trust me she can grumble when she's annoyed." Sam's shocked expression made me realize that he had no idea how close I had become to Bella since my return. In a relatively short time, I had become one of the few people that really knew her, I needed to take care of her. She had been so emotionally battered since my family left that I needed to make sure that at all times, she was aware of what was going on. I had given her complete honesty in all but the situation with the wolves. It wasn't my story. But it was one she needed to be aware of, and soon.
Sam's stance remained firm, but his emotions were softening slightly at the mention of Bella's potentially negative reaction. He had been around her a few times on the reservation, and also at the house when collecting Emily from her visits. "Fine, but she comes to the reservation."
"No. We will give her the option. I'll explain how dangerous things have gotten and give her a choice. The only thing I won't do is allow her to be unprotected." I took an unneeded breathe to calm my steadily spiraling anger. He may be a leader and used to his own way, but I was century's older and had seen things he couldn't even imagine. "If she chooses to stay in Forks, would the pack continue to protect her?" I needed his confirma0on before formulating a multi layered plan of my own.
"If she stays in Forks?" I could see him shaking desperately trying not to phase. I heard the crack of a twig about half a mile away. I turned at lightning speed, the intense wet dog smell assaulted my nostrils as I noticed Paul crossing the perimeter of the forest on his patrol. I was thankful for my acute senses. I had been monitoring the house and Bella and Charlie's emotions since I arrived. Nothing else seemed out of place.
"Yes I will give her the option of where she wants to go, where she'll feel safest. I have many people and places that are capable of protecting her." I remembered back to the conversation a few nights before.
Bella in her bed, her brown waves cascading over the edge of her pillow as she laid at the very edge of the bed closest to me, as I rocked in the chair I'd moved next to her divan. We had been discussing the threat of the Volturi in greater detail. It was the night I finally felt her acceptance and understanding that she would need to leave Forks to keep her father and friends safe.
She was still waiting to decide whether she wanted an eternity or the human life that was now possible for her as a result of Edward's decision to sacrifice their love and their future by his departure. Yet she knew by choosing to remain human she was risking her own and the life of myself and my entire family. It was the night she promised to tell me when she had made a decision about where and when she wanted to go. My heart swelled with respect for this woman. Bella had truly been growing into herself since Edward and my family left her. I also felt pride for myself. I had been the one to help support her on her journey and catch her before she fell, and with her natural clumsiness those were the times she needed me most.
"Bella will make the right choice for her; she knows what's at stake." After discussing my past she had finally come to terms with the depth of the pitfalls of being around vampires. I believed she would think things through before making the decision, but I may need to give her the facts, as her actions although protecting others often put herself in danger; Phoenix being the most memorable situation.
"You have a lot of faith in her Jasper." Sam's anger had mellowed slightly, but he remained wary. He knew I would not be trifled with. If need be I would use my gift to dissolve the tension, however that would be a last resort. Sam trusted me and I wouldn't breach that trust unless absolutely necessary.
"She's earned it." I was shocked by the sincerity of my words. Bella had earned it. She had stuck by me even with the knowledge of my past, remaining comfortable in my presence. I remembered her the night of the baseball game at Charlie's house, curled under the little blanket, reading her book. Inside I was smiling at my realization, but externally I remained calm and collected concentrating on this tense and awkward conversation.
"Are you sure that's the only reason?" I felt his disgust and a large dollop of anger. I was neither intimidated or impressed by his insinuation, his emotions giving him away.
"Do you want to expand on that Sam? I suggest you word your response very carefully." I was heading into predator mode. I had a firm grasp on both our emotions. I had to keep this semi-civil for Bella's sake, but I would not have my actions questioned, especially by someone with no knowledge of my experiences of life and love, both off and on the battlefield.
"You've been getting very close to her Jasper. That may not be in her best interest." Yes I had slipped in the past, but I would not intentionally harm her. I was stronger and had more control now than any other time in my existence.
"Her's or yours?" I challenged; I wanted to get to the heart of the matter quickly. I was led by emotions and Sam's disgust was rapidly fuelling my ire. We needed to either resolve this discussion or call a stalemate fast.
"Both. You are a vampire. She is your natural food source. You are a danger to her." Anger bubbled as my eyes darkened. I could feel my pupils dilate. I took a moment to collect myself, knowing the hold on my temper was unraveling quickly. I needed space and fast before the treaty was breached beyond any hope of future repair.
My reply was clipped. "I'm perfectly in control, and I don't need to answer to you. I suggest you leave and patrol elsewhere. I'll stay here till dawn." I felt Sam's understanding of my need to calm down, acknowledging that we wouldn't get any further in this discussion tonight. I had a feeling that our relationship may be frayed for a while.
I sat listening to Bella's breathing and heart beat allowing them to calm me down. Even through my discussion with Sam. I had been alert of our surroundings; acutely aware of Charlie's even breathing and the strong, steady thumping of Bella's heart. Although my conversation with Sam had been strained he had acknowledged something that I had been trying my hardest to ignore. I was becoming increasingly attached to Bella, and tonight the thought of losing her had chipped a significant piece of the armor around my heart.
I knew without a doubt that my feelings for Bella were no longer platonic.
Guilt washed over me in floods as I sat in silence, listening to the small sounds around the property. Digesting the strange conversation Sam and I had just had. I knew something in me had changed. Was it Alice letting me go? As an empath I could be ruled by my emotions. A profound change in those could trigger the same change we had seen in Edward.
Was the change Bella? It couldn't be. Alice hadn't seen us together like that. However, that thought was not unappealing. Bella was beautiful, warm, caring, so accepting of me and my lifestyle, but she was human. My pre-Cullen past dictated that humans were just food, but Carlisle had taught me a different way. Could I betray my brother? My family? Alice? Strangely a small prick of regret filled me. A small part of me knew a woman such as Bella could make me very happy, but how many others would be hurt by my actions if I chose that path.
I pulled myself from that line of thought. It was absurd. Me and Bella? That couldn't happen, Alice hadn't seen us together, yet she had seen me with another. There was no one else in Forks that I knew or cared to get to know apart from Bella. She was the only one who knew what I was. Then again I remembered Alice's words to Edward the day of the car crash at school that changed all our lives forever – her visions had been unclear, Edward was with someone in the meadow and she wasn't sure who, the image was fuzzy as a decision hadn't been made. Could this really be the course of action I was going to take? Was I destined to love Bella? Could she ever love me in return?
I knew Bella had a hold over me and I was truly scared for the first time in years. I wasn't sure I wanted this future, I had been happy with my past, with Alice. Now that was gone I wasn't sure if I was ready to move on. But knowing it was a possibility would make me question everything that would or could happen between us.
Could I tell Bella any of what I'd learned? Would she be accepting, or push me away? There was one thing I knew for sure. I couldn't tell her, at least not yet. I wasn't ready for anything to happen between us, and she was too raw to contemplate it at any rate. Would we ever be ready? A small part deep inside of me twinged in longing, I hoped so. We had become firm friends, could I risk losing that?
I knew I was strong, but I could not guarantee her safety if she bled in my vicinity. There was only one way me and Bella could be together – if she wasn't human and edible. Perhaps the threat of the Vulturi would work in my favor. Sometimes things feel destined, would Bella be my happily ever after? I needed to see her to put these crazy thoughts to rest.
I walked at a human pace across the yard. Bella's heartbeat pulling me closer with each thump. I needed to see her, see if my heart was as lost as I felt. I gulped nervously a human trait I retained, even after all these years. I knew deep down I could love her unconditionally and she would accept me.
The guilt suffocated me as I thought of Alice and some of her final words to me before I left my wife and the family home, "don't feel guilty for anything you want or need to do." I needed to see if this was the path I was supposed to take, but could I walk the tightrope, where my brother had failed?
Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for - Jasper gets his wake up call. Let me know what you think. I cant wait to read your reactions x