Warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Many thanks to rascalflattsgurl43 for the speedy and accurate beta on this story

Chapter eleven Settling in

By the time they made it to the front door, Dean was covered in sweat and had to stretch his aching back with a wince before he was steady enough to continue. Sam led Dean into the apartment and showed him around like someone who had never been there. Then he realized that, to Dean's current state of mind, he had never been there. Sam had bought a cheap, thin mattress for Dean and shoved it on the floor of his small bedroom, making the room even more cramped. He settled Dean on the sofa and took his bag to the bedroom. He had emptied a drawer in one of his dressers where he laid out Dean's clothes for him. Dean looked around the apartment from his perch on the couch. Sam really didn't have much in the way of personal touches in his apartment. He guessed they were never allowed to keep much with them on the road but Sam had his freedom and own place. It looked like he only managed a couch in the lounge and it wasn't that great. Dean hoped he might help Sam to improve them before he left. There was certainly room for a couple of chairs and a table more sturdy than the low coffee table for him to study at.

Sam came back to Dean's side and sat down on the couch with him.
"You want some dinner Dean?"
"Yeah, okay. Should we order pizza or something?"
"How about I cook?"
"You cook?"
"Yeah, my big brother taught me before I started school out here."
"I taught you?"
"Yeah. We had to do it in secret. Like a clandestine operation when dad wasn't around."
"Why did we keep it a secret from dad?"
"He didn't know I was leaving for school until the last minute. We decided it was the best way to handle it. But it didn't go so well. Even so, I doubt there was a good way to break that kind of news to dad," Sam said sadly.

Dean frowned. "I thought dad would be proud of you for getting into Stanford."
"He wanted me to join the family business and help get revenge on the thing that killed mom."
"We can't hunt forever, Sammy. A least one of us deserves to get out and live a normal life."
"You understand."
"Didn't I say anything?"
"No kept you feelings to yourself like you always do."
"Well that's dumb. Sorry."
'There he goes with the shy and unsure look again. Weird.'
"Don't worry about it Dean. I think at the time dad was leaning on you to have his side."
"Huh."

Dean looked deep in thought.
"So dinner. I can make spaghetti bolognaise. I think you could use fattening up. I would ask you if you have been eating at all but you wouldn't know."
Sam glanced back at Dean as he moved to the kitchen and saw sadness cross Dean's face. He strode back in and gripped Dean on the shoulder pleased when Dean didn't shake him off.
"Sorry Dean. I didn't mean it. It was a joke."
"It's okay Sammy. Not your fault. Just having a hard time dealing with it all."
Sam saw Dean's hands were curled up into fists in frustration and it finally clicked into place that Dean was missing that barrier he always had up. The usual smirk and deflection was missing from Dean's arsenal.

Dean still looked upset, even while he assured Sam he was okay. It was kind of strange to feel seventeen, yet have an older body and missing memories he was sure he could use at this point. His relationship with Sam seemed a bit strained to him. Sam seemed to be putting on the act that everything was great between them, but Dean got the feeling that they were not. It was going to make for an upsetting time for Dean if he found out he was on the outer with his brother.
'I think I screwed up things between Sam and me. I'm always screwing up. How can Sam stand to have me here? It's gotta be a pity parade.'

Dean stood slowly and hobbled to the kitchen to help Sam. Even in such a small apartment, Dean managed to almost fall over twice. Sam looked surprised when he slumped into the small room.
"Dean, go sit down and take it easy."
"No way Sammy, I gotta earn my keep. Can't let my new big brother do everything."
'Plus I think I owe him for screwing our relationship up as well.'

Sam looked up in surprise. "I guess it's kind of like that, huh?"
Dean used the few moments Sam spent pondering it all to sidle up to the counter and take up the knife and start chopping onions Sam had sitting out.
"Dean, you should rest."
"I've been resting since I woke up, Sammy. Use me while you have me, I doubt I will last long."
Even as he spoke, Dean could feel his legs weakening and his back hurting more. Dean managed to get though the onions and garlic before he started leaning to the side. Sam grasped him gently by the shoulders and helped him to lie back down on the couch. He handed his brother the remote and with a firm "rest" and went back to cook dinner.

By the time Sam had served up dinner, Dean was asleep on the couch. Sam looked down at his brother for a few long moments before running a hand down his lean stomach. Make that bony stomach. Sam knew Dean hated hospital food but he couldn't have lost that much weight in the couple of weeks he was in there. Sam got Dean's medication out and placed it on the coffee table with Dean's dinner and a tall glass of water. Sam sat down with his own and a coffee before waking his sleeping sibling. Dean woke slowly, slightly confused as to his location before he woke fully.

They sat together and had dinner and then watched TV for an hour before Dean started to yawn tiredly. Sam suspected TV was a little hard to take in since so much had changed and he hadn't had a TV at the hospital to catch him up. He didn't even give Sam crap for the programs he watched which Dean had done as far back as he could remember.

Sam was about to get up and get ready for bed when Dean turned to him with a frown on his face.
"Sam, can I ask a question?"
"Yeah, sure."
"The hunt for the thing that killed mom. We haven't got it yet, you said?"
'Here it comes. So that's why he's been so quiet.'
"No Dean. You and dad are still working on that."
"And you're not?"
"No I quit to go to school."
"Quit?"
"Well I just wanted to take a break and go to school but Dad said not to come back."
"Dad said that? Really?"

There was brightness in Dean's eyes again and Sam's heart went out to his brother realizing he was close to tears.
'Man that wall of Dean's did a better job than I ever appreciated.'
Sam grasped Dean's forearm gently.
"Yeah, Dean. It was a big fight. The biggest we ever had. Dad was pretty upset. We both said things we shouldnt have."
Sam wasn't trying to defend his father but trying to soften the blow for Dean.
"Huh."
Sam could almost hear the cogs turning in Dean's head trying to work it out.
"Come on Dean, into bed."

Sam pulled Dean up as gently as he could and Dean used his crutch to get to the bedroom. Sam helped Dean lower himself down to the mattress after he refused to take Sam's bed. Sam helped Dean out of his jeans and outer shirt even when he insisted he was okay. Sam made sure Dean had a glass of water and was settled comfortably before saying good night. Sam asked Dean if he was okay if he studied in the lounge for a while and Dean told him to go ahead. Dean knew Sam was giving him some room to settle in so he laid back and let sleep take him; after all it had been a fairly busy day.

Sam studied for a while with his mind half on what to do with Dean for the next few weeks. He had rehab appointments every few days and was expected to do exercises every day but what do you do with a brother who has lost a few years? Sam decided he should talk to Dean and see if he had any ideas. With his mind made up he went to clean up for bed. After a shower and brush of his teeth, Sam went into the bedroom to find the lamp still on and Dean curled up on his side. The arm in the cast was tucked up on his chest and protected by the other. He looked so peaceful and young as he slept.
'Who would have thought a twenty three year could look so cute.'

Dean had pushed the covers off slightly so Sam tucked him back in feeling like a big brother. It pleased him to be able to do something for the man who had bought him up. Sam was still smiling to himself as he climbed into bed and snapped off the light.

TBC